How do you feel about being single?

[SarahlovesChrist]

I'm actually taking a one year break from dating boys! I'm really excited about it and can't wait to see what God has in store for me!

God Bless

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I don't think God owes anyone anything. But I do have a desire to be a spouse and have a spouse. I do believe that God gives certian desires and takes certian desires away in our lives, but just because I'm still single I'm not bitter at God nor am I angry at Him. I do often wonder what He's doing, but I think that's all a part of learning to trust Him. Some people desire marriage more than others, and some people struggle with singleness more than others. some people are totally ok with singleness. I think it's ok to realize that our own struggles aren't better or more holy than anyone else's weather our struggle is singleness or not.

Good for you My post was about people who do think God owes them a spouse and who are angry and bitter towards God just because they haven't gotten married yet. Hallsmentholyptus asked what lies we think Satan tells singles and I think people who have thought processes like the ones I just described are probably the victims of Satan's lies.

 

[mina]

and your post was also about people who think God put a desire in their hearts. I appologize if you think I was being snotty or anything. I didn't mean for it to come across as arguing with you or anything. sorry

 

[Highland Watchman]

lies I've been told? "Not for me." Which is kind of the opposite of the "I deserve a spouse!"... and it makes you feel just as dispicable as the other one would... because then the question of "why not?" comes to mind.

 

[Nautica]

happily dating someone and remaining single but enjoying things. when I think single I think unmarried,a bit of difference for me really.

 

[Los]

I told someone this last night...

I enjoy being single and not having any strings to anyone. But I miss the intimacy and closeness being in a long term, committed relationship can bring. Watching TV before passing out, making lunch for each other, holding hands while watching a movie, etc. The good times that don't involve sex. Waking up to someone every morning, knowing that you have this person to talk to always. Amazing.

 

[SpeakLife329]

There are some joys in singleness especially the time you get to spend giving to the Lord.

but the desire for companionship with a man; growing together, sharing in the joys and work of the ministry, intimacy (sex, or deep intimate conversations) things like that that i desire and other women as well.

The time that we give to God, our single years are very valuable as we grow up more into Him and in out communion and intimacy with Him which is more important then being intimate with a man.also growing up in your gifts and calling that God has for you receiving healing and deliverance that way you understand the importance of giving you marriage to the Lord and even after being married seeking God for thiings and keeping those communication lines open with Him as well as with you husband.

Gods blessings
Kimberly

 

[~HopeFloats~]

I told someone this last night...
But I miss the intimacy and closeness being in a long term, committed relationship can bring. Watching TV before passing out, making lunch for each other, holding hands while watching a movie, etc. The good times that don't involve sex. Waking up to someone every morning, knowing that you have this person to talk to always. Amazing.

my thoughts too

 

[lunalinda]

Lies, huh? He likes to taunt me endlessly. I seriously get stuff like this bombarding my head:

"You've done nothing to deserve a spouse, so sit there and rot in your loneliness. Cry all you want. He can't hear you and won't help you or comfort you. You have to earn ANY attention from God. Otherwise, He'll ignore you because you give Him no reason to care about you and your desires. God is already ignoring you because You're not pleasing enough for him. He's got better things to do than to pay any mind to your meaningless, miniscule excuse for a life. He's got better people to bless than to give you what you want.Shame on you for even desiring anything."

And that's just scratching the surface. Some stuff I end up believing, and it forces me to wonder why it feels like God lets him get away with it all the time. Some stuff I shrug off as well, but I've got a lone way to go. Why can't God bombard my head with HIS thoughts every once in awhile? Why is it always the devil's thoughts I hear? It's something I struggle with; it really is. And it's like there's this still, small voice inside that tries to speak up, but I simply can't hear it. Oh if only God's voice were audible. If only I can hear him SPEAK to me about what to do or feel or whatever else. It'd make all the difference to me.

I hate my singleness. I hate how useless I feel. No one to take care of. No one to hold or caress or kiss on the cheek or to whisper "I love you so much" in his ear. No one. No one to do those things with ME. No one to share physical intimacies. It's probably why I long to even have my dog and cat with me just so I can feel SOMETHING. And yet, I'm surrounded by people who have such a luxury. They can hold hands and embrace and laugh together and simply wallow in their presence and me, well...no. I have to sit here longing. I hate not being needed or wanted or loved in a romantic way. And I hate that no one understands why such feelings can result in sadness. I hate how empty the supposedly "comforting" words of "God knows what you want, you just gotta wait for His timing" start to sound. And I hate the fact that I hate all of this.

Anyway, I basically echo Mina's post almost exactly. Only difference is, she deserves a mate moreso than me because of here sheer willingess and action in being more for God than I ever have. That goes for everyone else here too. I'll be happy to know of the day when Mina, and everyone else here with such desires for mates, will finally have their prayers answered. You all most certainly have a much better attitude about it, it seems. Me, I get lost in those devil lies.

 

[GQ Chris]

Lies, huh? He likes to taunt me endlessly. I seriously get stuff like this bombarding my head:

"You've done nothing to deserve a spouse, so sit there and rot in your loneliness. Cry all you want. He can't hear you and won't help you or comfort you. You have to earn ANY attention from God. Otherwise, He'll ignore you because you give Him no reason to care about you and your desires. God is already ignoring you because You're not pleasing enough for him. He's got better things to do than to pay any mind to your meaningless, miniscule excuse for a life. He's got better people to bless than to give you what you want.Shame on you for even desiring anything."

And that's just scratching the surface. Some stuff I end up believing, and it forces me to wonder why it feels like God lets him get away with it all the time. Some stuff I shrug off as well, but I've got a lone way to go. Why can't God bombard my head with HIS thoughts every once in awhile? Why is it always the devil's thoughts I hear? It's something I struggle with; it really is. And it's like there's this still, small voice inside that tries to speak up, but I simply can't hear it. Oh if only God's voice were audible. If only I can hear him SPEAK to me about what to do or feel or whatever else. It'd make all the difference to me.

I hate my singleness. I hate how useless I feel. No one to take care of. No one to hold or caress or kiss on the cheek or to whisper "I love you so much" in his ear. No one. No one to do those things with ME. No one to share physical intimacies. It's probably why I long to even have my dog and cat with me just so I can feel SOMETHING. And yet, I'm surrounded by people who have such a luxury. They can hold hands and embrace and laugh together and simply wallow in their presence and me, well...no. I have to sit here longing. I hate not being needed or wanted or loved in a romantic way. And I hate that no one understands why such feelings can result in sadness. I hate how empty the supposedly "comforting" words of "God knows what you want, you just gotta wait for His timing" start to sound. And I hate the fact that I hate all of this.

Anyway, I basically echo Mina's post almost exactly. Only difference is, she deserves a mate moreso than me because of here sheer willingess and action in being more for God than I ever have. That goes for everyone else here too. I'll be happy to know of the day when Mina, and everyone else here with such desires for mates, will finally have their prayers answered. You all most certainly have a much better attitude about it, it seems. Me, I get lost in those devil lies.

you gotta get to a point where you're just happy knowing God and that he is sufficient to take care of all your needs.

 

[mina]

((((((((((lunalinda)))))))))))))) thank you for your kind words. I don't think I do deserve a mate; I don't think anyone deserves a mate. It's something that God chooses to bless us with even when we sometimes don't deserve it. I get bombarded with the lies too. Including the one about "how dare you even desire a spouse- God has better things to do than worry about sending you someone to love" or "you aren't a good Christian because you want marriage and you aren't anywhere close to marriage". or how about "you had better just be content with singlness, because no one would want you and that's what a good little Christian girl does- suck it up and don't ever allow yourself to feel or be vunerable or admit that you hate singleness". A small part inside my mind knows these are lies, but sometimes I allow myself to fall victim to them because their sentiments are echoed by Christians sometimes. when I'm not fully committed to believing the word of God and nothing else I get weak and beat myself up about even daring to dream that my desires are good. I know that the bible doesn't always speak specifically to my own little personal struggles, but I know that the Bible does speak a lot about hope. God's word tells us to hope even when everything around us seems hopeless. It tells us nothing is impossible with God. And while I think these great promises can be taken at a higher spritual level tying a lot of our hope up with our future victory in heaven with Jesus; I think God wants us to hope in our everyday joeschomo life on earth too. If you desire marriage, I truly believe it's ok to hope and pray for that. We never know what is around the corner for us, or who is around the corner. It's hard to have that hope when it feels like you are stuck in a rut, but we have to remember that God is capable of anything. sometimes we just have to wait for it.

 

[~HopeFloats~]

Lies, huh? He likes to taunt me endlessly. I seriously get stuff like this bombarding my head:

"You've done nothing to deserve a spouse, so sit there and rot in your loneliness. Cry all you want. He can't hear you and won't help you or comfort you. You have to earn ANY attention from God. Otherwise, He'll ignore you because you give Him no reason to care about you and your desires. God is already ignoring you because You're not pleasing enough for him. He's got better things to do than to pay any mind to your meaningless, miniscule excuse for a life. He's got better people to bless than to give you what you want.Shame on you for even desiring anything."

And that's just scratching the surface. Some stuff I end up believing, and it forces me to wonder why it feels like God lets him get away with it all the time. Some stuff I shrug off as well, but I've got a lone way to go. Why can't God bombard my head with HIS thoughts every once in awhile? Why is it always the devil's thoughts I hear? It's something I struggle with; it really is. And it's like there's this still, small voice inside that tries to speak up, but I simply can't hear it. Oh if only God's voice were audible. If only I can hear him SPEAK to me about what to do or feel or whatever else. It'd make all the difference to me.

I hate my singleness. I hate how useless I feel. No one to take care of. No one to hold or caress or kiss on the cheek or to whisper "I love you so much" in his ear. No one. No one to do those things with ME. No one to share physical intimacies. It's probably why I long to even have my dog and cat with me just so I can feel SOMETHING. And yet, I'm surrounded by people who have such a luxury. They can hold hands and embrace and laugh together and simply wallow in their presence and me, well...no. I have to sit here longing. I hate not being needed or wanted or loved in a romantic way. And I hate that no one understands why such feelings can result in sadness. I hate how empty the supposedly "comforting" words of "God knows what you want, you just gotta wait for His timing" start to sound. And I hate the fact that I hate all of this.

Anyway, I basically echo Mina's post almost exactly. Only difference is, she deserves a mate moreso than me because of here sheer willingess and action in being more for God than I ever have. That goes for everyone else here too. I'll be happy to know of the day when Mina, and everyone else here with such desires for mates, will finally have their prayers answered. You all most certainly have a much better attitude about it, it seems. Me, I get lost in those devil lies.

You have posted something a lot of us think-- while reading your post it was like you were right inside my head-- I too have had thoughts like that.

 

[Johnnz]

The first command ever given to mankind was to be fruitful and multiply. A pox on those who seek to belittle marriage! (Not really, I am called to love those shrivelled, super spiritual killjoys).

John
NZ

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

Lies, huh? He likes to taunt me endlessly. I seriously get stuff like this bombarding my head:

"You've done nothing to deserve a spouse, so sit there and rot in your loneliness. Cry all you want. He can't hear you and won't help you or comfort you. You have to earn ANY attention from God. Otherwise, He'll ignore you because you give Him no reason to care about you and your desires. God is already ignoring you because You're not pleasing enough for him. He's got better things to do than to pay any mind to your meaningless, miniscule excuse for a life. He's got better people to bless than to give you what you want.Shame on you for even desiring anything."

And that's just scratching the surface. Some stuff I end up believing, and it forces me to wonder why it feels like God lets him get away with it all the time. Some stuff I shrug off as well, but I've got a lone way to go. Why can't God bombard my head with HIS thoughts every once in awhile? Why is it always the devil's thoughts I hear? It's something I struggle with; it really is. And it's like there's this still, small voice inside that tries to speak up, but I simply can't hear it. Oh if only God's voice were audible. If only I can hear him SPEAK to me about what to do or feel or whatever else. It'd make all the difference to me.

I hate my singleness. I hate how useless I feel. No one to take care of. No one to hold or caress or kiss on the cheek or to whisper "I love you so much" in his ear. No one. No one to do those things with ME. No one to share physical intimacies. It's probably why I long to even have my dog and cat with me just so I can feel SOMETHING. And yet, I'm surrounded by people who have such a luxury. They can hold hands and embrace and laugh together and simply wallow in their presence and me, well...no. I have to sit here longing. I hate not being needed or wanted or loved in a romantic way. And I hate that no one understands why such feelings can result in sadness. I hate how empty the supposedly "comforting" words of "God knows what you want, you just gotta wait for His timing" start to sound. And I hate the fact that I hate all of this.

Anyway, I basically echo Mina's post almost exactly. Only difference is, she deserves a mate moreso than me because of here sheer willingess and action in being more for God than I ever have. That goes for everyone else here too. I'll be happy to know of the day when Mina, and everyone else here with such desires for mates, will finally have their prayers answered. You all most certainly have a much better attitude about it, it seems. Me, I get lost in those devil lies.

I know what you mean. It often feels wrong to desire a spouse and we are fed these lies by satan and others around us, that tell us we are less spiritual, less trusting in God, or something to even desire such things. For those of us, where that is the strongest desire of our heart, deeper than anything else we could ever hope for on this earth other than to grow closer to God, it's hard because you feel like you have to pretend to be fine in your singleness.

Another lie I've been fed for years by satan, is that everyone else deserves a spouse more than me, that he will provide for everyone else but not me. The fact that you think we all have better attitudes and deserve it better than you is also a lie! I can't tell you how many once single and unhappy friends I have prayed for and hoped for and believed with, that are now married. And I would tell myself, well they are older than me, or have been waiting longer, or something. How dare I desire a spouse. They should get one first. Now it seems the friends way younger than me are also having that prayer answered and getting married and I'm so happy for them, especially those I've seen go through heartbreak after hearbreak.

But when age isn't a legitimate execuse or the length of one's singleness, then I've found myself in the past comparing myself to others who are married (I don't advise you do this!) and wondering what they have that is different than me, or what they did different. Did they have a better upbringing? Are their parents still married vs. from broken homes? Were they more content with their singleness before marriage? Were they stronger in their walk with God? Were they more attractive? Were they better people? More loved by God/ More worthy or deserving in some way? Perhaps their relationships with God were weaker than mine or they were weaker than me and God felt they needed a spouse to strengthen them? Did they do something different in the way they met? Did they pray something different? Did they want it less? Did they want it more?

After all these questions, I've found that, it still doesn't add up. Lots of my married friends still have issues in marriage, still struggle in their relationships with God, and none of them fit the same criteria. It seems their is no logical reason as to why they are married and I am not. So it has to be one of those things beyond my grasp. But the only thing that makes sense to me is that I have more healing to do and need to grow into a wholer and better person. Of course, that isn't a conclusion I was able to come to by comparing to others because I know many people who need a lot more healing than me and have a lot of work to do on themselves who are married. All I can say, is there must be a specific reason why God needs me to work on these things now, before I am married.

I feel like I'm rambling now. I hope that made sense.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

((((((((((lunalinda)))))))))))))) thank you for your kind words. I don't think I do deserve a mate; I don't think anyone deserves a mate. It's something that God chooses to bless us with even when we sometimes don't deserve it. I get bombarded with the lies too. Including the one about "how dare you even desire a spouse- God has better things to do than worry about sending you someone to love" or "you aren't a good Christian because you want marriage and you aren't anywhere close to marriage". or how about "you had better just be content with singlness, because no one would want you and that's what a good little Christian girl does- suck it up and don't ever allow yourself to feel or be vunerable or admit that you hate singleness". A small part inside my mind knows these are lies, but sometimes I allow myself to fall victim to them because their sentiments are echoed by Christians sometimes. when I'm not fully committed to believing the word of God and nothing else I get weak and beat myself up about even daring to dream that my desires are good. I know that the bible doesn't always speak specifically to my own little personal struggles, but I know that the Bible does speak a lot about hope. God's word tells us to hope even when everything around us seems hopeless. It tells us nothing is impossible with God. And while I think these great promises can be taken at a higher spritual level tying a lot of our hope up with our future victory in heaven with Jesus; I think God wants us to hope in our everyday joeschomo life on earth too. If you desire marriage, I truly believe it's ok to hope and pray for that. We never know what is around the corner for us, or who is around the corner. It's hard to have that hope when it feels like you are stuck in a rut, but we have to remember that God is capable of anything. sometimes we just have to wait for it.

awesome post mina!

 

[GQ Chris]

I just realized that with some, it appears that the desire for a mate has become an "Idol" in their Christian walk.. don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with desiring marriage..

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

just a note, that I don't desire marriage more than I desire to be closer to God and know him more. Nothing will get closer than that desire for me. But, it is like RIGHT below that desire to be close with God! So I can see how it might bump against that boundary line at times. But for me God really does come first. Maybe I don't sound like it sometimes??

 

[GQ Chris]

just a note, that I don't desire marriage more than I desire to be closer to God and know him more. Nothing will get closer than that desire for me. But, it is like RIGHT below that desire to be close with God! So I can see how it might bump against that boundary line at times. But for me God really does come first. Maybe I don't sound like it sometimes??

Thanks for clarifying that. You really don't have to have anxiety over your future and mate prospects.. often times we can read the Bible and know God's Word but that still isn't enough.. only until we take possession of God's Word in our life that it begins to bring forth fruit.. after all, we are to walk by Faith no matter how things may appear. So we can "choose" to think about and dwell on the negative things in life, or we can bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

 

[joanna1]

Thanks for clarifying that. You really don't have to have anxiety over your future and mate prospects.. often times we can read the Bible and know God's Word but that still isn't enough.. only until we take possession of God's Word in our life that it begins to bring forth fruit.. after all, we are to walk by Faith no matter how things may appear. So we can "choose" to think about and dwell on the negative things in life, or we can bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

I think people that simplify the problem are the least helpful. Those that say "you just have to focus on God", "if your priorities are right he will set you free".
I feel like my singleness is like Paul's thorn in the flesh, except it's a thorn straight into the heart and soul. God has acknowledged it hurts, but has decided not to take it away, because his grace is sufficient.
I just have to find a way of living with it and that doesn't merely happen by focusing more on God or devoting all your time to the service of others.
It angers me when people suggest that pain is a result of spiritual failure. Sometimes pain doesn't have another meaning or cause than to help reveal God's greatness.

 

[GQ Chris]

I think people that simplify the problem are the least helpful. Those that say "you just have to focus on God", "if your priorities are right he will set you free".
I feel like my singleness is like Paul's thorn in the flesh, except it's a thorn straight into the heart and soul. God has acknowledged it hurts, but has decided not to take it away, because his grace is sufficient.
I just have to find a way of living with it and that doesn't merely happen by focusing more on God or devoting all your time to the service of others.
It angers me when people suggest that pain is a result of spiritual failure. Sometimes pain doesn't have another meaning or cause than to help reveal God's greatness.

well then that's your problem.. it's all about me, me, me... it isn't "simplifying" the problem, it's merely the Truth, and sometimes the Truth hurts and its difficult and uncomfortable.. and people can't accept it. And people struggle, including myself. So once you've let go of the "Woe is me" attitude, you may finally make some progress.