How do you fight coveting? (10th commandment)

[Alex1234567890]

Has anyone had any success obeying the 10th commandment? "Do not covet your neighbor's wife..." ect. After studying the word "covet" I have found that it literally means "want/desire" and cannot be interpreted in any other way without twisting scripture.

To not desire anything that anyone else owns is an incredibly difficult thing to do.

Especially if you had feelings for some one else's wife/girlfriend. Even after mastering your mind and taking captive all jealous thoughts, and any thoughts of her. In the end you would still want her.

I have worked out how to control my own mind now, me and God are winning the fight against jealousy, anger and other evil thoughts. But I can't work out how to change my innermost desires.

With respect, I have read meany of the things that internet blogger pastors have to say on the matter and unfortunately their blogs largely consists of random flowery non-sense about looking into yourself, trusting God more, being more "in Christ", praying about it ect. While these are all good things that people should be doing anyway, they are not exactly practical answers to the problem in hand.

Could anyone who has been able to overcome coveting tell me how they did it?

 

[Xalith]

Well, first off, the 10 Commandments are Mosaic Law, which does not apply to us (unless you happen to be a Jew living before the coming of Christ).

This means we should go to the New Testament and see what Christ said about these matters, and what better verse to go to than Matthew 5:28, where Christ makes it very clear what constitutes "Adultery" (and by extension, "Coveting").

Are you actually lusting after this woman? Do you imagine yourself being in bed with her? Do you look at her, and wonder what she'd look like with her clothes off? Do you try to look at her inappropriately? Do you imagine evil against this man hoping that you could take her after he's out of the picture? Have you done/said things that might damage their marriage?

If so, then yes... that would constitute Adultery and Covetousness in the matter of that man's wife.

As far as the rest of the 10th Commandment, I'm wondering what exactly constitutes "coveting". As we all know, there are lawful and perfectly acceptable ways of gaining something you desire, even if it is owned by your 'neighbor'. Let's say your neighbor owns a lawn mower and you need a lawn mower and you happen to like your neighbor's lawn mower. I don't think it is a sin for you to walk over to your neighbor and go "Are you interested in selling that? I'd like to buy it."

IMO, it is sin, however, to imagine ways you could acquire this lawn mower against his will and if said neighbor said no to selling it to you, continuing to desire and want the lawn mower would also be sin.

In conclusion, I think coveting (with the exception of someone's wife) only covers extreme desire, wants, and lusts to the point where the person plots ways of obtaining it unlawfully or immorally. See 1 Kings 21:1-16 for a perfect example of breaking the 10th Commandment when it comes lusting after material things.

It wasn't sin for Ahab to want the vineyard, until Naboth said "no" and Ahab continued to desire it. Then it was sin. And obviously, everything that happened thereafter on Ahab's part was even worse, it just went downhill from there.

 

[Alex1234567890]

Thanks Xalith, you've put a lot of effort into your response and you made some very good points

Although the ten commandments are technically Mosaic Law, it seems to me that they are still important for us today. Each commandment has been reiterated in some way in the new testament. Coveting is mentioned in Ephesians 5:5 and Mark 7:22 among others.

As far as material possessions go your absolutely right; its ok to want them because there legitimate way to acquire them and I think its unlikely that God is saying that we must never want anything that someone else just happens to own. Just so long as the want has nothing to do with Jealousy. Also it is possible to deeply desire to have a phone like my friend's phone while not actually desiring the phone itself, just one like it.

Their are two problems with desiring a girl: 1. She is unique. When you have feelings for someone, that desire is for her, not someone like her. 2. The feelings you have tend to be very strong, and would much better be described as a deep desire than a simple want (So even if we defined coveting as a deep desire rather than just wanting something, there would still be a problem).

With regards to Matthew 5:28. The word they have translated in to lust has no direct sexual connotations. "ἐπιθυμέω" the Greek word they translated to "lust" is actually a general term for desire. So "anyone who looks at a woman to desire her has committed adultery in his heart" is saying that looking at a woman to covet her is adultery of the heart. But this doesn't say that you can covet her so long as you don't look at her. What this verse is also not saying, is anything about an imagery sin that people like to call "lust". Imagining being in bed with someone ect, isn't actually forbidden by the Bible at any point. Although it would still be wrong if one of you was in a relationship, not because imagining something sexual is wrong, but because you would be desiring that woman by doing so. I think I put that last paragraph in a confusing way, but what I mean is; Desiring a married woman with or without sexual thoughts is wrong, desiring a singe woman with or without sexual thoughts is fine.

In my case, the woman I want is in a relationship, and so I am attempting to take all thoughts about her that come into my head captive (ie shut them out). This is working, and with a lot of God's help and some practice I hope that I will be able to dismiss all thoughts about her, jealous, sexual, or otherwise.

But the problem still remains; I want her, not out of choice, but because I don't have a way of not wanting her. So I am trying to find out how to do that.

I have a suspicion that beating coveting is not possible until one has progressed in their relationship with God to a point where He's will and theirs are perfectly aligned, so that one would only want what He wants for them. But this may not be the case, has anyone had any one won victory against it before getting to that point?

 

[dabro]

Than work with God, He will make you proper and perfectly in line with His will.....This is just another test from God to help you grow. You need no fear that your going to be condemned.....You just need to trust the Almighty and He will make sure you push through all of this.

 

[1watchman]

We need to stay close to the Savior ---the Lord Jesus Christ, and take every thought to Him (2 Cor. 10:5). He is the source to overcome lust and envy, etc. If one recognizes they are lusting or being envious or other sins, then they need to immediately confess it (1 Jn. 1:9-10). Walking and talking with the Lord Jesus daily will keep us on a godly path. He cares!

 

[Alithis]

the op question in a generalized form is basically .. how do we over come sin .

it is no longer i that live, but Christ that lives in me . and the life i now live in the flesh (being sinful in nature and corrupted to the core and bent irreparably toward sin)-i live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me ... ie i do not live by my ability but HIS

 

[ToBeLoved]

One of the things that I have found when dealing with this sort of sin is thankfulness and being grateful for what we have been given.

For instance, if I see a car that I like or something, I try to think about the fact that I have a good working car. The same kind of thing for the other areas of your life. I don't remember the verses, but we are to approach the Lord with thanksgiving.

This may not particularly help the OP, but if he has a significant other/wife and/or children if he concentrates on his blessings; family, health, employment, friends he may find himself appreciating the things he does have. It takes a while to change our mindset, but such are most of the things of God.

Praying for you.

 

[FanthatSpark]

This response is in "Practical" my friend. Move your person from your own eyes in relation to her. Work buddy? Change jobs. Neighbor , change location. Church , change church. Friend, be honest with husband that the problem is in you , not them, and separate self from the situation. Hard love my friend but...Practical . Furthermore, God see's and "If" you would change a situation you love for no reason but His love, that pleases God. Yeah, the work is on you, friend, but there is always an escape, its weather you feel up to the job.

 

[Svt4Him]

Be content.

 

[Alex1234567890]

Thank you everyone for your answers. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to overcome this sin is to wait and trust God. Over the course of one's life with God, one will become closer and closer to Him. Gradually one's will, will change to become more like God's will, And when one's will is perfectly united with His, it will no longer be possible to desire anything that He doesn't want. Because His desires and ours will be the same.

 

[kidwboro]

Ask yourself what will give you greater pleasure:
1) The thing/person you're coveting;
or
2) God's pleasures from heaven, which are for evermore.

I myself have not fully overcome coveting, and that is because of my unbelief.
There is no other explanation. If you covet, it is because you do not take seriously the existence of God's unlimited pleasures.
The more we confess our shortcomings, the more God will cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Remember, the path of the just is as the shining light, which shines more and more unto the perfect day.
The more we confess our unjustness, the more He will draw us closer and closer to His heavenly reality.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Thank you everyone for your answers. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to overcome this sin is to wait and trust God. Over the course of one's life with God, one will become closer and closer to Him. Gradually one's will, will change to become more like God's will, And when one's will is perfectly united with His, it will no longer be possible to desire anything that He doesn't want. Because His desires and ours will be the same.

Just remember that chances are we do not reach perfection in this life. Just do your best.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Thank you everyone for your answers. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to overcome this sin is to wait and trust God. Over the course of one's life with God, one will become closer and closer to Him. Gradually one's will, will change to become more like God's will, And when one's will is perfectly united with His, it will no longer be possible to desire anything that He doesn't want. Because His desires and ours will be the same.

Just remember that chances are we do not reach perfection in this life. Just do your best.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Thank you everyone for your answers. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to overcome this sin is to wait and trust God. Over the course of one's life with God, one will become closer and closer to Him. Gradually one's will, will change to become more like God's will, And when one's will is perfectly united with His, it will no longer be possible to desire anything that He doesn't want. Because His desires and ours will be the same.

Just remember that chances are we do not reach perfection in this life. Just do your best.

 

[BryanW92]

I myself have not fully overcome coveting, and that is because of my unbelief.
There is no other explanation. If you covet, it is because you do not take seriously the existence of God's unlimited pleasures.
The more we confess our shortcomings, the more God will cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Remember, the path of the just is as the shining light, which shines more and more unto the perfect day.
The more we confess our unjustness, the more He will draw us closer and closer to His heavenly reality.

This is the sort of logic that leads to asceticism, monasticism, self-flagellation: "if I just suffer more, I'll be made holy".

No you won't. But the Good News is that you don't have to! Jesus Christ lived a sinless life and he gives it to YOU to present to the Father as your own. Your personal holiness will NEVER meet God's perfect standard, but your movement in the direction of holiness is a fruit of the work done by the Holy Spirit.

Feel free to hate your sins, but be secure in the knowledge that Jesus will stand up for you and say, "I paid for this one. He is mine." You will covet to the end of this life and Jesus will still be there at the end. He won't say, "Nice try, but you didn't quite make it. Sorry."

 

[Alex1234567890]

I am actually pretty secure in my knowing my salvation. I guess I am just trying to grow as much as possible.

 

[dysert]

Alex,

Some may disagree with what I'm about to advise, but I use it myself with some degree of success. You are coveting this girl because you have certain beliefs about her (and because she is probably quite attractive). What I am suggesting you do is convince yourself that she has plenty of unseen negative qualities that would turn you off.

For example, behind closed doors she might be a read b*tch: impossible to get along with, argumentative, self centered, demanding her own way, etc. She may be a spendthrift, always buying things to make herself look good while driving the family budget into the red. She may be frigid and always refusing sex. She may be untrustworthy and is actually cheating on her husband right now. She'd cheat on you, too. She may go out a lot and not spend any time with you. Maybe she's into satanic worship and tortures animals.

The list is endless. If you can keep telling yourself that she has some unacceptable qualities that would really turn you off, then you can start believing it (and it might even be true!). If you start believing it, you'll probably stop wanting her.

Good luck.

 

[Alex1234567890]

Aha yes, this is the exact kind of answer I was looking for. I think that's something that would work. Unfortunately it involves thinking bad thoughts about someone and judging them. And I feel really strongly about not doing that. But thank you for giving your honest and practical answer.

 

[dysert]

Aha yes, this is the exact kind of answer I was looking for. I think that's something that would work. Unfortunately it involves thinking bad thoughts about someone and judging them. And I feel really strongly about not doing that. But thank you for giving your honest and practical answer.

Which is worse, thinking bad thoughts about someone or coveting another man's wife?

 

[Alex1234567890]

The Bible speaks against them both. While coveting has the potential to do more damage, thinking bad thoughts about someone is still harmful. At best it would be trading one sin for another, but only if the method was 100% effective. In order to even try I would have to deliberately do something I know is wrong, at least coveting is accidental.

 

[eternity75]

Hi Alex,

A couple of suggestions for you. You can look at the qualities of this woman that you are lusting after and ask God in prayer to provide you with a woman that holds the same or better qualities. Ask for God's strength to help you resist the thoughts you are having towards this married woman.

If you want a psychological answer that might help (similar to what dysert suggested). Try negative association. Every time you catch yourself thinking about her, force yourself to look at, eat, or smell something that you find totally disgusting. Do this enough and you will come to associate thoughts of her with something negative and it won't take long to get her out of your head. It's kind of like when you are totally in love with someone and putting them on a pedestal and then they do something horrible and suddenly you see them in a whole different light. The difference between this method and the one dysert suggested is you will not deliberately be thinking negative things about *her* that may not necessarily be true of her. Instead your brain will just come to associate her with something negative through default.

 

[Alex1234567890]

Thank you eternity, that's a really good idea