How to cope being single??

[peacechild4]

How do you cope with being single?? Do you like it?? I actually don't like it at all.. sigh.. I just bought another series of romantic movies.. I think it is making me worse though.. I miss being with my husband..

It is nearly 12 months.. next month.. we have been separated.. I would have him back.. but he is not interested at all.. I just miss him.. Miss the company.. the affection.. and all.. even though things were troubled in our lives.. there were good moments.. and he was always around..

Today I was with my daughter and her boyfriend shopping for clothes.. and I found myself in the menswear department just looking at the clothing.. sigh.. I never thought there would be such a longing in me for company..

 

[seekthelord]

hi peacechild4
< How to cope being single?? >

I don't find it easy either and if I lived anywhere near Victoria I might have surprised you by now.
I've not been happy being single for so long yet I'm making the best of life and can't grumble.
The question in my mind is " Am I really seeking or am I not?
I don't go church hopping but in my previous church there were many singles but I had dioctrinal issues and in my present church there is no-one single even though I have doctrinal issues.
Oh give me a romantic doctrinalless experience?
I set my sights too high to ever find the right one for me.
Some people are destined to be single.
I feel for you,
seekthelord

 

[peacechild4]

Thanks for even answering.. that means alot.. I have wanted a good relationship for a very long time.. many years in fact.. so I find it really really hard to believe for this now.. seeing as for many years I prayed for my husband to know GOD and we have peace.. the more I prayed the worse it got.. so now I get very sad thinking of being alone the rest of my life.. GOD is good to me though.. and I know HE will become closer the more difficult it is..

 

[dayhiker]

Hi peacedhild,
I've been in a long there relationship now for 2.5 yrs. No plans to get married. Its a good relationship.
I liked being married and I like being single and in a relationship.
When I was single (no long term relationship) I enjoyed church, but I also got out and did a lot of things. Single groups, lot of hiking, trips and getting together with freinds. Those and other things kept me enjoying life and being thankful to God for His blessings.
The romance stuff can make things worse, I agree. If we focus on what we are missing that will create our emotional state. I find if I focus on the good that is everywhere and no on the evil or bad that is everywhere as well that me emotional state isn't that bad. With that in mind if there is something I want I believe its God's will and I go get it with the intentions of giving what I can to those I meet along the way.

Blessings,
dayhiker

 

[peacechild4]

Thanks Dayhiker.. I don't have a life apart from my children.. I have devoted my life to them... and I hardly go out apart from church.. I use the internet to have friends and communicate with the world.. I am also hard of hearing so I cannot get out there with people as I would like too.. but I am glad that works for you.. I can be happy here in my life I just need to forget my own pain and just concentrate on others and being happy where I am.. we are all different I suppose..

 

[dayhiker]

yes, we are all different. I've lived in 17 places over my lifetime and I enjoyed them all. So I agree with you that its about being happy where you are. Having limitation creates its own issues to deal with as you well know. I can't relate to limited hearing, tho I am starting to notice background notice makes it harder to heard what someone is saying. Yet as you are finding the web is becoming one great tool to meet you needs. What a blessing the web can be to you. One that wasn't there 30 yrs ago.

How old are you kids? If you mentioned in before I missed it.

dayhiker

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

How do I cope with being single? I try not to think about it, and just live my life the best I can with what I've got. You know from our previous posts that I did not choose to be single, but unfortunately my husband died. The times it bothers me is when I see my girlfriend and her husband all lovey dovey, or hear another friend talk about how much their spouse does for them or vise versa. The other day, my ex son in law came over with his girlfriend to replace my garbage disposal. And the girlfriend says to me, (we're friends so it's OK) "you need to get out and start dating" and I was like, really? who? where? And I ended up explaining that no one has come in my radar that was interested in me, or vise versa, so.....???And I am done with trying to "help" God find someone for me or "help" God do anything in my life cuz that just never works well (ask Abraham). Do I get lonely? Heck yeah. Do I think about being with someone? yeah. But the way I figure it, God has the best plan so until he brings someone into my life I will be single. That and also the fact that I would have to get over the question "what if this guy that's interested in me is a serial killer?" And I stick to the words of my Pastor, "Live, don't look" and keep my focus on my kids and my relationship with God.

 

[peacechild4]

Oldest son is 19.. not at home.. oldest daughter 17... second son 15... third son 12 and youngest daughter is 9.. so I have housefull.. but they are getting older and I have a lot more free time.. though I am busy running around teens..

I know alot isn't it.. Being a single parent.. yikes.. but you know back when my husband was around.. he wasn't always around.. so I was doing most of it then too..

Sorry you didn't ask for more info.. sometimes it is just nice to talk to another adult..

 

[peacechild4]

How do I cope with being single? I try not to think about it, and just live my life the best I can with what I've got. You know from our previous posts that I did not choose to be single, but unfortunately my husband died. The times it bothers me is when I see my girlfriend and her husband all lovey dovey, or hear another friend talk about how much their spouse does for them or vise versa. The other day, my ex son in law came over with his girlfriend to replace my garbage disposal. And the girlfriend says to me, (we're friends so it's OK) "you need to get out and start dating" and I was like, really? who? where? And I ended up explaining that no one has come in my radar that was interested in me, or vise versa, so.....???And I am done with trying to "help" God find someone for me or "help" God do anything in my life cuz that just never works well (ask Abraham). Do I get lonely? Heck yeah. Do I think about being with someone? yeah. But the way I figure it, God has the best plan so until he brings someone into my life I will be single. That and also the fact that I would have to get over the question "what if this guy that's interested in me is a serial killer?" And I stick to the words of my Pastor, "Live, don't look" and keep my focus on my kids and my relationship with God.

It is hard watching others be lovey dovey I know that well..

You do want the right person.. no good settling for someone who is going to be not right for you.. I really do not know what is worse.. living in a marriage that is not completely happy.. or being alone..

But at least now I am not yelled at and crying about that..

Thanks for both replying..

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Peacechild,
That does sound like a busy life keeping up with 5 kids. I had two body. One is married now and the other has a child he watched every weekend. They kept us busy enough when they were teens. But as you say they are getting old enough to give you some free time.

How bad is your hearing? Do you have to use sign language? Need a place with no background noice to understand what others are saying?

dayhiker

 

[dayhiker]

Hi MbM,
I remember us talking about wither to wait for God to find a person or for us to go looking ourself. We are about as opposite on that as two can get I guess. I loved the process of going out and meeting ladies to see if I could find one that I wanted to spend time with and she wanted to spend time with me. I guess I'm really glad I'm not a woman and feel the fears that I meet a serial killer. Tho I know of an older guy who meet an asian woman who had had 3 rich husbands who had died and she had this guy on the hook. Was after him to change his will and had seperated him from his children. But I'd hope a woman wouldn't be able to deceive me like that!

I pray God bring that guy by you soon.
dayhiker

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Thank you Dayhiker. Like I said, if someone came on the scene that I might be interested in, well...still have to cross that bridge when I come to it, but all in God's timing. I think I still need to work on myself some, and I'm OK with that.
Funny I was with my girlfriends last night (two of them have the most wonderful husbands ever) and the 3rd one (who is dealing with cancer) has a husband that is missing the empathy chip so hers is not so happy. Anyway we were talking about this very subject and the two that have the wonderful husbands said that if their husbands died, they would just be by themselves, because why would they want to be with anyone else, because their husband is their soul mate. And I just sat there......................................................................................
and I thought "yeah....easy for you to say from where you sit" and I think the gal that has cancer and not so great of a husband understands where I sit more than the other two. And of course the two that said they'd be alone never stopped to think how what they said would affect me...but it did.....it's OK I just constantly re-evaluate my feelings anyway.

 

[peacechild4]

Hi Peacechild,
That does sound like a busy life keeping up with 5 kids. I had two body. One is married now and the other has a child he watched every weekend. They kept us busy enough when they were teens. But as you say they are getting old enough to give you some free time.

How bad is your hearing? Do you have to use sign language? Need a place with no background noice to understand what others are saying?

dayhiker

I just have to stay close to the person and watch their face.. it is nerve deafness.. so sometimes the nerves work better then other days.. LOL.. I know sounds weeird but that is the way it is... I could try hearing aids.. but because it is the nerves working or not.. hearing aids can only help so much.. my grandmother and father have the same and my grandmother always had trouble with the aids though without she would hear almost nothing.. Other person just has to speak clearly and maybe a bit louder.. annoying yes.. but liveable.. I do not worry so much about it.. because i am not impaired any other way..

It is frustrating for others though.. Actually back ground noise is better for me.. because people tend to speak louder.. though they can hear me less.. LOL.. the way it goes..

 

[dayhiker]

MBM .. ya, those two ladies don't understand. I've meet enough single ladies to know that quite a few yeras can go by after either a divorce or a death before they will get lonely. There is a greiving process. Energy to raise kids. But eventually just as when we were teens and desire the opposite sex that desire will return and one modivation will start to kick in. Then a dicission has to be made weither to go find love again or stuff the feeling down with business.

I'm sure there are other situations like sickness that can change the above sinario, but my observation is that the above is ver common.

dayhiker

 

[dayhiker]

peacechild,
Sounds like you do very well with your hearing limitation. or what every the politically correct word is these days. LOL
When I find I'm with a person with a disability I do find it somewhat flustrating. Its so normal to start to react to that person in the normal way and at the normal speed. But then I have to tell myself, to get in a mode that will work for the other person. I have to crank up my patience meter and focus on them and enjoy the relationship. Once I know the person I can be in that mode from the get go. But meeting a new person with limitation/disability takes me some time to get up the learning curve.

dayhiker

 

[peacechild4]

Yes I realise it isn't easy.. my family all tend to talk louder and they tend to take over my life and do the communicating for me.. like my daughter orders me coffees..

I try brother.. other people worry about me more then I tend to worry.. I am very laid back though.. tend not to worry about things.. LOL.. my relatives younger have grey hair before me..

Life is certainly a challenge for sure.. thanks for talking to me.. nice to meet you.. tell me some more about you if you would like too!!

 

[dayhiker]

HI peacechild,
I'm laid back as well about many things. but I guess I'm also competative in stating my point of view if people give me a forum to talk! It is interesting that others try to help you by speaking for you. Its so temping to do that. But I think the motivation for that is that they feel uncomfortable waiting for you to speak. I know I've felt uncomfortable when I knew others had a disability or even a personality quark that naturally irked people.

Me ... I grew up in Northern Maine mostly. My grandfather had a dairy/potato farm and I loved spending time there. Was active in sports .. ran cross country clear thru college. Even coaching the college team my last two years. God married in college. Nice girl. Marriage lasted 27 years. Been divorced for almost 3 yrs now. I have 2 grown boys. One is just married. The other is single with a 2 y/o girl that he has most weekends.

There's some history ..
dayhiker

 

[peacechild4]

Wow married 27 years is an amazing accomplishment in this day and age.. I am so sorry for your divorce... It is hard enough losing someone after being with them 19 years.. like a part of you is gone..

I lived next door to a dairy farm for a little while.. they worked from sun up to sun down.. it is a very busy life.. they grew crops as well..

Good on you for saying your thing.. I back down way to easily..

Thanks for sharing some of your life.. you have had a busy and full life.. raising two sons too!! And a grand child.. bless you.. I bet you love your little grand-daughter.. My oldest son is 19 so I hope it is some time before I am a granny!!

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, it was too bad that it came to an end. I'll take the blame for that. My grand child is with her mother mostly. When my son has her they are with my EX. He still lives there. So I don't get to see her too much. Wish I could see her more. The EX isn't at all freindly. My GF is thankful for that. Me I get along with almost everyone. Life is too short to take offence and not be able to get along with the people around us.

Farming is work .. yet today moany things are mechenizes to its more about time spend than the physical work it was in years past. Ya, still way more work than one does at the office!

do you work, peacechild

 

[cowboysfan1970]

There are times when being single isn't a situation that I like being in. In those times I usually try and think of one of my friends who's been though a rough divorce, or the times that I see or hear married people fighting and complaining about how the other one drives them crazy. Being single doesn't seem so bad then.