I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. I have been a Christian since I was eight years old (I am now 21). My boyfriend just recently became a Christian. I feel like he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and he has hinted about marriage. I have another year and a half before I finish school, and then I want to live on my own for a while before I settle down in a marriage. I am deeply in love with my boyfriend, but I need to know definitely that he is the one God has sent to me as a mate for life. This is the longest relationship I've ever had, and I want to be sure in case he proposes. Can anyone give me some advice on this, maybe someone who has had a similar experience? I don't want to really sow any wild oats, but I would like a little freedom first. I don't want to break up with my boyfriend...I just want to be sure he's the right one. Thank you so much!
How do I know?
- Thread starter WDW FAN
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I learned a valuable lesson last week!
It was painful, but the take-home message is that (in Phil Collins' words LOL) you can't hurry love.
My BF and I spent the better part of 48 hours speaking about it. Our decision is to spend less time together as a couple, but to live our own lives, develop our relationships with God, our friends and family, and to see each other for small amounts of quality time (1-2 days a month).
This way, we keep in touch with each others' lives, but do not become submerged in the relationship and the relationship alone.
We figure that if we are to marry, there will be no doubts during our time apart, and we plan to come back together in 6 months' time once we have taken stock, gained perspective, and re-built the relationship which is between only God and ourselves.
However, should we decide, during the 6 months, that we do NOT want to marry, this will also be a good thing - we will have averted a painful split in the future, we will also have avoided the 'glossing over' of issues which happens when we are face-to-face, and head over heels in love. This puppy-dog love can mask true love and true intentions.
Well, that's my experience, hope it's of some help!
Lots of love
God bless you
Emma
It was painful, but the take-home message is that (in Phil Collins' words LOL) you can't hurry love.
My BF and I spent the better part of 48 hours speaking about it. Our decision is to spend less time together as a couple, but to live our own lives, develop our relationships with God, our friends and family, and to see each other for small amounts of quality time (1-2 days a month).
This way, we keep in touch with each others' lives, but do not become submerged in the relationship and the relationship alone.
We figure that if we are to marry, there will be no doubts during our time apart, and we plan to come back together in 6 months' time once we have taken stock, gained perspective, and re-built the relationship which is between only God and ourselves.
However, should we decide, during the 6 months, that we do NOT want to marry, this will also be a good thing - we will have averted a painful split in the future, we will also have avoided the 'glossing over' of issues which happens when we are face-to-face, and head over heels in love. This puppy-dog love can mask true love and true intentions.
Well, that's my experience, hope it's of some help!
Lots of love
God bless you
Emma
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One fool-proof thing that has always worked for me (though not usually the way I want it to) is prayer. I've prayed that if this guy was not the right one for me, God would somehow take him out of my life. Usually, I pray this knowing that I have my doubts about the relationship. So far, God has always taken the man out of my life, and always so far, the Lord has later shown me WHY this guy was not the one for me. And always, I have been relieved that I did not marry him.
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E-beth
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Moving this to the Courting Couples Forum....
I think you have the absolute right idea. I married right out of college (seven days after graduation) and I never lived on my own. After that marriage ended, I lived on my own and I found that I knew myself better and was clearer on what I wanted. I recommend it to all courting couples. And going to school married is very difficult. My mom was right: graduate first.
I think you have the absolute right idea. I married right out of college (seven days after graduation) and I never lived on my own. After that marriage ended, I lived on my own and I found that I knew myself better and was clearer on what I wanted. I recommend it to all courting couples. And going to school married is very difficult. My mom was right: graduate first.
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Well, for me, I realized that Holly was the girl I wanted to grow old with. SHe would be an excellent wife and mother. I had no doubts. I never thought twice about it. The only worries I had at our wedding was that something would go wrong in the wedding, which would have been embarassing.
5 years later and we still haven't had a fight.
5 years later and we still haven't had a fight.
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I think people KNOW when they don't have to ask "how do I know?"
*prayed that you would have peace and guidance about the decision you make*
*prayed that you would have peace and guidance about the decision you make*
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If you are not 100% positive that he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with then don't commit yourself to marriage. Also, if you feel you still need time to grow and be on your own, then don't commit yourself to marriage. Wait until you know deep down within that there are no doubts and you do not need more time.
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I'd fast and pray. But then agan, I've never been in a relationship, so........
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