How to Spank a Child Biblically?

[mama2one]

Attaching Through Love, Hugs and Play: Simple Strategies to Help Build Connections with Your Child | attach.org

connection between child and parent is key

 

[Dave-W]

The whole idea behind spanking is that a person learns from a young age to associate wrongdoing with pain.

That is not the only reason people spank.

 

[mama2one]

the problem is that often people that resort to spanking which is punishment do it in anger and go overboard into abuse

there are so many good methods of discipline that teach
as well as parents modeling good behavior themselves as well as connection/attachment with your child that promotes cooperation

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[RDKirk]

Bear in mind that Biblically you're to abide by the laws of the land in which you live.

Where I live, physical discipline would be considered abuse if:

- it were administered with anything other than an open hand (no belts, wooden spoons, hair brushes, or fists)
- the child is hit more than six times
- the child is hit hard enough for it to leave marks, welts or bruises.

Those seem to me to be good healthy guidelines, as a starting point?

OTOH (so to speak), my wife convinced me that my open hand was too hard and heavy, so I switched to a flip-flop. Not only is it nearly impossible to create an injury with a flip-flop, it's also less personal.

Someone else has mentioned, and I agree, that a child should never be spanked in anger or while angry. Any discipline should be delivered in sorrow, not in anger. Hold off until the anger subsides and the discipline is then onerous for you as well.

This doesn't mean not responding immediately. I remember when I was a kid and acted up in public: "You're going to get a whipping when we get home." It's the anticipation that gets you. And, yeah, boy, despite my pleading all the way home, she was good on that promise. That only happened once.

When I had to spank my five-year-old (with a flip-flop), he got the same treatment. "You know I will have to spank you for that when we get home." His plea: "But don't talk, okay?" I normally gave him about ten seconds of lecture between swats, so five swats took at least a minute.

Spanking has a very limited period of utility--I'd say a hand slap can be effective over the age of two, bending over the knee up to five. Before that age, they're too young to reason crime/punishment at all, above that age they reason well enough that physical punishment should not be necessary.

And some may not need it at all. I think my daughter got a light spanking once from my wife.

I did wind up giving my son a final spanking (pants down, over the knee with a flip-flop) when he was in the eighth grade. On that occasion, we discovered he had been "holding" a transister radio that his friend had stolen. The specific reason I pulled his trousers down and bent him over was to show him that if he got sent to "juvie," he was not to big for someone to pull his pants down and bend him over in "juvie." He understood that message, because we had discussed aberrant sex acts a couple of years earlier.

My children are now adults, btw, both married, and my son has three children of his own.

 

[DavidFirth]

That's good, Im truly glade to hear it.

But the point is there are other ways to discipline children.

A lot of parents do not know how so they explode and truly hurt there children.

People should have some type of class to teach better ways to deal with punishment.

At least the ones who cant control there anger.

Well, that goes back to most countries in the world withholding Bible teaching in public schools. Those who do teach it do not teach it with authority so people who dont attend church regularly as children never learn it.

That's pretty much where the world is at.

 

[DavidFirth]

That is not the only reason people spank.

Well, of course not. But that is the Biblical ideal behind it.

 

[Danielwright2311]

Well, that goes back to most countries in the world withholding Bible teaching in public schools. Those who do teach it do not teach it with authority so people who dont attend church regularly as children never learn it.

That's pretty much where the world is at.

That's the problem, the people gave up on church and God.

 

[DavidFirth]

That's the problem, the people gave up on church and God.

Yes sir, I agree. I thank God he never gives up on us.

 

[JAM2b]

The Bible does not give specific instructions on how to spank and the references to it are vague enough to make many people wonder if spanking is what was meant. There is no direct, explicit, example of one patriarch or matriarch spanking a child in the Bible. There are Scriptures that make some people doubt if parents are even supposed to.

How do you Biblically spank a child? No one knows, because the Bible doesn't say.

 

[akmom]

I love how everyone is coming up with all these detailed methods on how to spank "biblically." If the Bible doesn't describe these methods, then how are they biblical? Isn't that kind of the definition of biblical, that it's actually in the Bible? I guess people just decide what sounds like a good idea to them, and then declare it biblical.

The Bible doesn't use the word spank. It never describes hitting the rear as discipline either. For all the die-hard believers in spanking as discipline, who insist on its role in a Christian upbringing, it's kind of ironic that God forgot to mention it in His word at all.

Here's what the Bible does say about discipline. "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him" (Proverbs 13:24 ESV). What do you do with the rod? Spank them with it? Probably not. I think the rod is figurative, like a shepherd's staff. I think it's just saying that you guide your children, like a shepherd guides their flock. Proverbs 22:15 says "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him." So I think that's consistent with Solomon's advice to discipline your children in general, and not necessarily to literally beat them with a rod (though in Proverbs 23:13-14 he suggests you should be willing to if that's what it takes). He definitely doesn't say to hit them on the rear with your hand or a spoon either, so sorry guys - still not "biblical."

My favorite verse about discipline is Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." This is consistent with Psalm 23:4, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." The discipline we give our kids should be a source of comfort, such as consistent boundaries, and not a source of exasperation, like a whack on the rear when a child's actions happen to trigger a parent's annoyance.

 

[Spikey]

Hi everyone,

New member here. Just want to get some ideas on the best, most proper biblical way to spank a child.

1. What is the best implement to use? Hand, wooden spoon, etc.

2. Should it be done over clothing, underwear, or bare bottom?

3. How many strokes should be given? When should you stop? I know that the Bible doesn’t allow more that 40 strokes, but this is for adult criminals.

4. How do you deal with a child who hits, kicks, and screams bloody murder to try and get away?

5. Should a prayer be said before and after administering the spanking? If so, what are some good prayers for this?

Disgusting!! I've seen it all now.

1. None of the above

2. No

3. 0 strokes would be my advice

4. With patience, love and understanding

5. That's just ridiculous

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[RDKirk]

for yrs every time remembered dad pulling my pants down, putting me over his knee and just hitting and hitting me, I would cry
^ only 6 yrs old, was crying so hard afterwards, could barely catch my breath

took yrs to forgive my parents
it was my husband who helped heal me
one day, he kneeled down in front of me and took my hand and said "I don't know what your parents did to you but am so sorry"

totally against hitting kids
please don't hit your children

He and I have spoken of that moment several times. He appreciates that I took an extreme measure on that specific occasion to impress upon him that he was about to make an error that would have damaged the rest of his life.

Has nothing to do with you and your life.

 

[mama2one]

.

 

[mina]

There is no biblical instruction on how to spank a child. Trying to find that in the Bible means you are trying to find something that isn't there. The Bible advocates discipline for children and just using God given sense- there are better ways to discipline than spanking. Just look at all the ways God disciplines us. The OP sounds like a troll.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

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4. How do you deal with a child who hits, kicks, and screams bloody murder to try and get away?

Vodka. That's how I deal with it . At the end of the day. I'm not sure they are trying to get away from any punishment. They don't understand you at all. You are wrong . So they react as a 2- 4 or 5 year old. Good luck.

 

[Saricharity]

it was my husband who helped heal me
one day, he kneeled down in front of me and took my hand and said "I don't know what your parents did to you but am so sorry"

Your husband is your hero. Your story brought tears to my eyes. ((Hug))

 

[Saricharity]

New member here. Just want to get some ideas on the best, most proper biblical way to spank a child.

The bible is silent on spanking.
The word rod is used but if you were to do a word study, you will discover that the rod means authority and not an actual tool to strike with. Think of a shepherd staff. The Shepherd uses his staff to guide his sheep, not hit them.
Spanking can be used as a tool for parents, but it is not a biblical mandate. The Lord requires parents to discipline and guide their children; He never said you had to hit them to do it.

 

[BraveJoan14]

Hi everyone,

New member here. Just want to get some ideas on the best, most proper biblical way to spank a child.

1. What is the best implement to use? Hand, wooden spoon, etc.

2. Should it be done over clothing, underwear, or bare bottom?

3. How many strokes should be given? When should you stop? I know that the Bible doesn’t allow more that 40 strokes, but this is for adult criminals.

4. How do you deal with a child who hits, kicks, and screams bloody murder to try and get away?

5. Should a prayer be said before and after administering the spanking? If so, what are some good prayers for this?

Hello!
I have found that those who spank usually have better-behaved kids. I was the third of 10 children in a strict Catholic family and our parents were not afraid to discipline us. I never felt abused and if anything, was glad to have swift, just punishment where there was forgiveness afterwards. I think the way my parents punished us was effective and I will probably do the same. So, to respond:

(1.) Depends on the age/offense. It was always with an open hand when we were little but they used a plastic hairbrush when we got older. For VERY serious offenses there was a belt, but that was super rare. Like once in my entire childhood.

(2.) It was pretty much always bare-bottomed. Usually, mom was the one in charge of discipline and she would undress us. I think this was a huge part of the punishment because of the suspense... haha. I don't think it has to be done this way but it definitely creates a "formal" punishment aspect and allows the parent to watch for marks or bruising.

(3.) Also depends on the age/offense, how hard you're hitting, and the implement. If it's your hand, I think 30 or so are appropriate for a small child. But for a more serious offense by an older child, 50 is more appropriate. If you're using a hairbrush, no more than 20 and a belt, no more than 10. Basically just use your judgment, I think.

(4.) Do not chase them down, struggle to hold them in place, etc. Both of you need to be calm for the spanking to be safe and effective. If you have to have the child calm down in his room, that's an option. Usually my parents threatened a worse punishment and by a certain age we learned to just comply.

(5.) I think there should be lots of hugs, kisses, and love after, but no mention of the punishment or misdeed. What's done is done at that point. I think for an older child, pointing out where the Bible or the Catechism says their act was sinful could be a good idea prior to the punishment.

This can be a very useful tool when used correctly and 100% out of love. All of us have turned out great and we are all pretty happy go lucky, well-adjusted people (there are still kids at home though, so I'll try not to jinx it ) Feel free to respond and God bless!