How should I deal with this?

[Swiftbreeze]

I don't know exactly where I should start with this, but I'm having some problems to say the least. I don't normally talk about my problems, because I feel embarrassed to be dealing with these things but I feel the Lord is calling me to write this.

I've been struggling with loneliness for a long time now, and I feel like it's starting to have a negative effect on me. I have no friends, and I'm not close with the majority of my family. Nothing between us, I just don't know them. They live really far away and have never really been in my life. At the moment, my grandparents are the only people I have in my life. I love them both dearly, and I thank God for them, but I still feel lonely because it's very hard to connect with them. I can't open up and talk to them like I am now, because they don't understand. I would never be able to tell my grandma anything I have written in this post, because she wouldn't want to listen and would instead just tell me to get over it. It's frustrating, because that's her advice for everything including serious matters like death. I don't really talk to them about things like this anymore.

I don't go out to meet people, because I'm shy. I was bullied a lot during my teen years, which caused me to develop a lot of social anxiety. The people I thought were my friends turned out to be more like bullies than friends. They would make fun of my appearance, my interests, call me names, break my belongings, and so on. I have forgiven all of them since then, but the emotional scars are still there. I'm afraid to open up to new people as a result, because I'm afraid I'll find myself in the same position as before.

So I pretty much spend all of my days alone. I don't talk to anyone, or do anything. I've pretty much dropped all of my interests, because they make me feel even worse. They're not bad things, they just make me feel sad. I have to keep myself occupied with either bible study, or mindless activities like cleaning or caring for my animals because at least then I have no time to think or have feelings.

And throughout all of this, I feel guilty for feeling this way and that is my biggest problem. That is why I'm writing this. Jesus is everything I need, so why do I feel so lonely? I feel like I am sinning for feeling this way, and the thought of that makes me sad. I don't want to sin, and I have tried to stop feeling this way but I don't know how. I have prayed about this so many times, but so far nothing has changed. Any advice or prayers would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[disciple Clint]

I don't know exactly where I should start with this, but I'm having some problems to say the least. I don't normally talk about my problems, because I feel embarrassed to be dealing with these things but I feel the Lord is calling me to write this.

I've been struggling with loneliness for a long time now, and I feel like it's starting to have a negative effect on me. I have no friends, and I'm not close with the majority of my family. Nothing between us, I just don't know them. They live really far away and have never really been in my life. At the moment, my grandparents are the only people I have in my life. I love them both dearly, and I thank God for them, but I still feel lonely because it's very hard to connect with them. I can't open up and talk to them like I am now, because they don't understand. I would never be able to tell my grandma anything I have written in this post, because she wouldn't want to listen and would instead just tell me to get over it. It's frustrating, because that's her advice for everything including serious matters like death. I don't really talk to them about things like this anymore.

I don't go out to meet people, because I'm shy. I was bullied a lot during my teen years, which caused me to develop a lot of social anxiety. The people I thought were my friends turned out to be more like bullies than friends. They would make fun of my appearance, my interests, call me names, break my belongings, and so on. I have forgiven all of them since then, but the emotional scars are still there. I'm afraid to open up to new people as a result, because I'm afraid I'll find myself in the same position as before.

So I pretty much spend all of my days alone. I don't talk to anyone, or do anything. I've pretty much dropped all of my interests, because they make me feel even worse. They're not bad things, they just make me feel sad. I have to keep myself occupied with either bible study, or mindless activities like cleaning or caring for my animals because at least then I have no time to think or have feelings.

And throughout all of this, I feel guilty for feeling this way and that is my biggest problem. That is why I'm writing this. Jesus is everything I need, so why do I feel so lonely? I feel like I am sinning for feeling this way, and the thought of that makes me sad. I don't want to sin, and I have tried to stop feeling this way but I don't know how. I have prayed about this so many times, but so far nothing has changed. Any advice or prayers would be appreciated. Thanks.

Blessings Swiftbreeze, I will pray for you and I will suggest some things that might help you. You are alone and lonely because you do not do the things that you need to do to avoid being alone. What are you doing for Jesus? What could you be doing for Jesus? Could you minister to people in retirement homes who are lonely and need many of the same things that you need. Who could understand their feeling more than you? Who could be better to help them than you? They will not reject you or your love and kindness and they have much to give you in the way of encouragement and wisdom. If you do not like the way your life is going you must change what you are doing. Do not be afraid to take risks. The Holy Spirit will help you if you will walk in faith to overcome your fears. Blessings I know you will enjoy serving Jesus.

 

[FireDragon76]

Pray for God's help to not be lonely, then take steps to work on yourself so you are around people. Maybe that will involve getting therapy to help with your extreme shyness.

I don't think you need to feel guilty about wanting friends.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I don't know exactly where I should start with this, but I'm having some problems to say the least. I don't normally talk about my problems, because I feel embarrassed to be dealing with these things but I feel the Lord is calling me to write this.
I've been struggling with loneliness for a long time now, and I feel like it's starting to have a negative effect on me. I have no friends, and I'm not close with the majority of my family. Nothing between us, I just don't know them. They live really far away and have never really been in my life. At the moment, my grandparents are the only people I have in my life. I love them both dearly, and I thank God for them, but I still feel lonely because it's very hard to connect with them. I can't open up and talk to them like I am now, because they don't understand. I would never be able to tell my grandma anything I have written in this post, because she wouldn't want to listen and would instead just tell me to get over it. It's frustrating, because that's her advice for everything including serious matters like death. I don't really talk to them about things like this anymore.

I don't go out to meet people, because I'm shy. I was bullied a lot during my teen years, which caused me to develop a lot of social anxiety. The people I thought were my friends turned out to be more like bullies than friends. They would make fun of my appearance, my interests, call me names, break my belongings, and so on. I have forgiven all of them since then, but the emotional scars are still there. I'm afraid to open up to new people as a result, because I'm afraid I'll find myself in the same position as before.

So I pretty much spend all of my days alone. I don't talk to anyone, or do anything. I've pretty much dropped all of my interests, because they make me feel even worse. They're not bad things, they just make me feel sad. I have to keep myself occupied with either bible study, or mindless activities like cleaning or caring for my animals because at least then I have no time to think or have feelings.

And throughout all of this, I feel guilty for feeling this way and that is my biggest problem. That is why I'm writing this. Jesus is everything I need, so why do I feel so lonely? I feel like I am sinning for feeling this way, and the thought of that makes me sad. I don't want to sin, and I have tried to stop feeling this way but I don't know how. I have prayed about this so many times, but so far nothing has changed. Any advice or prayers would be appreciated. Thanks.

It sounds to me that you are depressed. But it doesn't appear to have a spiritual cause (in other words it is not because of a demon). I can recommend a good book by Neil Anderson. It is called "Finding Hope Again." It is a comprehensive study on depression, its causes, and remedies, from a Christian perspective.

Don't accept any advise relating to you needing deliverance. From what you said, that would be wrong advice and would only serve to drag you deeper into it. Also, don't allow any tom dick and harry to lay hands on you just because they believe that some simple quick prayer will solve your difficulty.

But view your difficulty as a mental illness (now, don't get me wrong; you are not crazy or loopy). Seeing your doctor would be a good idea to discuss options, but don't let him prescribe anti-depressants in the first instance without exploring counselling options. A good professional Christian counsellor would also be a good option. Don't try and get counselling from any of the elders or even the pastor, if they don't have a professional counselling qualification and a practicing certificate. They might be well qualified in divinity and ministry but not always competent in many counselling situations.

Turn away from anyone, and I mean anyone, who tells you to "get over it". A person like that, even a close relative is merely showing that they have no idea of what depression actually is. If you could have "gotten over it" you would have.

Treat God as your counsellor as well. Pray honest prayers about your situation. Often believers pray the prayers they think God wants to hear, and are often afraid of offending Him if they are too forthright and honest about how they feel about things. The Psalmist talked often about "pouring his heart out to God." That is not praying sweet, "sugar and spice and everything nice" type of prayers. It's laying on Him how you really feel about things. Read through the book of Psalms out loud, telling God that you are going to use those words as prayers to Him.

Using your doctor, counsellor, good helpful Christian authors, and the Lord are all resources in your toolbox to deal with your depression.

There are no shortcuts, or easy ways out of your situation, you have to walk that road. "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you are with me; your rod and staff to guide and comfort me" God is the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. Read how Paul and his companions went through almost hell as he describes in II Corinthians 1. They got to the point where they despaired even of life itself.

After reading through biographies of the most effective men of God in the last 300 years, I am taken with how many times these men experienced "melancholy" at times. "melancholy" is another word for depression, or "the black dog" as Winston Churchill described it.

So you're in good company, especially with Jesus who is described as "a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief".

 

[Sam91]

I think volunteering could be perfect for you. Where I live there are people who will match you with an opportunity that you would enjoy.

You could give only a couple of hours a week and quickly find them to be the hours you most look forward too.

You said you feel shy, at the moment. Volunteering is great for building up confidence but there are opportunities where you don't have to speak to many people eg, staying back in a kitchen or doing admin. There are so many areas available and the appreciation they give you and the sense of belonging to another group will help you a little.

Lean on Jesus and remember that you are never alone. God is always with you. Sending you some Christian love from across the globe. ♡

 

[mama2one]

welcome to the forum

don't be afraid to meet people because of your teen years
most people once they are adults, don't act like teens anymore

although, you're shy, you are not the only one and there are lots of introverts and shy people who are still able to make friends

I'm very introverted myself and do find it easier to interact one on one with people vs big groups

if you attend an activity that you like be it an artistic class or bowling or volunteering at an animal shelter, etc you will more naturally be yourself and then connect with people of similar interests

 

[longwait]

Why do you feel embarrassed to mention your problems? There is nothing immoral in what you mentioned. Also many of us draw closer to the Lord because of our problems. So in a way problems are good. I am a lonely person too. I used to hate being this way and tried hard to change it but it would not. Now my best friend is the Lord and I don't crave for any human friends any more. So start getting into a relationship with the Lord and make time for Him.

 

[Swiftbreeze]

Thank you everyone for all of your kind words and support. I really appreciate it.

Why do you feel embarrassed to mention your problems? There is nothing immoral in what you mentioned.

I was embarrassed because of my past. Growing up, I could never talk to anyone because those around me would shame me and make me feel like my problems were stupid and wrong. Years of that have kind of conditioned me to bottle everything up, because I'm afraid no one will care. I know I have God, but this has even effected my relationship with Him in some ways. While I don't hold back in prayer, I feel like the entire time He's angry and disappointed in me which I know probably isn't true but it is something I'm trying to overcome.