How do I forgive......

[queenanne]

Just over a year ago I started to hear God calling me. I didn't know it was Him to start with, but it didn't take long for me to realise.

Right now though I feel empty inside. I can't believe that only a short while ago, I was filled with such joy, one thought of the Lord and I'd be smiling!

The problem. My partners ex is constantly bad mouthing me to anyone who will listen and the things she says are getting worse. Along with this, my partner has never once stuck up for me and told her that she was wrong to do this. I didn't want a huge row, just for him to tell her she was wrong.

This has had a huge knock on effect. The hurt from those spiteful words and the hurt and resentment I feel towards my partner has left me feeling very insecure, lacking in confidence and unloved.

I don't want this. I have prayed and prayed yet those dark thoughts stay and I am unable to turn the other cheek, forgive her or except that my partner won't say anything to her. If this is a test, then I feel I've failed. Forgiveness is so so important to me, yet I don't know how to do it.

I don't know what to do. What to pray for or which parts of the bible to read.

 

[millerrod]

you must learn Love, you can learn that in 1 Cor13:4-7 12 manners of Love are listed live them daily it WILL answer ALL your Questians, carry a card with then written down, before you speak or do anything make sure its not going to go against these. When you know Love you questians will be answered, God is Love , Christ is our example of Love, the Holy Spirit is Love within us, learn and live Love

 

[Glenda]

If we rely on man, we will always be disappointed.. for man is flesh.. and weak.. and self-serving.. I'm sorry that you are hurt that your partner won't stand up to his ex.. much as my Ex wouldn't stand up to his mother..

Focus on God.. and your relationship with Him.. who you are in Him.. He will not disappoint.. He is always with us.. even when we don't know he is there..

Num 23:19 God is not like people, who lie; He is not a human who changes his mind. Whatever he promises, he does; He speaks, and it is done.

What do you care what the Ex thinks.. she is the Ex.. and I'm sure others can see the spiteful hate that is in her.. I'm sure she would be most pleased to know that what she is doing is getting to you.. don't give her the satisfaction..

You should put this matter.. as well as all others.. into God's hands.. I know that is not easy.. but necessary..

Pray.. forgive.. be sweet.. She will wonder what you are up to.. and it will drive her crazy..

God Bless you..

Mat 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

Mat 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Mat 18:21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, if my brother keeps on sinning against me, how many times do I have to forgive him? Seven times?"

Mat 18:22 "No, not seven times," answered Jesus, "but seventy times seven,

Mar 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive it so that also your Father in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Mar 11:26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in Heaven forgive your trespasses.

 

[queenanne]

Thankyou...

I will add that although I have moaned on about her my partner and a close friend, I've never given her any reason to be spiteful. Never said anything, done anything, I've never spread rumours. They have 2 children who I adore and help them as I do my children. I sometimes think that if I had given her reason to hate me, it may be easier to forgive.

I so want to feel in my heart that I have forgiven and I know with Gods guidance I will eventually.

Thankyou so much much for your help.

May God Bless You

 

[ILoveYeshua]

Hi, try recentering yourself out of that fear and into his love. See, you still have your identity within yourself. You must crucify that old identity, and live the resurrection life. When people see you and the way you live, ideally they should be seeing Jesus. Now we all know thats hard and nearly impossible, but Christ himself has said, that everyone who learns from him and becomes fully instructed by him will be like him, though a servant is not above his master. We can become like him, to a point, according to the grace that God in his mercy has given us.

Our salvation is secure, rejoice for that. Christ completed his mission on the cross, and if you believe it you will never die. The sons of God are immortal, in the long run. Your problem is that you haven't properly seized onto the joy that not dying and conquering the devil should bring. the devil has caused many wars and rapes and thefts and cheating and fornication. he tempted, man went along with it. But Christ has judged the devil. The prince of this world is judged, and we as believers have authority to drive out devils even, by the name of our resurrected Lord Yeshua Christ of Nazareth. Or in the greek, Iesous Christos (ee-yay-sooce kris-tohs). You've been blessed with an inherited righteousness, given eternal life, a mansion in heaven, and you know full well that those who hate God and His Son will burn in the everlasting pit of fire.

What more could you want? Rejoice, be happy! Our great commander has won a great victory, even as David conquered Goliath by the power of the Most High God, Christ also conquered satan through his death on the cross. What satan intended for harm, God turned into good. If that's not something to rejoice about, I can't help ya.

btw, God knows who we mean when we say Jesus, so don't let that stumble you.

Forgive me

 

[bethdinsmore]

I see a lot of different issues here.
First - you, my friend, deserve the person closest to you to consistently treat you in a Christlike manner. (One of Christ's main activities now is defending us before God as Satan accuses us.)

Second, if by "partner", if you mean that you are having a sexual relationship with this man, some of my following notes could apply (both to forgiveness of him and of his ex
QUOTE:
“How do we forgive and forget?”



I am addressing marriage here, but the principles still apply:

The Christian book "Boundaries in Marriage" would probably be quite helpful. For years, I didn't know how to have any. It was only after I started applying them, and looking to God alone to fill all my unmet emotional needs that I was free to really love and accept my husband. I had already determined not to leave him unless there was physical danger or proof of adultery, since I knew that was God's will. And then the Lord broke him, and has given us a very happy marriage, even tho many (Including Christian counselors) said it was impossible.

Somewhere there is a verse that says that forgetting is like letting water flow under the bridge. That's what happened with me. Now, if a bad memory comes to mind, I just say to myself "That's only a thought". (It didn't really just happen all over again, no matter how my feelings react.) I practice the positive thinking that God has shown us in Phil. 4:4-8.

God has given me this kind of forgetfulness: When one of those memories comes to me, it's as though it happened to someone in a drama on t.v. Thanks be to God, who brings us freedom.

This takes effort and reliance on God, but the results are SO worth it. " END QUOTE

Third, God tells us to live a life of purity. As we seek to do that in all our actions and thoughts, we will have fellowship with Him and He will enable us to work out our problems. Some take some time.

I have led many Christian recovery groups, and I have found that the usual forgiveness process is this:

1. We realize that we must rely on God for a victorious life.
2. We choose to see ourselves through His eyes. This means with no self-condemnation but with forgiveness, while taking our sins seriously. This also means learning to value ourselves more (because He does), and to be more understanding of our pasts and our unwise decisions leading to sin.
3. That in turn leads us to be more understanding and loving of others.
4. That gives us a willing heart to let go and let God make us more forgiving.
5. Then we need to see how God forgives. And the example of Christ is a great one:
1 Pet 2:21-24
21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
22 "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth."
23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.
24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
(NIV)
God has given us an example of His forgiving love. And He will see that everything works out justly in the end.

Please let me know if I can help, friend. I'll pray for you and your situation.
Aloha in Jesus

 

[HolySpiritWarrior]

I agree completely with GlendaJoanne. You don't need someoen who is going to make you feel this way. God will bring you the right man, until then stay away from this one.

 

[Sketcher]

Thankyou...

I will add that although I have moaned on about her my partner and a close friend, I've never given her any reason to be spiteful. Never said anything, done anything, I've never spread rumours. They have 2 children who I adore and help them as I do my children. I sometimes think that if I had given her reason to hate me, it may be easier to forgive.

Were they together already when you and your partner got together? If so, you gave her a lot to forgive. Along with your partner.

 

[queenanne]

Were they together already when you and your partner got together? If so, you gave her a lot to forgive. Along with your partner.

Fair question, but no we were both single and had been for a while. He for 2 and a half years, me for just over 2yrs.

In fact, we were both intent on remaining single until we met. It's a slow moving relationship. We became friends first and it grew from there. We fell in love and got engaged and while still living in our separate houses, we have let our relationship grow. We have been together for 2yrs and are waiting for the right time to marry. Though we have set a date for July 2008, but this is subject to change, depending on the children. Whether they feel 100% happy with us all living together. Don't get me wrong, they all get on extremely well, but living under the same roof would be a huge challenge for them all and we want to make sure they can cope with that life changing situation before the event rather than after. We are 90% sure at the moment, but that isn't enough.

I also need to be able to forgive her for the things she does and try and lose this resentment I feel towards him before any more progress can be made. I pray for guidance every chance I get and am looking for the signs that God always sends me. The signs He is sending at the moment are not what I expected, but I will follow what I think He is telling me to do and pray for more signs if I have gone the wrong way.