How do you feel about being single?

[joanna1]

If that's true for going to Africa is that true for going down to a local food bank to sort food? Or sitting to talk with the elderly? Wouldn't that also be more fulfilling not on your own? I guess you should just not do anything at all for anyone until it can be more fulfilling to you.

But wait a minute. When did life become about you and how fulfilled you are by the good deeds you do? Isn't doing rewarding work about doing it for God, doing it in Christ's great name, doing it to help someone less fortunate than you? Those are supposed to be selfless acts. When did doing things for others become about how it makes you feel?

To say such things will be more worthwhile when you have a family is an excuse. Go. Try it now. Then try it again when you have a family. Then compare how fulfilling it is between the two. But I'll tell you this - God will smile upon you and bless you for the things you do out of the kindness of your heart both now, next week, next month, next year and in 40 years from now... whether you have a family or not. I hate to think what He thinks if you say, "No, God, I'll just wait until I'm married to help people."



God is the only one we need. Each and every single one of us - just God.

If you're thinking you need someone else to share life with you're wrong. Of course it would be nice. I won't deny you that. But God alone is all each and every one of us needs. That's difficult to accept. I understand that. And I don't want to put down anyone here but if you need a physical pat on the back for things you do then you need a little straightening out. I don't know how you got that way but I'm sorry. God's always there for you.

HE IS ALL WE NEED.

please understand that.

read mina's post. You don't need to make others feel worse for feeling bad. Feeling bad about being single doesn't make you less of a christian.

 

[ChrisWin1]

read mina's post.

i did.

 

[sistakrista]

Personally. I rather enjoy being single. The only one to please is God! If I'm lonely, I go out or call a friend. I have a tough time imaging sharing my space. I've had roommates, but spouses never go away! I don't think I'd like having someone else in my face, all the time. Of course, I've known many others who have felt the same, before getting married... and, legal sex,(in God's eyes), would be great, I'm sure. Still, if I had to get married JUST for that reason. I believe it would be miserable. Paul wrote it's better to marry than burn - but he ALSO wrote that he encouraged single ppl to stay the way they are, so as to not be double-minded in service & pleasing God. Course, I could be all wrong - well, I'm not wrong about emjoying my singledness!

 

[Pyrogenesis]

"It's alright" is about the best response I've got. I'm at the stage where I know who I am in Christ and I'm content with who I am as a man (That doesn't mean I don't want to grow, but I accept where I'm at now). From that knowledge and contentment flows my strength, and from that flows a desire for a wife.

I'll try to explain a little better. I've found my security and strength in God, so I don't need a girlfriend or wife to make me feel like a man; I know I am because God said I am. But because of the completeness that I've found in God I want to have someone to share it with! So I'm alright with being single, but I desire something more. Make sense?

Based on what what I find attractive now that I've found contentment with God, here's what the ladies should know: Your willingness to admit your need is attractive, but only if you've channeled that need at God. Just as I have strength and affection to share but am content in God, your need for that strength and affection must be first surrendered to God. Admit the desires of your heart, but put your trust in God to fulfill them.

Clingy women who demand attention are not attractive; a man's strength will never be enough to fill their insecurity. God is supposed to be our security, not our partner.

Women that have shut down their hearts are not attractive either; the man's strength will be shunned because she fears to be vulnerable. Only in God can she find the security to allow her needs to show.

Women that have the desire for a husband but are content in God are beautiful! There is a need for affection that lets a man know his strength will be welcome, but there is also the abiding presence of God in her life. Vulnerability and Godliness merge in such an attractive way that you will capture the eye of Godly men.

Well, that's what I think anyway... I'm 25 and single, it's not like I've got years of experence or anything.

 

[mina]

I reread my own post and it probably seems really complainy, but the OP did want to know what we struggle with so I was honest, lol. I'm a really happy go lucky person and I don't sit around all day bemoaning singleness. I'm out there living my life and loving God and trying to make the most of every opportunity I have to serve Him. Perhaps one reason no one knows how to work with singles within the church is that we all shut up about it and never let anyone know what we really struggle with. And among singles instead of speaking words of life and encouragement to each other when we hurt and struggle; we are quick to say we shouldn't feel that way and condemn those that do.
Each day I get up and give my desires to God. I pray each morning that God would take my feelings and desires and keep me undistracted and use me that day. When all is said and done at the end of the day and I'm on my knees again; I must admit I still have the same desires. I don't think that's a bad thing. Perhaps God is keeping them alive in me for a good reason. I don't know, and you don't know, and no Earthly person knows. Only God knows so He is the one I will ask and seek His answer on.

 

[mina]

I just want to say that I have read joanna1's posts for quite a while now and she does help children and people in need. She is actively involved in furthering God's kingdom NOW. She is not waiting til she's married to witness, and serve, and help people. She seems to have a heart for children and is a godly woman. She is going to make a great wife and mother someday! She seems to be using a great opportunity now to minister to children that really need it. She seems to have a good ministry .
Let's try encouraging others and not tearing them down by assuming things that are not true.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I envision being single as being like riding in a boat. I'm in my boat, shooting foward towards my goals and towards serving the Lord. A boyfriend would be like a hole in the boat that would slow me down and eventually sink the boat and stop me from getting where I'm going.

 

[Weasel7711]

I am going to be teaching a class at my church for single women. I want to talk to them about how important our singleness is to God's plan for our lives. I wanted to find out from some other single people things you struggle with, things you've learned etc. Thank you so much!

I'm cool with it, as long as my status changes sometime before im 30

 

[Hope_0004]

Wow - I'm kind of depressed now that so many people out there are so unhappy with their romantic status.

Me personally... I like being single and always have. I am currently in a relationship that is steadfastly heading toward marriage, so I don't know if that counts as "single" anymore, but I'm not engaged and I'm sure not married. I'm quite frankly a bit scared of changing my status from single to married. I have really enjoyed my life so far!

What has been a struggle? Let's see...

* now that I have found someone I love deeply, I do want to "set up house" with him and see him in the morning and at night and share a home and all that... and for me, you have to be married to do that...

* sometimes I do find myself lonely - but the truth is, I can be lonely in a roomful of people if that it is the way that I feel at the time - I don't really think it has much to do with being single

* I have thought that financially it would be easier to be married at times

* people on the "outside" wonder sometimes why my boyfriend and I haven't married yet - and that is not any fun, because it's not anyone else's business, you know? Plus I'm the one who is holding back so I get the evil eye from him when I act uncomfortable about answering

* I have always thought it would be fun to cook for a big family (see how stupidly single I am?)

What is great about being single?

* obviously independence; not having to answer to anyone else financially is a big one for me too, now that I'm finally not destitute

* not having to share space with someone else; I have this great new house, and I can have it as clean (or as dirty) as I want and have no one to praise (or blame) but myself

* having more time to focus on God, family, and friends; just naturally

* having MUCH more time to focus on career

I think it is AWESOME that you are having a class for singles... I sure hope that if you have young ladies who feel like some of the ones in here do, it will help them... I am much more likely to be very, very upset and/or ill-at-ease because of financial or career matters, but the feeling of dissatisfaction... I know it is awful. I haven't found the secret for getting something that really matters out of my head either.

 

[Markus6]

I envision being single as being like riding in a boat. I'm in my boat, shooting foward towards my goals and towards serving the Lord. A boyfriend would be like a hole in the boat that would slow me down and eventually sink the boat and stop me from getting where I'm going.

Any boyfriend apart from the right one. I hope one day you find a guy who's more of an outboard motor.

I've been totally fine with being single for ages. I'm struggling at the moment. I like being single so long as there are girls around who clearly fancy me. I need to realise that I should value myself as God values me and not as the next cute girl I see does.

 

[Pyrogenesis]

Any boyfriend apart from the right one. I hope one day you find a guy who's more of an outboard motor.

I'm quoting this because it's so true! Your partner should push you further toward God, not slow you down. When you find the right person should give your spiritual life a real boost.

 

[Weasel7711]

I'm quoting this because it's so true! Your partner should push you further toward God, not slow you down. When you find the right person should give your spiritual life a real boost.

I agree, your partner should be someone you can be accountable with and worship with

 

[mina]

If the possibility of marriage or a SO doesn't spur on your relationship with the Lord then you don't need to pursue it.

 

[meepmoopmeep]

I've only been single for a year and I don't think i'm prepared to start a new relationship at this point in time... i don't feel terrrible or anything, i just want to wait it out for now

 

[knownbeforetime]

If that's true for going to Africa is that true for going down to a local food bank to sort food? Or sitting to talk with the elderly? Wouldn't that also be more fulfilling not on your own? I guess you should just not do anything at all for anyone until it can be more fulfilling to you.

But wait a minute. When did life become about you and how fulfilled you are by the good deeds you do? Isn't doing rewarding work about doing it for God, doing it in Christ's great name, doing it to help someone less fortunate than you? Those are supposed to be selfless acts. When did doing things for others become about how it makes you feel?

To say such things will be more worthwhile when you have a family is an excuse. Go. Try it now. Then try it again when you have a family. Then compare how fulfilling it is between the two. But I'll tell you this - God will smile upon you and bless you for the things you do out of the kindness of your heart both now, next week, next month, next year and in 40 years from now... whether you have a family or not. I hate to think what He thinks if you say, "No, God, I'll just wait until I'm married to help people."



God is the only one we need. Each and every single one of us - just God.

If you're thinking you need someone else to share life with you're wrong. Of course it would be nice. I won't deny you that. But God alone is all each and every one of us needs. That's difficult to accept. I understand that. And I don't want to put down anyone here but if you need a physical pat on the back for things you do then you need a little straightening out. I don't know how you got that way but I'm sorry. God's always there for you.

HE IS ALL WE NEED.

please understand that.

You don't know anything about me and you're calling me lazy and selfish! FYI, I'm doing a year-long training and service program that is run by my family of churches. (See the link in my profile...) This actually works for me because my teammates are good friends and we can go through the ups and downs together. I'm also living with a host family and I have a mentor. But I know that when I go back home, I will live with my dad (who is not a Christain) and then find someplace else to live and then really be alone. Being alone absolutely terrifies me...

God is all we need? Read Genesis 2:18.... God was physically present with Adam all the time and yet God said, "It is not good for man to be alone..." I'm sure Adam did a great job tending the garden by himself. I'm sure all the plants and animals were flourishing with just Adam's care. However, God saw that he needed a partner.

 

[Ruth~]

It's nice being single at times because the relationships I had were full of conflict but I was also much younger. I haven't had a relationship with a man as a boyfriend in a long time. I tend to to try too hard with a man and that stress is off my back. I would like a man in my life who is mature and who will respect me and be very kind.

 

[Weasel7711]

If you can ever say to yourself at any point in the relationship: "I can't marry this person," you should probably end it

 

[Highland Watchman]

There are ups and downs - most days I am cool with it, but there are some days when I find myself wondering why... (which, those are the times usually just after I was rejected, or when people start pressuring me to find someone - and sometimes when I put myself into stupidly awkward situations like the one I am in now...).

Like yeah, there is the loneliness factor - I get lonely sometimes, just like the next person. Although, I am also the type who can get very lonely and uncomfortable in a room full of people, especially those I don't know all that well, or there is a sense that I don't belong. I don't know if marriage will really change that.

And I have been in 3 relationships, all of them rather short term, comparitively speaking - the longest being 10 months, and the total of all 3 being less than 2 years out of my 26 years of life. So singleness is what I am more used to.

And, because I am just now coming out of a state of near poverty, I haven't really had the means to actually pursue anything anyway. I would have nothing to offer any girl, my lack of understanding of what it means to be a man would make it even worse, and my self-loathing tendencies would turn anyone off. I should be able to offer my strength, not bemoan my lack of it.

As far as reasons for my singleness... Well, of what I know, I live a somewhat nomadic lifestyle (which is not the greatest for those who want the security to "settle down"), my vocation and calling is in full-time ministry (which intimidates some and turns others off), my braininess can be a double edged sword, and my social skills - while improving drastically over the last handfull of years - are nowhere near the level of "Don Juan". I am scared and intimidated of the "initiation" thing, though I know I shouldn't be... and for some reason, the girls I keep going for are the "I don't need you!"/too scared of being vulnerable type... either that or the flirty girls who mean nothing by their flirtations.

 

[wis]

I'm happy with my single life now. I think having boyfriend is great, but having no boyfriend is great too since I have lots of friends and lots of things to do like traveling, study for master degree and serving God. It's true that women population is more than men population, especially for christian. So it's not surprise that there are lots of great single christian woman in the world.

Once I was struggle after I broke up with my boyfriend, and need someone to replace him. But for now, God give me back my confidence and peace so that I can be a good friend for men without the intense feeling of looking for a spouse. This is really great friendship that God blessed me,sincerely friendship. Maybe in the future, God may send me someone. Hope at that time God already prepare me to be my boyfriend's "best-friend". For now, just be happy.....

 

[ChrisWin1]

you're calling me lazy and selfish!

Hi

I re-read my post and I didn't see those words in there.

I didn't see any put down.
The reason I didn't is because I would never put you down.
I'll speak with words of tough love straight from my heart because I care about you but I won't put you down.

So if you could help me see where I typed lazy and selfish, that would be awesome because I checked again and I still don't see them.

Thanks and
I hope you have a wonderful day God Bless!