how do I let go?

[luv4godremains]

ok, at church on sunday, they asked for anyone to get prayer if they struggle with depression, well, I decided that I should take a step forward in my life and get prayer at church. one of my friends prayed for me, she said that God was saying to me to "fly away, let go, let go of the chains holding me" and that I needed to let go of the pst, but really, I have no idea how to!? I have been getting flachbacks again, and just don't see how he can expect me to let go when I'm getting them, let alone without them! I really want to, I do, I just don't know how, any one here have any ideas?

 

[Gracie710]

I often think of what Paul wrote about pressing forward, forgetting what is behind and pressing towards that which Christ has in store for me. I had a lot of horrible things happen in my childhood, and I, too, have flashbacks. I decided to bring those things to Christ and ask the Holy Spirit to give me the grace to function and thrive despite what I went through.

Today I was reminded via the radio of the part in the Bible where there was a man who had been blind from birth. The disciples asked Jesus who sinned, the man or his parents. Jesus answered that his disability existed because God wanted to use it to show His glory. This seems strange -- but when the man was healed from his blindness, God was certainly glorified.

I see a parallel to this in healing from the torment of an abusive childhood. Those of us who have survived have seen the worst side of people. We know what the flesh can do and we aren't fooled about the sinfulness of man. And yet God uses us to bring glory to himself.

I just feel the Lord leading me to tell you, there are many people surrounding you who have suffered like you have, but they don't have the hope that Christ gives. You have a powerful witness to those who feel that there is only darkness surrounding them, that they can't move forward or live with what has happened to them. You are an example of hope, and you have something to give to the people around you who are living in darkness. You know, like I do, that there is no one who can speak into the lonely heart of a person imprisoned by the shame and pain of abuse like someone who has experienced it. There is an understanding there that they can't get from someone else.

God bless you. All I can say is that the Lord will show you how to press forward.

 

[Yasha]

You are an example of hope, and you have something to give to the people around you who are living in darkness. You know, like I do, that there is no one who can speak into the lonely heart of a person imprisoned by the shame and pain of abuse like someone who has experienced it. There is an understanding there that they can't get from someone else.

I couldn't have said this better myself...I agree 1000%!

If you hit the camera in my post, you can see my painting of your blindman story....Love in Him, Sha

 

[lj4jc]

Part of the release of my feelings of abuse came from talking to others and some from confronting the abuser. If this helps. I have heard writing down your feelings in a letter to the person and then burning it helps too.

 

[angel82]

Glory to GOD You have taken the very first step and an important one at that. The path out of deppression is not always a quick one. Speaking for myself and what I have done, you now give up to GOD every flashback or trouble that takes your focus off him. It takes time but you will get trough it with only the grace of GOD. The best advice to let go is prayer and more prayer. Journaling has helped me too, write down what you are gratefull for and another list of what you want to change. GLORIFY GOD for your Blessings and hand over to him, with true humility, your character defects and your daily problems. As you continue to journal you'll find the one list becomes shorter and the list of blessing's will increase. I will pray for you and hope you will keep up the post to let me know how you are doing.

Love in GOD
Walk in faith

 

[lj4jc]

We should pray for all who have been abused and those who currently are in an abusive situation.

 

[Yasha]

~"I don't always get the "letting go" comments either. I mean, I know that what people mean when they say it to me is that I should "drop the bone," "stop snarling and chewing on it," lay it down and let the Lord have it, for God's sake...to "stop turning it around and around, chewing it to death" and "just let it fall."

See, I know that's what they mean, or I couldn't type that. But, I am stubborn and I want to fix things all the time...even though I can generally suck at it.

So, I carry the blasted bone around forever, as if it will grow a new steak for me to eat or something...it doesn't. So, why drop it and walk away from it?....because it is making my head spin, that's why. I can't even stand the smell of it anymore and the flys are buzzing me like jetfighters...so why drop it...so I can back up from it and stare at it from farther away? What good will that do me? Not much. Just a boring and wrotten old bone.

So, maybe I'll walk away over here for a while and just look back over my shoulder at it. Maybe, if I don't keep an eye on it, it will disappear, and that could be really bad! I've spent so much time with this bone it means something to me. Carrying it around is what I do, it's who I am. So, I'll glance over and check, now and then. I can't go too far away.

You know what? I AM getting hungry! My mouth is empty now, maybe if it is just gonna lay there, I can step over here and have a bite of something new and fresh, a drink, too ...just for a minute. You know, I probably can get through this narrow door over here, since I dropped that blasted thing. I always wanted to check that door out, for some reason. It's almost like something calls me. I bet I'll fit right through this opening. hmmmm.....I wonder.....yep.

Guess I should peek, see if my bone is still over there or not. But wait, WOW....look at that view from this room. Freed from carrying the bone around I fit into this room and found this AWESOME window! hmmm...

look! There's another cool window over here. I hope my bone is alright. Look at all the things in this room! WOW! I have been nextdoor there, stuck, holding that stinking thing for soooo long. I never knew all this was here. Hello? Who said that? Your name is what? Jesus?! You mean that You have been waiting in this room all along?! Too whacked. I have been over there begging for You to help me for a long time...and You were right here? WOW! Why didn't You answer me?

"Who do you think sent those flies?"

You did? Well, thanks. Do You think my bone will be alright?

Mmm..hmm. I've been waiting for you. I was calling to you, whispering, actually. You could hardly hear Me. Or could You? Now that you let go of your bone, I picked it up and reshaped it. You are not wrong. It does mean something to you, because it helps to define you. Don't be afraid. You will remember it, so, I'll take care of it for you. It will always be a part of you, you know? Not a really pretty part, but it will help you to become the you I believe in. I want to make it easier for you. I decided to improve you with it. I found a place to fit it into your life.... in your ear. It is different after today, an ear bone. It strengthens your hearing now. Bet you can really hear better! I hooked this ear bone right up to your heart. When you hear sounds that remind you of carrying it, you will know a new kindness, a wise gentleness and a tender compassion toward those who make the sounds. You will be able to hear them better than most.

What? No. You don't have to hold it, now, or look after it anymore. I'll carry it with you, and for you, when you like. You don't have to be alone with this anymore. It is a part of us now. Now that you've come here, you know where I am. I'll always be here. We'll be together. Thanks for laying it down and dropping by. I think you can come and go with this now, don't you agree? You want to check out the other doors you fit through?

She walked over and looked out the window. He whispered a blessing and she heard Him! She was free.

Once in awhile she hears a bone fall, or the muffled growls of those stuck in doorways because of their old, stinking, wrotten burdens. She grows so warm and soft in her heart when she hears them. She can remember her hunger and her thirst, that small place, so alone, and her feeling of being locked in. It always makes tears well up in her eyes. She moves closer in to Jesus. She loves Him so, they are inseparable these days. She holds His hand as she listens. Then, she gently creeps over to see... she whispers prayers that they'll let go and blessings, too....
or prays for flies.""~

by GabrielleAngelo Bow'nDownMudworks c.2005

Love, Sha

 

[Godsgirl481]

I too am having the hardest time letting things go. I have been abused so much as a child...and an adult. Everything from sexual to physical to verbal to mental. Even spritually. I have been told as a small child that God hates me and that no one, especially God, would never love a creature like me. I have been repeatally hurt by those expected to love me since I was really little. I've had demons cast upon me, curses placed on me....and I can't figure out how to allow God even remotly close to me...let alone give Him all my hurts and my heart. But one thing I've learned in all my abuse and life struggles....God is the most patient being in this entire universe. I can't believe that He is still there....waiting for me. I have cursed Him, screamed at Him, tore the Bible up....many times. I have played with Satanism and Wicca....doing it because that would hurt God. I've seduced pastors and youth pastors....trying to hurt Him by getting this 'men of God' to fall. I've even told people bad things about Him....but yet He remains, untouched by my grave attempts to hurt Him. He actually understands that I do it because my own heart is broken in a million pieces. He knows every time I cry in bed...every time a suicidal thought crosses my mind (about once an hour). He understands when I get angry at Him because of how much I have been hurt...and still hurt. It isn't His fault...but He stands there, never moving an inch when I feel like beating up on Him. He comes to me and tries to get closer to me. He touches my hand if I allow Him to....He grabs my hand and just holds it....looking into my eyes with such compassion. One thing I have learned...or that I am learning...is for some weird reason, God is not leaving. This little fact opens the door to allow the hurt to flow out and be given to God.

Sometimes...if I can push back the fear some, at night, I'll allow God closer...and actually allow Him to love on me. He takes that pain away. Even for just moments at a time. For the time He is there...and I allow Him to stay close, my heart feels so full...so warm....so complete.

Anyways...just wanted to share that.....

 

[lj4jc]

Amen- Let Go and Let God. It is not easy to do. Let God use your hurts to help others. Kick Satan out of your life and don't let him use your hurts to hurt others. I often try to remember that God uses the pain of our pasts to help others. God Bless

 

[Yasha]

Thanks! I needed that.

He comes to me and tries to get closer to me. He touches my hand if I allow Him to....He grabs my hand and just holds it....looking into my eyes with such compassion. One thing I have learned...or that I am learning...is for some weird reason, God is not leaving. This little fact opens the door to allow the hurt to flow out and be given to God.

Sometimes...if I can push back the fear some, at night, I'll allow God closer...and actually allow Him to love on me. He takes that pain away. Even for just moments at a time. For the time He is there...and I allow Him to stay close, my heart feels so full...so warm....so complete.

So, completely beyond awesome. I know THAT God! He's the same one I hang out with. Ain't He GREAT!!!!!!

 

[Godsgirl481]

Hey, Shachah, you get most of the smilies you post from smilie central. You do know they are Spyware don't you? Terrible Spyware. Just thought I'd let ya know......

Thanks for the comment....I can't get that deep about God all the time. I am anti-God a lot...especially lately....but most of it is just a front.....

 

[Yasha]

I have two firewalls, three spywares and two virus protectors on my puter. When I first loaded them(Smilies), the security blocked the spyware rider that comes with them out. They are clean now. It also had a websearch engine that I removed. MANY things we use on the internet have these things in them. More than you think. It is not actually the smilies themselves that are spyware, but the program that piggybacks in on them when you load them. That has been removed and uninstalled. My spywares, all three of them, run everyday periodically. So do my virus protectors. I got a very clean puter. Thanks be to God.
I've also had them a long time.

Well, first I typed this answer, which is true(as far as how many protectors I have on my puter.) But THIS part kept bugging me>>>

I think the site was confronted and changed their program so that the spyware is no longer in new installations, anyway. Not sure? I heard that from a friend. Doesn't matter either way...mine are cleaned up.

I can't even remember who that friend was. So I went on a GOOGLE hunt and found out that even the spyware and geek communities argue about Smilie Central.
At any rate, I bought ANOTHER spyware program after doing a test for free with it online. That makes three now. I uninstalled Smilies and reinstalled them. The new program found 88 HIGH and EXTREME RISK spyware riders with Smilie's MyWebsearch bar...that's a lot of piggybackers. So I got rid of it for now. I need my puter for school and I have been fine without any probs, so far since having them. But, I don't want anything in my system that sets off all that. I gotta wonder about the many that my other two spyware programs ignored??? There was a debate on one of the geek sites I was reading that some spywares do overkill. That Smilies just have adware attachments that are mistaken for spyware....whatever. They are gone now. GOOD WATCHIN' MY BACK< GIRL! Thanks.

I will miss the wee buggers. A moment of silence....
~~~~
And now for what REALLY COUNTS here:
It doesn't matter how often you share or go deep with God. Everybody is different and has a different appetite for that. He will determine yours with you. The only one you are in this race with is yourself. You are your tools for the job. Use your tools however you want or can. He will up the bar or stir the pot when He wants a different thing from you.

No worries there. Rest in Him, He is the maestro!

 

[Yasha]

One thing I have learned...or that I am learning...is for some weird reason, God is not leaving. This little fact opens the door to allow the hurt to flow out and be given to God.

You know? I know that I know that the one thing that separates me from all who came before me with my guys is: I am not leaving. I have always known that, but until right now, I have never said it out loud. I just know that God needs me to be His hands and feet and ears and eyes and lap and shoulders and kindness to my guys. They both have had some serious abandonment experiences...repeatedly, all their lives.

We all need someone to bleed off the darkness and the ugliness with. We all need someone who can see our truth and still be there on the other side of it. Jesus knows our truths inside and out and He never leaves. I know in my life, He has always been the One and only One who followed me through the darkest **** and was still be there when I came up from under. He wasn't scared off and He didn't seem to notice too much when I pulled **** against Him either. I felt worse than He did! He already knew I was gonna do it to Him anyway. We all need a friend like that.

My guys never came close to that in their lives which are filled with vengeful and pay-backs and drowning in self kind of people. SO, in being this for them, within reason(they don't beat me or anything), I have stood still for all the storms and waited for all the dark skies to clear and pointed to my Big Bro, Jesus. They SEE me hanging on to Him like that LifeBouy in a blackhole! They see Him comfort and soothe and warn and protect me, too. Over the years, they have both learned to go to Him on their own more and more, cause they can see that He rocks!

It's easier to say that when nothing tragic is going on, right now. But I have nearly bled to death, starved, suffocated and died in my spirit waiting for the days that I could say,"They go to Him more and More, now." And, Jesus, is smart, of course, He let's me fall down in front of them and bleed out to the end of me, so that they can see that ONLY He could get me up again. That has sent them to Him, during a couple of my really spiritually anemic days, let me tell ya!

It's true. God is not leaving. There is no divorcing God. No telling Him to forget it. I have abandoned Him 100 times...and He stays beside, alongside, inside and covering and carrying me all the while.When I wake up from my bitter little pride-festing and shed the blinders I've worn, I can see that. My own dad was like that until he died, but now he doesn't leave my heart anyway....go figure.

Jesus is THE ULTIMATE THING THAT WON'T LEAVE.

Thanks for helping me look at that today, Bams, good share, again.

 

[Yasha]

in that back and forth with Bams481. I hope something in our posts spoke to you, too. That "Lord of the Flies," thing. That was for you. "GabrielleAngelo Bow'nDownMudworks" is my registered pseudonym, I sign all my artwork with that penname. You inspired me to chase down that bone, baby. Hope it helps a little.

Journaling has helped me too, write down what you are gratefull for and another list of what you want to change. GLORIFY GOD for your Blessings and hand over to him, with true humility, your character defects and your daily problems. As you continue to journal you'll find the one list becomes shorter and the list of blessing's will increase.

Walk in faith

I agree, I have been journaling for 22 years. I love doing it. It is my safe place. I write prayers to God and study a couple bible passages in mine each time.

I have heard writing down your feelings in a letter to the person and then burning it helps too.

I agree with this, too. There have been several times over the 22 years that I have burned my journals. Knowing they are gone and never to be seen again helps me to let go of the pain in the growth through sins and darkness and unkindnesses toward me that were in them.

Some good thoughts here for you. I agree with them.

 

[luv4godremains]

Thanks guys, as I sat here reading this, I started to cry, which I must say is VERY rare now! It's opened my eyes that I do just have to REALLY go to God and pour out my heart, that he will never leave or abandon me, even if I seem to constantly try to abandon him!
God bless you all, God has done amazing things in you life, and will keep doing so, don't lose faith or courage, God is there, carrying you when you can't walk, when you think you're alone, he's there, standing right beside you, kicking you up the but, sayin "I love you, I'm right here beside you, you may wish for me to go, without even realising it, but I won't!!
Keep doing the great things you are!
God bless
*hugs*

 

[Godsgirl481]

Thanks guys, as I sat here reading this, I started to cry, which I must say is VERY rare now! It's opened my eyes that I do just have to REALLY go to God and pour out my heart, that he will never leave or abandon me, even if I seem to constantly try to abandon him!
God bless you all, God has done amazing things in you life, and will keep doing so, don't lose faith or courage, God is there, carrying you when you can't walk, when you think you're alone, he's there, standing right beside you, kicking you up the but, sayin "I love you, I'm right here beside you, you may wish for me to go, without even realising it, but I won't!!
Keep doing the great things you are!
God bless
*hugs*

I'm really glad you were touched. Sometimes, it takes a bucket full of tears to heal...and to realize that God is never gonna leave....

 

[luv4godremains]

lol, yer, I was in church on sunday, one of the evening services that I went to, and, that was what the talk on, it got me more about a mistake I had made, because I was trying to ignore everything else, but, yer, it's really hard to accept, but I'm sure God will get me there someday!

 

[lj4jc]

know that God loves u and the rest of us are here to listen. We can help each other.

 

[Gracie710]

This thread really helped me today. I was in a mommy's group that I help lead and one of the women was talking about how she made a long trip to her parent's house with her new daughter and she was subjected to verbal abuse and ranting from her mother. She had worried that something like that would happen, and I could see in her eyes that she was just so hurt and haunted by it. It touched me and brought tears to my eyes and when I was praying for her and the end of the group the Holy Spirit moved on me and I just started crying for her, for myself, and, by extension, everyone on this thread.

Then I was driving home and God brought to my remembrance what a totally different person I am now than I was just a couple of years ago -- a pot and alcohol addict, 2-pack a day smoker, living a double life, taking medications for depression, anxiety, haunted by flashbacks and trying to figure out how to slog through one day without going nuts -- how one day I threw myself on my bed and cried out to him to come and HELP me, to get me out of the mess I had created, at the same time I was yelling at him in anger for what I thought He had done.

And now, here I am, a mom of a beautiful daughter -- drug/alcohol/cigarette free -- strong marriage -- helping other mommies, even losing my pregnancy weight and starting to exercise -- blessed by being able to stay at home and raise my daughter, which was my heart's desire -- and I am overcome by His love and absolute and total faithfulness. There were times when we didn't know where the baby's next diaper would come from, but God always provided -- always, always, always!

And He reminded me today that HIS POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS! Unfortunately we have been made "weak" by the torment of others -- but what beautiful trophies of His unrelenting and savage grace we will be!

I just want to speak this word from the Song as a prophetic word over everyone who is reading this:

"My lover arose and said to me, "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth: the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me."

YOU are His prize!

 

[lj4jc]

Sometimes we have to let go daily. Our pasts and our hurts sometimes keeps us from really living. Tell your self "Jesus loves just the way I am."