how do i end this pain

[trustgod1111]

my daughter died over 20 yrs ago everyday i still feel the pain i did when she died therupy and meds didnt help me. how do i get this hurt to end

 

[ladyt28]

Prayer, involvement in a good church with a pastor who is available talk whenever you need and a church family who genuinely cares - that is the only thing helping my husband and I to make it from day to day sister. Josh died 3/1/07 and Chrissy was murdered 15 years ago when she was 13. We would be insane if not for the church God lead us to after prayers to Him for help.

I so feel for you - you will be in my prayers too sister! May you feel the love of the Comforter that Jesus promised us after He returned to His heavenly Father.

 

[TexasSky]

My prayers are with both of you, especially that God can help you remember the joy in having known your children, rather than remembering the pain of living without them.

 

[mama3hmscool]

my daughter died over 20 yrs ago everyday i still feel the pain i did when she died therupy and meds didnt help me. how do i get this hurt to end

My heart is so saddened for you and feels a burden upon it for your emotional recovery. I live with a fear that my children will be taken too soon and I cannot possibly understand the magnitude of loss that you experience.
I want to ask you a very personal question: Are you angry with God?

 

[rushingwind62]

There is no easy way of letting go. Some let go more easily than others. You sound like one who is still hanging onto your daughter. You have to let her go, she is in God's hands now. There will always be a reminant of pain for the ones we lost. All we can do is take comfort in knowing where they are now and that they are not suffering. It is okay to feel, it is okay to even cry. God gave us memories of our loved ones, you have to embrace those memories and let them bring a smile to your face. Memories are all we have left. We are all praying that you can work through what you are going through.....in Christ's love.....Rob

 

[ladyt28]

When your child dies, you don't want to "let go" - you just want the pain to end....but that doesn't really happen either. The Holy Spirit can give us comfort, can help us think of things that make a sweet memory, and can remind us that we will be reunited when our time here on Earth is over.

It's thoughts of the future that trouble me - so I remember that God told us to focus on today and today only.

 

[kaykay637]

my daughter died over 20 yrs ago everyday i still feel the pain i did when she died therupy and meds didnt help me. how do i get this hurt to end

I identify with what you said. My son died at age 16. six years ago in a freak car accident along with 2 of his friends in July of 2001, and I still think of him and miss him every single day. I have lost others in my life but nothing compares with losing a child IMO. He was our only child. I think I will always feel pain about it for the rest of my life. And sometimes I feel it more than others.

That said, however, I think we can go on and try to have a productive, joyful life as much as possible. Sometimes I have to force myself not to focus on it too, but try to focus on those who are still left in my life. Sometimes it helps to try to minister to others who have had loss too.
It is important to realize that if we are a Christian, this life is very temporal. Have you asked the Lord specifically to bring healing to your broken heart? I think for a long time I didn't pray that way because I somehow felt that to give up some of the pain would be to deny his importance in my life if that makes any sense.
Some questions which may or may not apply--
Also, are you involved in a church? I find getting spiritual nourishment and being socially active with other believers is very important. Is there anyone involved with your daughter's death that you still may be angry with? (sometimes this could be even ourselves or God!) Sometimes forgiveness helps release us to go forward.

I would also add this - some counselors and some meds are better than others. You might re-investigate both of those things if you feel that you still are in grief to the point that you are simply unable to move forward with your life.

Sending a prayer your way. I am praying that God will comfort you Himself and send some hope and direction and people into your life to help you cope.
kaykay

 

[kaykay637]

When your child dies, you don't want to "let go" - you just want the pain to end....but that doesn't really happen either. The Holy Spirit can give us comfort, can help us think of things that make a sweet memory, and can remind us that we will be reunited when our time here on Earth is over.

It's thoughts of the future that trouble me - so I remember that God told us to focus on today and today only.

I liked what you said, ladyt28, about God wanting us to focus on today and today only. I also have concern about the future. I will try to keep that in mind.

Oh, btw, happy belated birthday!

 

[lindaunderwood]

If you didn't love your daughter, you wouldn't feel any pain by being seperated from her. The deeper the love, the greater the pain.

Given the choice (and given that death is unavoidable for us all) wouldn't you rather have loved (even with the pain) than have been unloving (without pain).

God understands the pain of seperation through death.

 

[mama3hmscool]

Trust God,
How are you feeling today? I hope it is getting better for you.

 

[wordbyrd]

You can't end the pain. It will always be there. You must ask yourself, what does God expect me to learn here. What does this mean to me? Am I going to be the one to help others who walk in this same path?

 

[brothersean]

my daughter died over 20 yrs ago everyday i still feel the pain i did when she died therupy and meds didnt help me. how do i get this hurt to end

We continue to hurt, when we do not accept. The mind has a tendency to carry on things we feel are unfinished, and we want it all to come back so we can complete it. Things that are completed, are accepted by the mind and then released. Life is suffering. I will someday die, you will too, everyone who comes into this world, will someday leave. This must be accepted.

In order for you to find contentment in life, and to progress through the grieving process, you have to come to terms with what happened, accept it did, accept that there is no way you can go back and change it, accept that it is in the past, accept that you are not at fault, accept what has happened as a part of life. Such is nature, such is life.

I have lost a lot of loved ones too, who have died way before it was their time. The only way I was able to complete the grieving process, was by acceptance, contentment with whatever is and may come to be.

Acceptance is key.

 

[denise11]

i had a lot of therupy it didnt help much

 

[denise11]

no im not angry with god i just think how unfair it is to see everyone else with there kids day after day and i cant have anymore kids

 

[denise11]

i cant help others i cant even help myself

 

[kaykay537]

no im not angry with god i just think how unfair it is to see everyone else with there kids day after day and i cant have anymore kids

i cant help others i cant even help myself

It's obvious you are in a lot of pain. How long has it been since you lost your child?
I can relate to your pain and sense of "unfairness." My husband and I lost our 16 year old son (our only child) in a freak automobile accident almost 7 years ago now. I struggle with some of those issues too. Rationally, I realize that we live in a fallen, broken world and that tragedies do happen and no, life is not always fair. But emotionally, sometimes I still struggle. And yes, seeing others with their kids or hearing others discuss their grandchildren (what seems to me ad infinitum!) bothers me sometimes too even still. But at the same time, I think we have to hang onto the fact that our heavenly father is a God of mercy and justice and try to trudge on despite the pain.

If you would feel like talking to someone who has walked this road, please feel free to do it here or privately you can pm me. And by the way, regarding therapy, some counselors are more helpful than others. Some are able to "scatch where we itch," if you will, and some are not. About 2 years after my son died, the Lord led us to a VERY good counselor. Sometimes you have to go to more than one to find one you are simpatico with, so to speak.

Prayers for you today.

 

[nette45]

Hir
my name is annette.
my mom passed away in february this year.
The last 3 months as so hard for me that i went to my church
for prayer and support.
God was so good because the person who prayed for me had gone through the same thing.
What helped me was just telling God how I felt about this pain and seperation. Just tell him about and like other have said he will send the holy spirit to comfort you. read psalms a lot.
The person who prayed for me said that grief was taking away my life and health. To knock it off. To rejoice with her up in heaven because she is no longer suffering and she is with Jesus.
for the last 4 yrs that was all she talked about : going home to be with jesus. An 82 yr old diabetic woman on dialysis.
I think about the saints in heaven who jump up and down every time a soul is saved. I start to sing and dance with them. I put on happy christian music to dance with them in heaven.
I still miss her but in my last dream of her,thank God it was the last,
she said to me no more tears.
Memories will try to get me but i am focusing on getting my business back and meeting and marrying the guy he wants me to marry,
Each morning i thank God that she is with him now. Then i shout out:
I choose life, I choose joy, happiness,peace and good heatlh.
I choose to rejoice.
only silent tears of missing her.
nette
coming out of the grief process