How to Forgive....

~Amped88~ · Sep 23, 2008

Im going to throw my 2 cents into this thread because i believe it was hard for me to forgive at first. I have considered myself a christian for the better part of my life. I have tried to stay close to God and do what he wanted me to do. Things happened to me in my life and I resented those people and never really forgave but forgot what they did to me.

My wife has been a huge contributer on helping me realize that i should forgive people as Jesus would. She has impacted my life in vast ways (i married her July 4, 2008). Through our talks and our reading the bible, I feel that i am at the point where I can forgive truly and wholy. If you don't forgive people it will just eat you up inside. In my case it has for many many years. I believe forgiveness comes from giving yourself up to the Lord and letting him have control. I am at that point now, and truly believe i have forgiven all the things people have done to me. I have wronged other people and want there forgiveness as well, and how can they forgive me if i can't forgive others? More so, how will God forgive me if i can't forgive others. I believe i have finally hit the track and don't ever want to leave this path. Through encouragement and my desire to be more like Christ you can truly forgive someone for what they have done. As my wife has told me you don't forget, but you can forgive. Hopefully through forgiveness and living like Christ I will forget as well.

Angeloffire · Sep 23, 2008

~Amped88~ said:
Im going to throw my 2 cents into this thread because i believe it was hard for me to forgive at first. I have considered myself a christian for the better part of my life. I have tried to stay close to God and do what he wanted me to do. Things happened to me in my life and I resented those people and never really forgave but forgot what they did to me.

My wife has been a huge contributer on helping me realize that i should forgive people as Jesus would. She has impacted my life in vast ways (i married her July 4, 2008). Through our talks and our reading the bible, I feel that i am at the point where I can forgive truly and wholy. If you don't forgive people it will just eat you up inside. In my case it has for many many years. I believe forgiveness comes from giving yourself up to the Lord and letting him have control. I am at that point now, and truly believe i have forgiven all the things people have done to me. I have wronged other people and want there forgiveness as well, and how can they forgive me if i can't forgive others? More so, how will God forgive me if i can't forgive others. I believe i have finally hit the track and don't ever want to leave this path. Through encouragement and my desire to be more like Christ you can truly forgive someone for what they have done. As my wife has told me you don't forget, but you can forgive. Hopefully through forgiveness and living like Christ I will forget as well.

Thank you for your testimony. You are beginning your walk into the understanding of forgiveness. You have described it very well.

I have found that with God, understanding comes like ripples on a pond, each one as signifigant as the next, applying itself to your soul with equal effect.

There will be times when someone offends you and anger will rise again that you once thought was dead. Just look at it, don't try to fix it and watch it go away. Be aware that you are sort of in the scene, but remove yourself.

You will remember each ripple in that pond of understanding, and you will move from a place of understanding and instead of willing something into effect out of pride, doing the right thing will simply occur because you obeyed His voice the first time, so the next time it is easier.

Eventually when that you get offended, no anger will rise at all and you will be free.

The key is to obey Him, the thoughts He gives you, in each offence and not respond to the anger or hurt.

Just look at it....like it was a weird television commercial that blasted through your living room and let it go away. You don't want to buy that product anyway....(lol)

razzelflabben · Sep 23, 2008

I haven't read every post, and I really don't think I have the courage to at this point to do so. Forgiveness is about God's love, it is about God doing it in us and through us, not of ourselves. Think about the gift of the Spirit, Love is first on the list, and God's love is indeed a forgiving love. Sin destroys us, it strips us of our worth, but it is love that restores us. In the power of the Holy Spirit, we find forgiveness, seems to me that is why the greatest gift is Love. Because love restores us with Love, with ourselves, and with others. (I wish I could post a longer reply)

Angeloffire · Sep 23, 2008

ANM29 said:
OH, what FREEDOM it is...

Awesome..and that is just how we are until we realize that it is wise to follow and listen to the Shepard..Because we are merely sheep and our only hope for survival is in the Shepard.

When we try and make Shepherds out of all or some of the other sheep we get angry. We will beat them, blame them, and hurt them.

One of the hardest things for me to overcome was the desire to be seen well and be approved of in another person's eyes. When someone didn't see me in my 'limelight' I beat them up considerable, I suppose my failed logic was that I could bring them into submission somehow and they would have to see me as I 'wanted' to be seen.

So you can see how freeing this has been for me. When I realised that even if they saw me that way, what would it matter?

They don't own the judgement seat, they don't determine my souls destiny, my soul didn't originate from them, and what future can they give me? Can they heal me, save me, know my heart?

I realised that they too were just like me.

These kinds of truths free you to be the sheep and know the Shepherd.

Angeloffire · Sep 23, 2008

Brinny,

Thank you for the hymn. I forgave my mother through a wordless song. God showed me how futile my anger had been and I was able to let go.

Later when I was ready, He showed me how badly my anger had hurt her and I cried a deeper cry of repentance. Had I known then what I know now, I would certainly have chosen a better road.

But God gave me a vision of her. I saw her in heaven. Her hair was so beautiful and she was barefoot, something she'd always dreamed of doing as she had very bad variocous veins.

I just watched in joy as she sort of flipped her hair like a teenager and ran off with three very happy kids!

God is good and a good Father. He waits for you. He doesn't push or shove you to go where you need to go.

Shepherd leads.....and what a wonderous Shepherd He is....

ANM29 · Sep 23, 2008

Angeloffire said:
When we try and make Shepherds out of all or some of the other sheep we get angry. We will beat them, blame them, and hurt them.

One of the hardest things for me to overcome was the desire to be seen well and be approved of in another person's eyes. When someone didn't see me in my 'limelight' I beat them up considerable, I suppose my failed logic was that I could bring them into submission somehow and they would have to see me as I 'wanted' to be seen.

So you can see how freeing this has been for me. When I realised that even if they saw me that way, what would it matter?

They don't own the judgement seat, they don't determine my souls destiny, my soul didn't originate from them, and what future can they give me? Can they heal me, save me, know my heart?

I realised that they too were just like me.

These kinds of truths free you to be the sheep and know the Shepherd.

Amen...Same here. I needed confirmation that I was on the right path, doing the right thing, doing it 'good' enough, etc...oh yeah.......But now is it what difference does it make what another fallen creature thinks of me when I am cared and watched over by the one who loves me BEST..and pleasing him in everything is my hearts desire..And pleasing him, means you will not be able to please man at the same time at times...

One day I remember thinking after talking to someone about something they were trying to make me feel bad about......and it was something I heard T.D.Jakes say a few years ago..but it CLICKED one day...and I thought the same thing he thought, "Who are you suppose to be, when I have just got finished praying/talking to the God of the universe who created me"..simple, but it was a part of my changing......lol!...It was mind-blowing.

Angeloffire · Sep 23, 2008

ANM29 said:
Amen...Same here. I needed confirmation that I was on the right path, doing the right thing, doing it 'good' enough, etc...oh yeah.......But now is it what difference does it make what another fallen creature thinks of me when I am cared and watched over by the one who loves me BEST..and pleasing him in everything is my hearts desire..And pleasing him, means you will not be able to please man at the same time at times...

One day I remember thinking after talking to someone about something they were trying to make me feel bad about......and it was something I heard T.D.Jakes say a few years ago..but it CLICKED one day...and I thought the same thing he thought, "Who are you suppose to be, when I have just got finished praying/talking to the God of the universe who created me"..simple, but it was a part of my changing......lol!...It was mind-blowing.

And the awesome thing I realised in it all is that it freed me up to really love them.

As long as I don't have anything to prove to them and nothing I want from them, I'm free to do what is best for them without fear of reprisal or secret ambition to get approval or praise!

This has allowed me to minister to many.

I have found that when I make a mistake or get hurt it is because I was afraid or self seeking. If I repent quickly and turn my eyes back on my Father I'm good to go again

And I noticed that the more I do it, the easier it is getting. At first it was kind of painful. Like giving up chocolate....(lol). But now it is easy to do and God has rewarded me with His joy and peace.....

brinny · Sep 23, 2008

razzelflabben said:
I haven't read every post, and I really don't think I have the courage to at this point to do so. Forgiveness is about God's love, it is about God doing it in us and through us, not of ourselves. Think about the gift of the Spirit, Love is first on the list, and God's love is indeed a forgiving love. Sin destroys us, it strips us of our worth, but it is love that restores us. In the power of the Holy Spirit, we find forgiveness, seems to me that is why the greatest gift is Love. Because love restores us with Love, with ourselves, and with others. (I wish I could post a longer reply)

even reading your post is a balm to me soul n' heart.....forgiveness is sooo misunderstood.

God bless you,
Brenda

brinny · Sep 23, 2008

Angeloffire said:
Brinny,

Thank you for the hymn. I forgave my mother through a wordless song. God showed me how futile my anger had been and I was able to let go.

Later when I was ready, He showed me how badly my anger had hurt her and I cried a deeper cry of repentance. Had I known then what I know now, I would certainly have chosen a better road.

But God gave me a vision of her. I saw her in heaven. Her hair was so beautiful and she was barefoot, something she'd always dreamed of doing as she had very bad variocous veins.

I just watched in joy as she sort of flipped her hair like a teenager and ran off with three very happy kids!

God is good and a good Father. He waits for you. He doesn't push or shove you to go where you need to go.

Shepherd leads.....and what a wonderous Shepherd He is....

I think i'm beginning to hear what you're tryin' to say....the thing about forgiveness and my mother...it was only after God did a work in my heart and soul and after i was able to tolerate trusting Him that He instilled the grace in me to see my mother 'differently' ...ya see i believe that our family was cursed from waaay back..so much evil....

and me? i wasn't 'bout to forgive nobody..i hated and despised my mother, she had hurt me soooo badly in a myriad of ways....but later, in brokenness i didn't believe was possible, God began changing my vision of her, as He was doing a work only He could do in my heart. Anybody else? I would'a knocked 'em to Timbuktoo...but He is relentless. He started going into back woods and the crevices of no man's land of my soul and slowly started loving my stone cold heart into a flesh one. ..a beating one that did not spew out obscenities and hatred.

It was like a curtain lifting, letting the light in. Like i was 'seeing' for the first time....and i saw the chains, the trap we were both in, my mother and i. And He showed me a seriously relentlessly abused heart and soul...my mother's...and that she was incapable of being anything but what she was. By His grace, i didn't take it personal anymore...it was like seeing her for the first time. And a new relationship was born. I, an adult, embracing my mother, the woman who gave birth to me...and an honor for her arose.

My grat grandfather i'm told was a Godly man. He gathered all his grandchildren around him as he read the Bible (my mother included) and i sense that he prayed for the generations after him.....

that's where we get back to my mom and me....God was intervening. He was breaking the curse, the chains, although unseen, that had so tightly imprisoned us and bound us. The prayers of my great-grandfather were being answered.

Here's the piece i wrote about forgiveness a couple years ago:

Forgiveness...

I did not really love my mother until I "grew up". God's grace enabled me to see her differently, in a new light. I no longer saw her as a 'mommy' that did not meet my needs, who hurt me, but as a woman who suffered greatly as a child, and as an adult, and who was unable to ask my forgiveness. God enabled me to see past her faults and see her need. We developed a new relationship before she died and I am thankful to God for it. By the time she passed we had been reconciled and had a relationship that was genuinely a friendship. I had learned not to expect something from her that she was unable to give. In the beginning, our visits were brief, and lasted only as long as it was genuinely tolerable...I met with her in 'doses'. Our visits became longer, and always were because we genuinely enjoyed each others company. I saw clearly just who she was, her limitations, and mine. It was 'real' for the 1st time in my life. My mom knew that I genuinely loved, respected, and saw her as the unique person she was and that I delighted in being with her. I realized only after she died what God must have been doing....He was loving her through me.

ANM29 · Sep 23, 2008

Angeloffire said:
And the awesome thing I realised in it all is that it freed me up to really love them.

As long as I don't have anything to prove to them and nothing I want from them, I'm free to do what is best for them without fear of reprisal or secret ambition to get approval or praise!

This has allowed me to minister to many.

I have found that when I make a mistake or get hurt it is because I was afraid or self seeking. If I repent quickly and turn my eyes back on my Father I'm good to go again

And I noticed that the more I do it, the easier it is getting. At first it was kind of painful. Like giving up chocolate....(lol). But now it is easy to do and God has rewarded me with His joy and peace.....

Very True, Exactly!...Because the motivation is love and nothing more or less....and with that, there are NO expectations. You are just doing what is pleasing God and comes naturally. Whether you are given credit or not, it is not about that at all....and yes the reward is joy and peace...

Angeloffire · Sep 23, 2008

brinny said:
I think i'm beginning to hear what you're tryin' to say....the thing about forgiveness and my mother...it was only after God did a work in my heart and soul and after i was able to tolerate trusting Him that He instilled the grace in me to see my mother 'differently' :

A beautiful testimony, Brinny.

This part caught my eye.....it was God working in you. This is why we have to be patient and overlooking of others.

We have to give God the time to help them. We can't 'make' people over......we have to be patient, kind, and overlooking.

Sure we see their faults, they do bad things to us, and abuse us, but it is okay because we were them and still sometimes do the same things.

Love really does cover a mulititude of sins.

I was thinking today how many of our parents came out of the great depression and how hard a life they had.

What would I be like, had I been born in their shoes?

I often say, "Lord have mercy on us all" for we are all worthy of death a hundred times over.

Angeloffire · Sep 23, 2008

ANM29 said:
Very True, Exactly!...Because the motivation is love and nothing more or less....and with that, there are NO expectations. You are just doing what is pleasing God and comes naturally. Whether you are given credit or not, it is not about that at all....and yes the reward is joy and peace...

Amen! But for me it has been a gradual process and the closer I get to God, the more quickly I can tell when I do something wrong.

I get a sick gut feeling and I know immediately that I went astray.

If I just bring it before Him wordlessly and wait, crying out to Him for the Light to please Him, soon the revelation will come, I repent (grab the correct thought) and I'm up and running again!

Then I'm a little happy sheep again!

What happens to people is that they are so caught up in the 'other' voices that they can't hear the Shepherd anymore.

They sort of wander around aimlessly in "I should have done this, or should have said that...."

They are caught up in the past and the future and the don't come into the moment where God is. He is always 'right here, right now'.

It is in becomming still inside and observing instead of participating in my thoughts that I have found His voice.

And my joy is full, and my heart is overwhelmed with his abundant peace.....

Moriah_Conquering_Wind · Sep 23, 2008

Angeloffire said:
We are to live unto God. Nowhere in the bible does it justify unforgiveness. There is only ONE Law of God, One Truth.
We cannot live from anywhere else and have peace, joy, love, or salvation.
People will wrong you all your life, just as you wrong others. If we are consumed by each other's wrongs, how will we be saved?

Since your statements had nothing to do with what Moriah posted, you did not need to quote Moriah's post in order to make them. Moriah never claimed the Bible justified unforgiveness, nor did Moriah make any kind of statement regarding there being more than one law of God. For you to imply that she did bes entirely out of line and inappropriate. For you to make these remarks in response makes it appear that you have passed judgments upon Moriah based upon things that do not actually exist as part of Moriah. Please do not do this; you have no right, no place, and no standing for it, period.

Please in the future do not quote Moriah's posts unless you intend to respond to what Moriah has actually written, without making negative inferences that have nothing to do with the actual person of Moriah or the actual content of its posts.

map4 · Sep 23, 2008

I realized only after she died what God must have been doing....He was loving her through me.

brinny...I love that last line of your poem.

Tsadde · Sep 23, 2008

Elijah2 said:
Tsadde said:

I am sorry T, but you have a doubting spirit, which is no wonder you are so confused about forgiveness.

Be blessed in Jesus' Name.

Click to expand...

?

Elijah2 · Sep 23, 2008

razzelflabben said:
I haven't read every post, and I really don't think I have the courage to at this point to do so. Forgiveness is about God's love, it is about God doing it in us and through us, not of ourselves. Think about the gift of the Spirit, Love is first on the list, and God's love is indeed a forgiving love. Sin destroys us, it strips us of our worth, but it is love that restores us. In the power of the Holy Spirit, we find forgiveness, seems to me that is why the greatest gift is Love. Because love restores us with Love, with ourselves, and with others. (I wish I could post a longer reply)

Sorry mate, wrong forgiveness, it's all about you forgiving seven times seventy. Yes, the Holy Spirit does have something to do with your forgiveness, but that is in your "inner healing" that brings you to that place to forgive someone for offending, or abusing you, and then HE brings to love that person, and through those two actions, you will find peace and joy.

But, there are time when you offended and abused someone, and you need forgiveness from them.

Forgiveness is all about taking the land back from the enemy.

Most Christians struggle with all this, because when they forgive, or ask for forgiveness, they forget to forgive themself.

Be blessed in Jesus' Name.

Elijah2 · Sep 23, 2008

Tsadde said:
Elijah2 said:

?

Click to expand...

Elijah2 · Sep 23, 2008

~Amped88~ said:
Im going to throw my 2 cents into this thread because i believe it was hard for me to forgive at first. I have considered myself a christian for the better part of my life. I have tried to stay close to God and do what he wanted me to do. Things happened to me in my life and I resented those people and never really forgave but forgot what they did to me.

My wife has been a huge contributer on helping me realize that i should forgive people as Jesus would. She has impacted my life in vast ways (i married her July 4, 2008). Through our talks and our reading the bible, I feel that i am at the point where I can forgive truly and wholy. If you don't forgive people it will just eat you up inside. In my case it has for many many years. I believe forgiveness comes from giving yourself up to the Lord and letting him have control. I am at that point now, and truly believe i have forgiven all the things people have done to me. I have wronged other people and want there forgiveness as well, and how can they forgive me if i can't forgive others? More so, how will God forgive me if i can't forgive others. I believe i have finally hit the track and don't ever want to leave this path. Through encouragement and my desire to be more like Christ you can truly forgive someone for what they have done. As my wife has told me you don't forget, but you can forgive. Hopefully through forgiveness and living like Christ I will forget as well.

Nice testimony mate, and thanks.

When we desire to be more like our Lord Jesus Christ, then forgiveness becomes an easy action.

Yes, you don't really forget, but after forgiving and loving another person, you basically remember no more. That is, when something happens that brings that incident back to memory, you don't feel the hurt anymore, because that fishhook has been removed by complete forgiveness and love.

Be blessed in Jesus' Nam.e

Elijah2 · Sep 23, 2008

brinny said:
forgiveness and the subject can be used as a battering ram and a weapon in the hands of those who are not ordained to venture into the subject. It is then that it is twisted, and used to further hurt.

It is dangerous to venture where God has not prompted us to set foot.

An example:

a 23 yr old woman had been kidnapped with her boyfriend.....they both were taken to a house. For days the boyfriend and she were tortured. The boyfriend was raped, his private parts were cut off and he was cut up and put in plastic bags. the girlfriend had to watch. then she was tortured, raped in every way possible, bleach poured down her throat and various places to erase DNA, etc. then her breast was cut off, and various other things.....and somehow she survived.

She's in the hospital..the ICU unit. I go visit her because she attended my church once as a visitor.

There's not much of her left. When i go into the room, she's conscious however.

My first question:

"Have you forgiven them?"

A few years later. I visit her in her apt she has provided by the government. She does not go to church. She hardly recognizes me anymore. She has ventured into a deep recess in her psyche that is carved out from searing trauma that is beyond the means to cope..it's the only place that is safe. it's a hiding place. it's a place of desperation. a place that is a retreat, literally.

yet she is lucid.

I ask her:

"Did you forgive them?"

Brinny and awesome and terrible testimony, of such a horrendours abuse and trauma on another person.

1 in a million, and how could you compare this abuse.

I could bring up many such things from war.

How hard did you think it was for my countrymen to forgive the treatement that they received from the Japanese while captive in their POW camps and those held captive by the Gesapo in Europe.

This thread is about forgiveness.

That person you have spoken about is already under the arms of our Lord Jesus Christ.

How could anyone forgive that person for what they did to that person?

This is 1 in a million.

It took me thirty years to forgive an officer I had in Vietnam.

Be blessed in Jesus' Name.

Moriah_Conquering_Wind · Sep 23, 2008

Tsadde said:
?

Sad to say, sometimes people on CF delude themselves into thinking they can crawl inside your mind or heart and pass judgment on the contents of either one when they haven't a clue. And unfortunately often these "birds of a feather" find one another and flock together, supporting and reinforcing one another's destructive work on this site to drive seeking souls in need of God further and further from Him by setting these obstacles in their path for them to stumble over and then sitting back and launching intense discussions about the nature of forgiveness just as another method of tormenting them. Most of the time people who launch these discussions don't give a toss about the true nature of the topic; they simply want to use certain topics as a screen from behind which to lob mud clots and "nyah nyah"s at other people. Instead of doing what would be right in the eyes of God and fessing up to their own crimes against others, they hide behind this smokescreen of pointing fingers at everyone else for their presumed "lack of forgiveness". They use topics like these as lure and bait to get people to OPEN their hearts -- take off the armor and open up -- so the fiery darts of nasty ugly judgments and despicable insinuations and more self-loathing and self-doubt and self-hate can be fired straight in where they can do the most damage.

Best thing to do with a tar baby: don't pick it up. Run, do not walk, as far from it as you can get. Unfortunately most of these tar babies have "legs" and will follow you around taking rotten little potshots until you give them the "what for" they deserve -- then they will report you to staff as flaming and try to get you kicked off the board. This crap has been going on for far too long. Downright sick of it.

How to Forgive....

~Amped88~

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