How important is "chemistry"?

[mwb]

I think when two people put their selfishness aside for the good of the other person, that's the result of chemistry.

 

[Wormie]

For me, chemistry is a mental/personality attraction. It's something I expect to be there as we grow old together. It's a respect, admiration and enjoyment of the other person when you're talking with each other. It's an energy/aliveness that's created by the two of you. It's what happens when your personalities come together and thoughts just bounce back and forth between you.

- that's exactly what it's like with me and my bf.

 

[Jenster]

- that's exactly what it's like with me and my bf.

Glad to hear it, Wormie! God bless you and your bf.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Chemistry would be very important to me in a relationship. It would be nice to have a woman who is proficient in Chemistry and who could help me pass CHE 105, CHE 107 and maybe a 200-level organic chemistry course.

And advanced Math would be a nice bonus. I will need all of the help that I can get if I am going to pass the vanilla, bonehead's Calculus and Statistics courses.

Last, but not least, if she is proficient in Chemistry then she probably gets a big salary.

 

[findinghope06]

i think its important for initial things. like i dated my ex for a month and then we realized there was no "spark" between us, so we ended it. however, chemistry shouldnt be the only reason you are dating. ive had "chemistry" with guys totally wrong for me! but it should be there. i dont think i would want my b/f or husband saying that he never felt anything (sparks, chemistry, etc) between us.

 

[OhhJim]

I often fear marrying my "best friend" but then meeting someone that I might have more chemistry with & that's where the problems start.

How do you ever know for sure that you won't meet someone tomorrow that you have more chemistry with?

 

[none the wiser]

Last, but not least, if she is proficient in Chemistry then she probably gets a big salary.

I so hope you're right. Don't wanna be suffering through organic for no reason

 

[JPPT1974]

I so hope you're right. Don't wanna be suffering through organic for no reason

Yeah tell me about it
So do I my friends
Me too!

 

[mwb]

How do you ever know for sure that you won't meet someone tomorrow that you have more chemistry with?

That's true but I kind of think that once I meet someone I feel I have chemistry with, that will be enough. I'm not sure I would have some chemistry with one person & then meet someone that I would have a lot of chemistry with later on. I think it's an all or nothing type of feeling.

I don't know the answer but I'd be happy finding someone that I feel I have chemistry with & share the same morals & values then let the rest of the relationship fall into place.

 

[Jenster]

I'd be happy finding someone that I feel I have chemistry with & share the same morals & values then let the rest of the relationship fall into place.

I think I learned that lesson - about finding someone with character as well as chemistry - in my last relationship. Good lesson. Hard lesson!

 

[Silver Speak]

No sparks -> boring marriage.

Of course it's a bit more complicated issue than that; one without the other means it won't work. I could date a guy who's got great morals and treats me well but is booooring. In the other end is mere chemistry: the guy can look like a movie star and have a great sense of humour -which is important to me- but there's a moral clash and he turns out to be a player, anyway. I've sort of learned my lesson in both cases...... Although, the second one was a lot harder!! It's weird how you can be undeniably attracted but still it's so obvious there's something missing that should be there.

 

[Wisedove]

Lol, so true, Irascible.

I don't know as I've ever experienced spiritual chemistry with any of the men I've dated, unfortunately. What does that look like? I do admire some of the men at our church for their solid grasp of who God is and our relationship to Him. That may or may not be chemistry, but I certainly respect it.

For me, chemistry is a mental/personality attraction. It's something I expect to be there as we grow old together. It's a respect, admiration and enjoyment of the other person when you're talking with each other. It's an energy/aliveness that's created by the two of you. It's what happens when your personalities come together and thoughts just bounce back and forth between you.

Not that every waking moment is going to be like that, but hopefully we could nurture it so that our life together continues to have that spark, rather than getting consumed in the boring, everyday stuff.

I really like how you described what chemistry means to you. That was a great discription!! I hope to find the same.

 

[SopranoCapo2006]

I used to think 'chemistry' was absolutly essential and I would never want to marry a guy without it.

Mostly now however I just view it as a bonus. Character is essential but chemistry like love can fizzle out when the hard work sets in. Chemistry with love is fantastic. But you can still love without it.


However I do think it's important to actually be attracted to your spouse. I'd hate to marry a guy I didn't find attractive. Yuk.

I married a girl when I was 18 whom I had no chemistry with.

I thought she was my BF. She was the first girl I ever dated. I was comfortable with her.

2 months into the marraige she cheated on me.

I divorced her.

I guess what I just wrote has nothing to do with the topic.....So here goes...

Marriage w/ no chemistry is like Water w/out the Oxygen atom. You have to have both, NOT one or the other!


You're spouse could have the greatest character next to Christ, However, if there is no chemistry you are just good friends playing house.

 

[Irascible]

I married a girl when I was 18 whom I had no chemistry with. 2 months into the marraige she cheated on me. You're spouse could have the greatest character next to Christ, However, if there is no chemistry you are just good friends playing house.

You imply and almost outright state a connection between the cheating and the lack of chemistry. I'm sorry you had to go through that. But one has nothing to do with the other. It was her lack of character. You could have had all the chemistry in the world. But sooner or later the honeymoon period would have been over, the excitement would have waned, and she would have cheated.

Getting married too young, immature and without character - that's playing house.

 

[Miles]

Hmmm. When I was in college I took "Chemistry for Engineers 103"... that may explain some things.

 

[mwb]

I don't think chemistry is just about sex or physical attraction. To me, it's the feeling I get when I look at her face & she looks back at me without a word being said. The ideal situation is when we are both 90, we still can get butterflies when we look at each other.

 

[FlatpickingJD]

I don't think chemistry is just about sex or physical attraction. To me, it's the feeling I get when I look at her face & she looks back at me without a word being said. The ideal situation is when we are both 90, we still can get butterflies when we look at each other.

sitting on a pew together, holding hands, when we're 90.

 

[Jenster]

I don't think chemistry is just about sex or physical attraction. To me, it's the feeling I get when I look at her face & she looks back at me without a word being said. The ideal situation is when we are both 90, we still can get butterflies when we look at each other.

sitting on a pew together, holding hands, when we're 90.

Aww.... you guys!!!! Such romantic visions....

 

[Jenster]

2 months into the marraige she cheated on me.

So sorry to hear that, SopranoCapo2006. That must've been awful.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Recently a married man who is a generation older than me said to me that things like shared values, beliefs, etc. are not what make a marriage work. It is the chemistry between a man and a woman that makes a marriage work, he said.

By chemistry he did not mean passion. He meant, I think, mutual respect, mutual admiration, etc.

In other words, a woman and I could be polar opposites on things like theology, doctrine, ideology, etc. but have the strongest bond between us.

I think it all boils down to what I have maintained in numerous threads in this forum: Relating to each other as the unique individuals that we are. Seeing past cultural constructs such as race, gender, religion, political parties, etc. As much as possible, forming a bond between who would remain if we were stripped of all of those cultural constructs. That's chemistry.

Very important indeed.