How to abstain from kissing???

[HisLittleHazelnut]

What's with the angry smiley? I didn't say anything that should have you all wrung up. I think it's a tad sarcastic of you to try to determine a hormonal effect based on the comment that I made about becoming aroused when engaging in kissing (foreplay). You're not a doctor, nor do you have access to any type of medical information about my hormones or that of my husband, so your comment was uncalled for.

Are you saying that your husband wasn't aroused by your kissing before you got married and now that you're married, he is? The same kissing that would arouse him NOW, isn't the same kissing that didn't arouse him when you were dating????

No, it doesn't arouse him now either. I actually have to be naked to do that.

 

[FreeBird914]

Whoa! Hello! Too much information, girl! hahaha!

 

[Created2Write]

Okay, if this 17 year old feels convicted to obey his parents and stand his ground, more power to him. This is a personal conviction. I have family members who are completely against alchohol and say its a sin. Do I share that view? No. But I don't drink in front of them, or state that I drink, either. I respect their convictions, but they aren't scriptural and I feel differently. Same here. I don't feel the Bible condemns kissing or even physical closeness, but if he has resolved to abstain, at least until eighteen, good for him. I know people who saved their first kiss til their wedding day too.

But that does not mean that I, or anybody else who kissed before marriage, missed out on anything. Infact, I am an extremely physical and romantic person. My husband and I kissed alot when dating. But that doesn't mean we were sinners. And, as far as your story about your mom, not every woman would have responded the same way she did. If it had been me, I would've been uncomfortable, but not because they kissed; but rather, because his ex was now in the family. I would have been uncomfortable merely because they'd dated at all. The kissing wouldn't have mattered cause guess what? People kiss when they date. Again, the fact that his ex was now related to us would be what made it horrible.

And ya know, some people might not even have a problem with that. My mother in law dated her husbands brother before she dated the man who is now her husband. It doesn't bother any of us, or any of them. Again, not all people respond the same way and, as long as sin isn't involved in the relationship, I find nothing wrong with kissing.

 

[lifetheuniverse]

I'm going to tell you a true story.

There was a man that was set up with a girl that went to his church.
This man was a virgin and this girl had already had a baby outside of
marriage, but the man was willing to over look this.
The relationship grew to the point where the man had kissed this girl, but
nothing more. He decided he wanted to propose to the girl.
The relationship ended before he could propose.

A few months later, he met another woman. She had a 4 year old child
from a previous marriage, but he was willing to over look this (again).
He fell in love with the woman and within 3 months of dating, they were
married. He saved his virginity until their wedding night.

About a year after the man and woman were married, the girl that
the man had dated previously, married his wife's brother.
This girl has caused problems in the family for 16 years. Early on, she
tried to reminisce with the man in front of his wife, she tried giving the
man's wife a picture of him with her baby daughter from when they had
dated, the girl told the wife that she would have had sex with the man
if her mother hadn't walked in, and later on, she told the man's wife
that she had a dream about him consoling her... the list goes on to things
that would make your head spin.

Despite this girl, the woman has maintained her marriage for 16 years.
But, not without the knowledge that her husband nearly married this girl
that has caused so much trouble and has had their previous relationship
forced in her face.

Now, could this girl have caused these probems if the man hadn't kissed her?
Not very likely.

Don't make light of giving any part of yourself away (even something
SEEMINGLY as small as kissing). There are consequences to every action
and it can affect your future and the future of your spouse.





Ephesians 6:1,
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right."


Colossians 3:20,
"Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord."

His ex was his sister in law? That's messed up.

The Bible refers to 'children' as being whoever is under 13. After 13 a boy was considered a man, and a girl was considered a woman in the culture of that time.

Let me tell you a true story.

There was once a girl who hated herself.
She slept with a new man every month.
One day she became pregnant and gave birth to a child on her own.
She raised that child while sleeping with a different boyfriend every month.
She slept with several hundred men and hated herself.
In her late twenties she 'found the Lord' and began praying for a husband.
She met a man a few weeks later in a bookstore.
He was a good, godly man. He programmed for a company and could work from home.
He married her and now she is quite happy to be a mom, have babies, and home-school her children.
She is not bitter about her sexual history and her husband didn't care either.

 

[FreeBird914]

My point in posting that story isn't that it happens all of the time.
I'm just saying, don't take kissing so lightly. It isn't like giving
someone a teddy bear you got at a gift store. Your first kiss is
a gift that, once you give it away, you can't get it back.

If everyone weren't on the defensive, stepped back for one second,
and thought about it-- those of you are now married and have kissed
a person that didn't turn out to be the one, if you could, you'd go back
and stop yourself so you could give that gift to your spouse.
Would you not?

 

[Created2Write]

His ex was his sister in law? That's messed up.

The Bible refers to 'children' as being whoever is under 13. After 13 a boy was considered a man, and a girl was considered a woman in the culture of that time.

Let me tell you a true story.

There was once a girl who hated herself.
She slept with a new man every month.
One day she became pregnant and gave birth to a child on her own.
She raised that child while sleeping with a different boyfriend every month.
She slept with several hundred men and hated herself.
In her late twenties she 'found the Lord' and began praying for a husband.
She met a man a few weeks later in a bookstore.
He was a good, godly man. He programmed for a company and could work from home.
He married her and now she is quite happy to be a mom, have babies, and home-school her children.
She is not bitter about her sexual history and her husband didn't care either.

Exactly. Great point with the story.

 

[FreeBird914]

For the record, my mother isn't "bitter" with my dad over her
sister-in-law.
Her sister-in-law would've had NO fuel for a fire if they hadn't
kissed. She wouldn't have had anything to throw in my mom's
face if kissing hadn't taken place.
However, my mom doesn't hold this over my dad's head.
My point is, there would've been nothing for her to go on if
they hadn't kissed.

Seriously, what could she have said? "Oh, we dated! We went to
McDonald's!"
No, she had kissing to work with and tried to make my mom insecure
in her relationship with my dad by saying that she could've and
would've had relations with him if her mother hadn't walked in.
In my humble opinion, it's best not to give "fuel" to your exs whether
they're in your life or not.


As for the story, I think it's very sad that the girl didn't realize
her worth and gave herself away as much as she did. But, she
found Christ and upon finding Christ, I'm pretty sure she turned
away from that behavior. You become a new creature when you
receive Jesus as your Savior.
Also, of course her husband shouldn't condemn her because...
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ
Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from
the law of sin and death."
Romans 8:1-2

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

My point in posting that story isn't that it happens all of the time.
I'm just saying, don't take kissing so lightly. It isn't like giving
someone a teddy bear you got at a gift store. Your first kiss is
a gift that, once you give it away, you can't get it back.

If everyone weren't on the defensive, stepped back for one second,
and thought about it-- those of you are now married and have kissed
a person that didn't turn out to be the one, if you could, you'd go back
and stop yourself so you could give that gift to your spouse.
Would you not?

To the bolded: no I actually wouldn't go back and stop myself. Some people have an issue with kissing not everyone does and if you feel the need to save that for your spouse then good for you, but it is not a commandment that all need to follow.

 

[Created2Write]

I don't know if I would take it back, either. I mean, he was awful at it and, yeah I gave him my first kiss, but...I just don't see it as such a big deal. My husband had three serious relationships prior to me, and in those relationships he kissed and made out with them alot. I had three serious relationships prior to him. One of whom got my first kiss. The other two were long distance, and didn't last long enough to have anything in person. So, no, I don't think I'd go back and re-do it. Nor would he. Kissing is something that happens in a relationship.

Would it have been nice to not have kissed anyone but him? Yes. Necessary? No. I put far more emphasis on abstaining from immorality, then I do kissing. Like Melethiel said, one can be a virgin and never kissed, and have the filthiest mind ever. That makes you impure. Or, one can be a virgin and never kissed and be oblivious to sex, and have the filthiest mouth; slander, gossip betrayal, etc. I just don't understand why so much emphasis is being placed on kissing, when there are far more serious
(and more biblical) things to address.

Now, I'm not trying to down-play anyone who has chosen to abstain from kissing. Some people, God calls to that. Bravo for taking that stance. But just because others don't feel that conviction, and maybe don't even understand it, doesn't mean they think you're wrong. You need to do what God calls you to do. But kissing and making out are not sins. Can they lead to it? Sure. But so can alot of things. It's about knowing your boundaries, and the one's God has placed in our lives, and abiding by them.

 

[lifetheuniverse]

For the record, my mother isn't "bitter" with my dad over her
sister-in-law.
Her sister-in-law would've had NO fuel for a fire if they hadn't
kissed. She wouldn't have had anything to throw in my mom's
face if kissing hadn't taken place.
However, my mom doesn't hold this over my dad's head.
My point is, there would've been nothing for her to go on if
they hadn't kissed.

Seriously, what could she have said? "Oh, we dated! We went to
McDonald's!"
No, she had kissing to work with and tried to make my mom insecure
in her relationship with my dad by saying that she could've and
would've had relations with him if her mother hadn't walked in.
In my humble opinion, it's best not to give "fuel" to your exs whether
they're in your life or not.


As for the story, I think it's very sad that the girl didn't realize
her worth and gave herself away as much as she did. But, she
found Christ and upon finding Christ, I'm pretty sure she turned
away from that behavior. You become a new creature when you
receive Jesus as your Savior.
Also, of course her husband shouldn't condemn her because...
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ
Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from
the law of sin and death."
Romans 8:1-2

Actually she wasn't bitter at all and neither was her husband. She had never actually repented of her promiscuous behavior but had decided she had done it because she had been 'wounded'. Upon finding Christ she was cruel and unmerciful to her other guy friends who had never had sex. Here she was finding a great husband (while other women in the church can't find anyone like that) so easily while she looked down on her unnhappy virgin loser friends and she decided they were quite bitter about missing out on the sexual buffet. She had her cake and ate the frosting too (like many people do in their teens and 20's) and was just so happy about that.

 

[lifetheuniverse]

I don't know if I would take it back, either. I mean, he was awful at it and, yeah I gave him my first kiss, but...I just don't see it as such a big deal. My husband had three serious relationships prior to me, and in those relationships he kissed and made out with them alot. I had three serious relationships prior to him. One of whom got my first kiss. The other two were long distance, and didn't last long enough to have anything in person. So, no, I don't think I'd go back and re-do it. Nor would he. Kissing is something that happens in a relationship.

Would it have been nice to not have kissed anyone but him? Yes. Necessary? No. I put far more emphasis on abstaining from immorality, then I do kissing. Like Melethiel said, one can be a virgin and never kissed, and have the filthiest mind ever. That makes you impure. Or, one can be a virgin and never kissed and be oblivious to sex, and have the filthiest mouth; slander, gossip betrayal, etc. I just don't understand why so much emphasis is being placed on kissing, when there are far more serious
(and more biblical) things to address.

Now, I'm not trying to down-play anyone who has chosen to abstain from kissing. Some people, God calls to that. Bravo for taking that stance. But just because others don't feel that conviction, and maybe don't even understand it, doesn't mean they think you're wrong. You need to do what God calls you to do. But kissing and making out are not sins. Can they lead to it? Sure. But so can alot of things. It's about knowing your boundaries, and the one's God has placed in our lives, and abiding by them.

That's correct. If our standard of sin is the law of the old testament (and the new testament brought grace and faith apart from the law) then I encourage you to read it more closely. There are penalties for rape, bestiality, homosexuality, and a woman being a non-virgin on her wedding night. However there's no law or penalty against prostitution either. There is no penalty under the law for cohabitation or a penalty for a adult heterosexual couple having a sexual relationship. Tamar and Rahab were ancestors of Jesus. For us to make up new laws that are not in the original law of the old testament is to give the traditions of men a higher status then the word of God.

 

[FreeBird914]

Actually she wasn't bitter at all and neither was her husband. She had never actually repented of her promiscuous behavior but had decided she had done it because she had been 'wounded'. Upon finding Christ she was cruel and unmerciful to her other guy friends who had never had sex. Here she was finding a great husband (while other women in the church can't find anyone like that) so easily while she looked down on her unnhappy virgin loser friends and she decided they were quite bitter about missing out on the sexual buffet. She had her cake and ate the frosting too (like many people do in their teens and 20's) and was just so happy about that.

Dude, I honestly don't get what you're trying to say.
Are you being sarcastic or serious; and if you are being sarcastic (and I
have a feeling that you are), what in the WORLD did I do to you to make
you go all PMS-y on me?
I haven't been sarcastic or biligerant to you.

That's correct. If our standard of sin is the law of the old testament (and the new testament brought grace and faith apart from the law) then I encourage you to read it more closely. There are penalties for rape, bestiality, homosexuality, and a woman being a non-virgin on her wedding night. However there's no law or penalty against prostitution either. There is no penalty under the law for cohabitation or a penalty for a adult heterosexual couple having a sexual relationship. Tamar and Rahab were ancestors of Jesus. For us to make up new laws that are not in the original law of the old testament is to give the traditions of men a higher status then the word of God.

...and I don't understand your standpoint here.
At one point it looks like you're talking about grace through faith
(which is what I believe in); and then the next, it looks as though
you're saying "whatever goes" (I don't know about everyone else,
but it looks that way to me, anyway-- maybe I'm missing what
you're trying to say? I don't know).
I don't think that there's anything we can do to earn the grace
and mercy of God. If there were anything that could be done by
the human race, Jesus wouldn't have to come and give His life
for us. I haven't gone through this thread saying, "Oh well, you're
kissing your boyfriend/girlfriend? OHH-HO, well you're going to Hell,
my friend." Didn't insinuate it either.


I didn't "make up" a new law.
You know what? I just give up. No matter what I say, it's scrutinized
because it's considered completely out of the ordinary to save your first
kiss for marriage; and heaven forbid, I share the scriptures I make my
stand on. With you, it's "you're creating a law" and to someone else,
it's "you think you're more pure than every one else." Give me a break!

I'm fed up with seeing people encouraging a 17 year old to disobey his
parents (when he's under THEIR roof and should respect their wishes--
if he's such a man, he can get out, get his own place, and set his
own standards); and I'm fed up with people getting an attitude with me
and treating me with complete and total sarcasm; and I'm fed up with
people accusing me of some kind of "Holier-Than-Thou" complex...
not to mention, being falsely accused of quoting scripture out of
context.

I can deal with a difference of opinion. I have friends that believe
differently from me (and have actually told me that they don't feel
condemned when I talk about my beliefs). But, I won't put up with any
more sarcasm than I've been dealt already. It's ridiculous and childish.
I'm just going to bow out of this thread. Right here. Right now.

 

[Italianguy]

Seriously? Where do you live, the town in Footloose?

But aside from being silly, that might also just not be a fantastic idea: Pucker Up! What Science Is Discovering About Why We Kiss - US News and World Report

Why you say that? I never kissed my first wife until married at the alter.....and yes that means I was a virgin as was she, And I grew up in NY! And my secnd marriage is to a virgin girl who had never been touched by a man. Could be different for me though, i was in arranged marriages.

God be with you!

 

[lifetheuniverse]

Dude, I honestly don't get what you're trying to say.
Are you being sarcastic or serious; and if you are being sarcastic (and I
have a feeling that you are), what in the WORLD did I do to you to make
you go all PMS-y on me?
I haven't been sarcastic or biligerant to you.





...and I don't understand your standpoint here.
At one point it looks like you're talking about grace through faith
(which is what I believe in); and then the next, it looks as though
you're saying "whatever goes" (I don't know about everyone else,
but it looks that way to me, anyway-- maybe I'm missing what
you're trying to say? I don't know).
I don't think that there's anything we can do to earn the grace
and mercy of God. If there were anything that could be done by
the human race, Jesus wouldn't have to come and give His life
for us. I haven't gone through this thread saying, "Oh well, you're
kissing your boyfriend/girlfriend? OHH-HO, well you're going to Hell,
my friend." Didn't insinuate it either.


I didn't "make up" a new law.
You know what? I just give up. No matter what I say, it's scrutinized
because it's considered completely out of the ordinary to save your first
kiss for marriage; and heaven forbid, I share the scriptures I make my
stand on. With you, it's "you're creating a law" and to someone else,
it's "you think you're more pure than every one else." Give me a break!

I'm fed up with seeing people encouraging a 17 year old to disobey his
parents (when he's under THEIR roof and should respect their wishes--
if he's such a man, he can get out, get his own place, and set his
own standards); and I'm fed up with people getting an attitude with me
and treating me with complete and total sarcasm; and I'm fed up with
people accusing me of some kind of "Holier-Than-Thou" complex...
not to mention, being falsely accused of quoting scripture out of
context.

I can deal with a difference of opinion. I have friends that believe
differently from me (and have actually told me that they don't feel
condemned when I talk about my beliefs). But, I won't put up with any
more sarcasm than I've been dealt already. It's ridiculous and childish.
I'm just going to bow out of this thread. Right here. Right now.

I was talking about a couple in my own life that you don't know LOL. I'm not all PMSy about whoever you think I'm talking about. I'm sharing my experience with another, different married gal that I know.

Now that your fleeing away I feel all guilty and everything. *sigh* Now I have to PM you and apologize and everything.

 

[lifetheuniverse]

Why you say that? I never kissed my first wife until married at the alter.....and yes that means I was a virgin as was she, And I grew up in NY! And my secnd marriage is to a virgin girl who had never been touched by a man. Could be different for me though, i was in arranged marriages.

God be with you!

Wow, an arranged marriage. I've never heard of a church where that sort of thing happened regularly unless they were Korean. Maybe some Italian Catholic churches do this sort of thing too.

 

[Italianguy]

Wow, an arranged marriage. I've never heard of a church where that sort of thing happened regularly unless they were Korean. Maybe some Italian Catholic churches do this sort of thing too.

LOL, It has nothing to do with the church. Its still a normal wedding ceremony. I started a thread on arranged marriages if your interested?

 

[The Nihilist]

This thread has become far too silly. I'm out.

 

[K9_Trainer]

^Indeed.

What an big unnecessary cahoot over something as minor as kissing.

 

[The Penitent Man]

This thread has become far too silly. I'm out.

It would be silly if it weren't so sad.

 

[xxJaydie]

Pleasehelp55, ask the Lord to help you. He wants to. He wants you to honour your parents, he wants you to stay sexually pure and save it for marriage. Listen to HIM, he knows what you need, he knows how to help you. He died for you so that you could be free from sin - sin doesn't bind you. Jesus blood redeems you! He died for you, so of course he wants to help you with this Ask him for help.