How to Deal With Horniness as a Christian? What to Do?

[crashedman]

Sorry for being so abrasive but I am an open minded woman. I have been dating my beau for some time now and I tell you, abstinance is soemthing else. But what do you do when you are horny and he is looking so fine, talking smooth about non-sexual things....just being him....what to do?

I have read books, taken cold showers, beaten the pillows..pray, y'all know..but really what to do when you are horny man?

Hi,

No, this is a very good question. First of all, there isn't anything inherently wrong with erections or sexual arousal. It is a very normal and natural thing. What is wrong is where and whom you have desires to put the penis into in that state.

I was just reading an article in Philip Yancey's book 'Finding God in Unexpected Places' in the chapter "Not Naked Enough" where he believes that the church has taken the wrong approach to sexuality by seeing it as the enemy of spirituality.

Here are a few excerpts from what he has said: "In the first place, moralising doesn't stand much chance against the raw power of human sexual drives. More important, I wonder if the church has taken the wrong approch towards sex entirely. Too often the church has treated sexuality as a grave threat, a rival to spirituality. If you're oversexed, why, repress your sexuality and sublimate that energy into a longing for God."

"I question the movite behind such edicts. Can we so neatly substitute one drive (spiritual union) for another (physical union)? I doubt it! After all, in the Garden of Eden, when prelapsarian Adam had perfect spiritual communion with God, even then he felt a loneliness and longing that met no releif until God created Eve. Rather then positioning sexuality and spirituality against each other as rivals, I see them as deeply related. The more I observe our society's obsession with sexuality, the more I sense in it a thirst for transcendence."

The French priest Jean Sulivan made such an observation about our modern society: "Human beings are not looking for just anything but for the absolute, even when they blieve they are turning way from it, or when they unknowingly repress it in a serach for material things.' Repression of spirituality is every bit as dangerous as repression of sexuality."

Speaking from my own perspective, I have found Christians in my niche of the woods to be quite uncomfortable about sexual arousal - even the men.

Erections don't always know when they are not wanted, and they don't have to be sexually based either. Even toddlers can get erections and they don't have to be thinking about sex or sexual things either.

I remember once when I got an erection at an Antioch youth group meeting where we were all standing in a circle and singing. It wasn't even sexually based for that matter, but nobody could fail to see it outlined in my jeans. Afterwards, one of my friends walked up to me and said 'Control your hormones.' I felt then and there that I wanted to crawl under a stone and not come out again till the weekend was over.




Crashedman

 

[Peculiarone]

Originally posted by Ringu.....Is this right? So do you think that when you have this kind of dilemma, the right question is "WHAT DO I DO WHEN I GET *AROUSED*"? You are kidding, me, it's too of a amature question. If you wanna be a good christian with clean counscience, you got to ask other questions. Like the one SoldierOfChrist is asking "ourselves what would glorify God and not what we want temporarily". Got my point?

Alll this here is what I do not understand or get your point with.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

"Anti-smoking, anti-racist, anti-sexist, pro-abortion, pro-nudist, anti-war, anti-gun, anti-violence Christian."

Quite a combination there. Too much to respond here. I do like the contradiction in the pro-abortion yet anti-violence aspect. Have you seen the pictures of what an abortion looks like? Very interesting, indeed. Anyway, what are you trying to say? That pre-marital sex is ok? I do agree that the evangelical church has, at large, down-sized discussion on sex and has moved away from it. I would have to recommend Douglas Wilson's work on Fidelity. It is excellent, very convicting, and exegetically challenging on levels I never noticed. He reveals that in the Scriptures, the phrase that our "righteousness is as filthy rags literally means "used menstrual cloths." That's how much our own "righteousness" is worth to God apart from Christ. Take a look at it, he isn't ashamed to be bold and up front.

No there is nothing wrong in general with arousal. It becomes sinful when it involves lustful thoughts about someone who isn't your wife, or even acting out on that arousal pre-maritally.

I'm not sure if that's what you are saying, because I doubt Phil Yancey would suggest that. That's what we're talking about here in this thread, about what to do when, outside of marriage, you become "aroused."

What I'm concerned about here is that this individual, Peculiarone, is a bit peculiar.

Look closely:
Sorry for being so abrasive but I am an open minded woman. I have been dating my beau for some time now and I tell you, abstinance is soemthing else. But what do you do when you are horny and he is looking so fine, talking smooth about non-sexual things....just being him....what to do?

I have read books, taken cold showers, beaten the pillows..pray, y'all know..but really what to do when you are horny man?

I'm sorry if this is offensive, and it's probably just a typo, but are you male or female Peculiarone?

Just thought I'd clear that up for the rest of us.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

Oops, double-post.

 

[Ringu]

You seem to believe that you are allowed to lust and have passion for the person you are going to marry, but not someone you are in a relationship but wont eventually marry.

True. But I didn't say that. Rememeber, I DID NOT SAY that, and what I said before does not imply this either. I was just saying about relationships before the one that ends up in marriage. But so far I did not say anything about his last relationship.

I dont think there is a difference between the girl you wont marry and the girl you will marry. Before they are your wife, they are just another sister in the Lord and should be treated as so. We may have greater feelings for one, but in the eyes of God, we have no more right to the girl we plan to marry than to anyone else.

True, I don't argue with this.
But the problem remains.

I dont think that God wants us being horny for anyone before we get married. We do have the desires build into us, but it is no excuse to lust after anyone other than your wife. That even means the wife to be--no lusting after her.

Okay. Then, I guess, we are talking about something natural, like this sexual desire. Do we agree that it's sinful? I do. And you know what? If we ask the question the way author of this post does it, "WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE *AROUSED*", then I have a return question about this. Do you sin before, during, or after you are aroused? Hard question, huh? So if we we say, you sin AFTER you are aroused, then well, maybe a question like this author asks is legitimate. But if not, then what, are you are asking for a cure for a dead man. It's same with asking yourself "What do I do when I kill someone?".... hmm... maybe I take a walk or watch TV and it helps me cool down and feel better about myself... It's the same logic, man, SAME LOGIC. Therefore, believing that you sin both before and during being aroused for a girl who's not your wife, then questions like this don't help, they don't help not sin, they only help find ways to cool down AFTER you sin. So is this a question we should ask?

 

[Ringu]

I remember once when I got an erection at an Antioch youth group meeting where we were all standing in a circle and singing. It wasn't even sexually based for that matter, but nobody could fail to see it outlined in my jeans. Afterwards, one of my friends walked up to me and said 'Control your hormones.' I felt then and there that I wanted to crawl under a stone and not come out again till the weekend was over.

It's a sad story man, you were judged unfairly.

Speaking from my own perspective, I have found Christians in my niche of the woods to be quite uncomfortable about sexual arousal - even the men.

Erections don't always know when they are not wanted, and they don't have to be sexually based either. Even toddlers can get erections and they don't have to be thinking about sex or sexual things either.

True, but out of context of this topic. I wasn't talking about that kind of erections without a sexual cause. Everyone knows here that I was talking about erections that happen when you are aroused.

2 Peculiarone:
The original question of this thread is not a good one. See my post above.

Sorry for being so abrasive but I am an open minded woman. I have been dating my beau for some time now and I tell you, abstinance is soemthing else. But what do you do when you are horny and he is looking so fine, talking smooth about non-sexual things....just being him....what to do?

I have read books, taken cold showers, beaten the pillows..pray, y'all know..but really what to do when you are horny man?

See, things you say you try to do are physical attempts to fight a spiritual issue. You can't do that possibly, it's not gonna work.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

Therefore, believing that you sin both before and during being aroused for a girl who's not your wife, then questions like this don't help, they don't help not sin, they only help find ways to cool down AFTER you sin. So is this a question we should ask?

I agree. We shouldn't be asking what to do after we're aroused, but what to do BEFORE we are aroused to prevent arousal. It is certainly a challenge for those of us who are engaged to be married, especially since we have announced to the world that there is only one on our minds and that we are going to be married soon. It was a challenge before engagement. The idea is not to put yourselves in places you will be tempted, to remind yourself that she is still your sister in Christ, and to meditate on Scripture.

 

[Ringu]

Good call, SoldierOfChrist!

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I think the 'man' at the end of the 'what do you do when you are horny man' is meant to be 'what do you do when you are horny*,* man', as in the 'friend' way you put it... Just like I might tack on 'mate' at the end of a sentence (being the stereotypical Aussie of course)

Just a thought?

 

[Living4Him03]

Yah, I agree Sasch, I think that's what the original poster, who is indeed female, meant. I can't believe the men in this thread and the way they are going on about things. Sheesh.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

I think the 'man' at the end of the 'what do you do when you are horny man' is meant to be 'what do you do when you are horny*,* man', as in the 'friend' way you put it... Just like I might tack on 'mate' at the end of a sentence (being the stereotypical Aussie of course)

Just a thought?

Yeah I figured as much. That was all in jest, that last part by the way. =)

Yah, I agree Sasch, I think that's what the original poster, who is indeed female, meant. I can't believe the men in this thread and the way they are going on about things. Sheesh.

What do you mean? I think as a married man, Ringu knows what he's talking about... and further, I'm a man as well, I know how we are wired. Some of us may have less of a drive than others, but for the rest of us, we know why Paul wrote the words he did. There's a reason why folks should marry young, especially if they choose to date young, and it's for the man's benefit mostly. That isn't selfish, that's biblical. Anyway... on with the discussion.

 

[Torah]

What is dating what is courtship

In overview, courting should only happen once and ends in a life-long covenant relationship. Dating happens lots of times, and ends in many hurts, heartbreaks, scars, and if you're lucky, a partner that just may stay with you for the next few years, or (if you're really lucky) the rest of your life.

Unfortunately, however, our culture teaches our singles to engage in multiple dating relationships as though it were a normal and useful practise. The truth is, the modern dating system has only been around for less than a century. And it is my conviction that the wordly system of dating, as it is currently conducted by most people, is far from God's original plan, as described in the Bible. Kissing and holding each other close is a no-no.
#1 You are kissing someone else’s spouse if you break up
#2When you start it's to hard to stop.

do a word serch for "courtship"

 

[Living4Him03]

Ugh. Please don't read your own ideas into Scripture, soldier. Men and women are both wired for sex. Does anyone ever stop and think that the reason our views of sex, relationships, etc. are so distorted is because they are based on this world? If men started acting right and respected women, women just may be much more sexually drive than men, am I right women? I know I am.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

"Ugh." Is right. I never said women weren't wired for sex. Don't read your own ideas into my thoughts. I said men have a higher drive than women, which is fact. Men think about sex in one day probably more than most women do in three. Why do you think men struggle with pornography? How many women do? Not quite as much as men. It's true that women are wired more emotionally than men, as men are wired more physically than women. That's science. I never said women don't think about sex or have no drive. That's silly. I understand what you are saying and that's based on the fact that women are emotionally wired. If husbands would love their wives tenderly, etc... I'm sure their wives would be more driven sexually. I'm speaking physically and since you shouldn't be that emotionally involved in a pre-marital relationship, then men ARE going to be more driven than women regarding sex.

 

[Living4Him03]

Science is mostly bull.

 

[Ringu]

Science is mostly bull.

What's wrong with science (or with you)?
This is wrong for a believer to say such silly amature things.

 

[Ringu]

Ugh. Please don't read your own ideas into Scripture, soldier. Men and women are both wired for sex. Does anyone ever stop and think that the reason our views of sex, relationships, etc. are so distorted is because they are based on this world? If men started acting right and respected women, women just may be much more sexually drive than men, am I right women? I know I am.

Okay, what's the meaning of this? Yes they are distorted but what are you trying to say here? How is this related to the topic or to our posts? Pls make yourself clear.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

Science is mostly bull? I'm really sorry you feel that way. Our physiology as human beings is medical fact, some females have stronger drives than other's... some even stronger than men. Does that rule out the majority? I don't think so. Take a look on the crosswalk.com forums, read some books on the subject, talk to men and women who are actually married. Maybe you have a stronger drive than even most men that you know... but that makes you an exception not the rule. Your husband will be very blessed someday I'm sure, but we're talking about the majority of women vs. men. The differences are Scriptural and were given to us by God. Science continues to prove the existence of God despite the scientists presuppositions and traditions. Science is not evil. It's the men who are running from God and trying to make excuses that are evil. If you are going to make a blanket statement like that, you need to back it up.

 

[Peculiarone]

Originally posted by Soldier of Christ...What I'm concerned about here is that this individual, Peculiarone, is a bit peculiar.

Look closely:
Sorry for being so abrasive but I am an open minded woman. I have been dating my beau for some time now and I tell you, abstinance is soemthing else. But what do you do when you are horny and he is looking so fine, talking smooth about non-sexual things....just being him....what to do?

I have read books, taken cold showers, beaten the pillows..pray, y'all know..but really what to do when you are horny man?

I'm sorry if this is offensive, and it's probably just a typo, but are you male or female Peculiarone?

Just thought I'd clear that up for the rest of us.

1. According to my gender icon I am 100% female (what does it matter?)
2. I donot understand what you said above in the quote. SOC.
3. Yes I am a bit peculiar....can't you see?
4. Please explain for me what you said above

 

[SoldierofChrist]

It doesn't matter. I was just a little confused about your first post as to why you would ask men what they do when they are aroused rather than women.