How to tell My Husband?

[stonek2]

You know... the fact that there are so many instances where women with desireable sex drives are paired up with men who would ask an atrocious question like, "Is sex all you think about" PROVES to me that God has a wicked sense of humour.

Wait does this mean the jokes on me?
I like sex, but does that make me a sex maniac or something?

 

[Redguard]

Wait does this mean the jokes on me?
I like sex, but does that make me a sex maniac or something?

Nah... the joke isn't really on anyone. But I think that God offers a lot of interesting variety on Earth so that the angels in Heaven watching Reality TV have something to chuckle about.

But as for you being a sex "maniac"... I don't know you well enough to call you a maniac... although I'm not sure what would be required in order for someone to be deemed a maniac. But I do think that your husband may have a touch less testosterone than his counterparts.

 

[MikeK]

I like sex, but does that make me a sex maniac or something?

You're supposed to like sex. You're okay. Then again, I'm one of the (apparently rare) people who wouldn't much mind if my spouse was viewing porn, so maybe what I say shouldn't count.

 

[stonek2]

You're supposed to like sex. You're okay. Then again, I'm one of the (apparently rare) people who wouldn't much mind if my spouse was viewing porn, so maybe what I say shouldn't count.

Mike, I think you are a fair thinker and nice, but in my heart I don't think "I" should look at porn as a christian. Even if I did do it, I know it was wrong.

 

[Redguard]

You're supposed to like sex. You're okay. Then again, I'm one of the (apparently rare) people who wouldn't much mind if my spouse was viewing porn, so maybe what I say shouldn't count.

So, are you talking about your wife viewing guy/girl intercourse stuff? Or are you talking about your wife getting herself off from watching a guy with ripped abs and pecks giving himself a soapy shower?

I think I used to think that I was okay with the idea as well... but then I ran the latter scenario in my mind and realized that I'd probably feel insecure and hurt, especially since my six-pack disappeared when I turned 28.

 

[MikeK]

Mike, I think you are a fair thinker and nice, but in my heart I don't think "I" should look at porn as a christian. Even if I did do it, I know it was wrong.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't think you should either - in fact I think you shouldn't. You did right to confess it and stop it.

So, are you talking about your wife viewing guy/girl intercourse stuff?

Actually, I was kinda picturing it as me and her girlfriends watching some girl/girl action. That wouldn't bother me so much.

I think I used to think that I was okay with the idea as well... but then I ran the latter scenario in my mind and realized that I'd probably feel insecure and hurt, especially since my six-pack disappeared when I turned 28.

So far, I'm not insecure about my wife finding other people more atractive than me - I have plenty of other insecurities though. I would be all sorts of sad if she was choosing porn instead of me, but she were keeping me satisfied and looking at the occasional bit of porn by herself I don't think I would be too upset. We've watched porn together and I rather liked it.

 

[Redguard]

We've watched porn together and I rather liked it.

I think I just saw the Catholic logo in your profile disintigrate, LOL.

 

[MikeK]

I think I just saw the Catholic logo in your profile disintigrate, LOL.

Shhhh. Not so loud, I don't need the good folks in the Catholic forum hearing of this.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Fantasy needs to be recognised, and sometimes acted upon. Suck it and see?

 

[Daisy321]

Fantasy needs to be recognised, and sometimes acted upon. Suck it and see?

What?

 

[stonek2]

I approached my husband for sex Thursday, Friday, Saturday and got nothing!
Then had a talk about it today. He says he is so tired from working so much and stress. I work in a stressful enviroment myself, but I want him even if I am tired. He is warm, affectionate toward me and compliments me often too. Mostly he just wants to unwind or relax on the couch. I feel so frustrated I could pull out my own hair. I want to make love to my husband. I want sex, intimacy that only he can give me! Some weeks he is up for it 2-3 times other times 0-1 in a week. I don't like zero it sucks.
Is it wrong to want sex and have such a desire for your spouse?

 

[stonek2]

SEX spells stress relief to me, why doesn't my husband see it that way?

 

[gracepaints]

SEX spells stress relief to me, why doesn't my husband see it that way?

Well, it may be stressFUL for your husband. This was a bit of an issue for my husband and I because while I am find sex rejuvenating, my husband finds it draining. I think this is part because physical touch is MY love language but not his. I really had to learn to love him in a way that rejuvenated him (in his case, LOTS of affirmation and talking) so that he would in turn have the energy to fulfill my needs.

Have you read The Five Love Languages?

 

[stonek2]

Well, it may be stressFUL for your husband. This was a bit of an issue for my husband and I because while I am find sex rejuvenating, my husband finds it draining. I think this is part because physical touch is MY love language but not his. I really had to learn to love him in a way that rejuvenated him (in his case, LOTS of affirmation and talking) so that he would in turn have the energy to fulfill my needs.

Have you read The Five Love Languages?

Yes we have read it. I'm physical touch and he's words of affirmation/time. It's frustrating and even upsetting to me without the physical. I do tell him how much I appreciate and admire him. We spend quality time as much as we can when we are not working. He is very happy and content. I have alot to be thankful for and he is a really great husband in so many other ways. Why do I feel hurt?

 

[Solaris]

Your self inflicted guilt will ruin your life. He is your husband and your primary partner. He is your only sex partner. You should share the info with him, especially things you would like to try. He is a guy. Guys tend to be OK with this.

I feel terrible and so disappointed in myself.
For some reason and for the life of me I don't know what or why, but I looked at porn on the internet.
Erotic stories was my first temptation and then next thing I know I am looking at full porn. I have looked at it before a year ago, but nothing at all since.
Why, why did I do this, because this is not how I want to live. So, I have failed God, myself and my husband.

I feel sick and I don't even want to tell my husband though I feel I should. I looked at it and I know it was wrong. I feel like I could throw up, sorry to say that.

Any advice?

 

[DrFate]

Quickies?

 

[stonek2]

Quickies? I was wondering if part of his hesitation is that sex means a long time and effort consuming event. That is part of my hesitency. Quickies would be just fine.
Wow the forum restrictions on what we can say and how we can say it.
What about a 68 or something similar?
A quick pause that refrershes, mouth and fingers etc.. . Just an idea that would sure work for me.

Quickies? I'm very happy to have quickies.
I think our biggest problem is different sex drives. I would like to have it everyday and my husband wants it way, way less than that. He enjoys it alot when we do have it, believe me and I do too.
With that said, he would be happy to have sex couple times a month and I am very unhappy to have it that little. Right now I talk him into it as much as possible. This is an area we will need to keep working on in our marriage.

 

[deliciousBass]

I think the only times I ever turned down sex are when I was in the Army and worked like 20 hours straight or something. Other than that, I've always been good to go. I hope that when I get old, I'm not a guy who measures his frequency of sex in how many times a month. I would die. I love nakedness and showers too much.

I am shocked and appalled at the number of women on here paired up with guys with low libidos. Sometimes I wonder if ya'll are lying because that can't possibly be true. Society stresses that all men are horn dogs.

I just had to let that out.

Anyway do you think that you guys could rub each others backs? Try an experiment or something... do what you can to satisfy his love language completely for one week, and the next see if he can satisfy yours for one week... and then the next week, both at the same time! (how original) or heck, maybe do his language one day, yours the next and both of yours the following.

 

[stonek2]

I think the only times I ever turned down sex are when I was in the Army and worked like 20 hours straight or something. Other than that, I've always been good to go. I hope that when I get old, I'm not a guy who measures his frequency of sex in how many times a month. I would die. I love nakedness and showers too much.

I am shocked and appalled at the number of women on here paired up with guys with low libidos. Sometimes I wonder if ya'll are lying because that can't possibly be true. Society stresses that all men are horn dogs.

I just had to let that out.

Anyway do you think that you guys could rub each others backs? Try an experiment or something... do what you can to satisfy his love language completely for one week, and the next see if he can satisfy yours for one week... and then the next week, both at the same time! (how original) or heck, maybe do his language one day, yours the next and both of yours the following.

We clearly know each others love languages and my husband tells me he is very happy and filled in our marriage. He tells me he feels I meet his needs and he is content the way things are for us. No change needed. I like the way things are in many ways too, but not the amount of sex we have or lack of sex. It's very hard for me to hear my husband say to me that I think of sex too much and that I am
a over-sexed thinker. Now that is painful.

 

[choosen4life]

I think everything is going to be ok. I think satin can really temp us on certian things like porn. But in your case i'm thinking it could be more of curiosity then temptation. Dont beat yourself on this Just know that God forgives us and move forward.