Wow. I did not expect the passion that some people answered with.
LinkH, we have been trying for almost four years to have a child. We have made a pilgrimage, we have begged and pleaded with God, we have spoken to our priest and had so many Godly people pray for us and over us. We have tried many avenues when it comes to faith. It's not that easy.
johndoo, I am so sorry to hear that you struggle with this also. Thank you for your kind words.
LoveConquers, we are at the point we just aren't sure what God is telling us.
AutumnLeaf, we are planning on being very discreet about it. We plan honestly on telling only my best friend so that if something happens to us our children can be told just in case of medical emergency. We aren't even telling our families.
Hetta, thank you for your kindness.
peckaboo, we looked into embryo adoption and actually were trying to do it but we just can't afford it right not.
ValleyGal, thank you for giving me a lot to think about.
Inkachu, yes my husband and I were/are having serious problems and one of the largest rifts it turns out is that we haven't been able to conceive. Part of the work that he is doing to be a better husband/man/human being is telling the truth and talking about things. It turns out that not being able to complete our family has been tearing him up in ways he wouldn't admit. One thing that has hugely helped us oddly enough is we had a pipe burst and due to the walls collapsing found that there was black mould in the walls and that forced us to have to move. We have been so different since we have been out of there, our health changed over night, and so did a lot of my frustration with the living arrangement. We have a nice neat healthy little two bedroom apartment now, with no mice and no mould! It is lovely. My husband is working really hard at being a better man, to being the man I married almost four years ago. The other big thing that made a difference is he finally told someone else what was going on in our home, he was so ashamed but now that it is in the light of day and he is being held accountable by more than just me he is making great strides.
And everybody on the subject of adoption!
we would love to adopt but it is not in the cards for us at the moment. We are looking into it and are in the process. It is very long and VERY expensive. But we also want a baby. I know my husband can and will happily raise another man's child. We raised our goddaughter until her mother gave her up for an adoption. (We weren't told until it was all over and she was moved half way across the country) He has also helped me in the last 7 years in taking care of my brother and sisters whenever they ran away from home. We both delight in taking care of our teenage goddaughter. Unfortunately we live in different cities due to work and school so that is hard on us.
Yes it is destroying me that I can't have a child. I'm not exaggerating, and yes I have seen someone. I have PTSD and depression and through all of my life my doctors, shrinks, priests, everyone, the one thing that made me feel human, was taking care of children. I raised my brother and sisters until my parents divorced and my mother got custody and wouldn't let me see them. I have dreamed of my own children and how I would raise them up for the glory of God. How I would show them His love and His grace.
I am in therapy and yes I realize that in many peoples eyes (including my family as I have often been told) that makes me unfit to ever be a mother, my therapist disagrees. She is a Christian and she thinks I should go forward trying to have a family. It is just the how that I am having trouble with.
We are waiting right now to find out when my husband can have a surgery that will tell us one way or the other if he can do IVF with me or if we need a donor.
We want to foster as well. We want to do all of the wonderful things so many people have suggested, and we will, as soon as we can. We are waiting to see about home studies so we can foster and/or adopt. But we also want and I need the blessing of an infant. We want to see that tiny little person from the beginning, we want to be able to be parents from conception as well as adoption.
I know for many people this is hard to understand and I thank you for taking the time to try to help. I just want to say that nothing I have ever gone through has been as painful as waiting and only seeing one line when you would give the world to see two. Infertility hurts more than any physical illness ever has, and I have had some doozies!
It is tearing us up that we can't have a family when we see everyone around us being given that privilege. I wish I could explain better but I don't have the words. I wish I could convey the agony of being told you will never see your love manifest in a tiny human being. I wish I could tell you the heartbreak of yet another teenage pregnancy when us as a church going married couple can't. I wish I could show you the crazy person I become when I think that this time it worked! This is our month! And it turns out stress has just made me late and yet another month goes by with no positive pregnancy test. I would like to be able to show you how holding my nieces can change my whole brain chemistry for the better for days. I wish I could make you understand how empty you feel looking at the empty cradle that my grandfather made me knowing that my child will never be in it.
Please don't judge me for this, but adoption is not the same. I need to have my own child. I need to have a baby. I need to make my family complete. I need to give birth to my own child. We have decided we will adopt in the future, we also want to do embryo adoption. But not right now.
Thank you.
