How to find Christian dates...

[sundewgrower]

If you can manage to find one you like talking to you shouldn't have to worry so much about finding dates.

I'm good at conversation and like making friends--just need somebody nearby.

 

[Indent]

I go to an ethnic Korean church, and it's couched in cultural nuance. There are people here that won't date non-Korean (I'm mixed), tend to conceal relationships, resistant to dating within the community, and there's an interesting ageism dynamic etc.

There might have been a time when women outnumbered guys, but it simply isn't the reality now.

I convinced her to come to a small group, which I'm leading. I can approach her on Sundays for small chat and encourage her to continue the small group (which is thriving and I believe she enjoyed it).

But there's no guarantee of that... and there aren't many opportunities to organically develop a friendship. I can intentially sit beside her on Sunday.

I don't have an issue striking up conversation. I used to be more social with the opposite sex, meet up with people for coffee, dated, but have slowly reclined into indifference. Part of me wants to meet a devout Christian girl, but it's proven difficult.

Perhaps I should just ask her out for coffee, but I think she'd interpret that has interest.

 

[sundewgrower]

I go to an ethnic Korean church, and it's couched in cultural nuance. There are people here that won't date non-Korean (I'm mixed), tend to conceal relationships, resistant to dating within the community, and there's an interesting ageism dynamic etc.

There might have been a time when women outnumbered guys, but it simply isn't the reality now.

I convinced her to come to a small group, which I'm leading. I can approach her on Sundays for small chat and encourage her to continue the small group (which is thriving and I believe she enjoyed it).

But there's no guarantee of that... and there aren't many opportunities to organically develop a friendship. I can intentially sit beside her on Sunday.

I don't have an issue striking up conversation. I used to be more social with the opposite sex, meet up with people for coffee, dated, but have slowly reclined into indifference. Part of me wants to meet a devout Christian girl, but it's proven difficult.

Perhaps I should just ask her out for coffee, but I think she'd interpret that has interest.

I'd like to attend a more diverse church for such a dating opportunity, however, being the only white guy would be weird. Yet, flying to see friends abroad gets costly and I'd like some cultural diversity which I had in Hawai'ii within Texas.. Go figure but such is life and how I am...

I have a good grasp of Indonesian and decent(ish) one of Chinese culture--I sorta grasp Korean and to a better degree Japanese culture. Anyways I could see why it's how you're describing--it's a network of relationships and a very gradual process from what I have seen. I prefer South East Asian culture since it's a lot less formal (you can introduce yourself and ask if she's single), more upfront and basic--that's where my best friend lives and hanging out with her along with everyone was a breeze. Japanese culture is pretty difficult and I think Korean culture is less "difficult" for most in the West to grasp but still there's a lot of nuances as you are aware.

With that I'd say you need to somehow gently press this thing forward. You're mixed Korean--you understand the culture right?
Show some interest in a careful yet obvious enough way and see if she goes for it--don't shove a date but see if you can do coffee or even more carefully just get her Whatsapp, Line, WeChat or whatever. Get to it and see. Obviously if you're able to connect with enough communication you two might have something.

 

[Indent]

I'd like to attend a more diverse church for such a dating opportunity, however, being the only white guy would be weird. Yet, flying to see friends abroad gets costly and I'd like some cultural diversity which I had in Hawai'ii within Texas.. Go figure but such is life and how I am...

I have a good grasp of Indonesian and decent(ish) one of Chinese culture--I sorta grasp Korean and to a better degree Japanese culture. Anyways I could see why it's how you're describing--it's a network of relationships and a very gradual process from what I have seen. I prefer South East Asian culture since it's a lot less formal (you can introduce yourself and ask if she's single), more upfront and basic--that's where my best friend lives and hanging out with her along with everyone was a breeze. Japanese culture is pretty difficult and I think Korean culture is less "difficult" for most in the West to grasp but still there's a lot of nuances as you are aware.

With that I'd say you need to somehow gently press this thing forward. You're mixed Korean--you understand the culture right?
Show some interest in a careful yet obvious enough way and see if she goes for it--don't shove a date but see if you can do coffee or even more carefully just get her Whatsapp, Line, WeChat or whatever. Get to it and see. Obviously if you're able to connect with enough communication you two might have something.

Obviously the friendship dynamics are more complex but it'll be understood in due time and with the right amount of effort placed into it.

There are various degrees of Korean culture.

The people I know were born in Canada or spent most of their childhood here, but there is a pocket of Korean born and raised group at the church (tend to be much different). There is a network of relationships within the church and the larger Korean community, and it's not hard to become the subject of conversation.

Her father is a pastor overseas, has strong Christian values (will not drink etc.), and she's also fairly attractive.

she has an easy going personality, but it remains a mystery why she doesn't date.

I'll pray about it / be more assertive

 

[Gnarwhal]

That is just a Date....

How do you turn it into a Christian Date???

Find a priest, have him bless it: presto.

Climbed date trees in Hawai'i. Never dated in my own country before. It's a paradox.

You're missin' out bruh.

 

[cant_think_of_a_name]

This may sound a bit sexist; so I apologize if I offend everyone. I won't say I'm speaking for all women, but I'm speaking for myself.

Assertiveness is hot in guys. (Who knows, maybe it is in girls. But I think guys prefer girls to be subtle and simply assume girls think the same way. They don't.)

But there's no guarantee of that... and there aren't many opportunities to organically develop a friendship. I can intentially sit beside her on Sunday.

Honestly, when guys makes extremely subtle "moves" like this, it is not that attractive and at the worst, can be a little creepy. (I'm not saying you are, but if a guy lingers a lot around a girl without ever being forward, it is a bit of a turn off.) Again, I'm speaking for myself; ladies, please feel free to disagree.

Perhaps I should just ask her out for coffee, but I think she'd interpret that has interest.

What's wrong with that? Trust me, if a guy point-blank asks me out on a date, I'm left with a huge respect for the guy, even if I say no. When a guy expresses interest in those subtle ways but never actually asks me out, I don't have that same respect.

And you can maintain friendships still. I've maintained friendships with guys who've asked me out and I declined. You forget about it if the friendship continues to evolve.

 

[Indent]

This may sound a bit sexist; so I apologize if I offend everyone. I won't say I'm speaking for all women, but I'm speaking for myself.

Assertiveness is hot in guys. (Who knows, maybe it is in girls. But I think guys prefer girls to be subtle and simply assume girls think the same way. They don't.)



Honestly, when guys makes extremely subtle "moves" like this, it is not that attractive and at the worst, can be a little creepy. (I'm not saying you are, but if a guy lingers a lot around a girl without ever being forward, it is a bit of a turn off.) Again, I'm speaking for myself; ladies, please feel free to disagree.



What's wrong with that? Trust me, if a guy point-blank asks me out on a date, I'm left with a huge respect for the guy, even if I say no. When a guy expresses interest in those subtle ways but never actually asks me out, I don't have that same respect.

And you can maintain friendships still. I've maintained friendships with guys who've asked me out and I declined. You forget about it if the friendship continues to evolve.

There are a lot of very sexist people at my church.

It wasn't until I became Christian that I developed a systemic capacity for high tolerance, God's grace perhaps, as there's no other group that has tried by patience more than believers. But I digress.

I don't assume girls prefer subtle - there is great diversity amongst women.

I think it comes down to methodology: Does a person believe they should be straightforward with their attraction/affections or whether a relationship should be developed through friendship first, and you aren't always in control how how people think relationships are best approached. I won't get into the Christian dogma, cultural or not, surrounding dating.

There are good reasons to test the waters.

I have cold approached women in all kinds of settlings. I've been bold at church, and it's not always appreciated.

There are times I feel content to just date non-Christians, because it's far less troublesome. There a lot of reasons people conceal their relationships and/or refuse to date within the community. There's too much nonsense involved.

 

[Toro]

I found the best way to find Christian dates was by using a Christian calendar.

Never fails, every date is a Christian one.


Seriously though, I am no longer looking myself but the best advice is to simply go where there are Christians and use discernment.

If you want to find a certain type of person...... go where those types of people are and simply be yourself. Whats the point in building "something meaningful" if all you've been wearing are masks?

 

[cant_think_of_a_name]

I think it comes down to methodology: Does a person believe they should be straightforward with their attraction/affections or whether a relationship should be developed through friendship first, and you aren't always in control how how people think relationships are best approached.

Maybe I'm slightly contradicting my past advice, but there's really no hard-and-fast rule. I think there will eventually come a point where, if you are serious about this girl, you'd want to be straightforward. But whether it's smart to be straightforward early on or let a friendship first evolve, I can't say. I don't think there's one right answer that applies to all situations. (Ah, the ever-despised" it depends" answer.)

I have cold approached women in all kinds of settings. I've been bold at church, and it's not always appreciated.

Yeah, you'll be obviously be rejected a lot more if you are straightforward, but you might also be accepted more. But I'm being hypocritical; I'm hardly ever straightforward and never ask guys out.

 

[TurtleAnne]

I recommend volunteering for various causes in your area, especially if the groups/organizations are Christian-centered. That is where you will not only find a lot of Christians from different churches, but you will also be finding Christians who have certain character traits, willing to roll up their sleeves, get out there and help people while spreading the Gospel.

The church I am attending is mostly women, Lord help the young single man that shows up to visit haha, there'd probably be a small stampede. I am sure that different churches have different ratios, so get out there and volunteer, that is where a lot of Christian singles are at. The married ones are often so busy caring for their families/children that they may not have as much time to actively volunteer, so there tend to be a lot of singles.