I am wondering if anyone here was ever in the same situation. I am an adult (21) who is still living with his parents and my mom is simply incapable of being a good mother. She is emotionally abusive, unrepentant, a blame shifter...etc. I had many fits of anger throughout my living with her because she just doesn't know how to admit to being wrong or be respectful and understanding towards me. About a week ago we had a big fight over my performance in college. I am studying on a scholarship and she was mad over how I failed a course. It matters because my scholarship would have been at risk of being taken away from me and my parents would owe a huge amount of money but in the end, there wasn't much to worry about after all. My performance has been going backward ever since Covid hit but I'm still trying my hardest. In fact, this semester in college I was putting in a lot more work than I had been doing in previous years and by God's grace, I was making huge progress in recovering from some addictions that I had in the past. She was understandably concerned about the money, but when I tried to explain that I was doing my best she simply shrugged it off and said: "I know, but try harder".
To me, it felt devastating to see how I was doing everything I could and making so much progress in many areas of my life but in the end, all she cared about was results and that she doesn't lose money. Anyway, I burst out in anger and was trying to explain all I had been doing but she simply shrugged that off and started blaming me for all the times she had seen me use my phone or listen to something using my headphones as if that was all I had been doing.
Well, that's some insight as to what goes on in this household. I really want to know what to do. I want to set some sort of boundary and I want to prevent her from hurting me again like this especially since I'm kinda stuck living here for a while until I am blessed with getting my own job and my own place. I had tried to move to live with my grandma, at least for a while but she said no. I don't have anywhere else to go really so I'm stuck here and that's problematic because while others may set a boundary and then be able to not pick up the phone or stop visiting if the situation becomes so bad, I can't afford any of that at the moment and I know setting boundaries won't be as effective because of it.
Every time I tried saying this or that really hurt, she gets mad at me and blames me for not appreciating her. She even complained to my grandpa about it once and then went on to barely speak to me until after a while. At this point, I don't know if setting some sort of boundary is even worth it. Whenever I do it, she shifts the blame unto me and then things gradually go back to the way they were for the most part. I am wondering if there's anyone out there who has been in the same situation as I have since it's starting to feel like whenever someone speaks about boundaries in the Christian world, it's the norm to be able to communicate boundaries while having some safe distance from parents to shield yourself and have some peace away from all the brokenness. That's ideal but it's unfortunately not the case and I don't know what else to do. Should I keep trying to communicate my hurts and set boundaries even though I know it won't lead to much and may make the situation even worse?
To me, it felt devastating to see how I was doing everything I could and making so much progress in many areas of my life but in the end, all she cared about was results and that she doesn't lose money. Anyway, I burst out in anger and was trying to explain all I had been doing but she simply shrugged that off and started blaming me for all the times she had seen me use my phone or listen to something using my headphones as if that was all I had been doing.
Well, that's some insight as to what goes on in this household. I really want to know what to do. I want to set some sort of boundary and I want to prevent her from hurting me again like this especially since I'm kinda stuck living here for a while until I am blessed with getting my own job and my own place. I had tried to move to live with my grandma, at least for a while but she said no. I don't have anywhere else to go really so I'm stuck here and that's problematic because while others may set a boundary and then be able to not pick up the phone or stop visiting if the situation becomes so bad, I can't afford any of that at the moment and I know setting boundaries won't be as effective because of it.
Every time I tried saying this or that really hurt, she gets mad at me and blames me for not appreciating her. She even complained to my grandpa about it once and then went on to barely speak to me until after a while. At this point, I don't know if setting some sort of boundary is even worth it. Whenever I do it, she shifts the blame unto me and then things gradually go back to the way they were for the most part. I am wondering if there's anyone out there who has been in the same situation as I have since it's starting to feel like whenever someone speaks about boundaries in the Christian world, it's the norm to be able to communicate boundaries while having some safe distance from parents to shield yourself and have some peace away from all the brokenness. That's ideal but it's unfortunately not the case and I don't know what else to do. Should I keep trying to communicate my hurts and set boundaries even though I know it won't lead to much and may make the situation even worse?
