How would you feel...

[Sketcher]

The only reason I would save kissing for marraige is that I have never had a girlfriend, therefore I have never kissed before. Back in my high school youth group, and again in college, I was taught that you need to be careful with the other person, guarding her purity. Meaning that if I'm fine with kissing but it sends her out of control so she keeps going after we both wanted to stop, that is a problem. Not having any experience at all even knowing my limit, I don't know if kissing will send me over the edge, causing me to dishonor her.

I worry about what guys will think of me when they find out that I am not a virgin...it was not my fault though. It was rape but i am afraid that some people take the being with a virgin thing too far. Anyway..I would definately be happy with someone who is not a virgin because i cannot judge.

Actually, if you let them know it was rape rather than consensual, you won't have that much to worry about. If I was dating a woman in your shoes, I'd be asking if she'd gotten counselling. If a woman refused to get counselling, I would refuse to start or continue the relationship until she did. Dating leads to marraige, and I would not want to be married to someone who didn't even try to overcome this problem.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Good question in the OP, invisible. That's a curious situation.

Well I have had premarital sex before and so coming from my standpoint... I would feel a bit adverse to the idea of saving kissing for marriage simple because a kiss does not hold as much meaning as vows do. Does that make any sense?
I think a physical act in a romantic relationship should always have a specific meaning attached to it. Like a ladder going up... if your emotional/spiritual intimacy is up on level 5 but your physical intimacy is on level 1... there is a distinct imbalance. I don't think we should separate physical intimacy off on its own as if it wasn't an integral part of a growing relationship. Now, I do think that sex is best when saved for marriage alone (yes even i, a sinner, believe it).
Well, I don't want to go on forever, but maybe that gave a vague idea of what i'm saying with the whole "balance" idea...

so for me, saving a kiss would be a sign of imbalanced behavior. hehe and i don't mean mentally imbalanced

so i think my significant other and i would need to talk before we started dating (or right away as soon as this fact came to light). i don't want to force any gentleman to do something he is not comfortable with. but i would want to hear why he wants to save it... in detail.

I can see what you mean by balance... and I'd have to agree there. However, for me, there are plenty of ways to show affection without kissing. For example, I am not averse to holding hands.

So I am curious... what specific meaning would you attach to a kiss? For me the meaning would be, "I love you and am now ready to prepare for marriage with you."

 

[waterbear]

On the topic of saving kissing until marriage... I think it's harmless and ideal, but it's not something I'm completely resolved on doing - though I'd be a bit concerned about someone who insisted on it since that could represent a significant difference in values.

On the original topic, neither scenario applies to me.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

The only reason I would save kissing for marraige is that I have never had a girlfriend, therefore I have never kissed before. Back in my high school youth group, and again in college, I was taught that you need to be careful with the other person, guarding her purity. Meaning that if I'm fine with kissing but it sends her out of control so she keeps going after we both wanted to stop, that is a problem. Not having any experience at all even knowing my limit, I don't know if kissing will send me over the edge, causing me to dishonor her.

Kissing won't send you out of control. Just try to minimize body contact. That's what really starts things.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

By the way, there is nothing wrong about a peck on the lips.

 

[Holy Warrior]

It's not really a big issue for me: when I get married, a detail like that won't change how I feel about my bride. While I wouldn't particularly like to think of my wife as a (former) harlot, there is more than enough in my life to be ashamed of that I have no place to judge.

 

[Cordelia]

It's not really a big issue for me: when I get married, a detail like that won't change how I feel about my bride. While I wouldn't particularly like to think of my wife as a (former) harlot, there is more than enough in my life to be ashamed of that I have no place to judge.

That's a good, realistic attitude - rare, it seems, among some Christians.

 

[Holy Warrior]

I just hope I would have the strength to put it into practice- it's all too easy to be judgemental.

 

[Green Orchid]

Before I dated my boyfriend-turned-husband, I had never dated, kissed, or anything...

He, on the other hand, had girlfriends and did a lot, just didn't get to intercourse (would'nt have, he was saved but backsliden a bit.)

He tried to hide his past from me, which was a big mistake because when I did find out, my little idealistic self was shattered. Had I known right from the start, I would've decided what stand to take.

I wanted to save my first kiss for the altar. He didn't, and drew me in... half regret it. I regret that we went beyond kissing (but never to intercourse).

Now, all of that doesn't matter cuz we're married and it's the best!

But to sum up, I wish he would've told me about his past right at the beginning, I would've handled it much better probably.

And I still wish we would've waited to kiss when we were at least engaged.

But that's past, gone, forgiven, so praise God!

 

[Holy Warrior]

To be honest, the whole bit about waiting until marriage for your first kiss is so completely contrary to the culture I'm from. I realise that it's probably not as uncommon in the USA, and I respect and admire the idea, but even among christian circles here, it would be very strange.

Kudos to all you people who have managed it!

 

[renaistre]

To be honest, the whole bit about waiting until marriage for your first kiss is so completely contrary to the culture I'm from. I realise that it's probably not as uncommon in the USA, and I respect and admire the idea, but even among christian circles here, it would be very strange.

Kudos to all you people who have managed it!

It's considered pretty strange by most people around here too, even in the church. I don't feel that I deserve any extra credit for waiting though. As I've said before, to me it's just a personal decision. (Thanks for the Kudos anyway. )

 

[ascribe2thelord]

That would be extremely difficult. As it is, I'm saving myself, and I'm worried that I might not find a guy who's also a virgin. I'm hoping that I'll find one, and I think it would be hard for me, if he wasn't one. I would almost feel a bit cheated, in the sense that I saved myself, but he didn't save himself. I don't know how else I would really feel.

I'm a virgin ...

but what are you saving yourself from? There are people who are born-again virgins and such.

 

[Glorianna]

My fiance and I saved basically everything for each other. We had only snuggled before we met each other and started dating. When we met each other, we knew that we were meant for each other and we were able to do everything that we had been saving for our future spouse.