How Do You Separate Your Feelings?

[McScribe]

So I am accepting that she doesn't want to be my wife, she wants to be wife to another woman. I accept that she was honest in some ways and dishonest in others; I have forgiven both of them. I have also forgiven myself and do not worry (too much)about what I might have done to preven this.

My question is really this--how do you stop thinking about your former spouse, dwelling on them, hoping for responses from them? This has nothing to do with practical things since I have moved out and to another city. This is just about emotional responses.

 

[BigDaddy4]

So I am accepting that she doesn't want to be my wife, she wants to be wife to another woman. I accept that she was honest in some ways and dishonest in others; I have forgiven both of them. I have also forgiven myself and do not worry (too much)about what I might have done to preven this.

My question is really this--how do you stop thinking about your former spouse, dwelling on them, hoping for responses from them? This has nothing to do with practical things since I have moved out and to another city. This is just about emotional responses.

All I can say is time and prayer, buddy. My first divorce was not fun for me. I tried all I knew to get her back, pouring out my heart to her, but no go. It just took some time and some other non-Christian activities (wasn't a practicing Christian at the time - don't recommend them now!).

One thing that helped me was writing everything I wanted to say down. I didn't necessarily send it all to her, but at least I got it out. Then, I occupied my time with other interests (I played sports).

I wish there was something better I could say, but it's not an easy solution.

My prayers are with you...

 

[bored]

So I am accepting that she doesn't want to be my wife, she wants to be wife to another woman. I accept that she was honest in some ways and dishonest in others; I have forgiven both of them. I have also forgiven myself and do not worry (too much)about what I might have done to preven this.

My question is really this--how do you stop thinking about your former spouse, dwelling on them, hoping for responses from them? This has nothing to do with practical things since I have moved out and to another city. This is just about emotional responses.

Since you were the one to move out you should not have any of her stuff to remind you of anything (I had to clean out the house which is still an ongoing process even years later). The biggest thing is to find a new spouse. If you have the money you can fully engage in a new hobbie but generally most hobbies require quite a bit of money (at least ones that I enjoy).

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Time. That's really it. If you try to find another woman too quickly, you'll just transfer the feelings, not deal with them.

Pray, find others to talk to, go to divorce care, and time.

 

[FaithPrevails]

It took time for those emotions to grow so it's going to take time for them to fade, too. When you find yourself dwelling - shake yourself a bit and force yourself to focus on something else entirely.

Personally, too much time alone or being inactive was when I would start to dwell - so staying active might help.

 

[McScribe]

So this is what I'm doing:
1. Trying to be thankful for what I DO have--even that it has been so far a cordial breakup. But also my family, that I have a chance at a new career, etc...
2. Trying to exercise every day (a good walk, stretching and some weight lifting--I'm going to try to find a pool near me)
3. trying to reconnect with my faith--it's not that I blame God, it's that I doubt ME
4. having a couple of friends I contact rather than contacting her when I'm lonely or unhappy. I don't overtax this.
5. Trying to just keep moving.

 

[TigerKanga]

So this is what I'm doing:
1. Trying to be thankful for what I DO have--even that it has been so far a cordial breakup. But also my family, that I have a chance at a new career, etc...
2. Trying to exercise every day (a good walk, stretching and some weight lifting--I'm going to try to find a pool near me)
3. trying to reconnect with my faith--it's not that I blame God, it's that I doubt ME
4. having a couple of friends I contact rather than contacting her when I'm lonely or unhappy. I don't overtax this.
5. Trying to just keep moving.

youtube Swish Pattern.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Pray every day... turn to god, eventually he'll help you be healed of it.. it's a grieving process.. your emotions may be up and down for a while, it'll just take time.

 

[dayhiker]

I'm with those that say got out and be active at something .. may be a time to learn something new that's been in the back of your mind, but you never had the time in the past.