How strict is too strict??

[DonVA]

I have never taken a "respite" weekend that is offered by Social Services. It's how he was originally placed with me (just for the weekend), so I never wanted to let him think for a minute that he would be starting over again. Instead, I would relax when he'd go on a camping trip with the scouts, or an overnighter with the YMCA, or a sleepover at a friend's, and hope that I wouldn't be hearing the "Uh, can we speak to you about your son's behavior" when he got back.

 

[sreno7]

ah I see. Yeah I used to hate that when they wanted to talk about my kids behaviour. Interestingly my son was always better behaved with others than with me.

 

[Gerry_NY]

My concern is that I may be too strict on her? It seems that many if not all of her friends are allowed to do much more than I allow her to do.I am just so concerned for her safety and innocence.I know I cant shelter her from life.But, I would just like to know What other CHRISTIAN parents think.Here are a few rules we have,

Never allowed to stay overnight at friends houses.(although we always welcome her friends to stay over)

No internet except for school work.
No going to the mall without an adult
No boyfriends
Limited secular music and television.

Any thoughts would be appreciated as I do not have any christian friends with teenagers all of my friends have young children.As I do also have two boys ages 5 and 7

God Bless,
Sarahleo

You know, for a while I thought that I was strict, and to my 13 year old daughter, I am. But, as parents, we only have a very short time to train up a child in the way they must go.
I have noted we have similar rules in our home:

We do allow sleepovers, but we first get to know their parents, as well as the child. NO sleepovers at boys houses though. Girls only, and we must know the parents.

No internet, unless we are home, and for a very limited time. Our computer is in a very busy room, that way (and our kids know and dread this), we can, at anytime check to see what they are doing. We also require them to tell us what sites they are visiting. If we catch them at a site they did not mention, they lose computer privleges. Same goes for chatting on IM without our knowledge.

No boyfriends. NO boys visiting our home without a parent here. No boys on the phone unless a parent is here. ANd she must speak to them in a room with an adult (or at least where we can hear). She can also not go to a male friends house without a sibling. And that too, is just directly to the house and back.

Limited secular music and TV. My wife and I like to check lyrics to songs to see if they are appropriate. My 13 year old just loves that...not. We get the , "but there's no swearing" argument. Ahh, but we give her the "sexual content" reply. I am suprised at the amount of music out there today that talks about sex (or eludes to it heavily), you may as well pop an adult video and let them watch it, because some of the song lyrics I have seen are just too raw.
There is so much stuff the enemy likes to use to lure our children from Christ, and it is our responsibilty as parents to guide them away from the darkness of our world (not protect them from the world, but make them aware of it), and keep them in Christ's light.
So, in all those words, I agree with you. Great rules!

 

[DonVA]

Update: You'd be amazed at how well-behaved, polite, and appreciative my son has been this week. He's tallied up all the things he missed out on because there were sentences to write (allowance, trips with other teens at the Y, boy scout events...) and realized that had he kept his mouth shut, the consequences would have been less than half of what he created. He has opened up even more to me to share how much he DOES appreciate what others do for him, but somehow doesn't know how to express it (a great conversation and lots of role playing!), and that he wants to make the right choices, but gets rushed sometimes (so we practiced being patient...).

All this from writing sentences.

 

[God.is.my.force]

Hello,
I new to cf and I am hoping for some christian advice concerning my 13 year old daughter.The great thing is I am not having any problems with her.She is a straight A student,respectful,helpful,and has a strong faith in the Lord.I am forever grateful for these blessings. My concern is that I may be too strict on her? It seems that many if not all of her friends are allowed to do much more than I allow her to do.I am just so concerned for her safety and innocence.I know I cant shelter her from life.But, I would just like to know What other CHRISTIAN parents think.Here are a few rules we have,

Never allowed to stay overnight at friends houses.(although we always welcome her friends to stay over)

No internet except for school work.
No going to the mall without an adult
No boyfriends
Limited secular music and television.

Any thoughts would be appreciated as I do not have any christian friends with teenagers all of my friends have young children.As I do also have two boys ages 5 and 7

God Bless,
Sarahleo

Alright, I know this girl, totally sweet - straight A's, and if you don't mind me saying so - totally gorgeous - like I'm totally going to ask her out and all. Anyway, her mother acts as such and secretly she tells me how she feels as if her mother and father are loosing sight of the good she does - both with God and school. SO YES - YOU ARE TO STRICT. I mean her mom's my mom's best friend and yet her mom will even let me go out with her - and she's too strict.

 

[tp65]

Alright, I know this girl, totally sweet - straight A's, and if you don't mind me saying so - totally gorgeous - like I'm totally going to ask her out and all. Anyway, her mother acts as such and secretly she tells me how she feels as if her mother and father are loosing sight of the good she does - both with God and school. SO YES - YOU ARE TO STRICT. I mean her mom's my mom's best friend and yet her mom will even let me go out with her - and she's too strict.

Do I understand correctly that you are 16 and she is 13? The fact that she is a great girl and loves the LORD and does well in school does not mean her mom should allow her to be tempted in ways that she is too young to truly understand. I'm sure you are a great kid too but the age difference is too big right now. When you are 22 and she is 19 that would be a bit different. But as it is you are in high school and she is in jr high....totally different environments the two of you are living in. Please be respectful of her mother and her rules, they are meant to protect her...not from you but from things she is too young to deal with. Give her space, if she is this great at 13, just imagine how wonderful she will be later...given that she honors her parents and doesn't try to grow up too quickly.
Blessings, T
Know that I don't have my kids follow all the same rules but my son has a friend that has very similar rules, we may not understand them all but we have taught him to respect the rules of all parents.

 

[tp65]

Update: You'd be amazed at how well-behaved, polite, and appreciative my son has been this week. He's tallied up all the things he missed out on because there were sentences to write (allowance, trips with other teens at the Y, boy scout events...) and realized that had he kept his mouth shut, the consequences would have been less than half of what he created. He has opened up even more to me to share how much he DOES appreciate what others do for him, but somehow doesn't know how to express it (a great conversation and lots of role playing!), and that he wants to make the right choices, but gets rushed sometimes (so we practiced being patient...).

All this from writing sentences.

DonVa, Praise God!!! May I be so bold as to correct your last statement...not all from writing sentences but all from a loving God who sent him a loving father that gave him discipline!!

Blessings, T

 

[DonVA]

I have to give credit to God. Without His patience with me, I don't know where I'd find the patience for my child.

I told my son that I hope this is the last time we have to go through a punishment that is this taxing on him and that costs him this much, but he hadn't been learning by losing privileges alone. I told him he's using behaviors that he might have felt forced to use "back then," but have no place in his new world. They don't work here now, and they never will.

I always hope when we go through this stuff that we won't be dealing with the same old behaviors that landed him in whatever mess he got himself into. But I reminded him that as much as I hate having to do this, he can be sure that if I need to do something like this again, I will, and I will follow through with it because I love him enough to take this much time to teach him a lesson. If I didn't love him, I wouldn't care.

The discussion got deeper and deeper, with him finally asking why I never gave up on him, since other people have. I told him I could never give up on my family, and he became my family when he moved in three years ago.

Afterward, he ran to get a paper he wrote for school in 7th grade (last year) and held it next to the last of his sentences. He was astonished at how far his penmanship had come, and was actually very proud of how much he had improved (this has been a huge stumbling block for him... he is 14 but writes on a 2nd grade level). I told him that with the right amount of practice, it will improve even more, to which he replied "I hope I don't have to practice it on THESE things again!"

So, I assured him that by making better choices, he wouldn't have to worry about that.

 

[stigss]

Hello,
I new to cf and I am hoping for some christian advice concerning my 13 year old daughter.The great thing is I am not having any problems with her.She is a straight A student,respectful,helpful,and has a strong faith in the Lord.I am forever grateful for these blessings. My concern is that I may be too strict on her? It seems that many if not all of her friends are allowed to do much more than I allow her to do.I am just so concerned for her safety and innocence.I know I cant shelter her from life.But, I would just like to know What other CHRISTIAN parents think.Here are a few rules we have,

Never allowed to stay overnight at friends houses.(although we always welcome her friends to stay over)

No internet except for school work.
No going to the mall without an adult
No boyfriends
Limited secular music and television.

Any thoughts would be appreciated as I do not have any christian friends with teenagers all of my friends have young children.As I do also have two boys ages 5 and 7

God Bless,
Sarahleo

 

[stigss]

you are way too strict. i was raised strict family but in a loving way. i could do those things and i am a born again christian. you should let your children do those things that you think that is a sin but is not. you let your nice daughter's friends over you should let her stay over night at her friends houses. i am sorry if i am too harsh but please pray over those things then you will know. god loves you and your childrens. let them be free please.