How Not To Get Baby To Sleep

[Leanna]

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1728755,00.html

a controversial article for us to agree with or tear apart


yes we need more controversy around here, right?

I'm going with.... I agree.

 

[angelpie545]

Well....I am going to have to disagree with the article. I don't believe in letting babies cry themselves to sleep (but I don't have issues letting a toddler fuss as long as they aren't sick or have some other clear need). I did co-sleep with both of my children, and it worked well for us. My older daughter needed that kind of closeness as a baby, and crying it out was definitely NOT for her-she was an anxious child and got upset very easily. It's definitely different for every family, but I am not at all against safe co-sleeping.

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

Agree...for the most part.

We coslept for 25 months and 18 months with our two at which point they moved to their own beds. Cosleeping was right for our family as babies but as our kids moved into the toddler years they were both ready for their own beds and both sleep through the night well now.

 

[jgonz]

I completely disagree with most of the article (big surprise lol).

I've done it both ways... Let my oldest 2 cry to sleep, and the rest I've co-slept with for 6 months or more. Honestly, the kids who co-slept with me slept BETTER as toddlers and preschoolers than my oldest 2 did... They had a tendency to turn up night after night in our bedroom saying they'd had a bad dream, needed something, were scared, etc. and wanted to crawl in next to Daddy. The younger kids (all different personalities) slept Much better and we had Far less of that stuff.

I guess it shouldn't amaze me, but it always does, how "professionals" try SO hard to make kids grow up too fast, and try to keep parents & children apart. It's no wonder that family life has fallen apart in our society today...

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

Did I misunderstand the article? I thought it was saying that it was ok to help soothe, cosleep, etc. during infancy but that when kids got into the toddler years (2, 3 and up) then that's when you can encounter problems. Like feeding a 3 or 4 year old before putting them back to sleep.

What did I miss?

 

[CarrieAg93]

I pretty much agree with the article. We let our kids CIO almost from the very beginning. Now take into account that I am smart enough to know the difference between the cry of a baby who really needs something from one that is just fighting sleep. And CIO does not mean you let them cry for hours on end. We never rocked out kids to sleep or fed them to sleep. I know I am a cold heartless mom who abused her poor babies so I guess you can bash me if you want to. However, I have many friends whose children still have great difficulty going to bed and some of them have these long routines they must go through every night. No thanks. Our kids get in bed, we say a prayer, turn off the light and that's it.

 

[~Nikki~]

I think I disagree. I 'think' I do because Benjamin's not yet at the age where we can really tell whether co-sleeping now will affect him later.

But I can't see how it would affect his sleep badly...I think it will make him more secure...but that's the way I see it.

What annoyed me most (just a pet peeve type of thing) was where the article said about children 'self-soothing themselves'. Surely they're either 'self-soothing' OR 'soothing themselves', not 'self-soothing themselves'? It's a bit like saying 'currently at the moment I'm doing such and such'. Lol, nothing to do with the content of the article, just something that grated a bit. Take no notice of me...

 

[JustBoo]

hmmm ..
I agree with the idea that you need to start early on with the techniques and ways that you intend to use throughout toddlerhood and preschool age. Sure.
But , I think it should have been worded more carefully. It implied that feeding a child to get them back to bed isn't a good idea - I would agree if we're talking one and older but it's perfectly accepable and actually essential to 'feed' a baby through the night ( as in nursing)

They also seemd to take it for granted that if a parent stays with a child to help them get to sleep that the child is wakeful and restless. MY 14 month old , we lay with him on his mattress to go to sleep then we don't hear from again untill about 11 hours later. Perhaps he is the exception but it *is* working for us personally.

 

[Leanna]

I am going to have to disagree with the article. I don't believe in letting babies cry themselves to sleep

"Babies who grew accustomed to falling asleep with a parent in the room, being held until they fell asleep, or being taken into a parent's bed when they couldn't sleep were also more likely as older children to have trouble falling asleep and to sleep fewer hours during the night. "Co-sleeping with the child does not seem to be a good solution for comforting a child after night awakenings," Simard says. But that doesn't mean that children should be left to wail endlessly, or that parents should never console them. "

What article did you read?

 

[RedTulipMom]

The article was a bit confusing but it seems like its saying that 29-41 mos old children shouldnt be being rocked to sleep or co-sleeping or being fed in the middle of the night if they wake up..and if they are then they will be poor sleepers at age 3-5 yrs old.

We stopped co-sleeping with Luke when he was 35 mos old and for the past year he sleeps soundly in his own bed, doesn't wake up and has no problems. So in that sense..i can't agree with the 29 mos - 41 mos assessment...

 

[JulySheMustFly]

I don't know why but the article seems very confusingly written so I have no idea if I agree or disagree.

 

[Green Orchid]

I actually read this article in French earlier this week and I thought it would make a good thread here. Well there you go.

I agree that children should learn to fall asleep on their own, but without CIO. I'm working on this with Zac right now.

 

[heart of peace]

I pulled some quotes from the actual study being published in Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine.

Moreover, maladaptive parental behaviorswere more likely to occur subsequent to earlier sleep fragmentation or SO problems at ages 5 and 17 months, thus supporting the suggestion that these behaviors develop in reaction to prior sleep problems.

Much of the results of the study are reflective of those parents who utilized cosleeping in order to deal with early sleeping problems. Therefore, it is not applicable to those who have coslept from the beginning. Hence, the choice to cosleep was not a reactive one, instead it was part of a grander parenting theme.

Our findings clarify the long-debated relationship between parental behaviors and childhood sleep disturbances. They suggest that cosleeping and other uncommon parental behaviors have negative consequences for future sleep and are thus maladaptive.

Cosleeping is considered uncommon when it is not a natural part of the parent/child dynamic (i.e. being introduced later in infancy due to sleep issues). However, it is considered common when it is a natural part of the parent/child dynamic (i.e. has always occurred and the infant has never known any other way of sleeping). Also, the term “maladaptive” is quite subjective, imho. Sudies like these irk me because what a Western-minded person would consider a positive trait should not automatically be what all of humanity would consider a positive trait.

This reminds me of our historically biased history books where American children are taught that Columbus “discovered” America when in fact there was a thriving group of people already inhabiting the land.

However, there are limits to this study. Although our sample was large, there was a considerable dropout rate that may limit its representatives. Also, our questionnaires reflect respondents' (mostly mothers&#8217 perceptions of their children's attributes, perceptions that may be prone to error. Finally, the questionnaires we used were not validated.

I thought I’d point the flaws of the study that are admitted towards the end of the study.



All in all, I think this was a very interesting study with some valid points to consider as a parent. Specifically, I agree with this:

Parental strategies that were effective for early sleep difficulties (eg, giving food or drink) may later become inappropriate to the child's age and needs. Mothers might adopt the inappropriate response of giving food or drink to 29- to 41-month-old children awakening because they commonly attribute infant cries to hunger a

nd come to believe that infants cry only when hungry.

In essence, parenting should evolve as the child’s developmental needs evolve. What is appropriate for an infant is no longer appropriate for a preschooler and I can agree that it is a disservice for parents to deal with a preschooler in the same way they would an infant.

Here is the link to the primary source that the article is based.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Interesting...

 

[dawnsday]

I'm firmly against co-sleeping on a regular basis, personally.

My daughter has no issues sleeping and for the most part she slept on her own her whole life.

BUT she is six and we have shared a room (out of necessity, not choice) for a couple years. She will have her own room in a couple of weeks and it is clear she will have sleep issues.

But before that it was kiss goodnight say your prayers and off to sleep...that's just us though.

 

[jgonz]

I agree MsDahl, that the parenting involved should evolve with the child. You certainly wouldn't do the same stuff with a 2 year old that you'd do with a 2 month old to get them to sleep... That article was rather confusing~ seemed to flip-flip.

 

[GolfingMom]

I pretty much agree with the article. We let our kids CIO almost from the very beginning. Now take into account that I am smart enough to know the difference between the cry of a baby who really needs something from one that is just fighting sleep. And CIO does not mean you let them cry for hours on end. We never rocked out kids to sleep or fed them to sleep. I know I am a cold heartless mom who abused her poor babies so I guess you can bash me if you want to. However, I have many friends whose children still have great difficulty going to bed and some of them have these long routines they must go through every night. No thanks. Our kids get in bed, we say a prayer, turn off the light and that's it.

I'm firmly against co-sleeping on a regular basis, personally.

My daughter has no issues sleeping and for the most part she slept on her own her whole life.

BUT she is six and we have shared a room (out of necessity, not choice) for a couple years. She will have her own room in a couple of weeks and it is clear she will have sleep issues.

But before that it was kiss goodnight say your prayers and off to sleep...that's just us though.

 

[Leanna]

whew MsDahl, that was a lot of work

I guess it was a confusing article.... I think the part I liked best was, ""But if you approach it differently — 'I am not even going to start my child making these sleep associations' — it's much easier to prevent [future problems]."

... only I wish it wasn't in response to cosleeping particularly.

I think that with a young baby, considering what sleep associations you have and what you want for the long haul is important, because the habits they establish are the ones they want to continue into toddlerhood.... and what sleep associations a parent would choose would be different for each family. Though some sleep associations, like always eating-to-sleep, would be more of an "impairment" on quality sleep than others (I say this because that one seems to lead to the "my baby nursed back to sleep 20 times last night and I am about to lose my midn from sleep deprivation" problem), its ultimately up to the parent's discretion.

 

[heart of peace]

whew MsDahl, that was a lot of work

It was a lot of work for just responding to a message forum but I have a personal interest in the topic that was presented in that thread (I'm a cosleeping, extended breastfeeding mama ).

I guess it was a confusing article.... I think the part I liked best was, ""But if you approach it differently — 'I am not even going to start my child making these sleep associations' — it's much easier to prevent [future problems]."

... only I wish it wasn't in response to cosleeping particularly.

I did get the sense that the researches harped on the cosleeping angle a bit much for my taste. In my opinion, the cosleeping issue took center stage and all the other interesting facts were put off to the side.

The quote you pulled was one of the more interesting facts. Creating better sleep habits from the beginning. However, for first time parents, this is a tough path to walk. You do what you have to do to survive regardless of what "they" say will be the outcome and in all honesty, sometimes the later issues with sleep are worth it because you not only survived your first experience with parenthood but actually enjoyed it and bonded with your child rather than focused on what "they" say is the proper way to parent. Kwim?

I think that with a young baby, considering what sleep associations you have and what you want for the long haul is important, because the habits they establish are the ones they want to continue into toddlerhood.... and what sleep associations a parent would choose would be different for each family.

Agreed and I already have ideas of what I will do differently with the next blessing God bestows upon me.

Though some sleep associations, like always eating-to-sleep, would be more of an "impairment" on quality sleep than others (I say this because that one seems to lead to the "my baby nursed back to sleep 20 times last night and I am about to lose my midn from sleep deprivation" problem), its ultimately up to the parent's discretion.

I will agree to a point here. Sometimes those comments are from well meaning parents who have chosen a path and overall are happy with their choices but are having a bad couple of nights and need to vent. However, when the parent is having these thoughts/feelings on a long-term basis, then it is a simple choice to change the habit.

 

[Christdefinesme]

huh, I, too, found the article to not necessarily be taking a side, I found it to be fairly general and informative. Kinda like "parents, kids need good sleep habits, so make a choice early to promote good sleep".

Which, I agree with.......
l