How to be content in singleness ?

[PrincessofGod18]

Hi all,

Unfortunately we live in a world where people think there is something wrong with singleness.
How can I find content in being single when my mind wants to get married ?

Any advice on how to be content ?

 

[trophy33]

It helps to look at marriage realistically, without idealization.

Watch how many married people are unhappy, divorcing, unfaithful, arguing over everything, stressed, unhealthy. Problems with children, various kinds of worries, drama and complications. Watch how short relationships/marriages are in our days.

When people compare singleness to marriages, they imagine some idealistic model of marriage. But such are very rare, because people do not have any good marriage roles given in childhood. Realistically, its better to be single, at least for men. Women may see it differently.

When single, do not live an empty life. Fill your time with something useful, find your "ikigai".

 

[Mark Quayle]

Hi all,

Unfortunately we live in a world where people think there is something wrong with singleness.
How can I find content in being single when my mind wants to get married ?

Any advice on how to be content ?

Generally speaking, people are ignorant, if not foolish, when they get married. Just sayin', whether it works out well or not, none of us really know what we are doing, or even know the other person well.

Also, everything changes, when you get married. I know people who lived together for years, more or less contentedly, but when they got married, it was like flipping a light switch.

 

[PrincessofGod18]

It helps to look at marriage realistically, without idealization.

Watch how many married people are unhappy, divorcing, unfaithful, arguing over everything, stressed, unhealthy. Problems with children, various kinds of worries, drama and complications. Watch how short relationships/marriages are in our days.

When people compare singleness to marriages, they imagine some idealistic model of marriage. But such are very rare, because people do not have any good marriage roles given in childhood. Realistically, its better to be single, at least for men. Women may see it differently.

When single, do not live an empty life. Fill your time with something useful, find your "ikigai".

Totally agree, not many people look at the realistic out look on marriage. I think it's partly the way the world portray it, look at films, dramas, books we have all grown up with it and thinking that's how marriage is, when in fact it isn't.

I have already got that in my mind that marriage won't be perfect but it would be nice to meet my future husband one day and get married.
Also putting God in the marriage is the most important in any marriage maybe that's why so many marriage fail and also putting God first even before you married to make sure you marry the right person.

I always keep busy with work and gardening and photography so I suppose I am content in that way, but in my mind I am like God I would like a husband.

 

[Benjamin Müller]

Perhaps you should list out, honestly, all the reasons why you want a husband; what you expect in a marriage; what you're hoping to have and experience with a husband, and then see where the void can be filled with something else. What can't be filled without a husband, maybe ask yourself if these are things you really want and if you're looking at it realistically or idyllically.

When I did that, I realized that what I wanted in a spouse was really a fairy-tale and unrealistic.

 

[trophy33]

I always keep busy with work and gardening and photography so I suppose I am content in that way, but in my mind I am like God I would like a husband.

I borrowed the Japanese term "ikigai", because I think its well thought through - its not just a hobby, its something that deeply satisfies us and is, in fact, something our hobbies spring from.

Hobbies may have a purpose for us personally, but a usefulness also for others is something that makes it "ikigai" and truly fulfilling. Its good to find it, it clarifies our specific life priorities, talents and values for us - and so helps us to choose a wise life path we will find peace on.

For example, you may want to get married, because your "ikigai" is caring for others. In that case, you may use this self-awareness to look for other options how to fulfill this basic desire of yours.

 

[d taylor]

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Well if you are looking to be content in singleness. You would first have to not want to be married.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Hi all,

Unfortunately we live in a world where people think there is something wrong with singleness.
How can I find content in being single when my mind wants to get married ?

Any advice on how to be content ?

Write down what romantic relationships appear to be as a benefit to you.

Look for activities that have the same type of benefits minus the romance factor.

 

[look4hope]

Hiya.
Hoping you find out your true feelings toward the idea of happiness in singleness as well as the happiness of meeting the person you fall in love with and choose voluntarily to legally acknowledge marriage.

If you are truly happy being single, then..there should not be thought of wanting to get married.
Is either or. Hope I made sense.

Whichever you choose, mag God provide you with guidance along your journey.


L4H

 

[DragonFox91]

I have found getting a job & finding friends takes my mind off it the most. Staying busy. Hobbies helps, but doing stuff with other people or stuff that you’re required to do is better at keeping you occupied.

 

[peaceful-forest]

Hi all,

Unfortunately we live in a world where people think there is something wrong with singleness.
How can I find content in being single when my mind wants to get married ?

Any advice on how to be content ?

There's nothing wrong with desiring to get married. God did make man and woman and marriage after all.

Have you prayed to God about giving you a spouse? If you haven't, do so.

Also, there's a thread I started in the Singles section of the website. Many people posted answers on how to live a fulfilling single life. I don't know if it's something you'd be interested in or if it will help you.

Fulfilling Single Life?

If you have a fulfilling single life, how do you do it? I have no idea how to do this.

www.christianforums.com

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

Hi all,

Unfortunately we live in a world where people think there is something wrong with singleness.
How can I find content in being single when my mind wants to get married ?

Any advice on how to be content ?

I thought we lived in a world where married people told single people to avoid marriage.. oh wait,, that's just my part of the world LOL. So it seems in other parts of the world, people think there is something wrong with marriage or even wanting to be married. Sorry, I know this really doesn't give any advice; I just find it odd people believe something is wrong with singleness because in past conversations I've been in, it was the opposite: marriage is bad.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Hi all,

Unfortunately we live in a world where people think there is something wrong with singleness.
How can I find content in being single when my mind wants to get married ?

Any advice on how to be content ?

I really don't think singlehood is as scandalously unappealing to most people, as we tend to think it is. Though it may depend somewhat on where you're from, your local culture, etc.

You can find contentment through your single years by making your life active, purposeful, and fulfilling. Keep yourself busy and productive with work and hobbies and friends. The less time you have to sit around feeling sorry for yourself, the happier you'll be. And a happy, productive, active woman, is far more attractive than one who pities herself.

You need to let God be the ultimate provider of all your needs, both physical and emotional. Don't look to a man or a relationship for the fulfillment of your heart and soul. Men aren't perfect, they'll fall short. When you can learn to rely on God to provide everything you need, for however many years you may be single, you'll lose so much of that angsty loneliness. It doesn't mean you stop desiring romance or a partner, but it won't eat away at you.

 

[Mark Quayle]

Totally agree, not many people look at the realistic out look on marriage. I think it's partly the way the world portray it, look at films, dramas, books we have all grown up with it and thinking that's how marriage is, when in fact it isn't.

I have already got that in my mind that marriage won't be perfect but it would be nice to meet my future husband one day and get married.
Also putting God in the marriage is the most important in any marriage maybe that's why so many marriage fail and also putting God first even before you married to make sure you marry the right person.

I always keep busy with work and gardening and photography so I suppose I am content in that way, but in my mind I am like God I would like a husband.

Reminds me of these match-maker ads I saw for finding a life-mate. One of them boasts of their record of how many people per 100 (or whatever) that meet, end up getting married. I noticed they don't show their record for how long those marriages last.

 

[samwise gamgee]

There is a sense in which all believers will experience the marriage relationship. God uses marriage as a picture of the relationship between God and his worshipers. In the Old Testament Israel is called the wife of God. In the new the church is called the bride of Christ and the wedding is described in chapter 19 of Revelation. Paul said those who have self control are better off remaining single so they can devote themselves to serving God. Those who marry during this life get a preview of what to expect in the next life but if they don't experience it they will still know the real marriage.

I have never been married and since I am now 82 years old it seems extremely unlikely that I ever will, but I won't really miss out on anything.