How to do the impossible...not compare :/

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Well my aunt came over not too long ago ...and I always get nervous when she does . She came over to talk to my mom about their mom's will...and as time went on she talked about how well her daughter and son are doing,,,mind you her son is autistic and...I feel he's doing better than I ever could with my life.

He has his own company, she started, he drives ...he does alot that I feel as someone with no disabilities but my circumstances ,should be able to do. Not saying I want my own company...but I need to be further in life.

As she went on I just felt myself getting sadder because it made me realize how much I was truly existing and not living....and not by choice..by circumstances.. And she kinda looking at me like.,,you're 1000 years old and don't have your license...and it was frustrating to explain how many times I tried to schedule the test but things got in the way....and with the job at waffle house...I was supposed to have...she was like you couldn't drop your mom off? And I'm like no...I can't I only have a permit.

People like that think I choose this life or I want to live my life like this and I don't. I hate when people think just because you were able to do this,that and the third everyone can too. NO! Life isn't the same for everyone..its just not.

My aunt is very sweet, I have no ill will towards her and I wish her the best but ...

I just hated that moment, I hate when I can just feel people looking down on me for not being where I'm supposed to be when I can't really control the situation I'mn in. In doing the best I can...the fact I didn't off myself surprises me...it really does.
.
I don't know it just makes me feel worthless, in 25 and my autistic cousin is doing worlds better than me. Nothing against him I live him..alot of people are doing better than me...

Stuff like this makes me feel like maybe I deserve to be alone.,,because I'm too embarrassing to be around.I can't drive, can't do adult stuff...shoot I feel retarded it comes to the real world... I just feel so ashamed and embarrassed by myself... I'm trying to better myself... But I never seem to get opportunities..just closed doors.

Like ill never get my turn to be shine, my turn to be happy... I feel like ill be nothing and nobody forever..

I just feel sorry my mom has such a worthless ,incapable,weak daughter. I can't do anything..not even a crappy fast food job.

I'm starting to lose faith that I have potential, I'm not smart, I'm not capable, I'm not independent(tho I try)

I'm just very embarrassed by my own existence....I just wish I was someone else... And if my life continues in fruitlessness.., I pray my end be swift..very swift....

Because I can't live my life this was for years to come.

Sorry, I just feel depressed. I want my life to change so bad but nothing is happeneing, I feel like the post3r child for a loser.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I wish I could erase myself from existence. My pain runs that deep some days. I keep trying to fit in and be normal and the most painful part is being denied...

 

[timewerx]

Don't be sad. I think I'm even in a worse situation than you.

I'm 35 and unemployed (I was employed last year but left due to hazardous conditions in the Middle East).

My mom browses facebook and would nag me how my cousins are doing better than me.

So I don't just feel bad, my mom would be constantly telling how she is in pain and misery because of my failures in life. She tries her best to make me feel guilty and it works, I feel so guilty at times, I'm contemplating suicide.

At least for you, you are still young and your mom doesn't nag you to death.

You still have a few blessings you can count.

Of course, your situation is still very depressing.

But don't worry about it. It's just worldly things. Having a business, having money, having your own happy family. They are only things of this world - 1 John 2:15-17. They are worthless!

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Don't be sad. I think I'm even in a worse situation than you.

I'm 35 and unemployed (I was employed last year but left due to hazardous conditions in the Middle East).

My mom browses facebook and would nag me how my cousins are doing better than me.

So I don't just feel bad, my mom would be constantly telling how she is in pain and misery because of my failures in life. She tries her best to make me feel guilty and it works, I feel so guilty at times, I'm contemplating suicide.

At least for you, you are still young and your mom doesn't nag you to death.

You still have a few blessings you can count.

Of course, your situation is still very depressing.

But don't worry about it. It's just worldly things. Having a business, having money, having your own happy family. They are only things of this world - 1 John 2:15-17. They are worthless!

I'm sorry about your mom, she should be more sympathetic. I don't think kids and a business are worthless... Its shows you've did something with your time here on earth. I also thought about suicide because its hard, its not fair and most of all..its embarrassing...but I love my mom and it would break her heart...that and god says those who endure to the end will inherit the kingdom. I know its hard but please stay with me.

 

[Kenny'sID]

But don't worry about it. It's just worldly things. Having a business, having money, having your own happy family. They are only things of this world - 1 John 2:15-17. They are worthless!

And there ya' go. Just what I was going to say.

I recall as a kid, some people thought you weren't a man unless you "dated" everything with 2 legs and a skirt. That kind of stuff can actually make us feel it's a fact if we let it, and even cause people to feel so depressed, they could do something drastic, when in fact, those that didn't do that were actually the ones doing the right thing.

Don't let what the world does or is doing, set the bar...some of us are the way we are because deep down inside we just don't have those ambitions, or needs and that can be a good thing. Not saying there is anything wrong with a little ambition, but falling short of what others think we should be, should not be a problem for us.

Try to make your own living, then don't worry about it. If we find something we like and excel in it, fine, but it's not all about climbing that ladder.

 

[Christianreader]

Hi,

I understand the pain you are experiencing and know something similar. It is horrible to feel left behind and 'a failure'. But that is not how God sees us. People say his ways are mysterious. That's certainly true, although they can also be very painful. But I think we have to believe that God is allowing these things for a reason, that in his perfect timing it will somehow change and he will use this pain to help others. I don't know, it sometimes is overwhelming isn't it. No one knows how difficult another person's life is. Sometimes we should congratulate ourselves on surviving even whilst others are critical. Not having support is painful, as is finding criticism where you should find support. Cast your cares on the Lord, which I know is easier said than done. Spend time with other Christians if possible. One loving conversation can make a difference. Take care, love.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Hi,

I understand the pain you are experiencing and know something similar. It is horrible to feel left behind and 'a failure'. But that is not how God sees us. People say his ways are mysterious. That's certainly true, although they can also be very painful. But I think we have to believe that God is allowing these things for a reason, that in his perfect timing it will somehow change and he will use this pain to help others. I don't know, it sometimes is overwhelming isn't it. No one knows how difficult another person's life is. Sometimes we should congratulate ourselves on surviving even whilst others are critical. Not having support is painful, as is finding criticism where you should find support. Cast your cares on the Lord, which I know is easier said than done. Spend time with other Christians if possible. One loving conversation can make a difference. Take care, love.

Thank you....what you say is true.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I'm not doing good today. I keep replaying my aunts words in my h3ad and I feel worthless. I feel like my existence itself is just wrong som3times . I just hate that I'm here because I'm so useless, I'm nothing, I feel like a stupid dumb animal. I can't take 5This anymore. There is no reason for me to be here...

The crap I'm going through isn't a test...its my fault somehow some way...I just can't figure it out..but I loathe myself fo4 it.. I understand why people drink and smoke.

I just wish I wasn't here, I AM a mistake and wish I could be erased...my life is nothing and I wish it 2would just end.

I just wish it would stop . Because I don't know how much longer I can last.

 

[aangel]

I'm sorry you're hurting. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I wish I had never been born either. Please don't blame yourself. I wish I had more advice to give but I feel stuck too.

 

[Jeshu]

I wish I could erase myself from existence. My pain runs that deep some days. I keep trying to fit in and be normal and the most painful part is being denied...

Bye Bye Old

I might as well die!
No perfection in my deeds!
Just agonising suffering!
What benefit to make it longer?

I might as well abscond,
my so called responsibility,
for I'm just a bondsman,
a slave to my physical reality.
Stuck with forces that only want,
forcing much hate on me,
bringing me untold misery,
raping me all day long!

It hurts to stay around!
So why not say goodbye,
moving along the rippling tide,
forgetting what is down here,
finding new horizons appearing,
instead of open warfare?

Why am I still fighting on?
Surely The Battle has been won!
God's Loving Truth is victorious,
also over my life!
That's all that matters in The End.

Bye bye old,
I'll dress in New.

I'll tell you a secret Far Side to be able to enter the kingdome you have to loose your whole life so your in luck!!!

It was only when I learned to remake my reality in the Lord's truth and not live the lie of the world. The lie of the world looks with the ye and hears with the ear but only thinks about itself and its own benefit. We are driven by envy, competition, likes and dislikes and build our self-esteem on the shifting sands of contemporary society, where the sin of yesteryear is the idol of the year today.

So yes please let got Far Side that is how Jesus had me do it. Let go of all the bad feelings disown them disallow them. Instead of hating God , self and neighbour, hate those thoughts and feelings that feed your desolation.

Each longing you have needs to die! Each dream you have must be given up! Each hope that you have you must deliver to Christ! In everything place your crap before Him and let Him take it away and store your treasures with Him and let Him look after it.

When we begin to sow good thoughts and deeds the first year we get nothing but what comes up by itself. These are difficult times where spiritual famine is will still kill off lots of you psychologically. Just think by yourself the skinier i am the better I fit through the narrow gate.

So the narrow gate is not about how good your are - but how much you leave what is not good behind and move forward to let Christ dress you anew. Staying where you are now that is your biggest sin for it is hurting you and God a lot all of the time.

Remember God is far above while you are deep below - but God is alos deep below in your life - this is why you feel so bad - and this i the way out. So instead of wanting things to get better straightaway you better of digging up all the dirt and letting Jesus remove all the stones and rocks so He can build you a nice fruit forest. He certainly turned my desert into an oasis - I know He is keen to do that for you.

So please go collecting - collect the truths out of the bile that fit you to a tee and let the word cut you down in your bad life and raise you up in your new one. In this way ever prophecy in the bible will come true spiritually and then you will know that the Lord has spoken and does love you and is not how you have been thinking and how silly it was of you to think that, for God is love, the very est Force in the whole of the universe.

This is the Word you want to see take place in your inner world of being. When you see Jesus 'grow' within you in Word and deed then you will begin to understand the mystery called The Living Word living within us. Heed Him and you will be out of the worst of your troubles in just 3 and 1/2 years and will gain your new life from above in the years that follow as surely as the comes up day by day.

Isaiah 11
A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him—
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of might,
the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord—
and he will delight in the fear of the Lord.


He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes,
or decide by what he hears with his ears;
but with righteousness he will judge the needy,
with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.
He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth;
with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.
Righteousness will be his belt
and faithfulness the sash around his waist.


The wolf will live with the lamb,
the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling together;
and a little child will lead them.
The cow will feed with the bear,
their young will lie down together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox.
The infant will play near the cobra’s den,
and the young child will put its hand into the viper’s nest.
They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,
for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the Lord
as the waters cover the sea.


In that day the Root of Jesse will stand as a banner for the peoples; the nations will rally to him, and his resting place will be glorious. In that day the Lord will reach out his hand a second time to reclaim the surviving remnant of his people from Assyria, from Lower Egypt, from Upper Egypt, from Cush, from Elam, from Babylonia, from Hamath and from the islands of the Mediterranean.


He will raise a banner for the nations
and gather the exiles of Israel;
he will assemble the scattered people of Judah
from the four quarters of the earth.
Ephraim’s jealousy will vanish,
and Judah’s enemiesd will be destroyed;
Ephraim will not be jealous of Judah,
nor Judah hostile toward Ephraim.
They will swoop down on the slopes of Philistia to the west;
together they will plunder the people to the east.
They will subdue Edom and Moab,
and the Ammonites will be subject to them.
The Lord will dry up
the gulf of the Egyptian sea;
with a scorching wind he will sweep his hand
over the Euphrates River.
He will break it up into seven streams
so that anyone can cross over in sandals.
There will be a highway for the remnant of his people
that is left from Assyria,
as there was for Israel
when they came up from Egypt.

 

[Press On]

Jeshu said: "So the narrow gate is not about how good you are-but how much you leave what is not good behind and move forward to let Christ dress you anew".

Very well put. It's not about religion or trying to keep rules. Nor is it about understanding everything in one take. It's growing a new heart inside you. As I have mentioned, Far Side, from an objective perspective, I am seeing some positive changes in your faith.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Jeshu said: "So the narrow gate is not about how good you are-but how much you leave what is not good behind and move forward to let Christ dress you anew".

Very well put. It's not about religion or trying to keep rules. Nor is it about understanding everything in one take. It's growing a new heart inside you. As I have mentioned, Far Side, from an objective perspective, I am seeing some positive changes in your faith.

Yeah, you and jeshu are very right and yes I'm trying to make some changes.