How do you forgive someone?

[rapturefish]

Three main areas:

1)How do you forgive someone? It is one of the most difficult commands given by Jesus. People don't always repent and say sorry for the wrongs they've done against you when you try to forgive. Others deny the offense, still others continue to hurt you years later. Sometimes people don't want to be friends with you anymore, and often the offense cannot be made up for, e.g. lost money, murder, etc.

2)And why does Jesus want us to forgive seventy times seven? Are christians to be doormats for the offender?

3)Have you forgiven someone? Do you have a testimony to share to encourage the rest of us?

This thread is here to discuss these issues and also share testimonies of times when you or someone you know has forgiven successfully.

cheers,

RF !^)

 

[rapturefish]

Scripture is clear on forgiveness - that if we do not forgive others, the Father will not forgive us. There is something about holding unforgiveness in our hearts that disconnects us from the Father in some way.

When we have been hurt, something is taken from us. Worse than the offense however is the bitterness, anger and ongoing pain that results from not being able to let the offense go. Some part of us wants to use it against others; there is a sense that to let go would be to let injustice rule.

We put conditions on forgivness - if she or he says sorry first, or if he or she speaks to me first, then I might forgive. We try to ignore the offense, smile and pretend everything's okay, try to take revenge somewhere down the track when there's an opportunity. We justify ourselves with it when we do evil to them, or we even justify our actions when we hurt others because of some reminder of the hurt.

We are affected by unforgiveness. Whenever a reminder of the incident or the person occurs we flinch, we react in an unnaturally strong or unusual way when we are reminded, like the ripping away of a scab. And we feel trapped, unable to let go, unable to keep holding on.

We cannot be at peace, we are affected in our time with God, our prayers, our every act of service for him. Something blocks us.

If we let things remain this way we begin to change. We love less, are more bitter, more angry, more apathetic towards others. If we leave unforgiveness for too long these things change us and we become far from the Christ-like character we aspir to be.

Forgiveness is not meant to be a burden but a way out of this trap. Jesus forgave us; he gives us the power to forgive where people ordinarily cannot. We only need be willing to do so, and God supplies the strength. When we do, we let go of unforgiveness, are reconnected with the presence of God and are made whole, full and able to forgive and bless others out of that fullness.

Forgiveness is a gift therefore, and not a burden.

 

[Hackett]

Really good question and valid points.

I know in my own life I misunderstood the idea of forgiveness thinking that if I truly forgave the person it was like giving them permission to do whatever it was they did again.

It took a long time for me to understand that I could forgive without giving permission for them to do it again.

As an example: Someone close to me continually mistreated and took advantage of me. I forgave and they did it again and again.

Finally, one day I realized that my forgiving has nothing to do with their behavior but was necessary if I wanted to grow in Christ. In my minds eye I began seeing the offense as a kite flying high in the sky...as I forgave the offense I let go of the string and the kite flew away. I could let the offense go.... then I realized I was distancing myself from this person. They asked why are you so distant? The simple truth hurt, I could no longer trust them. They said 'But you forgave me.' and I was able to explain that yes that is true....but forgiving you does not required that I leave myself open to more of the same treatment.

I was not mean to them or rude to them I just could not be as close to them as I once had been.

I prayed for this person and for myself trusting that the Lord would be honored in forgiving this person and that they would someday draw closer to the Lord as well.