Oh yeah, this is a tough question at times. I start by reminding myself that I owe noone an answer, and often I don't give one especially if I don't know the person well. Most folks wind up knowing about my abuse before knowing me well enough to ask such personal questions so it doesn't usually get raised often.
If I decide to answer, I usually respond by asking the person what they mean by "virgin", and in particular, why they want to know. It's difficult, yeah because I don't fit neatly into either category, but then again, I tend to reject the traditional categories anyway hehehe. Ie, I don't define myself or my worth by either my physical or my spiritual virginity... even had I never done anything sexual nor kissed nor held hands nor whatever, my purity would not come from my abstinence, but from Christ. So why should I or anyone else relegate me to the "secondary virginity/purity" camp and somehow feel less pure (though not blameworthy) or even DIFFERENT just because I have done those things, anyway?
So, if I were to have a convo about virginity, it would be kinda long and kinda more involved than most people are used to... I know many christians who appear to be close to idolising virginity and I think that is dangerous. Virginity is valuable because it serves covenant. It is not an end in itself. And whilst I am not physically a virgin, since I have never had consensual sex, nor any kind of consensual sexual activity, nothing has detracted from my future marriage covenant (if I marry, that is). So, sometimes I say no I am not, and if I get frowned at, I use the opportunity to educate people a bit. Or else, just say "don't assume anything and don't judge me, thanks". But I am usually careful how much I say to whom - I NEVER answer the "are you a virgin" question without questioning their motives - some folks are just too curious, and why cast your pearls before swine, ya know? I have also met folks who almost act as though Jesus can't ensure purity once someone has had sex outside of marriage, even if it was nonconsensual. And that is flat out wrong, because He is the one who makes us pure in the first place!!
So, I am a bit wary, sometimes I say more than others, but I usually wind up talking more about covenant than virginity, in any conversation. That's not to say that virginity isn't important, and the loss of physical virginity is not important, because it is, and it certainly hurt... but it is not the end of the story, by any means. Not at all, thank God
Those are today's random thoughts, anyway!
Makk
PS If the person who is asking is someone I am in a romantic relationship with, well then I go with the honesty and need to know policy and tell it like it is. If they love me, they won't have a problem with that, at least not in terms of letting it change how they see me. If they do have a problem with that, then that's fine cos I have a bigger problem with them! To be honest that is enough reason for me to drop them like a hot potato cos we obviously have massively different theological beliefs about covenant and Jesus' ability to heal, etc etc etc. And the heart of the Father, too. And that's a pretty major difference.
Plus of course I have no interest in anyone who would define me by my experiences rather than as a child of God. Or to be scared off by baggage (as if they don't have any of their own!). So, anyone who wanted to dump me due to this, is not worth my time.
Thus far, though, it hasn't scared anyone off. I have run screaming from a few who were relying on their own righteousness (ie putting stock in their abstinence as an end in itself) though.
ok nuff said
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