How to politely tell someone to stop talking about certain things so much.

[Migdala]

You may want to explain in terms of your limitations. For example, "I am feeling a little down right now about my own marriage. Your enthusiasm for your own upcoming wedding is bringing my mind back to my own problems. I hope you don't mind if you could give me a few minutes, I would be more than happy to hear your news later.

I am going to say something similar....I can't say the word "depressed" though, because she makes condensating remarks about people who she considers "mentally ill" if they have depression, etc. So I try my best to keep my moods as stable as possible so she doesn't make fun of me. If I'm in a down mood, I just go to my room and stay. Which is what I do anyway. lol

 

[Migdala]

I mean she's young and in love she's probably excited i think the op should share in her enjoyment vs looking at it negatively. She is being open

If you read my post, you will see that I go out of my way to be happy for her, say the right comments at the right time, smile, get excited for her, etc. But you are happily married, and could not BEGIN to understand what I am going through. Try walking a mile in my shoes and then maybe you could understand.

 

[Migdala]

First, I think there is some truth to the adage "There is no roof big enough for two women to live under".

Second, when she's in her love-love jabby spells hold your hand up and say this (word for word) "You know, I'm so happy about all the joy, love , and wonderful plans you have with your boyfriend, but did you ever think how much it hurts me to listen when I LOST my love through divorce less than a year ago?". Then turn and walk away.

It sounds like she is young, naive, and unknowingly insensitive. Don't hint, speak directly.

<smiles> Thank you so much for understanding. I don't mind listening to her talk about her boyfriend, but ALL THE TIME is a little too much. I will try saying something like what you said-thanks again!

 

[Migdala]

I think a lot of the issue may arise because of the extreme age difference.

Probably some of it, yeah. She has made several complaints about our age difference. I'm doing the best I can to do all the yard and housework and pay all the bills, and her constant complaining is hard on me.

 

[znr]

Have you ever tried to find a roommate these days? It's not at all easy-people want their own places, and not renting a room from someone. I am VERY blessed to have found anyone at all, because most of the people that have contacted me have been scam artists. I have to take what I can get, believe me. My own feelings and interests do not matter-I have to keep my home, and having a roommate is the only way I can do it since my salary does not cover my bills at all.

Yes, we ALL need some work on ourselves. ALL of us. Not just me. ALL of us. None of us are perfect.

You don't have to tell me it's hard out there. I wasn't putting you down, I was concerned that this young woman is being a drain on you and causing you stress. I never implied that I don't have cause to work on myself. Sorry if it came across that way.

 

[homeofmew]

Yeah i think you are a bit jealous, tell her you are glad for her, but since because of your situation it is bringing you grief, just talk to her about it straight up.

Say something like this. Hey I am glad for you and all with your boyfriend, I am happy that you are happy, and I'm glad you found a wonderful person. However for some reason every time you talk about your boyfriend, it bothers me because it reminds me of a past relationship I once had that was wonderful, then went sour.

Try saying that in the most calm courteous way you can. Good Luck.

 

[arj1981]

How to politely tell someone to stop talking about certain things so much.

There's no "polite way" to tell someone to shut up. There are less rude ways I'm sure. But the girl's going to get offended either way and she'll probably think you are jealous of her relationship. She'll be fine in a day or two, I'm sure. It is like Carrie in Sex and the City constantly talking about Big after they first broke up. One of her friends eventually just had to come right out and say it. Stop constantly talking about Big. You are obsessed. This girl might be obsessed too and not realize that's all she's talking about. Just say, I need a break from the "wedding talk". I know this is a new and exciting time in your life and I am excited for you, but I need a reprieve. Hopefully she'll understand.

 

[Migdala]

You don't have to tell me it's hard out there. I wasn't putting you down, I was concerned that this young woman is being a drain on you and causing you stress. I never implied that I don't have cause to work on myself. Sorry if it came across that way.

It's Ok, and I'm sorry you went through what you went through with your roommates beating you up. I've been beat up many times, it's horrible.

Yes, she's a drain on me and causes me stress....any roommate would do that probably-I love living by myself, and wish I made enough money to be able to do that all the time.

 

[znr]

It's Ok, and I'm sorry you went through what you went through with your roommates beating you up. I've been beat up many times, it's horrible.

Yes, she's a drain on me and causes me stress....any roommate would do that probably-I love living by myself, and wish I made enough money to be able to do that all the time.

The roommate had serious substance abuse issues which she hid from me. By the time I caught on it was too late. I got in her way one night during one of her benders. Most of the roommates I've had that worked really well were all platonic/male. We women are not easy.

 

[spr]

Is she paying you to do all the cleaning? And if you don't want to hear about it spend more time in your room. Trying to 'teach' people sensitivity never works. They either learn after some time how bad they were behaving or they go on their merry ways and wax worse and worse. If you can find it in you to explain your feelings without snapping that would fix the problem obviously, but sometimes that state of heart is just not there.

Also, marrying another christian is an option so long as he knows the Lord as well as you do. But you shouldn't go looking since scriputre advises us to stay where we are at and let what comes come...

 

[Migdala]

Is she paying you to do all the cleaning? And if you don't want to hear about it spend more time in your room. Trying to 'teach' people sensitivity never works. They either learn after some time how bad they were behaving or they go on their merry ways and wax worse and worse. If you can find it in you to explain your feelings without snapping that would fix the problem obviously, but sometimes that state of heart is just not there.

Also, marrying another christian is an option so long as he knows the Lord as well as you do. But you shouldn't go looking since scriputre advises us to stay where we are at and let what comes come...

I already stay in my room almost every minute that I'm at home. lol I have no social life whatsoever.

I own the house, and I rent out my two spare bedrooms to help me pay my bills. I try to think what Jesus would want me to do in this situation, but I have no clue.

Remarrying is not an option, according to Luke 16:18, Matthew 19:9, and others. Not many people agree with this, but I do. So my only choice is to put up with roommates the rest of my life. The last ones were worse though. lol I am very very blessed that God has allowed me to have a roommate in the first place....they are very hard to come by, especially for someone my age. Most people want to find a place with a roommate, with both names on the lease, etc. Either way, I'm happy to have the two roommates I have-I just needed some suggestions on how to word it when I'm too depressed to talk about how wonderful her boyfriend is.

 

[spr]

By those verses alone a man that marries a previously married woman commits adultery. So the only way for a man to not sin is by marrying someone who's never been married (a virgin).

But I don't think that happens too often. Paul says much more about this in his writing, but I really don't know what it all says to the letter. Someone needs to write a book about this specifically as it pertains to scripture.

 

[Migdala]

By those verses alone a man that marries a previously married woman commits adultery. So the only way for a man to not sin is by marrying someone who's never been married (a virgin).

But I don't think that happens too often. Paul says much more about this in his writing, but I really don't know what it all says to the letter. Someone needs to write a book about this specifically as it pertains to scripture.

Actually there are a lot of books written about divorce/remarriage. I have a few on my Amazon wish list to order when I can. But even if God revealed to me that it was Ok to remarry, I still have way, way too much "baggage" and issues of my own to deal with. No one in their right mind would want me. I'm trying my best to work on myself, just not doing a very good job at it so far. lol

 

[spr]

If the Lord had reason to command Hosea(1:2) to marry a woman who committed fornication/adultery that opens the flood gates for even more speculation on the matter.

 

[Migdala]

If the Lord had reason to command Hosea(1:2) to marry a woman who committed fornication/adultery that opens the flood gates for even more speculation on the matter.

Very interesting-I had not thought of that verse. I still don't think that an example given to Hosea to take a wife and children of harlotry because the land had committed harlotry goes against a direct command of Jesus not to remarry after divorce though. Totally different, but that's just my opinion.

 

[Catherineanne]

Actually there are a lot of books written about divorce/remarriage. I have a few on my Amazon wish list to order when I can. But even if God revealed to me that it was Ok to remarry, I still have way, way too much "baggage" and issues of my own to deal with. No one in their right mind would want me. I'm trying my best to work on myself, just not doing a very good job at it so far. lol

Fwiw, I understand. I divorced my ex in 2000, and have not dated since then. He died in April this year, so technically speaking I am free to remarry, if I chose to do so; nobody would have a problem with that.

However, having lived a very single life for all these years, I don't see this changing any time soon; as you rightly say, sometimes there is too much baggage in the way to make that an easy option.

I commend your faith, and your reason for remaining single and celibate.

 

[Catherineanne]

I already stay in my room almost every minute that I'm at home. lol I have no social life whatsoever.

I own the house, and I rent out my two spare bedrooms to help me pay my bills. I try to think what Jesus would want me to do in this situation, but I have no clue.

I think he might say there are things that are perfectly compatible with a single life, such as getting more involved in the local community in some way, or with your church if you can.

Being celibate does not mean that we have to become reclusive. It could be that this lack of social contact is contributing to the depression. And if you have more to talk about yourself, you will not have to listen to your flatmate so much. So everyone wins!

 

[znr]

Fwiw, I understand. I divorced my ex in 2000, and have not dated since then. He died in April this year, so technically speaking I am free to remarry, if I chose to do so; nobody would have a problem with that.

However, having lived a very single life for all these years, I don't see this changing any time soon; as you rightly say, sometimes there is too much baggage in the way to make that an easy option.

I commend your faith, and your reason for remaining single and celibate.

I really don't get this. Why is death a loophole?

 

[Migdala]

Fwiw, I understand. I divorced my ex in 2000, and have not dated since then. He died in April this year, so technically speaking I am free to remarry, if I chose to do so; nobody would have a problem with that.

However, having lived a very single life for all these years, I don't see this changing any time soon; as you rightly say, sometimes there is too much baggage in the way to make that an easy option.

I commend your faith, and your reason for remaining single and celibate.

Thank you-you don't know how much I appreciate that. You are the first person who has thought I was doing the right thing by following what the Bible says. Everyone else thinks I'm crazy. I got in a conversation with one of my managers at work today, who says she is a Christian. She is married, and she came to me and asked me how to get a divorce......I asked her why she wanted a divorce, and she said she was just sick of her husband and wanted to date someone else. I told her that the Bible says that divorce is permitted in the case of adultery, but that remarriage is considered a sin unless the spouse is dead. She just looked at me and said "Oh-I'm never getting married again-I just want to be in a relationship and live with someone, but not marry them." I knew that she did not want to follow the Bible and what Jesus teaches. Someone else walked in the door, so I did not finish the conversation-I really didn't see the point. She did not care, and just wanted to get rid of her husband and sleep around. Anyway, sorry for rambling. lol

 

[Migdala]

I think he might say there are things that are perfectly compatible with a single life, such as getting more involved in the local community in some way, or with your church if you can.

Being celibate does not mean that we have to become reclusive. It could be that this lack of social contact is contributing to the depression. And if you have more to talk about yourself, you will not have to listen to your flatmate so much. So everyone wins!

Well, for me it means being reclusive. I have a very high sex drive. Always have had one, and probably always will. Aging has not stopped it at all. I have to stay as far away from people as I can, because if I'm around a good looking single man, I have temptations I shouldn't have. And if I'm around women talking about their relationships with their mates, then I get unwanted thoughts in my head too....which could lead to sin. So I have to avoid people as much as I can. I just sleep so I don't have to think.