How to Deal With Horniness as a Christian? What to Do?

[CDN Red Raider]

The solution (if you really need one) is to not approach that point and keep away from it as much is possible. If you don't bother, then don't be whining here.

first off, who was whining about it? i sure wasnt whining, and i also did not say we were having a sinful response to it.

passion and lust is not this thing that gets switched on when you get married and does not exist before. for me and my girlfriend, we would love to get married, but at the time it does not seem like the mature descision to make and therefore we are not.

Ringu, you were the first one the bring up whining here. noone was whining about it, someone was just asking for suggestions about an appropriate response. some very helpful suggestions where offered before you arrived and told us to quit whining. I dont think it is all a choice about whether you get aroused or not. sometimes it just happens, your a guy, you should know that. I can also tell you that girls can get aroused. ask your wife, she can tell yah(it is a physical response), im not sure how you could be married or know anything about sex ed without knowing that. What is a choice however is what your response is to the arousal, and that was the initial topic of this thread, 'what is a proper response when arousal strikes that will bring glory to God?'

so quit your whining about people not getting married before the time God has chosen for them. same for you, SoldierofChrist. just because i am 19 does not mean i should be married within the year. both me and my girlfriend have prayed about it and the Lord has shown us that he wants us together, however, we are both growing in Him at this time and God has not shown us that it is the time for us to get married. i'm sorry that God's timeline for all people is not the same as yours. can you accept that?

 

[Peculiarone]

The flame got turned up in this thread ha...no pun intended.

Being horny is te felling you get when you feel like you want to just go ahead and do intercourse. Being aroused is the stage you reach at before all the horniness kick in.

My dear christians and fellow companions, there is nothing wrong with telling God how we truly feel and discussing it openly...tactfully. God addressed many issues in the Word...hey..he made sex and these feelings we have.

"It is better to marry than to burn" is a great saying but should never be taken out of context. We are naturally made with the feelings of arousal, however, a 'qucik fix' or handling the fruit before it is ripe...is not the answer. God took TIME with things..he expects that from us.

He wants us to definately find ways to overcome these feelings until its due season. We must put out effort in pleasing Him. The suggestions made in this thread so far are good. treid some...very good. I use to ask God to remove the feelings and urges I get to just ravish my boyfriend but He would never move them. He would just find a way of escape for me.

Next, marriage begins when you first decided to become more than friends in a relationship. Hence, I believe also that you should never date until you know that you are ready for marriage or want to get married to that person. I say this because, when you pu tthe ring of the finger in front of witnesses, you are telling the congregation..."I know her/him, I love him/her...God has joined us together" You donot want to wait till the wedding night to get to know how she/her likes his coffee or what is his/her's favorite color? Marriage starts in courtship.

So with all the feelings we have going to and fro in our bodies, whether young or old, we must excercise caution around our loved ones or else we going to be feeling the heat in the sheets. And we must pray, have self control, avoid compromising situations and strive to please HIM.

Shalom...the peculiarone.

 

[Ringu]

first off, who was whining about it? i sure wasnt whining, and i also did not say we were having a sinful response to it.

Are you loco, man? Just read these posts. And I didn't ruin your discussion, and "whining" wasn't first thing I said, pls pay attention to my posts history, okay?

passion and lust is not this thing that gets switched on when you get married and does not exist before. for me and my girlfriend, we would love to get married, but at the time it does not seem like the mature descision to make and therefore we are not.

Well see, you have a dilemma here,
1) Don't want to get married (for whatever reason) and
2) Want to have as much physical pleasure as possible and still stay away from sin/lust/sex.

Is this right? So do you think that when you have this kind of dilemma, the right question is "WHAT DO I DO WHEN I GET *AROUSED*"? You are kidding, me, it's too of a amature question. If you wanna be a good christian with clean counscience, you got to ask other questions. Like the one SoldierOfChrist is asking "ourselves what would glorify God and not what we want temporarily". Got my point?

Ringu, you were the first one the bring up whining here.

Again, pls pay some minimum attention to my posts and who's really whining.

just because i am 19 does not mean i should be married within the year.

So in all honestly tell me what you and your g/f want. What do you want guys? And why is this an issue?

As for me, I already said, I know what's arousal, don't need no sex-ed from you man. But thanks anyway.

 

[Ringu]

Shalom...the peculiarone.

Peace!
Good stuff.

 

[CDN Red Raider]

Well see, you have a dilemma here,
1) Don't want to get married (for whatever reason) and
2) Want to have as much physical pleasure as possible and still stay away from sin/lust/sex.

So in all honestly tell me what you and your g/f want. What do you want guys? And why is this an issue?

You seem to completely ignore the fact that God has different time tables for different couples. The is no doubt in my mind about where God wants me to be in a relationship with my girlfriend. Its not just some kind of messing around relationship and its not for physical pleasure. We seek to glorify God in all the we do, and at the time being, He has not shown us that marriage is the best way to glorify him. That doesn't mean we dont want marriage, it just means that its not gonna happen with the planned future.

so in response to your absurd points.
1) We would love to get married but God has not laid that before us right now.(please read my posts before you trash me about not studying yours, i mentioned it before. both that we wanted to get married, and the reasons)
2) Who said anything about us wanting physical pleasure? We are much more interested in glorifying God, and placing Him in a box by saying we need to get married ASAP cause He made us with hormones is not the answer.

There are so many lessons God has taught me while I have been dating my girlfriend that I probably couldn't have learned otherwise. I believe God has more lessons to teach me before He will allow me the honor of marrying one of His beloved children, and that is when I will marry and not before. I pray it will be the wonderful woman I am dating now, but I do not know what God holds in the future for me(or her). In the meanwhile, God gave us incredible passions for each other and to let those dictate our lives in not glorifying to God. Could He be teaching us a touch of self-control before He is willing to allow us to marry each other?


I wasn't the OP, but many of the suggestions have been helpful. Thanks everyone for them.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

so quit your whining about people not getting married before the time God has chosen for them. same for you, SoldierofChrist. just because i am 19 does not mean i should be married within the year. both me and my girlfriend have prayed about it and the Lord has shown us that he wants us together, however, we are both growing in Him at this time and God has not shown us that it is the time for us to get married. i'm sorry that God's timeline for all people is not the same as yours. can you accept that?


My comment on whining was directed to men in general who are so full of selfish desires that they date to fulfill some temporal need for companionship with no purpose. For men to date and burn with passion (which is usually the natural outgrowth of a loving relationship) and avoid marriage because they don't want to commit, or they want to wait until they are financially secure and are able to buy "stuff," or they are afraid, and yet cry about wanting to fulfill sexual desires and lust after their girlfriend or fornicate (which doesn't even have to involve intercourse) is selfishness.

1 Corinthians 7
35I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
36If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry--it is no sin. 37But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. [ESV]

I don't think God would contradict Himself. There is no point in dating if you are not ready for marriage. That's basically like turning the oven on and slowly turn up the temperature only to forget to put the roast in. It's pointless and in most cases leads to heartache. The Bible is clear on the issue. It's better to marry than to burn with passion. If you aren't ready to marry, then what are you suppose to do when you burn with passion? Maybe you aren't burning with passion... yet you still want the temporal pleasure of a tangible relationship without long-term commitment. People assume that they need to date to learn what the opposite sex is like and I think the opposite is true. It's called friendship. Is that not the topic of this thread what to do when you are "aroused" which I assume is lusting or desiring sex with someone? I mean, there's a reason for the arousal isn't there? The OP interprets the meaning of the thread title, so we are talking about natural sexual desires in a relationship that should theoretically be heading to marriage if it has ended up at this stage. We must get to the issue of what to do when you are purposefully dating someone, then we'll discuss practical ways to avoid lustful thoughts and fornication in that aspect. To discuss how to avoid lust in a relationship that is heading nowhere is pointless since the relationship shouldn't exist in the first place. You should focus on the friendship if you do not think you are mature enough for marriage, because that's what you to be implying when you state that you are still both "growing in Him." We are constantly maturing in Christ and will do so until we die. Dating without purpose is setting yourselves up for failure, regret, and disappointment. I've been down that road and it's not worth it.

 

[CDN Red Raider]

My comment on whining was directed to men in general who are so full of selfish desires that they date to fulfill some temporal need for companionship with no purpose. For men to date and burn with passion (which is usually the natural outgrowth of a loving relationship) and avoid marriage because they don't want to commit, or they want to wait until they are financially secure and are able to buy "stuff," or they are afraid, and yet cry about wanting to fulfill sexual desires and lust after their girlfriend or fornicate (which doesn't even have to involve intercourse) is selfishness.

1 Corinthians 7
35I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
36If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry--it is no sin. 37But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. [ESV]

I don't think God would contradict Himself. There is no point in dating if you are not ready for marriage. The Bible is clear on the issue. It's better to marry than to burn with passion. If you aren't ready to marry, then what are you suppose to do when you burn with passion? Is that not the topic of this thread? We must get to the issue of what to do when you are purposefully dating someone, then we'll discuss practical ways to avoid lustful thoughts and fornication. We are constantly maturing in Christ and will do so until we die. Dating without purpose is setting yourselves up for failure, regret, and disappointment. I've been down that road and it's not worth it.

37But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.


I belive God wants me in this position at this time. To have desire under control. Let me clear something up right quick. I am not dating the girl I am now as some kinda quickie dating game. I am dating with every hope and intent to marry her if God permits. To preach about dating with no purpose to me is preaching to the choir, I already agree with that. What my disagreement with is that those of us who have any sexual desire are being criticized for not being engaged already. I could ask my girlfriend to marry me and we could be engaged for a while, but i think long engagements are pointless. The previous verse mentions not behaving properly toward our bethrothed... If I cannot treate the girl I am dating now with the respect and honor she deserves as a child of God, how will I treate her in marriage? Does that mean as soon as I have passion I should leave the relationship? Both of us have prayed long and hard about this, and fully believe that God wants us together.


We must get to the issue of what to do when you are purposefully dating someone, then we'll discuss practical ways to avoid lustful thoughts and fornication.

This is the issue.

they are afraid, and yet cry about wanting to fulfill sexual desires and lust after their girlfriend or fornicate (which doesn't even have to involve intercourse) is selfishness.

I am definantly not crying about wanting to fulfill sexual desires. No matter how long God makes me wait, I know itll be well worth the wait. If He would, I would like God to take away my desire until marriage, but I know He gave to teach me self control and full reliance on Him for all my strength.

You commented about how could I know when God wants me to get married and made the comment about some angel. Have you never prayed for God to direct you in a decision. I assume you felt at lost when you made it as when you were presented with it because you assume God does not speak to us? God does not mention moving for a new job in the Bible, but I am confident that He directs us to the right decision if we pray for guidance. Paul was not the last person the God spoke to. We are indwelt with the Holy Spirit and we can 'come boldly unto the throne of God'. Can we not also ask Him the answers to the questions life throws at us?

 

[Ringu]

You seem to completely ignore the fact that God has different time tables for different couples. The is no doubt in my mind about where God wants me to be in a relationship with my girlfriend.

Tell me, why are you SO SURE about it? You know, often we mistake our own deep derires (often even shallow wants) with the will of God.

Its not just some kind of messing around relationship and its not for physical pleasure. We seek to glorify God in all the we do

Right. Then what about lust? Is this glorifying God?

and at the time being, He has not shown us that marriage is the best way to glorify him.

Again, why are you so sure it's HIM and not the things SoldierOfChrist mentioned here: avoid marriage because they don't want to commit, or they want to wait until they are financially secure and are able to buy "stuff," or they are afraid
Yeah, really, don't you think that you might be mistaken?

That doesn't mean we dont want marriage, it just means that its not gonna happen with the planned future.

So you want marriage? And eventually gonna get married? So what determined time for it? If you are so sure you gonna get married anyway, then why don't you just get married? Because you don't have money? Or home? Bible does not say you got to have money or whatever to get married. I didn't have anything when I got married. I only had a job of $200 a month. So it's all excuses, man. You got to admit it.

so in response to your absurd points.
1) We would love to get married but God has not laid that before us right now.(please read my posts before you trash me about not studying yours, i mentioned it before. both that we wanted to get married, and the reasons)
2) Who said anything about us wanting physical pleasure? We are much more interested in glorifying God, and placing Him in a box by saying we need to get married ASAP cause He made us with hormones is not the answer.

Man, that's absurd answers, not absurd questions. And please have some respect for me, don't call it absurd. Does anyone else here also think the questions were absurd??
In responce to your answers:
1) Simply excuses.
2) Oh don't you want to have pleasure?? When you kiss, you don't want to have pleasure? Right, cool. So why do you even have an issue of being horny?

There are so many lessons God has taught me while I have been dating my girlfriend that I probably couldn't have learned otherwise.

Can't argue this, I agree with you. Same with me.

I believe God has more lessons to teach me before He will allow me the honor of marrying one of His beloved children, and that is when I will marry and not before.

On a practial level, you will NEVER learn enough to be prepared for marriage. So it's all too relative. I can tell you that in 1 month of marriage i learned probably as much as I learned during a year before.

I pray it will be the wonderful woman I am dating now, but I do not know what God holds in the future for me(or her).

You contradict yourself. You already said that you are so sure God is leading you to marriage. How come now you don't know?

To everyone. I don't understand this stuff about dating for 3-5 and more years and then deciding that this relationship is not from God. Could you figure it out before? And I mean, it's okay for a 15-20 year old people, but after that, it's ridiculous. Simply ridiculous. So I ask myself, what were you doing, what were you thinking all these years...

 

[Ringu]

What my disagreement with is that those of us who have any sexual desire are being criticized for not being engaged already.

As for me, I didn't say that. I just don't understand why ya'll think that this kind of sexual desire is a problem but you still wanna have it, and just look for ways to quench it for a short time after you got too horny, like to take a walk or watch tv. And you don't look into the root of the problem.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

What if this guy is trying to work through certain things that ONLY come up in relationships BEFORE they get engaged - like me?

I'm not delaying engagement for selfish reasons, I'm not delaying it just to get everything in order, but since being in this relationship, certain things have come up that we need to work through TOGETHER before we get engaged, that wouldn't have come up UNLESS we were in a relationship.

We are in slightly differing levels of spiritualness - I venture to say I'm slightly stronger in my faith than my bf is. One of my reasons for being agreeable to slowing our relationship down (and not rushing to engagement), is so that God has a more secure footing in his life.

We are looking for mentors to keep us accountable in our relationship. So far, we've been each others accountability person, which is not all that healthy. We are praying for God to lead us to people that can assist us in the transition from 'gf/bf' to 'fiances' to 'husband/wife'. I have yet to find anyone who thinks including an older Christian couple to mentor a newly formed partnership is a bad idea. I would like a few sessions with the couple God leads us to, BEFORE getting engaged.

We have, as I said before, discovered differing belief structures and cultural things that have been formed as a result of our family-of-origin. These things MAY cause issues in the future if we didn't work through them beforehand, and have a good compromised, loving decision on each of them (ie how a household is run, how finances are handled, raising of children, etc). I would rather work these out (or at least have a good idea on what things we each like in regards to this) BEFORE getting an engagement up and running.

Lust/Arousal - it will always be there. I'm not so immature to think I can hold off these desires again and again, when we are growing closer in every other area. However, why would I want to keep putting myself so close to that fire, when I know it is dangerous?

Affection CAN be restrained - I've done it. It's VERY hard, but it can be done - both men and women can do it (don't use that 'oh it's so much harder for me' - yes it is, but my bf is living proof that you can hold off from that, when other areas are still in development) - you just have to be aware of the reasons God created it.

My relationship is not a 'pleasure seeking one'. We are both headed to a serious commitment - that is marriage, eventually. But we are NOT going to rush into an engagement just cos our fleshly desires are strong, when there are other areas in our lives that still need maturing and growth. We will have a long courtship to work through this stuff, and then have a VERY short engagement. My belief is, you work thru your behaviours and responses to each other (and your differences in beliefs) BEFORE you get engaged. Trust me - I left it to when I was engaged last time, and by that time, it was FAR harder to get out, even when there were SEVERE differences between us!



Sasch

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Oh yeah,

Good point RINGU on the root issue with sexual desire/lust.

I could go into SO much detail on why sex and arousal was allowed so much of a foothold in a past relationship - but I won't - I'd take about 4 pages, I think!

VERY GOOD POINT - look at the root issue on WHY sex has come into the equation for you guys. More often it's not because you love each other, but because you're afraid or using it as an attempt to shut down from each other.

Sexual Intimacy can often be an oxymoron.

Sasch

 

[SoldierofChrist]

What my disagreement with is that those of us who have any sexual desire are being criticized for not being engaged already.

OK. Point taken. I'm glad you have a purpose in your relationship. I'm not speaking of the occasional desire for sexual activity, but rather constant and nagging desire. I suppose my response was more directed toward men in general and not necessarily CDN Red Raider. If you have normal sexual desires and can control them, that's one thing. I do not think it is profitable to date or be engaged for years at a time even outside of sexual desires because I do not see a point in it, except maybe perhaps in the case of education/parents wishes, etc... I but even with those aspects, it's still better to marry. I think as believers we need to be mature in Christ before we attempt to place ourselves in a relationship, and at least be open to marriage within a couple years. Sooner than later. I'm mainly speaking of those who are burning with desire and have a hard time controlling themselves.

The previous verse mentions not behaving properly toward our bethrothed... If I cannot treate the girl I am dating now with the respect and honor she deserves as a child of God, how will I treate her in marriage? Does that mean as soon as I have passion I should leave the relationship? Both of us have prayed long and hard about this, and fully believe that God wants us together.

It depends what you mean by treating her with respect and honor. The verse is speaking of "behaving properly" in the context of tempting the other person sexually. If someone is burning with desire, they should marry. If someone is tempting the other sexually and they are both godly Christians (yes, it's possible... we are human also) they should marry and aren't sinning in doing so. There's nothing wrong with two people desiring a sexual relationship. It does too far in physical contact or detailed thoughts however. I'm talking about guys who have these burning desires which most do (including me) and who whine about it but aren't serious about commitment or purpose and aren't running after marriage with all they have. If you can control your thoughts to the point where you rarely if ever lust in your heart or physically, have no physical relationship with your girlfriend, then congrats, what I've said doesn't apply to you.

God certainly has in mind times where He wants to teach us self-control and patience. No doubt about it. I'm getting married in roughly 6 months, and so I'm going to learn this quite well. I don't think getting into a relationship and knowing that you will have to wait 3-4 years before marriage after reaching adulthood is realistic. Patience and self-control can be learned in many ways, especially in marriage. Men sometimes think that marriage automatically gives them the right to sex whenever they want it and that isn't true at all. Again, I'm not saying this to you specifically because I don't know you, but Christian men in general. You learn about self-sacrifice, responsibility, trust, love, and especially self control, patience, and long-suffering in marriage. You will learn all of these in marriage more than in your single life. However you are right in saying God uses this time to do so in a different way, though I don't think it was intended to be a long, drawn-out process. The world won't marry because they have no need to. They will have all the sex they want without commitment or purpose in order to pursue careers, financial "security" (whatever that means in such a materialistic society) or fun, while this idea creeps into the church and tries to exclude sex and expects it to work. It doesn't. Use this time wisely, but don't wait around forever. God will teach you more about self-control and patience in marriage then you thought possible.

You commented about how could I know when God wants me to get married and made the comment about some angel. Have you never prayed for God to direct you in a decision. I assume you felt at lost when you made it as when you were presented with it because you assume God does not speak to us? God does not mention moving for a new job in the Bible, but I am confident that He directs us to the right decision if we pray for guidance. Paul was not the last person the God spoke to. We are indwelt with the Holy Spirit and we can 'come boldly unto the throne of God'. Can we not also ask Him the answers to the questions life throws at us?

I think we are simply misunderstanding. I agree whole-heartedly with what you said here. I never said anything in disagreement. I am sick of Christians however that speak of the will of God as some mystery that can be revealed or covered at any given time. God's will is in the Scriptures and through obedience, prayer, and discipline, we seek God's will by following His Word. God doesn't talk about soul-mates, the "one" or such terms our culture is obsessed about. God sets the requirements for marriage. 1 man, 1 woman, 1 covenant, for life. Certainly personalities must mesh together well, etc... That's common-sense. You won't marry someone just because they are attractive if you don't like their personality. There must be compatibility, yet if you both see that in one another, then I think you are on the right track. God directs in that as He has in my relationship to my fiancee especially through prayer. Maybe I misunderstood what you have said but I think we both agree on this point.

Ringu said:

You contradict yourself. You already said that you are so sure God is leading you to marriage. How come now you don't know?

To everyone. I don't understand this stuff about dating for 3-5 and more years and then deciding that this relationship is not from God. Could you figure it out before? And I mean, it's okay for a 15-20 year old people, but after that, it's ridiculous. Simply ridiculous. So I ask myself, what were you doing, what were you thinking all these years...

CDN Red Raider:

I agree with Ringu, you do appear to contradict yourself but I give you the benefit of the doubt. I'm not married, but I think we should listen to what Ringu has to say. Being a single person who is now married I think he knows what he's talking about. I decided my relationship was directly from God through the friendship I shared with my fiancee and through prayer, prior to the beginning of the relationship. Even if there are those who can honor God and glorify Him through not falling into temptation through secular modeled dating relationships, they should not be normative. As the author and pastor Douglas Wilson has stated, it's like those who survive an airplane crash. We should be happy and rejoice they made it though, but the majority do not. If that is the case, then we need to seek to glorify God in the way the Scripture reveals how we should conduct ourselves toward the opposite sex.

 

[Peculiarone]

Originally posted by Ringu.....Is this right? So do you think that when you have this kind of dilemma, the right question is "WHAT DO I DO WHEN I GET *AROUSED*"? You are kidding, me, it's too of a amature question. If you wanna be a good christian with clean counscience, you got to ask other questions. Like the one SoldierOfChrist is asking "ourselves what would glorify God and not what we want temporarily". Got my point?

No I donot get your point. Please explain.

Asking that question is not amature. This is life. Christians and non-christians have to deal with this. The solution to the question is to find ways to glorify God in the Spirit without exalting the or feeding the flesh. Any question is never an amature question.

Lets get real here!

 

[CDN Red Raider]

I think we are simply misunderstanding. I agree whole-heartedly with what you said here. I never said anything in disagreement. I am sick of Christians however that speak of the will of God as some mystery that can be revealed or covered at any given time. God's will is in the Scriptures and through obedience, prayer, and discipline, we seek God's will by following His Word. God doesn't talk about soul-mates, the "one" or such terms our culture is obsessed about. God sets the requirements for marriage. 1 man, 1 woman, 1 covenant, for life. Certainly personalities must mesh together well, etc... That's common-sense. You won't marry someone just because they are attractive if you don't like their personality. There must be compatibility, yet if you both see that in one another, then I think you are on the right track. God directs in that as He has in my relationship to my fiancee especially through prayer. Maybe I misunderstood what you have said but I think we both agree on this point.

Ringu said:

You contradict yourself. You already said that you are so sure God is leading you to marriage. How come now you don't know?

To everyone. I don't understand this stuff about dating for 3-5 and more years and then deciding that this relationship is not from God. Could you figure it out before? And I mean, it's okay for a 15-20 year old people, but after that, it's ridiculous. Simply ridiculous. So I ask myself, what were you doing, what were you thinking all these years...

Im glad you can communicate in a kind of polite manner SoldierofChrist, something ringu lacks. It looks like we have different opinions on how God speaks to us but i will let that one lie. maybe we agree and we are just confusing each other. my comments about arousal are in the context of "it happens, but its in no way an all the time thing or the focus of our time together". passions wont be disappearing any time soon and although i do not desire them in any sinful way, it would be ignorance to ignore them.

I wasnt the one contradicting myself like ringu said, he just pulled that from somewhere. he woud make a great politician..

here is his comment:
You contradict yourself. You already said that you are so sure God is leading you to marriage. How come now you don't know?

I didnt say that I didnt know now. I actually said that I knew God was not wanting me to get married now. Its not a matter of not knowing whats going one, its a matter or knowing God's time. David was anointed and appoint king of Isreal by God. However, when Saul died he didnt go and just take everything over, he waited for God to hand him the kingdom. The same applies for me. I can't go barging in and ask a girl to marry me just cause just gets me aroused sometimes. She is still a child of God and I can not take what God has not given.

 

[FaithfulServant]

I agree that God doesn't have the same plan for everyone. Who are we to say that God will never intend for someone to start dating 3 or 4 years before they can get married?


If you are "dating" someone, and it is a relationship where you have "chemical" feelings for one another, but are able to control them in a God-honoring way, there is no reason for you to not date, even if you can't get married for a few of years. It's practically like a friendship, you just have romantic/love feelings. I see nothing wrong with that. So you enjoy spending your time with that person, and while marriage may be a possibility, you aren't making it your main priority in life at the moment.

God Bless,

Steffani

 

[Ringu]

No I donot get your point. Please explain.

What exactly don't you understand?

Im glad you can communicate in a kind of polite manner SoldierofChrist, something ringu lacks.

Sorry, I guess it's because English is my third language.
Also, don't use my manner as excuse for you.

I wasnt the one contradicting myself like ringu said, he just pulled that from somewhere. he woud make a great politician

Sir, you are twisting it. In just ONE of your posts you mentiond BOTH that you are SURE God leads you to marriage and later mentioned that you are not sure and waiting for some "special revelation" (my own perephrase). Here it is:

is no doubt in my mind about where God wants me to be in a relationship with my girlfriend. Its not just some kind of messing around relationship and its not for physical pleasure.

but I do not know what God holds in the future for me(or her).

I mean, to me this sounds like a contradiction. Or am I just blind?
And also, I asked you twice to tell me, how is that that you KNOW exactly the will of God? And not substitute it with your own rational thinking and reasons similar to the ones SoldierOfChrist gave you as examples?

 

[FaithfulServant]

Ringu,

He didn't contradict himself. The first quote he said that God does want him in a relationship with his girlfriend. Then second quote he said that he is not sure if God will want him to in the future. Those two things are very different. One is speaking of the present, and one is speaking of the future (possibly marriage).

Ringu, how did you know the will of God was for you to marry your wife? How do you know it wasn't your own selfish desires convincing you?

God Bless,

Steffani

 

[Ringu]

Steff, hi

If it's not a contradiction, then what's the point? I will explain below.

According to what I know from the Bible, it is not good for a man to be alone (neither for a woman). Yet also some people aredesigned not to marry anyone, and to keep virginity until death.

Also it says that you should rather marry then be tortured by a sexual desire. So let's go from these 3 presuppositions.

In case you are a person who should be married, then it's best if you get married once. And an allknowing God already knows who's gonna be your partner. You get to know that eventually when you marry someone. And we want to believe that this is that person who God had in mind. If we walk in faith and in truth then probably we will stay in God's will and do marry the person appointed for youy by God. Is this correct so far?

Then from this we know that all the other people who you THOUGHT were also from God for you to marry, were actually NOT in His will. So all your past relationships were not ending up in a marriage. Then we know that if there was some plan for them, then it was not for a marriage. And we like to believe it was for something else. And for WHAT else? Let's look at what we have in almost all our relationship BEFORE the one that ends up in a marriage bonds. What do we have? Love and lust. Do you think God really wants you to get horny for so many (or not so many) women or men before you find your mate? Does he want you to have your sinful thoughts? Or does he do it on purpose to teach you something? NT says that "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust" (James 1:14). OWN LUST, not a lust that God gives you to learn anything. So someone please tell me, can you in all honesty with a 100% assurance say that it was God's will for a certain relationship in which you were set on a fire of lust? I had that kind of relationship and I can admit that God eventually tought me something through it but I CAN"T say that God wanted that relationship. And there are more negative aspects besides this one as well.

So I make a conclusion that relationships before marriage with people who you eventually marry and not necessarily from God, even though when we are in them, we usually believe that they are.... not because we hear from God about it, but because we set our own feelings above the voice of God.

 

[SoldierofChrist]

Amen, Ringu. The only contradiction would be found in someone who is somehow convinced that it is God's will that they be in a relationship that is not headed to marriage. Certainly things come up and relationships end for various reasons, although the majority of this can be combated on the basis that you should wait until you're pretty certain before getting involved in a relationship with the opposite sex.

 

[CDN Red Raider]

You seem to believe that you are allowed to lust and have passion for the person you are going to marry, but not someone you are in a relationship but wont eventually marry. I dont think there is a difference between the girl you wont marry and the girl you will marry. Before they are your wife, they are just another sister in the Lord and should be treated as so. We may have greater feelings for one, but in the eyes of God, we have no more right to the girl we plan to marry than to anyone else.

Do you think God really wants you to get horny for so many (or not so many) women or men before you find your mate?

I dont think that God wants us being horny for anyone before we get married. We do have the desires build into us, but it is no excuse to lust after anyone other than your wife. That even means the wife to be--no lusting after her.