How to tell my mom in a nice way ...that i need to save?(financial issues)

[Far Side Of the Moon]

This is kind of a hard issue because when it comes to this my mom isn't easy to talk to..she's pretty stubborn...and there's no reasoning with her..

Ok here's the problem.. I don't make much at my job ...I was about to go on full time but my dad screwed me over by making me late... And I'm back down to 2 days a week... But thing is ..my mom she needs help..and I don't mind helping her but it seems like its constant.

I definitely don't mind doing my share since I'm still with her and I guess this is the part that makes me feel guilty because I'm still with her and I do love my mom ..but its like I can never save. I pay a bill which I don't mind, but then she needs money for food , and then I have to put gas in the tank constantly it seems... How can I set aside gas money for myself when you constantly borrow from me ..you know? I can't ...

Another thing that bothers me is my brother makes more than me but they don't ask him to fill the tank nor does she go to him to borrow...always me because I say yes..my brother usually tithe's all his money away -_-

And my dad he just up and left his job just because so.. Its just stressful..

Its like how am I supposed to save ? I started out with 300 and I'm left with 150. Since I'm saving i can't touch the little I have .... Saving 100. And using the 50 for gas.... That's if my mom doesn't ask me for anything else.

I just feel like my bro and dad aren't pulling their weight ...

Idk its just depressing to work for 2 weeks and your money evaporates...and I stayed over to work as well...

Idk apart of me feels bad because this is my family...they need help...I should be doing this..but I don't think they should bleed me dry...

Please tell me if I'm wrong..if my feelings are valid..

And most importantly,.how to talk to my mom without setting her off ..

Thank you <3

 

[Eryk]

My parents and siblings got a lot of money from me just by asking, because they knew I would feel guilty if I didn't give. I was an easy mark.

Get out on your own, in your own living space.

Learn to say no and be firm. Say no in the same conversation over and over, until they learn.

Your family is going to bleed you for decades if you don't learn to say no.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

My parents and siblings got a lot of money from me just by asking, because they knew I would feel guilty if I didn't give. I was an easy mark.

Get out on your own, in your own living space.

Learn to say no and be firm. Say no in the same conversation over and over, until they learn.

Your family is going to bleed you for decades if you don't learn to say no.

That's the thing I can't get out on my own if I can't save...and I just learned my brother who gets paid more only gave my mom 20 and paid 17 bucks on the light bill :/

Not fair at all...

I just don't know how to say that to my mom.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

My parents and siblings got a lot of money from me just by asking, because they knew I would feel guilty if I didn't give. I was an easy mark.

Get out on your own, in your own living space.

Learn to say no and be firm. Say no in the same conversation over and over, until they learn.

Your family is going to bleed you for decades if you don't learn to say no.

Yeah... The reason my mom can't get money from my bro is because he gives it all away..so he literally has nothing to give.

 

[Eryk]

I blocked a relative's phone number. She called me from a different phone number, apologised for pressuring me, and never asked for money again. I was prepared to end a relationship with a close relative because I was getting multiple phone messages every day. She wasn't facing eviction or anything like that. She just wanted to eat out more.

I don't have a great income, but it didn't matter. If you only have two nickles to rub together, a relative will ask for one of them until you break.

I gave to a relative with a sad story who actually had a gambling addiction.

People who use family ties and guilt to extract money have to be avoided. You have to save and live your life. It is not your fault if they can't budget.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

This is kind of a hard issue because when it comes to this my mom isn't easy to talk to..she's pretty stubborn...and there's no reasoning with her..

Ok here's the problem.. I don't make much at my job ...I was about to go on full time but my dad screwed me over by making me late... And I'm back down to 2 days a week... But thing is ..my mom she needs help..and I don't mind helping her but it seems like its constant.

I definitely don't mind doing my share since I'm still with her and I guess this is the part that makes me feel guilty because I'm still with her and I do love my mom ..but its like I can never save. I pay a bill which I don't mind, but then she needs money for food , and then I have to put gas in the tank constantly it seems... How can I set aside gas money for myself when you constantly borrow from me ..you know? I can't ...

Don't give away more than you are able to...if you can only give them 30 bucks, that's it...no more. Build your savings.

Another thing that bothers me is my brother makes more than me but they don't ask him to fill the tank nor does she go to him to borrow...always me because I say yes..my brother usually tithe's all his money away -_-

You can refer them to him after you given what you can.

And my dad he just up and left his job just because so.. Its just stressful..

Its like how am I supposed to save ? I started out with 300 and I'm left with 150. Since I'm saving i can't touch the little I have .... Saving 100. And using the 50 for gas.... That's if my mom doesn't ask me for anything else.

I just feel like my bro and dad aren't pulling their weight ...
Refer them:
1 Timothy 5:8
Mark 7:11-13

Idk its just depressing to work for 2 weeks and your money evaporates...and I stayed over to work as well...

Idk apart of me feels bad because this is my family...they need help...I should be doing this..but I don't think they should bleed me dry...

Please tell me if I'm wrong..if my feelings are valid..

And most importantly,.how to talk to my mom without setting her off ..

You already said she's stubborn and don't listen...so pray for her.
Show her agape and set limits/boundaries so you don't overload
yourself with too much work and or take on the responsibilities
of others and allow them to think they can do as they please.

Thank you <3

Have your church praying for them...maybe even ask the minister
talk to them as well.
You keep your eyes on the Lord and work The Word of God in your life
each day.

 

[tryintogrow]

If you wait until you have a lot of savings, it will never happen. Even if your mother stops taking from you, life will intervene. It's just how life is. I say this as someone who was once in your situation. If you wait for a better time, the better time will never come.

Find a friend who needs a roommate (or perhaps a family member with a spare room) and transition to living somewhere else more affordable.

 

[Sketcher]

I'd say budget out a set amount to help with family expenses if other people under your same roof are working.

You need to save something so you can have an emergency cushion instead of having to rely on a credit card or a loan if bad things happen.

 

[Mathieu Lesnar]

This is kind of a hard issue because when it comes to this my mom isn't easy to talk to..she's pretty stubborn...and there's no reasoning with her..

Ok here's the problem.. I don't make much at my job ...I was about to go on full time but my dad screwed me over by making me late... And I'm back down to 2 days a week... But thing is ..my mom she needs help..and I don't mind helping her but it seems like its constant.

I definitely don't mind doing my share since I'm still with her and I guess this is the part that makes me feel guilty because I'm still with her and I do love my mom ..but its like I can never save. I pay a bill which I don't mind, but then she needs money for food , and then I have to put gas in the tank constantly it seems... How can I set aside gas money for myself when you constantly borrow from me ..you know? I can't ...

Another thing that bothers me is my brother makes more than me but they don't ask him to fill the tank nor does she go to him to borrow...always me because I say yes..my brother usually tithe's all his money away -_-

And my dad he just up and left his job just because so.. Its just stressful..

Its like how am I supposed to save ? I started out with 300 and I'm left with 150. Since I'm saving i can't touch the little I have .... Saving 100. And using the 50 for gas.... That's if my mom doesn't ask me for anything else.

I just feel like my bro and dad aren't pulling their weight ...

Idk its just depressing to work for 2 weeks and your money evaporates...and I stayed over to work as well...

Idk apart of me feels bad because this is my family...they need help...I should be doing this..but I don't think they should bleed me dry...

Please tell me if I'm wrong..if my feelings are valid..

And most importantly,.how to talk to my mom without setting her off ..

Thank you <3

Hi Sister !

When it comes to the family it's always a big deal... but, it doesn't mean there's no solution ! I have already seen almost the same situation with one of my friend and based on this experience and my opinion (who's personal because i don't know your family so it's just a theory) here's how i would deal with this :

First of all the key for resolve a financial problem is communication (my philosophy is, it's 80% how you deal/speak with ppl and 20% the skills) so you need to organize a family counseling. During this counseling i think the target is to etablished a budget of the home expenses. And then you will see transparently how much is earn and how much is expended. Then you talk about how much you earn, how much you save, and how much you agree to help, the rest is in the hand of your brother and father. You are a family, therefore you must all equally help and if this is not possible, those who can't help need to find a way to help too.

I think you are a generous person but actually your help is not a durable solution for your family. The best way to help the home is to find durable solution, i have the feeling that at the moment you clog a leak without solving it (this is not a reproach, the situation is very complicated). But the problem is, if you not find a durable solution you will finish to be tired of this situation and maybe start to have a bad opinion of your family (which is not the goal). For harmony and equality it is necessary to make the point with all the member of your family and find what's the problem and who have to do what.

I know it's easyier to say that behind a keyboard than do it, but it will be the strategy i will use if i where at ur place.

Pray god for have the strengh for resolve this case and succes will come !

Your brother,
Mat

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

If you wait until you have a lot of savings, it will never happen. Even if your mother stops taking from you, life will intervene. It's just how life is. I say this as someone who was once in your situation. If you wait for a better time, the better time will never come.

Find a friend who needs a roommate (or perhaps a family member with a spare room) and transition to living somewhere else more affordable.

I would need to save and get a car...and I can't because they kinda bleed me dry. I went from 323 to 117. ( paid furniture and kept putting gas in the tank..... And I still have to make sure I have gas for myself ...I really feel like crying because its not fair and I don't see a way out...

My brother only put 20 towards food and 17 on a bill,..and he gets paid more than I do.


I'm gonna get another job but it's like what's the point.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Well I talked to my mom..and I didn't even talk to her...my dad initiated everything...he rounded everyone up and said if u wanna talk to her go ahead. Well the talk didn't go as planned, it didn't... When I told my mom I wasn't happy about my check going from 323 to 117 ... And all the times I gave her half with my refund checks... Its like she got offended...well now...she's moving in January...

That's what happens when you talk to my mom -_-

I don't see why she can't understand the simple fact i can't save if I give away so much... Uhg.

I did like that they talked to my brother about not spending so much but if anything my dad should have gotten the brunt of everything for stopping working out of the blue. At the drop of a hat..

This is just messed up.

I think I'm gonna go back to bed as its kinda early still and just think about things I guess.

 

[Mathieu Lesnar]

Well I talked to my mom..and I didn't even talk to her...my dad initiated everything...he rounded everyone up and said if u wanna talk to her go ahead. Well the talk didn't go as planned, it didn't... When I told my mom I wasn't happy about my check going from 323 to 117 ... And all the times I gave her half with my refund checks... Its like she got offended...well now...she's moving in January...

That's what happens when you talk to my mom -_-

I don't see why she can't understand the simple fact i can't save if I give away so much... Uhg.

I did like that they talked to my brother about not spending so much but if anything my dad should have gotten the brunt of everything for stopping working out of the blue. At the drop of a hat..

This is just messed up.

I think I'm gonna go back to bed as its kinda early still and just think about things I guess.

Arf, the situation sounds complicated. If calmly and democratically the discussion can not be heard i think you must be more intransigent. You can't hold alone the weight of all your family, you can (and you have to) help but it's not help anymore at this point... if they don't want to find durable solution you must make them understand that you are not a bank who work for them (And it is not selfish to think of oneself in this kind of situation).

Try to talk with your mom and all the member of your family
face to face without the rest of your family and try to find a solution with every person individually.

 

[StillGods]

It sounds like your mother is unreasonable and talking to her is pointless sadly. So it does sound like you gotta get out and/or say 'no'. If saying 'no' isnt easy you could maybe exaggerate? on things you needed to spend money on so when they ask you can say I spent my money already on 'books' for study (when you bought two really cheap books but they dont need to know it cost $1 act like it was $50) or 'my car needed a new part' (when you really bought a car air freshener for $2 but allow them to think it was an expensive part or something). You don't need to lie because you have bought things just make them back off your money by saying you've spent your money on stuff already.
You could even draw money out in different amounts and hide the cash from them and show them the bank balance so they can see there's nothing in there for them to take.
There's ways to protect yourself.

It works for your brother... he maybe isn't giving his away just saying he is to get them to leave his money alone. You could say you gave some to your friend and literally do that to a good friend who will give the cash straight back to you so you're not lying. Your parents don't need to know your friend gave it back to you again and you can say you gave $40 to your friend and then after your friend gives it straight back hide the cash. Or maybe the friend could hide it for you at their house somewhere be your savings. It would have a be a really trustworthy friend though who understands your situation and has your back.
There are ways to get around your parents selfishness.

 

[StillGods]

Actually maybe the above post is not good advice.. Maybe just draw most of your money out and then you can honestly say when they ask that you only have $30 left in the bank, or however much you are happy to have them use/take for themselves. If they ask where is the rest of your pay, which it sounds like they will, you can practice putting up a boundary and just say 'its gone on other stuff sorry' if they say like what keep saying 'just stuff' over and over til they realise that's all you're going to say. Be prepared they will pressure you but after this happens a few times they'll give up. Be strong!

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Okay everything is a lot better now. It took a few days but my mom got over her anger and she understood where I was coming from.. Though my money is all gone lol..
She was gonna start paying me back give me 100 when she gets paid and another hundred and the 600 she owes me.

So things are good for now.