Im so fed up with set backs! Everytime I start feeking better something happens and messes me up again.
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How do I move on?
- Thread starter MelWright
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BelindaP
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That's how it is with healing. I know how you feel. Sometimes if feels like you're swimming against a strong current and going nowhere or backwards. Keep trying. It will get better. I promise.
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lavenderskies
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I really want to suggest a book to you. Its called How Long does it hurt
I think you will find it to be a big help. My daughter read it after she was molested. I read it also. I really think you should find a good counselor and make appointments regularly.
There is light at the end of the tunnel
I think you will find it to be a big help. My daughter read it after she was molested. I read it also. I really think you should find a good counselor and make appointments regularly.
There is light at the end of the tunnel
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Do you promise? It will get better? I will have a look for the book, anything that will help me. I havnt got the time to fit in councelling! It would have to be after 7 at night.
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BelindaP
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Yes. It will get better. I know that it seems hopeless right now. I had a lot of hopeless nights myself, so I know exactly where you are. At those times when you feel the worst, just remember that Jesus is right by your side, crying with you.
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lavenderskies
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Yes it will get better, I am positive. I can be positive because Jesus is our hope, our redeemer.
Mel, I have read many of your posts and am familiar with your struggles bacause of that. I want to explain to you a small bit of what my daughter and I faced, and how God brought us through it.
I dated a man for many years, he was good to my kids, and treated them like his own. I nursed this man through cancer twice, and heart failure once. I dedicated many years to caring for him. We finally decided to marry. We married in September of 2001. In July 2002 my daughter screamed for me in the middle of the night. That is when she told me he was molesting her. We began a long path, a hard path, probably the hardest in my life. We worked together to convict him, two felony convictions. She was 11 and 12 when she was a victim to him. We spent 2 years in counseling, we read the book I mentioned to you, we cried, we prayed, we fought. The emotions were all there, every emotion you can imagine. I had to stay married to him until his conviction and sentencing were done. It was horrible, even though he was no longer in the house.
My daughter felt many of the things I know you have posted you feel. She felt dirty, and she no longer felt pure. I explained to her that what he did was without her consent, and that in God's eyes she was still pure. I even went and bought her a promise ring. A promise ring is something we have in the US (not sure if you are familiar with them). Its a ring a girl wears as a promise to God and to herself to remain pure until her wedding night. My daughter found herself feeling better. She had to deal with a girl at her school once who started saying all kinds of negative things when she found out my daughter was molested. My daughter came to me and we prayed a lot. Finally one day she came to me and said God gave her the answer. She worked very hard the next couple weeks. She then gave a speech in front of many of the students at her school. The speech was about being molested. What to do if you are a victim, how you are not at fault, and how to get help. That day, she had 3 classmates come to her and ask her to go with them to the counselor. They were being sexually abused. She was able to go with them, help them report it, and get help.
So you see, God can take things the devil intends for bad and turn it into good. Those kids also came to accept Christ.
She is 16 now and she still speaks to other kids about being molested, and she seeks out posts on Christian Forums where she can help others with this.
During our struggle there were times we felt as you do, we wondered where God was. But later we looked back and we realized God was with us, even during those hard times, even when we did not see him, he was there.
Know that God is with you sweetie, always. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
I am here for you. I am praying for you.
Mel, I have read many of your posts and am familiar with your struggles bacause of that. I want to explain to you a small bit of what my daughter and I faced, and how God brought us through it.
I dated a man for many years, he was good to my kids, and treated them like his own. I nursed this man through cancer twice, and heart failure once. I dedicated many years to caring for him. We finally decided to marry. We married in September of 2001. In July 2002 my daughter screamed for me in the middle of the night. That is when she told me he was molesting her. We began a long path, a hard path, probably the hardest in my life. We worked together to convict him, two felony convictions. She was 11 and 12 when she was a victim to him. We spent 2 years in counseling, we read the book I mentioned to you, we cried, we prayed, we fought. The emotions were all there, every emotion you can imagine. I had to stay married to him until his conviction and sentencing were done. It was horrible, even though he was no longer in the house.
My daughter felt many of the things I know you have posted you feel. She felt dirty, and she no longer felt pure. I explained to her that what he did was without her consent, and that in God's eyes she was still pure. I even went and bought her a promise ring. A promise ring is something we have in the US (not sure if you are familiar with them). Its a ring a girl wears as a promise to God and to herself to remain pure until her wedding night. My daughter found herself feeling better. She had to deal with a girl at her school once who started saying all kinds of negative things when she found out my daughter was molested. My daughter came to me and we prayed a lot. Finally one day she came to me and said God gave her the answer. She worked very hard the next couple weeks. She then gave a speech in front of many of the students at her school. The speech was about being molested. What to do if you are a victim, how you are not at fault, and how to get help. That day, she had 3 classmates come to her and ask her to go with them to the counselor. They were being sexually abused. She was able to go with them, help them report it, and get help.
So you see, God can take things the devil intends for bad and turn it into good. Those kids also came to accept Christ.
She is 16 now and she still speaks to other kids about being molested, and she seeks out posts on Christian Forums where she can help others with this.
During our struggle there were times we felt as you do, we wondered where God was. But later we looked back and we realized God was with us, even during those hard times, even when we did not see him, he was there.
Know that God is with you sweetie, always. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
I am here for you. I am praying for you.
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Im so sorry to hear what you and your daughter went through. That must of been so difficult. I cant even imagine.
Thank you for those words.
Thank you for those words.
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Crucifix
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Melanie, If you and your other friend (the one who decked the rapist) can identify the rapist, like BlueMarcus suggested, I would go to the police. By not doing so, you're allowing someone to control your life, simply by thinking about it. You don't know if the rapist has had any contact with STD's. By taking action, you are not allowing yourself to be a victim any longer.
You owe it to yourself and others to make certain that you're healthy in every aspect of your life - socially, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually, and for your own self-esteem and peace of mind.
If others have mentioned this, then this is a simple re-inforcement of what they have already said. Lavenderskies has given you some excellent insight and information to assist you. You DO have support among us here.
While I'm not a sworn officer, I do work with the police force here and such perverts should be reported to the police and prosecuted, rather than leave a whole string of victims. I would strongly encourage you to go through with this and report it. The police must have officers trained in dealing with rape victims where you live. They are there to help you out.
GBU & good luck. Continue in your recovery.
You owe it to yourself and others to make certain that you're healthy in every aspect of your life - socially, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually, and for your own self-esteem and peace of mind.
If others have mentioned this, then this is a simple re-inforcement of what they have already said. Lavenderskies has given you some excellent insight and information to assist you. You DO have support among us here.
While I'm not a sworn officer, I do work with the police force here and such perverts should be reported to the police and prosecuted, rather than leave a whole string of victims. I would strongly encourage you to go through with this and report it. The police must have officers trained in dealing with rape victims where you live. They are there to help you out.
GBU & good luck. Continue in your recovery.
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I could point his face out if I saw him but as far as the police would be concerned he could be anyone. I couldnt give a good description, I wouldnt know where to start looking. Where I live is very busy, there is transport in from lots and lots of different places. He could be anywhere. If i knew more then I would go to the police but there is no way they can do anything with what I could tell them.
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lavenderskies
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You have to move on, and let me point out to you that even I have not been able to forgive the man who hurt my child. I tried really hard once, and I even talked to him via the internet and tried to tell him I was forgiving him. But he chose to respond with anger and rage and demands that I contact his PO and agree to early release from his probation, protecting his job and not telling anyone. I kinda lost it on him and did just the opposite and sent the info to the prosecutor and PO and his friends. I think for me the forgiveness is the hardest part. I truly do not know if I will ever forgive him. But I know that God understands.
I had to move to help myself heal. I was living in the same house that he abused my child in. I have to say moving from that house helped me so much. I would wake up at night and sit up in bed and see these horrible demonic faces sometimes floating in the room I had shared with him. I would always grab my Bible and just say "JESUS!" over and over. The faces would leave. It was really horrible.
You have to make a conscience decision that you refuse to be his victim any longer. You have to decide you will not let this man or his actions control any part of your life. You have Jesus honey, you have more power than this horrible person will ever have. Try to find a way to turn this to good. Speak to other teens about rape, speak about alcohol abuse, speak about anything related to this to those who need to hear. You have the chance to be a shining light. God will work this all out for his glory and you my beautiful girl will be the light that shines for the world to see.
I had to move to help myself heal. I was living in the same house that he abused my child in. I have to say moving from that house helped me so much. I would wake up at night and sit up in bed and see these horrible demonic faces sometimes floating in the room I had shared with him. I would always grab my Bible and just say "JESUS!" over and over. The faces would leave. It was really horrible.
You have to make a conscience decision that you refuse to be his victim any longer. You have to decide you will not let this man or his actions control any part of your life. You have Jesus honey, you have more power than this horrible person will ever have. Try to find a way to turn this to good. Speak to other teens about rape, speak about alcohol abuse, speak about anything related to this to those who need to hear. You have the chance to be a shining light. God will work this all out for his glory and you my beautiful girl will be the light that shines for the world to see.
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Wow, you are right. Easier said than done but wow. What you have written really made me think. Your right, I cant remain a victim for the rest of my life. Not of that guy, not from my mum, anyone. Im stronger than that, well I used to be. Ive just got to find that strength and happy go lucky love of life I used to have. I will get there, not straight away, but I will keep fighting. Im NOT going to give up and let him win.
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That's a wonderful response. Don' let him ruin the rest of your life.
I have seen many abused women do the (sometimes very) hard yards and get back into life. God is good and Jesus is a great resource to have working with and for you.
Bless you
John
NZ
I have seen many abused women do the (sometimes very) hard yards and get back into life. God is good and Jesus is a great resource to have working with and for you.
Bless you
John
NZ
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Im only young, if I let him ruin the rest of my life then im stupid. Ive been down the wrong track, I need to get back on the right one. Its possible isnt it? Hope is such a good feeling after being so depressed for so long. I think moving out and getting away from my mum will help me, im seriously looking into it.
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Lehr
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Mel, i am absolutly shocked at your story and I am not suprised with the emotions that you are going through.. Do you feal confused or lost? Mel i can't imagine what you went through, but trust me God loves you more then you can imagine. I will pray that god will give you strength and courage to move on, and i will pray that you go to the police.
I know this is hard times for you, but it is your responsibility to do something to get this guy locked up... Have you told your mom what happend? Maybe she can go to the police with you and maybe you can work something out.. I know your work schedule is interfering with you going to a councelor, but have you tried talking with a priest at are maybe a christian councler.. I know that churches have people that will sit down and talk with you, maybe you can take your mom aswell.
I know its easier said then done, but if you don't do anything. Then you will never let what happen to you go.
I strongly encourage you to file a report, becuase this dude that raped you is most likely (99.9% chance) going to rape another girl.. Please do something...
God bless you!!!!
I know this is hard times for you, but it is your responsibility to do something to get this guy locked up... Have you told your mom what happend? Maybe she can go to the police with you and maybe you can work something out.. I know your work schedule is interfering with you going to a councelor, but have you tried talking with a priest at are maybe a christian councler.. I know that churches have people that will sit down and talk with you, maybe you can take your mom aswell.
I know its easier said then done, but if you don't do anything. Then you will never let what happen to you go.
I strongly encourage you to file a report, becuase this dude that raped you is most likely (99.9% chance) going to rape another girl.. Please do something...
God bless you!!!!
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Crucifix
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Mel, if you can give a reasonable description of the pervert, you could ask for a police sketch artist to come and you could describe to him what his general features are - hair, eye color, clean-shaven or scruffy. Things like that. I agree with Lehr. Aslo, as was mentioned to you by Lavenderskies, seek out support groups to help you get on with your life. You don't want to live life as a victim. You have to taks some responsibility in getting this person locked up. As long as yopu've done as much as you can, no-one can ask for more of you.
Keep a direct line to God for guidance and strength. The people who can help your are also images of Christ, put there to help you to live life to the fullest. One thing you have on your side - your young age. In order to tap into that strength, you need to summon the energy to tell the police what you've told us here. Download your descriptions as evidence for the police to help you as well as do what others have stated. This will help you work yourway out of your confusion.
GBU :RCcross:
Keep a direct line to God for guidance and strength. The people who can help your are also images of Christ, put there to help you to live life to the fullest. One thing you have on your side - your young age. In order to tap into that strength, you need to summon the energy to tell the police what you've told us here. Download your descriptions as evidence for the police to help you as well as do what others have stated. This will help you work yourway out of your confusion.
GBU :RCcross:
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Me? Talk to mum? Are you sure? Shes too busy getting drunk to care about me. I feel very confused and lost and im drinking too much, I know I am.
I wish I could go to the police I really do. I dont want to let him get away with it but theres nothing I can do, I cant describe him. My friends have tried to get me to describe him so I can go to the police but I honestly cant do it. I hate the thought of him still being out there but I just cant do anything. I wish I could. As I said 'Crucifix'. I know you are all right and its my responsibility to get him locked up but I cant do anything about it. I hate it but I honestly cant. Id never just sit back and let him do it to someone else just because I didnt have the guts to report him. Plus he warned he would come after me again.
Thank you guys for your help
mel
I wish I could go to the police I really do. I dont want to let him get away with it but theres nothing I can do, I cant describe him. My friends have tried to get me to describe him so I can go to the police but I honestly cant do it. I hate the thought of him still being out there but I just cant do anything. I wish I could. As I said 'Crucifix'. I know you are all right and its my responsibility to get him locked up but I cant do anything about it. I hate it but I honestly cant. Id never just sit back and let him do it to someone else just because I didnt have the guts to report him. Plus he warned he would come after me again.
Thank you guys for your help
mel
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lavenderskies
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Maybe if you go to police, they can arrange hypnosis. Its proven that people recall more details during hypnosis. You can at least call the police anonymously. Talk to a rape crisis center they can really advise you.
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Maybe. I dont know if I really want to remember anymore than I already do but I suppose i have to really dont i.
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