how do you stop before you get too far?

[HomeChicklet]

my bf and I have made out and this past time i lost my top... im not proud of this... he begged to go further and I said no... i want to really i do.. but being raised in church all my life know way better than to... i know by this time me losing my top really put some feelings in me i wasnt ready to deal with.. i catch myself now wishing i had gone further and a part of me wishing i hadnt even gone that far... i dont know what to do .. i feel really really guilty and really really scared.... i dont like the wants i have now and me struggling with masturbation this just adds to things... what do you think i should do.. i enjoy us kissing i enjoy us sharing that but i didnt mean for it to get this far please help me

thanks
mandy

 

[amysmithbsw]

Set boundaries and stick to them. Agree how far is okay with him and then hold each other acccountable to that standard.

 

[kingzjewel]

wow. this could go too far soooo quickly. i really think that you need to take some time and distance yourselves, not break up, but take a break from touching each other. i said in another thread about masturbation that it is like a gateway drug to sex. i know from experience... please dont let yourself go like that.

fourteen is way too young to have to worry about std's and pregnancy. it's way too early to have to count how many guys you've been with. yes, sex is like pringles : once you pop, you cant stop. not easily anyways. wouldnt you rather have to just deal with one person and never worry about who might show up in your life later and make you embarassed in front of your husband ? look at all the things you will be missing out on if something did happen? i have a baby, im 24, im married, and let me tell you babies are no joke. pregnancy labor and delivery : no joke. having to deal with "other people in your bed" and std's : no joke. having people show up from your past and having to explain them to your husband: no joke. trying to forget all the things you did with other people: no joke. my husband only had 3 partners before me and one gave him an std we didnt find out about until AFTER we were married.

 

[HomeChicklet]

well we are borke up now and thats the end of it but i still cant forget these wnats desires and feelings that i have is there anyway you can let them go??

 

[kingzjewel]

fasting and prayer will help...but temptations never leave you ...not until you're dead ! you must resist temptation and the devil will flee from you... in other words, the temptation isnt the sin...it's what you do while being tempted that counts. all these are just tests that show you how strong you really are and make you a better person. praying 4 u. pm me anytime.

 

[VivDaGurl]

well we are broke up now and thats the end of it but i still cant forget these wants desires and feelings that i have is there anyway you can let them go??

HomeChicklet

Sexuality between two persons isn't only talking about sexual intercourse but all the activities that you've performed together such as heavy petting (touching one another at places where you guys shouldn't be), oral sex, sexual outercourse, etc. When a person had taken part in this activities with another person, they are binded together as one and this is the reason why The Word had told us not to commit aldutery or fornication. When a person walk away in the relationship, part of him is with you and part of you is with him.

Each time you bump into him, you would feel some pain within yourself and it's not saying that you couldn't let go of him. When a person is being exposed to such activities especially physically, your sexual desires are very, very strong. No one can take that away but God and God alone. You need to pray for breakthrough and get an older lady you know whom you can trust to pray along with you. You need to submit your body and especially your sexual organs to the Lord. Pray and ask God to give you the strength to break through this and also ask God to break the bondage between you and your ex.

Next, each time you have such desires (these desires are really, really strong), pray and submit to the Lord. Start looking for a new hobby to work on. Set some targets that you want to achieve and look forward to it. HomeChicklet, I will be for you because I know it's very difficult and it's very painful.

 

[Bain_Adaneth]

Stop now, before it goes too far....remember to pray that whenever you have bad thoughts. It helps to tell God about your problems. Remember that He knows our hearts. Lust might take hold of us, but we will regret it, because it is not Holy. So stay away. Your man should respect you, but most of all you have to respect the body that God has given you. It is the temple of God, so don't contaminate it. The holy spirit is within you, but He cannot dwell within sin. Focus!!!On Jesus, not things of this world.

 

[monkeystink]

You need to find a Christian guy to be your man. Don't think that your going to change a new man because you may have seen it done before. I urge you to watch how much time you spend alone with a love interest (even Christian men have urges too.)

Will pray for you in the name of the only perfect man...Jesus Christ.

 

[thr3enails]

Will pray for you in the name of the only perfect man...Jesus Christ.

yes thats awsome!! as for your problem with this guilt trip, cause i know ive been there in a way or another, but just pray about it is about the best thing i know to do and, if you feel comfortable, talk to someone you can trust who is of the same religion.

 

[Mebby01]

I hate to say this if he begged you to go farther then thats not good he should just respect your choice. If he didn't then you should break it off with him cause something way worse will happend to you. You might end up being preg and something else will happend soon you will have a lot of problems break up with him before for its too late.!

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Little sis,

I lost my virginity when I wa 12, and been with the most guys I'd ever been with by age 15. I wasn't brought up in a christian home, and I didn't really have a lot of wisdom like I do now. It sounds to me like you have a better head on your shoulders than I did.

You'll find it really is up to you now to set boundaries for yourself. No one else will do it, and it requires self-control, something that doesn't come by just doing what feels good. This is hard, I'm 25 and still struggling with self-control. You are at an advantage because you already have put a stop to it going to far and realize it's not something you want to partake in.

The key here is protecting yourself from temptation. Don't say to yourself "Oh, I know I won't do it, but it's ok to do heavy petting....I'll be able to say no". Some christians, adults included, have found it's necessary to set the boundary to no kissing. I'm not saying this is a set rule, but only you can decide for yourself the necessary boundaries that only you can make. No one else can set those boundaries for you.

You are so young and realistically probably won't be getting married for atleast a few years. You know that's where God's boundaries lie. If you partake in make out sessions now, which are indeed very stimulating, remember, I've been there.... how are you going to hold out for so long?

My recomendation is consecrate yourself to God now, seek to fully obey him and honor him, now you know that you have already exceeded a boundary and have entered dangerous teritory. If you do indeed go all the way, you'll find it'll be harder to say no, and like what happens to most females once they go all the way, they end up having several partners. It's up to you to decide if that's the route you want to go.

Plus, boys, especially teenage boys do not have the capacity to commit and love you like you truly need. They will not respect you and they will tell you they do, and that they love you..... however, you are venturing into an activity that will result in a loss of respect for yourself, and from others, including the boys who partake in it with you.

Honor yourself, and honor God with your body. You are special, treat what you have to give that way.... and don't give into those intense feelings.

The best ingrediant for a happy, lasting long term marriage relationship is first of all being chaste unto God, and having a relationship that is built and mutual love for God..... not on one of lust, which is what those strong feelings you're having is.

Take it from someone who's had a lot of experiance in this area and learn from my wisdom and mistakes. Good luck and God Bless.

HB

 

[madison1101]

I understand your feelings and desires. I remember well being 14, and dating. Now I teach that age group in a public school. The temptation is there, and the social expectation to be sexually active is there too.

Your urges and desires are natural. Now, you have to bring those urges and desires into line with God's desires for you. Search God's Word for His will for you. Ask Him how to stay pure in thought, word and deed. He will show you.

Also, don't let yourself get into situations where there will be opportunity to make out. Group date, and spend a lot of time with your families. Go to church youth group activities. Don't be alone with a boy at your age, if you know you are vulnerable to this temptation.

God bless you sweetheart.

 

[IDS]

Go to McDonalds. Order a Big Mac extra value meal. Supersize it.


Now, what do you expect to get?


The meal comes. You get a small hamburger patty on one bun. Three french fries. Your drink is water in one of those little cups for ketchup. You pay your six dollars and walk happily away.


Would that be your reaction?


Probably not.


I noticed from your original post that you mentioned feelings and desires (wants) but not love. You finished with the fact that you enjoyed kissing and sharing but never intended for things to go so far. Things did not go as far as this guy wanted and now he is gone.


GOD has a beautiful plan in place for this part of your life. GOD created within you desires and emotions to be enjoyed. If a person waits for GOD's timing and blessing many of the heartaches, problems and injuries of not waiting can be avoided.


But how do you stop yourself from going too far?


There is a scripture that instructs us to make no provisions for the flesh. What this means is to not put yourself in situations where you will be tempted.


Date publicly.


Avoid being alone.


Group date.


Go to church activities together.


Don't wear a bathing suit.


Uh, maybe I ought to explain the bathing suit one.


Life is sometimes like seeing how close to the edge of the pool you can stand without falling in. The problem is that you may be far enough away and doing just fine but then someone comes along and tries to push you in. What you are wearing will determine your reaction.


If you are wearing a bathing suit you most likely will just fall or jump right in.
If you are dressed casually and have nothing in your hands you may resist a little. But what if you are dressed in your finest clothes and have on you things that are precious to you. A last letter from your deceased grandmother. A dried flower from your best friend who moved away. A picture of your family when everyone loved each other. You would do everything possible to fight and resist going in the pool. Most likely dressed like this you would not even be anywhere near the pool because what you have is too precious to lose.


Mandy, please don't settle and be cheated from the "super sized Big Mac value meal" plan GOD has for your life. You will find what you are looking for if you do not settle for something less than your heavenly Father's best for His precious little girl.


LOVE



Letting

Others

Value

Emotions



Love isn't something you take
or a game you play
Love is who is left when
others walk away


Love isn't about myself
and what you can give me
Love is when I value you
and treat you tenderly


Love isn't lust
and runaway passion
Love is intimacy
and heartfelt compassion


Love doesn't leap
without a parachute
Love moves slowly
and often is mute


Love isn't science
or chemistry
Nor is it a novel
or mystery


Love fulfills
and sets you free
without the pressure
of sexual expectancy


Love is about you
and who you are
Not what you have
and if you will go "far"


Users are losers
pretending to be winners
Too often true love
is camoflauged sinners


Love will respect
honor and cherish
Love never demands
your dignity perish


Love values you
and what you feel
Love never negotiates
for the "best deal"


Love is a seed
planted in two hearts
Tended by GOD
the journey starts


.....peace.....

 

[madison1101]

I just thought of one more thing...there is a scripture that says "Flee fornication." That means run from, get away as fast as you can, don't stop to think about it, just go. When you are in a situation where you are tempted, get out of that situation as fast as you can. Don't stop to talk about it, RUN.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

I hate to say this if he begged you to go farther then thats not good he should just respect your choice. If he didn't then you should break it off with him cause something way worse will happend to you. You might end up being preg and something else will happend soon you will have a lot of problems break up with him before for its too late.!

I totally agree. Plus if this guy isn't a Christian (why hasn't anyone asked that yet?) then you're not in a good place.

Ever heard the story of the frog who got in a pan of water? It was on the stove, getting hotter every minute... more comfortable too every minute... but by the time the frog noticed that something was wrong, it was too late to jump out, and he died. It's similar to what happens when you're in a sexual relationship with a non-believer. (I'm really glad I jumped out while the water was still feeling just comfortable!)

Tying that into the subject, there's a part of your life that dies when you lose your virginity, I think ... I've seen it in so many people it's not funny. Also there's a part of your faith that is supressed when you're in a sexual relationship with a non-believer ... it's the part (and this shouldn't astonish you) that directs you to evangelize others. Lose that, and your faith is useless ... at least until you get out of that relationship. You'll feel angry towards God for not saving that one person, and you'll know it would be hypocritical of you if you tried to tell other people they're going to hell if they don't accept Christ ... because you're too afraid to say the same thing to this guy. It's a steep downward spiral... I just got out of a relationship like that. Praise God for what happened with me, but I'll be praying that you'll exercise discernment about this boy.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

I hadn't noticed the line in the original message about masturbation. My beliefs about that: It's not a sin unless you fantasize about someone.

But here's something else you should consider: Even if you believe that to be a sin, at least it's just you and not someone else!

Once someone else touches your private places (to stimulate you) you start expecting it to happen that way more so in the future, regardless of whether you wanted it or not.

Don't ever let anyone touch you there in a sexual way, or even get close to touching you there, until the day you're married and it's your husband!

Personally I believe there's a lot more to virginity than just not having intercourse. I've gone too far with girls in the past, and I feel like I've lost so much of what I once was saving for my "future wife."

The irony of that is that the girl I did most of those things with was also a "virgin," and still is to this day.

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

Hey Mandy. The first thing i want to do is this. and now i will tell you my opinion.

I too have struggled with purity in the past. And there are many ways to act on it.

1. Talk to your boy friend. Tell him you both need some bounderies and set them and more importantly stick to them.
2. Pray about it. Ask God to help you do the right thing.
3. Set bounderies for yourself rather than telling your boy friend and if things get too far again. Say no and stick to your answer. if he loves you, he'll respect you.
4. Leave your boy friend until you think you can handle a relationship while staying pure.

Now, 1-3 are AWESOME options. 4 is a little extreme, but its still an option. The choice that I made when i was in your situation was to set bounderies for myself... I too have gone a little too far with a boy. Not so far that we slept together... but almost to that point. SO, i set bounderies for myself AND asked God to help me stick to those bounderies. So, I hope this helped. and Good luck with everything. Im here for you if you ever need me... and if you ever need to talk. Stay Strong Girl! Love ya sis.

Jo

 

[Inperfected]

Um relationships tricky ain't they...
Girl i understand... you may look up to me as one of these 'old 18 year olds' but i'm not, inside i'm a little girl crying for the respect of a guy. At least that is how i was. At 14 you know what i was doing... (infact it may have been 13) i was with a guy, 3 weeks after we started going out i had my top off. In that relationship we broke up a month later over it and nothing happened agin, but soon i was with another guy, and another and another, now i've been with (in that sense) about 5-6 guys, and yes it hurts so bad inside. Once it'll happen, and it leads on, and those desires won't go, but don't think of it as dirty, the act itself, but think of it out of place. Sexual activities are like a fire, in the wrong place they burn out of control.
Sex.. It's not as great as it seems, i've gotta friend who has, and now? It's eating him up, nearly killed himself over it i think... You gotta be careful, you give your heart away each time, and really you have to be careful to guard your heart,..
I'll post some practical suggestions later, phones bout to go so i'm off. Good luck and pray, praying really does help.

 

[Rosa Mystica]

my bf and I have made out and this past time i lost my top... im not proud of this... he begged to go further and I said no... i want to really i do.. but being raised in church all my life know way better than to... i know by this time me losing my top really put some feelings in me i wasnt ready to deal with.. i catch myself now wishing i had gone further and a part of me wishing i hadnt even gone that far... i dont know what to do .. i feel really really guilty and really really scared.... i dont like the wants i have now and me struggling with masturbation this just adds to things... what do you think i should do.. i enjoy us kissing i enjoy us sharing that but i didnt mean for it to get this far please help me

thanks
mandy

My dear, I think you are too young to be dating at fourteen. My mom told me the same thing at that age. She was right.

The kind of activity you're describing is absolutely inappropriate outside of marriage. God doesn't want courting couples to behave in this way. This isn't a sign of affection, but a sign of lust.

If you want to avoid doing something you'll regret after, then you need to set boundaries (for yourself as well as the guy). You also should avoid instances where going too far is a likely possibility. Also, where are your parents in all of this? You certainly should not be at the other person's house if the parents aren't there (you're only fourteen after all).

Sexual wants and desires are normal, and a gift from God. However, they are only meant to be fulfilled w/in a certain context, and that context is marriage. Your best bet is to throw yourself head first into activities which please God.

And ditch this guy. He's obviously using you, and no one deserves to be used.

 

[LilRitt04]

Set your standards and dont let you guard down. I am not a virgin and I lost it at 15. I regret it. I wish that I could take it back. But I cant and once its gone its gone. The things that you are saying are yes minor things, but you have realized that it leads to more, and you find yourself wanting more. Its a horrible circle that keeps going around. What goes around comes around...What I mean is...if you turn sex down once its going to come back around and the opportunity is going to continue coming up.

Ways around it:
1. Dont allow you and your boyfriend to be alone...
If you allow you and your boyfriend to be alone, you are basically opening the door and allowing yourselves to get intimate.
2. Set boundaries in your relationship
You are 14 and have raging hormones, and I can understand how it is hard to keep them under control. (Been there done that). But the thing that I did after I had to sex to prevent it again, I would say we can make out but as soon as the hands start wondering I am stopping.
3. Put God in the middle of your relationship
Right now I know you are not talking marriage. But you still have to maintain a Godly relationship. Me and my current boyfriend pray together every night. Praying every night strengthens your relationship.

I am not trying to sound like your Mom or whatever. But I have been there and I dont want to see any girl go through what I went through. It is horrible and it takes a L O N G time to get through. God Bless you and your boyfriend...and I hope this helped.

~*JeNn*~