I don't fear condemnation. I don't believe in hell. I like the idea of a loving God, and the idea is one that seems like it would bring some peace. I started my spiritual journey in college, where I was (and still am) surprised to find people that have dedicated their life to God and to helping others find that God loves them. I have seen God (even if it is only the idea of God, their belief in a God) make a difference in the lives of others, I have seen communities of people brought together by a common faith. I have been in a room of people moved to tears by worship and sermons. I would love for my children to be raised in a church family, and I would love to tell them that there is a God who created them with a purpose and who loves them.
But, I'm a skeptic to a fault. I don't believe that. I've never seen or read or heard or felt anything that makes me think that it's true. I believe wholeheartedly that it could be true, that there could be a God out there, and that possibility has driven me to try to figure it out. When I ask others why they believe, I'm looking for reasons to believe myself - but I've never found it. I'm not asking for a sign, but I fear that without one I'm just not capable of believing in something that logically, emotionally, and otherwise seems so far-fetched. My journey, spiritual and not, has led me to be more willing to put myself into the shoes of others, and more patient, and to love others. I don't believe in all the moral themes that are prevalent in the Bible, but a lot of them make sense to me. My last pastor told me that although I may not believe in Christ, he sees Christ in me. And maybe that's true, but I do what I do because it feels right, not because Jesus said so.