How do I deal with my son being bisexual?

[rmora82]

How old is your son?

He is 14

 

[rmora82]

First of all- whatever kind of feelings he's having (gay, straight, or bi) he's still too young for you to allow him to act on any of them. Sexually active fourteen-year-olds always wind up having numerous mental problems. I have seen it over and over and over again (speaking as a former teacher of that age group). Do not give your son the time or the opportunity right now.

Second- make sure he is focused on things that truly matter- faith and education. Kids DO take their cue from their parents in regards to this sort of thing- generally.

Three- the only way either of you can get through anything is by prayer. Prayer is the most important and efficacious thing a Christian can do at any time. Do not underestimate it.

Four- live by example. It's more powerful than anything else- especially to your own kids.

Five- if your son does go on to do things that you disagree with- love him regardless. Love doesn't mean you need to approve of everything either. In the end you can't change or control what other people do- only your own actions.

yes I agree he should not be seeking any type of sexual activity and I did let him know that regardless of his decision I by no means allow that he able to engage in any sexual activity at this point. And by the way he reacted I feel confident that he will not disapoint me in that area.

 

[rmora82]

yes Theophilus40

I did read the article and it did change the way I see things, doesnt mean that I agree with it but I prefer that he be able to confide in me and not move away from me because of his decision. My concern is that if he decides that this is what he wants I hope and pray to GOD that he will never feel like taking his life away. That will just devastate me. But thank you there are even more links to that website that I plan on reading into.

 

[PaladinValer]

I am in need of some help...my son just told me that he is bisexual, last night and that he knows this is something God does not approve of, he was tearful and told me he does not want this but that he has feelings for a boy at school and that boy also admitted to having feeling for him. I am so scared I dont want my son to find liking to the same sex, he says he has prayed for this to go away but he still is having these feelings. As a parent I love him and cannot judge him but at the same time this is something I do not want for my child. I told him that he needs to stay away from this boy to fight the temptation of being close to him but again he says he has feelings for this boy and he said he will think about it. What can I do? He is young and has never had any type of relationship if possible I want to help him before he starts experiencing with boys. PLEASE HELP!!!

Sexual orientation cannot be changed; he will have feelings for both sexes for the rest of his life, period.

What you can do is show him unconditional love and model a life that you want your son to live up to. Do not dwell on his self-discovery; that will only make matters worse and eventually drive a wedge between you both. You have to positively reinforce the belief that same-sex sexual relations are not acceptable, but you must make it clear that he is not his attractions, and, since he is bisexual, he should attempt focus on his attraction towards women.

All kids need to have the "sex and intimacy" talk with their parents. Treat him no differently, and that means don't make an issue of his sexual orientation. The same basic rules apply despite whatever sexual orientation.

If you treat your son as a person instead of as a category, you and he should be fine. I can appreciate the shock value you are experiencing, but let me advise that you take some time to let it subside before you do much else. A cool, rational mind is what will help both you and he forge ahead.

I would suggest family counseling with an APA-approved psychologist if you think that's a road worth going down. If you aren't sure you can do it alone, take this road. I would have a discussion with your son to ascertain exactly what he knows and what he doesn't know about sex and intimacy, and I strongly suggest some guided self-education (not suggesting you are ignorant, but since this is clearly upsetting you, you will want to be as well-armed with knowledge as you can...it will make you feel more in command of your own feelings and emotions which will allow you to go forth with confidence).

In any event, my prayers are with you both. I'm sure you and he can forge a path together.

 

[aiki]

I don't know how committed to following Christ you are, but, assuming you are deeply so, I would urge you to consider first and above all what God says to you in His Word about this matter of sexual orientation. Sexual perversion is not something upon which God falls silent in the Bible. God provides for every believer clear instructions as to how to battle and defeat the Satanic lie of homosexuality - and every and all sin, for that matter - in the pages of Scripture. And no where will you read in your Bible that warped sexual orientation is a set-in-stone thing. In fact, the apostle Paul wrote,

1 Corinthians 6:9-11
9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites,
10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.
11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

Paul was writing to former homosexuals, adulterers, idolaters, thieves, drunkards and so on, encouraging them to understand that they were no longer these sorts of people. Clearly, he did not think sexual orientation, or any sinful conduct, was an irreversible condition. In fact, in his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes,

2 Corinthians 5:17
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Do not, then, go into the process of turning your son from the sin of homosexuality with the view that he is forever condemned to struggling with it. This is a lie that has been promulgated by the popular media for a long time now and its frequent repetition has made it seem the truth. But it isn't. There has to date been no concrete evidence arising from the many studies on homosexual brains, hormones, or twins that has proven that homosexuality is congenital. What has been observed is that homosexuality appears to be the consequence of psycho-social factors, rather than genetics. Personality, environment, social influences, upbringing - these are the things that prompt homosexual behaviour. Your son, then, is not the victim of biology gone awry. He is not doomed to homosexuality forever. Commit yourself as a Christian to taking God's Word to heart and operating on the basis of what it says to you about the matter of homosexuality rather than what the World tells you is the truth.

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Selah.

 

[Krillin]

Sometimes kids your son's age go through a confusing time like that. I remember when I was in seventh and eighth grade, the "cool" thing for a lot of the less popular girls to do was to come out as being bi and try to find a girlfriend. This didn't seem to last long for many of them though.

But I think your son is being very mature about this, especially for his age. He knew to come to you about it, and he recognizes it as being evil. You have a good son.

I'll also add that up to about a year ago, I found myself becoming interested in other guys, and even acted upon it at times. I struggle with it every now and then. Like others have said, this is a sin just like any other that can be worked with.

I'll pray for your son.

 

[rmora82]

I don't know how committed to following Christ you are, but, assuming you are deeply so, I would urge you to consider first and above all what God says to you in His Word about this matter of sexual orientation. Sexual perversion is not something upon which God falls silent in the Bible. God provides for every believer clear instructions as to how to battle and defeat the Satanic lie of homosexuality - and every and all sin, for that matter - in the pages of Scripture. And no where will you read in your Bible that warped sexual orientation is a set-in-stone thing. In fact, the apostle Paul wrote,

1 Corinthians 6:9-11
9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites,
10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.
11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

Paul was writing to former homosexuals, adulterers, idolaters, thieves, drunkards and so on, encouraging them to understand that they were no longer these sorts of people. Clearly, he did not think sexual orientation, or any sinful conduct, was an irreversible condition. In fact, in his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes,

2 Corinthians 5:17
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Do not, then, go into the process of turning your son from the sin of homosexuality with the view that he is forever condemned to struggling with it. This is a lie that has been promulgated by the popular media for a long time now and its frequent repetition has made it seem the truth. But it isn't. There has to date been no concrete evidence arising from the many studies on homosexual brains, hormones, or twins that has proven that homosexuality is congenital. What has been observed is that homosexuality appears to be the consequence of psycho-social factors, rather than genetics. Personality, environment, social influences, upbringing - these are the things that prompt homosexual behaviour. Your son, then, is not the victim of biology gone awry. He is not doomed to homosexuality forever. Commit yourself as a Christian to taking God's Word to heart and operating on the basis of what it says to you about the matter of homosexuality rather than what the World tells you is the truth.

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Selah.

thank you for your words...but how do you make an adolescent commit strictly, we are new to the christian church maybe about 8 months, it is a work in progress for us.

 

[rmora82]

Sometimes kids your son's age go through a confusing time like that. I remember when I was in seventh and eighth grade, the "cool" thing for a lot of the less popular girls to do was to come out as being bi and try to find a girlfriend. This didn't seem to last long for many of them though.

But I think your son is being very mature about this, especially for his age. He knew to come to you about it, and he recognizes it as being evil. You have a good son.

I'll also add that up to about a year ago, I found myself becoming interested in other guys, and even acted upon it at times. I struggle with it every now and then. Like others have said, this is a sin just like any other that can be worked with.

I'll pray for your son.

Thank you very much, I really appreciate it! And as far as a confusion he states he used to be confused about and prayed that it would go away but his attraction towards boys is still the same. And as newly Christians he is still working on getting close to GOD, I just hope this does not impede on that relationship.

 

[Cearbhall]

.

 

[theophilus40]

And as far as a confusion he states he used to be confused about and prayed that it would go away but his attraction towards boys is still the same.

He was asking for the wrong thing. God never promises to remove temptations from our lives; he promises to give us the ability to resist them and he offers forgiveness when we fail.

A good book for both you and your son to read would be Washed and Waiting by Wesley Hill. Hill was raised in a Christian home and grew up believing the Bible but all of his life he has experienced same sex attraction. You can read a description of the book here:

Washed and Waiting: the story of a gay Christian | clydeherrin

 

[Inkachu]

Slender and Theophilus both make great points. We ALL struggle with temptations of varying types, all through our lives. This may be something that's just a phase for your son. It may be something that he struggles with all his life. The key is to teach him that, with God's help, he can overcome anything, and God is always there to help him, guide him, and change him for the better. God does not want your son agonizing and frustrated and unhappy. He has a plan for your son's GOOD... hold onto that belief!

If you haven't already, you might want to find a pastor or Christian counselor that you trust, and see if your son wants to talk to him/her about this stuff. Sometimes a third party can get a clearer picture of what's going on, and it may help to just talk things out and get them into the open. There may be something that he isn't comfortable sharing with you, that he would open up about to someone else. Just a thought

 

[aiki]

thank you for your words...but how do you make an adolescent commit strictly, we are new to the christian church maybe about 8 months, it is a work in progress for us.

You can't make your son "commit strictly" to the Christian faith. That's God's job. But you can demonstrate to your son how important you hold your Christian beliefs to be by not treating sin casually. Your son may come to hold a relationship with God in high esteem in part because of your example.

The temptation to sin never ceases until we enter eternity. If it isn't homosexuality that tempts us, then it is some other sin (gossip, selfishness, greediness, gluttony, etc - take your pick). Satan knows just where we are weakest and most easily manipulated. THis is why it is so vital to be daily throwing yourself upon the grace of God, trusting Him to keep you from evil as He promised. You (and your son) will also have to learn to wage spiritual warfare, just as every mature believer learns to do. If you do not, you will find yourself rapidly and seriously compromised in your faith. And this sort of thing never ends well.

Selah.

 

[LoricaLady]

I would get a hormone check. Not kidding. Sometimes dhea can be low and increasing it can increase male hormonal responses. I would also wonder what he is watching on t.v. If he is watching stuff that makes homosexuality seem cute and/or appealing, fun, etc., well we can't watch junk stuff and be unaffected any more than we can eat a diet of junk food and expect to have good health.

As far as how to treat him, great that he feels led to confide in you. Keep the door open by not being judgmental, letting him know you see he wants to do the right thing, letting him know you love him no matter what.

Then I'd personally fast (maybe 24 hours on water, too strenuous fasting can cause adrenal stress) and pray and ask for wisdom.

Praying you get insight and wisdom and that he is freed from those feelings, though maybe it will be a process.

 

[Michael Hawk]

YOU are the PARENT. You tell him how things are going to go; don't wait on him to "think about it." He is a child and as such vulnerable, and foolish, and in need of your guidance and protection. Be the parent and take whatever steps you must to help alleviate the pressure of your son's demonically-manipulated feelings. Change schools, or home school, if you must, but do what you have to do to curb the progression of the deception Satan's demonic agents are foisting upon your son.

I don't mean to be rude, but I am so happy you are not my parent.

 

[aiki]

I don't mean to be rude, but I am so happy you are not my parent.

Perhaps, if I knew you better, I'd feel the same way about you being my child.

Selah.

 

[Life2Christ]

Sadly, this is all too common today and even our appauling Mass Media encourages experimentation in this area of illicit sexuality. We live in a very permissive hedonistic Society with large groups of peers being readily available to cheer your Son onward.

Do you know the gay Episcopal Pastor Gene Robinson? Do you know what kind of an upbringing he had?? He had 13 years of pefect attendance at Sunday School, his parents loved the Lord. Gene loved the Lord more than anything. He went to Seminary. He even ended up marrying a woman. What I'm trying to say is: this man was as far away from "mass media and experimentaiton" as you can get. There was nothing hedonistic about a boy who grew up in this environment.

I don't know the answer but I know that God loves all of us as we are even though he may not agree with the way we are living. And if someone comes in Jesus' name, then blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.

 

[thesunisout]

Do you know the gay Episcopal Pastor Gene Robinson? Do you know what kind of an upbringing he had?? He had 13 years of pefect attendance at Sunday School, his parents loved the Lord. Gene loved the Lord more than anything. He went to Seminary. He even ended up marrying a woman. What I'm trying to say is: this man was as far away from "mass media and experimentaiton" as you can get. There was nothing hedonistic about a boy who grew up in this environment.

I don't know the answer but I know that God loves all of us as we are even though he may not agree with the way we are living. And if someone comes in Jesus' name, then blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.

I think the point is that the world will scream and shout that it is okay to live this way, whereas Christians are supposed to represent Gods point of view that it is a sin. If we lend our approval to sin and say it is okay, we are not only sinning but encouraging the person to harden their heart towards God and dive headlong into the devils plan for their life.

At this point in the argument, many people mistake warning people about sin to condemning the person. This isn't what Christians should do either:

2 Timothy 2:24 And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil,
2 Timothy2:25 correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth,
2 Timothy 2:26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

We can love the person without approving of their sin. Instead, we should encourage them to repent and come into a right relationship with their Creator. As representatives of Jesus Christ, we have to be salt and light in this world and that means being open and honest about the truth at all times, even when it is difficult and politically incorrect to do so.

 

[Life2Christ]

We can love the person without approving of their sin. Instead, we should encourage them to repent and come into a right relationship with their Creator.

Yes and amen, but that comes at a steep cost to those who live their lives fighting with themselves and their feelings. Christians need to be sensitive to that and compassionate to all.

 

[Michael Hawk]

Perhaps, if I knew you better, I'd feel the same way about you being my child.

Selah.

*Dodges stones*

 

[aiki]

*Dodges stones*

What goes around comes around...