How do I find an accountability partner?

[overground55]

I am struggling with a inappropriate content addiction, and I've come to the realization that I need another person to help me through this. I break all the promises I make to myself about quitting, and rationalize my way into sin. I don't know anyone personally who I could ask this sort of thing comfortably, and if I did find someone, I wouldn't want to use the x3watch program simply because it seems to have big holes in its effectiveness, and I am serious about wanting to quit. Any advice on how to go about this, or maybe a forum or a website that is dedicated to this exact matter would be incredible.

 

[Bella Vita]

My husband just went through the same thing 2 years ago. And accountability meetings with our pastor every week is what really helped him.

-Has to be another man
-Find someone you trust
-Someone who is a little older than you or more spiritually mature than you been a Christian a little longer that type of thing.
-Pray about it God will direct you to who it should be you will get a feeling about it

But the only way accountability works is if you are 100% honest if you sit there and lie through it all not gonna work. You have to answer some detailed questions about your sin and not just this one but any of them. Especially for inappropriate content addiction my husband said it was uncomfortable at first but they jumped right in and it became better over time.

Also try going through Mark Driscoll's book "inappropriate content again Christian" one your own or with your accountability partner. My husband and pastor went through it together and it really helped him.

Good Luck praying for you! You can defeat this I know for a fact it is possible. My husband has been clean of inappropriate content for almost 3 years now.

 

[overground55]

It is encouraging to hear some of your advice based on the experience with your husband. I will definitely take it and use it in my search. Do you think finding someone online is a good way to go about finding an accountability partner, or is it a better idea to find someone I know in real life? Maybe even going to a physical weekly meeting where people who struggle get together to talk? A inappropriate content Anonymous, or something like that?

 

[savedfromdistruction]

You need to find someone who is steadfast in the Lord. An online person is not the same as setting with some one face to face. I would suggest not to take that route. Also you may need to go even further and get rid of anything in your life that allows you to watch inappropriate content. Computer, TV, or what ever. There are filters also that can help. Jesus said if the right eye offend you cut it out. In other words do what ever it takes to get out of sin.

 

[overground55]

I think that the idea of giving up my computer is almost impossible. I do so much with it, and I also struggle because alot of my inappropriate content is in .jpg files, so if someone is monitoring my use, they aren't going to be able to see I'm looking at inappropriate content, its just files hidden on my computer. I was a dummy and started hiding inappropriate content in random folders on my computer so I always had a backup incase I decided to start deleting it when I felt guilty. It was like the devil inside was trying to fight with the side of me that didn't want to be caught in the trap anymore, making it so I could always potentially be at risk.

 

[savedfromdistruction]

I think that the idea of giving up my computer is almost impossible. I do so much with it, and I also struggle because alot of my inappropriate content is in .jpg files, so if someone is monitoring my use, they aren't going to be able to see I'm looking at inappropriate content, its just files hidden on my computer. I was a dummy and started hiding inappropriate content in random folders on my computer so I always had a backup incase I decided to start deleting it when I felt guilty. It was like the devil inside was trying to fight with the side of me that didn't want to be caught in the trap anymore, making it so I could always potentially be at risk.

Your answer is in the words of the Lord, pluck out your eye and cut off your hand if need be. Do what ever it takes. if we are not willing to do what ever it takes then we really do not want to be set free. It boils down to who or what we love the most, God or our sin?

Two things about God. First He will not allow us to be tempted above what we can handle, and second He always provides a way to escape. If we reject the escape route there is no reason to believe He will force us out of our sin, but we can expect great chastisement if we really belong to Him.
1Cor 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it].

 

[overground55]

I'm not really making the argument that inappropriate content is sinful or not, despite what I may have posted up above. But it still feels like failing at life, like a drug that I can't control. In my opinion, when I wan't to have interactions with people of the opposite sex, and instead I watch inappropriate content, that is a problem.

 

[XB3LI3V3RX]

aww now inappropriate content is sinful too?? geez... what ARE you allowed to do?

Can't have sex... can't touch... can't even look at inappropriate content...

Why does it seem like religion is always trying to control everything? What exactly is wrong with doing something that doesn't hurt anyone?

Oh, I don't know, maybe because it's disgusting and wrong? But you wouldn't understand because most atheist have no morals soo..(And I apologize to the original poster I don't mean to interrupt your thread, I'm just getting so tired of these atheist/satanist/pagan people coming on here just to insult Christians since they have nothing better in their lives to do. On a side note I have to congratulate you on breaking this and finding people to help you with this. I'll be praying for you.)

 

[Bella Vita]

It is encouraging to hear some of your advice based on the experience with your husband. I will definitely take it and use it in my search. Do you think finding someone online is a good way to go about finding an accountability partner, or is it a better idea to find someone I know in real life? Maybe even going to a physical weekly meeting where people who struggle get together to talk? A inappropriate content Anonymous, or something like that?

Accountability is best if it is real life. An online personality is not the type of healing you need for this. You need a real person you can relate to one on one. And really open up and start facing this struggle and sin. It needs to be face to face meeting. This person is there to keep you in check it needs to be someone you can call if you are feeling tempted to sin. They are like a sponsor that a alcoholic would have in AA. Same type of idea and needs to be a one on one meeting real person you trust.

As for cutting computers and technology out of your life that is unrealistic. You will forever need to use the internet and computers so you have to learn to control this. My husband used a website www.xxxchurch.com they have resources there for fighting inappropriate content addiction. They also have a software you can download that will send an email to 3 people of your choice one being your accountability partner that will alert them when you view content you shouldn't be. It is a great tool because it will make you think twice about viewing it when you know someone else will see what you are doing. It really helps fight those urges yet allows you to still be use to using the internet for everyday life because that is just the reality you can't cut it out cut it down yes but totally out no.

 

[Bella Vita]

aww now inappropriate content is sinful too?? geez... what ARE you allowed to do?

Can't have sex... can't touch... can't even look at inappropriate content...

Why does it seem like religion is always trying to control everything? What exactly is wrong with doing something that doesn't hurt anyone?

Doesn't hurt anyone?

Have you ever read the statistics on inappropriate content? It hurts marriages, breaks up homes, effects children and young boys/men, demeans and abuses women, It promotes violence and sexual crime.

It is the largest supply and demand for human sex slavery and illegal trafficking of human beings. It is beyond people having sex on your computer screen. It is a violation of human rights! Women and young girls are being bought and sold for sex to fuel what you think is an innocent inappropriate content addiction.

Wake up and smell the roses. inappropriate content isn't a "religion" issue it is a global cultural and social issue.

 

[ChaseWind]

I am struggling with a inappropriate content addiction,

Who told you that you had a "inappropriate content addiction"? Is that like this new trumped up idea of "sex addiction"? I'd stick to the sins that the Bible explicitly speaks to and not worry about these man-made labels of modern sins. I have enough trouble trying to avoid biblical sins over these modern inventions of people who must have too much time on their hands.

You know, if you use a google or yahoo search engine on topics on the Internet, you can really find a boat load of garbage! When I search for medical issues or such related topics, I always look for the more standard sites for information: Mayo Clinic, WebMD, APA.org, NIH, Cleveland Clinic, etc. You know, people tend to invent these faddish illnesses and make money off the books and making a name for themselves.

You may wish to check this WebMD article and reconsider how much of this modern labeling you wish to burden yourself with daily. In the meantime, I'll don my hard hat and crawl into my bomb shelter.

Is Sex Addiction Real:

 

[Alithis]

imo - accountability partners are helpful .. but wont change your heart .
the greatest accountability partner is the Holy Spirit.
listen and obey him and you will NEVER -look at inappropriate content

i just posted again on this topic (in testimony) so i to save me typing it again I will link to it --click HERE--

 

[Alithis]

Who told you that you had a "inappropriate content addiction"? Is that like this new trumped up idea of "sex addiction"? I'd stick to the sins that the Bible explicitly speaks to and not worry about these man-made labels of modern sins. I have enough trouble trying to avoid biblical sins over these modern inventions of people who must have too much time on their hands.

You know, if you use a google or yahoo search engine on topics on the Internet, you can really find a boat load of garbage! When I search for medical issues or such related topics, I always look for the more standard sites for information: Mayo Clinic, WebMD, APA.org, NIH, Cleveland Clinic, etc. You know, people tend to invent these faddish illnesses and make money off the books and making a name for themselves.

You may wish to check this WebMD article and reconsider how much of this modern labeling you wish to burden yourself with daily. In the meantime, I'll don my hard hat and crawl into my bomb shelter.

Is Sex Addiction Real:

its only terminology .. your quite right -its just old fashioned sexual immorality .. and its sin .

 

[Alithis]

My husband just went through the same thing 2 years ago. And accountability meetings with our pastor every week is what really helped him.

-Has to be another man
-Find someone you trust
-Someone who is a little older than you or more spiritually mature than you been a Christian a little longer that type of thing.
-Pray about it God will direct you to who it should be you will get a feeling about it

But the only way accountability works is if you are 100% honest if you sit there and lie through it all not gonna work. You have to answer some detailed questions about your sin and not just this one but any of them. Especially for inappropriate content addiction my husband said it was uncomfortable at first but they jumped right in and it became better over time.

Also try going through Mark Driscoll's book "inappropriate content again Christian" one your own or with your accountability partner. My husband and pastor went through it together and it really helped him.

Good Luck praying for you! You can defeat this I know for a fact it is possible. My husband has been clean of inappropriate content for almost 3 years now.

actually i must disagree -
the Holy Spirit is the BEST accountabilty partner

and second .. IS YOU .. the wife .
do you love your husband ? the do not suger coat this sin

look him in the eyes and MAKE HIM ACCOUNTABLE .
you will know if he remains in victory or has returned to it .in an instant . you know it is so .

many wives don't want to know so they avoid asking directly .
you MUST .if you love them .
and if they have become entangled again you MUST LOVE THEM LOVE THEM LOVE THEM and PRAY.

if you despise a man for this .. he will seek comfort in it rather then run from it .

i speak candidly for the sake of truth .
-----------------------
add: by 'you" i dont mean personally.I speak of all in such a situation

 

[ChaseWind]

its only terminology .. your quite right -its just old fashioned sexual immorality .. and its sin .

I'll preface this with the recent, immortal words of televangelist "Pat Robertson": "Well, he's a man, ok...Males have a tendency to wander a little bit."

I once was the captive audience to a woman who had recently lost her husband and she poured her out her heart very openly to me. She explained what a wonderful man he was, how good the marriage was, and how good he was to her; BUT, after he died and she was clearing things she found all of his inappropriate contentography and she was so devastated. She had no idea. After telling me what a fine husband he was, she spent most of her time complaining about the inappropriate content. She told of confiding in ladies in her church and the Pastor, etc.

What stuck in my mind was, did he view the marriage to be as good as she did? Did he think she was a good wife in all areas? Was she good to him as she said he was to her? Frankly, I wondered if she was upset because she viewed it as gross sin, or was she upset because of what it may say about her? After being her captive audience, I have my opinion on it.

I find the sexual content of the prime time fare on TV far more damaging because it is so subtle and sly as it makes it seem so normal. I wonder how many who rage over inappropriate contentography watch Jeff Foxworthy on Blue Comedy with Ron White and then watch his Bible quiz show?

 

[HereIStand]

I applaud your desire to want to quit a harmful addition. Personally though, I would recommend that you only share your struggle to quit with God in prayer. Blessings.

 

[ChaseWind]

I applaud your desire to want to quit a harmful addition. Personally though, I would recommend that you only share your struggle to quit with God in prayer. Blessings.

You know, I think you are right. I agree with you, HereIStand.

 

[Bella Vita]

actually i must disagree -
the Holy Spirit is the BEST accountabilty partner

and second .. IS YOU .. the wife .
do you love your husband ? the do not suger coat this sin

look him in the eyes and MAKE HIM ACCOUNTABLE .
you will know if he remains in victory or has returned to it .in an instant . you know it is so .

many wives don't want to know so they avoid asking directly .
you MUST .if you love them .
and if they have become entangled again you MUST LOVE THEM LOVE THEM LOVE THEM and PRAY.

if you despise a man for this .. he will seek comfort in it rather then run from it .

i speak candidly for the sake of truth .
-----------------------
add: by 'you" i dont mean personally.I speak of all in such a situation

You clearly can't read I stated my husband had this issue 2 years ago he has been clean ever since, and accountability with our pastor was a big part of that healing. And no one said to leave God out of it. Having a relationship with the Lord is 100% going to give him the strength to fight this addiction. But accountability with fellow believers is also very important. Scripture calls us to carry one anothers burdens. You need a mixture of things to fight sin.

You need to keep in your word and have a full prayer life with God. These two things will grow that relationship. Second you need to surround yourself with strong fellow believers you trust to lean on and to hold you accountable for your sin.

I have been through this and I have seen this work it was very successful. Ultimately it comes down to the person with the sin and the choices they make to get rid of it. If they want to fight this they can defeat it with God and a strong support system.

 

[Alithis]

You clearly can't read I stated my husband had this issue 2 years ago he has been clean ever since, and accountability with our pastor was a big part of that healing. And no one said to leave God out of it. Having a relationship with the Lord is 100% going to give him the strength to fight this addiction. But accountability with fellow believers is also very important. Scripture calls us to carry one anothers burdens. You need a mixture of things to fight sin.

You need to keep in your word and have a full prayer life with God. These two things will grow that relationship. Second you need to surround yourself with strong fellow believers you trust to lean on and to hold you accountable for your sin.

I have been through this and I have seen this work it was very successful. Ultimately it comes down to the person with the sin and the choices they make to get rid of it. If they want to fight this they can defeat it with God and a strong support system.

im sorry ,you may have misread me and it seems to have put you on the defensive .
but your speaking to someone who was imprisoned in this sin for far to many years but has now been set free to the fullest extent ..and it is in itself miraculous and done by the lord Jesus and the power of his Spirit at work in us .
so i am not speaking theory - but experience.

i Did read what you stated and i can read very well lol.
You may note that i added a note at the bottom ,declaring that i was not speaking to "you" personally ..

I do however stand by what i have said .. the holy Spirit is the best accountability partner we can have as he knows the intent of the heart
and the next best person for a married man - is his wife . because the two are one .
and anyways , what harm can it do for any wife to look her husband square in the eyes and ask the hard question- "have you been looking at inappropriate content again"?

there was no need to be defensive

 

[Bella Vita]

im sorry ,you may have misread me and it seems to have put you on the defensive .
but your speaking to someone who was imprisoned in this sin for far to many years but has now been set free to the fullest extent ..and it is in itself miraculous and done by the lord Jesus and the power of his Spirit at work in us .
so i am not speaking theory - but experience.

i Did read what you stated and i can read very well lol.
You may note that i added a note at the bottom ,declaring that i was not speaking to "you" personally ..

I do however stand by what i have said .. the holy Spirit is the best accountability partner we can have as he knows the intent of the heart
and the next best person for a married man - is his wife . because the two are one .
and anyways , what harm can it do for any wife to look her husband square in the eyes and ask the hard question- "have you been looking at inappropriate content again"?

there was no need to be defensive

You are assuming things and don't know the situation. He came to me and allowed me to ask him anything I wanted and I did. He was held accountable by me but he also need that one on one with another godly man men learn form men and women from women. And I don't know why my situation even matters here the OP isn't married. I gave a brief run down of what helped in our situation. And I never once said that he should take God out of the equation. But I don't think he should sit and deal with it all alone either that won't help anyone. He needs to be open and honest about this struggle and the best way to help fight it off it having a support system that can keep you in check. Not sitting in a room fighting it all alone that isn't going to work. My husband tried to deal with it alone between him and God for years and the he would stop for awhile and it would come back. Only when he combined his relationship with God and with fellow Christians to help him did he beat this sin and has been clean of it since.