How can I know I am saved

[Helga1027]

Wow! Such wisdom is in this!
Right, you have talents, gifts, success in your future...so keep
looking forward!

I wish I could see what talents I have.

My husband says I am lazy, and stupid, an idiot, intellectual dwarf that's why I never amounted to anything in my 44 years.

He said I should be grateful that he took me out of the life I was living. I had debt , lived in an awful apartment. I told him I had Jesus and didn't have someone calling me names. I was fine/happy. He said I was too dumb to know the situation I was in.

Told him I'd rather live in a shack with him and he treat me nice than have all the material blessings I have now with the way he treats me.

I do admit I was not the cleanest person when I lived alone but I have made many efforts to learn to be better. Not perfect yet.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Helga1027]

What about things to your liking also? Are you his wife or his slave? I'm serious. When do you do what you want to?

It's hard to say what I like. This sounds stupid but I enjoy researching products before I buy... reading about makeup /creams /facial oil especially now that age is creeping in and I sometimes have difficulty using the products I did before. I try to research before I buy so not to waste money but that irritates him.

Somehow he found out the topics I was googling, I think through our router and at that time I was trying to find a cream to reduce wrinkles or something and he often says comments like you waste your time searching for creams.

example if I went to get pedicure or if I did my nails, he seems happy for me but then rubs it in my face later on about the life I am now living, etc.... so I have stopped going for awhile .
Then he complains cause my dry hands and brittle nails are not lady like, can't use the word to describe what he said they looked like.... it's not polite.

We had an agreement that we would have no boys or girls night out. I didn’t realise that would include no going for coffee or lunch alone with my female friends. We only socialize together so if he's not available I stay home. I think once I went out with my mom for birthday breakfast alone cause he was busy working and once twice to her house.

My Christmas family gathering he doesn't like at all. This year he said he had a project due and couldn't go so I went alone. He thinks they are losers, etc... my mom and one or two sisters he doesn't mind. There are no doctors or engineers in my family.

I wanted a bike this summer to exercise cause I have gained weight (which he mentions).
He made some remarks like where would we put them. I found a store that had one I liked,.he asked if they delivered and then said we can't put two bikes in the trunk of our car so it never happened.

He wants me to take cooking lessons to improve the way I cook but I haven't found any yet that I like except for a 2 year day school so that's out of the question.

I wanted a Christmas tree. I love the way it looks. I bought one last year and put it up again this year. He's not happy about that. Often makes comments ....Waste of time, etc. ....

He encourages me to go to the gym and take walks.

 

[Helga1027]

He needs to realize that he is hitting you with words. causing your marriage harm still with his actions that are hurting you inside

I told him. Sadly he remembers the beginning of our marriage differently. I recall him being so impatient, him calling me names after 3 months, I tried to reason with him, to not get angry but the way he tells it I am the one that was angry too, etc.... it's like it's all twisted.

Yesterday he said he would say I abuse him and he would say I was gay if we divorced cause I don't cuddle in the morning. He said spiritual abuse cause I tell him things like he doesn't act like a Christian, or he may know the word but doesn't live it in private. At church he acts like the perfect person but not in private. He said "everyone knows that I am not patient, I even admitted to them all I was impatient" he had said it was one of the fruit he had to work on.

 

[Helga1027]

How long have you been keeping records? You mean that you have your husband's angry words recorded to listen to? Has he heard himself? Are you on this tape or whatever also?

Is he talking about 1 Corinthians 13:5 as to what love does not do? The Bible also tells us not to go with an angry man.

Romans 13:14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to [fulfil] the lusts [thereof].



Proverbs 22:24 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go:

I erased some of them but I have some from August 2015 onward.

I just feel no one would believe me. He has not heard them and has asked me to delete them but I told him no. That's when he said that if we divorced he would say I was gay cause I don't like to cuddle in the morning, etc... and he said keeping then was making a provision for divorce. I am not gay but it was hard in the beginning after 3 weeks about to warm up to him when he was such an angry impatient person outside of bed.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Helga1027]

It does matter that you have dreams, goals, your desires met too.

Proverbs 29:18 Where [there is] no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy [is] he.

Do you take vacations, dates, walks or such
together? Go maybe watch a sunset and talk about your kind heart and whatever you saw in him -security? as you fall in love with each other again. Expect respect and not being a doormat where he just drops his shoes and hollers when he wants them brought by you. Can he walk? Can he see?
Can he remember where he put things? He should not be making extra work for you by his daily habits that show disrespect. Does he ever say thank you? or please?

Yes when I do a good job like cleaning the house or cook a good meal or example Christmas I made a good meal he does thank me.

The last 2 times we went on vacation it was to places he wanted to visit. He works alot and doesn't have time for things like walk, etc..... He gives 100% to the cause of the Lord.

Sometimes he likes to watch TV or movies so he'll ask me to join him. We're surrounded by people either by phone or text.

 

[Helga1027]

You are not the one tossing your dirty clothes on the floor or wherever. This intelligent man you tell us about surely knows what a laundry basket/hamper looks like and what respect means.

True. It's just that I am not as organized as he. If you open my drawers right now, it's not organized. I try to keep any disorganization hidden ie in drawers but sometimes my closet becomes messy and he comments.

I sometimes feel like he looks for things. Christmas morning after I had put the turkey in the oven I managed to clean the kitchen. When he came in, he looked at the floor as if looking if there was any food or dirt on it. There was none

 

[juergen]

It seems it's "damned if you do and damned if you don't" with the things he expects of you.

I'm sorry if this sounds like a downer, but some things don't change unless something is done about them. I don't mean this in a way to blame you, but if it turns out that your husband does have a personality disorder, you are the only one equipped to take the right step in the right direction, and this will invariably involve professional help, separately and as a couple.

People with personality disorders are often biased by their pathology and unable to see what's really going on. On the other hand, your self esteem is already being dragged around under the weight of situations he is creating. If you see a situation is damaging you and affecting your relationship with someone, there's certain responsibility on both ends to do something about it, as hard as this may be. The thing is, it won't get easier by itself. More likely, it'll get worse. Fortunately, your eyes are being opened and you have started to see the inconsistencies in his behavior he hides from everyone else.

The difficult part of being an agent of change to those around you is that people are always reticent to change at first, even when it's better for them. And if he manipulates your feelings with all kinds of small things, he'll first put up a fight because he won't like owning up to his behavior (he already doesn't).

It's even affecting your relationship with God right now, making you doubt you're saved. Make no mistake, it's all very manipulative and it's hitting you hard. If it keeps going, you'll eventually end up resenting that God isn't doing something.

You're gonna have to deal with this at some point. Waiting will make it worse because things are being done actively that will make it worse: his damaging behavior and conforming/passivity on your end.

 

[juergen]

I erased some of them but I have some from August 2015 onward.

I just feel no one would believe me.

Which is why you need to talk to someone who has dealt with people with personality disorders in a professional capacity. If they don't have experience in dealing with these things, they'll end up being used by him as well.

Serious house repairs because of structural deficiencies require a pro in construction. Saving an organization from financial disaster due to mismanagement of money require a pro to get finances under control before the whole organization is shut down. Mental conditions in people whose mental conditions involve manipulation require a pro in how mental disorders work, how they can be managed by family (so that family doesn't fall apart) and how to fix the situation.

The garden variety person is already believing his "version," so you are correct in assuming no one will believe you. Get someone able to handle these situations correctly from the start.

If you pick someone without experience in these matters, and he or she is fooled by his behavior, he will use that against you when you do want to go to someone with experience and it will be WAY more difficult the second time around. Do yourself a favor and take surefire solutions from the beginning.

This difficult situation is difficult now. If you let it be, it will be more difficult later.

 

[juergen]

Yes! I was wondering why no else had commented as to her being treated more in a slave way that a cherished wife.

People have commented about it before. Not a lot of them, and maybe not using the word "slave."

 

[Helga1027]

People have commented about it before. Not a lot of them, and maybe not using the word "slave."

I wouldn't know if one could call the way I am treated as a slave. My "job" is to take care of the house, errands, etc... and of him.

 

[juergen]

I wouldn't know if one could call the way I am treated as a slave. My "job" is to take care of the house, errands, etc... and of him.

FWIW, I don't think it should be called slave. Using that word blurs issue needlessly.

But I see the intention in the other poster's post, which I believe is that your space, your will, your decisions are being violated aggressively. It wasn't said you were a slave, it said how you are being treated is more like being treated as a slave than a wife.

Have you looked into the personality disorder side of things? You'll find a lot of answers there.

 

[Ratjaws]

Helga,
I agree with others here who gave you advise to seek help with the abusive problem. It's dangerous to let it go and extremely hard to try to solve it on your own. You need insight from others who have succeeded in correcting a similar situation as well as the strength they can lend to you.

As for the salvation issue there is a way to know. It is not a choice between two extremes like once saved always saved or you can never know. Neither is reality such as Calvanists would have one believe... that some are created for eternal happiness and others for eternal damnation. No, Christians have the same assurance as Adam and Eve did called a moral assurance. This means simply once a person enters into the life of grace, initiated at baptism, then their conscience is their guide. By this I mean if you are not aware of having committed any serious sin then you can remain confident you are still in the state of grace.

It is grace that makes us fit for heaven and not simply believing in Jesus or that He is our Savior, etc... St. John states something to the effect that even the devils know God yet they are not in heaven. Rather as St. Paul said we are saved by grace through faith. We were created to do good and also saved, put back in the state of grace that is, to do good works as St. Paul says.

It is therefore important that you trust your conscience, starting where you are even if your conscience is imperfectly formed. You should obey it as you constantly seek to learn more clearly right from wrong. We recognize a good act by examining it using a three pronged formula, so to speak... if the means, the end, and the intent are all good, then the act we do is good. If any part is not good then the act is a sin and the kind of act determines whether it is mortal (serious) or venial (not serious) sin as St. John teaches.

The whole point here is that you should confess the sins you know of regularly to maintain your state of grace. As God gives you sanctifying grace through absolution it strengthens your will and enlightens your mind. You become stronger and more confident in your faith that is. You will have many tell you that those whom Jesus saves remain saved and show you scripture but they do this to the neglect of other scripture that indicates we have a will and can turn from God. It's not an either/or situation then and one must work out their salvation in fear and trembling knowing that this apprehension becomes less and less severe as we mature in grace... as we feed on the meat of scripture as opposed to the milk.

So don't let your husband, who should be supporting you but is not, cause you to doubt your state or that which only you and God can know. Also seek help in dealing with him and ask Christ to convict your husband's conscience so he will be open to seek help. Definitely don't let him verbally put you down or physically harm you because it will only escalate... rather get away and realize strength comes through others who have overcome in a similar situation.

 

[Ratjaws]

na

 

[Psalms119]

When my husband argues with me, he often says things like you are not saved, you're an angel of light, demonic agent, etc...

He even said he was praying Saturday night and knows why the Lord spoke certain things to him. He said numerous times that he wanted me to lead prayer meeting but the Lord told him no.

I am tired. He has been verbally abusive for the years we've been married and a bit physically by threatening to punch me in the face a few times and grabbing my sweater at the neck with his fist in my fave. I now am having difficulty not responding in kind back to him.

The only thing I could hold on to was the Lord during this time . That the Lord was with me. The reason I stay is because of the Lord.

Is my husband right about me?

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk

Isnt this talebarring?

 

[Helga1027]

The situation at home has actually has been a lot better. It's not perfect but he's making a real effort not to call me names for awhile now, is more loving, etc..... He's admitted to me that calling me names was wrong and apologized.

At church the scripture... we wrestle not with flesh and blood came to my heart. And it's so true. I am wrestling with the influence of the enemy in my husband life. Christians can choose which spirit they yield to and as imperfect vessels sometime they can yield to the enemy, even thinking at the time in error that they are following the Holy Spirit .

The Lord has allowed me to "hear" the influence of the enemy in my husband words at times and He sometimes allows me to actually "see" when he is yielding to the enemy, but greater is He that is in me than he in the world. If the Lord is showing me these things, I can pray against it.

I thank everyone for their prayers.

I really felt a supernatural joy and excitement for the 2017 year and a knowing that it will be a good year. I believe for a year of breakthrough in my marriage for 2017.

 

[HittitesA-muk]

hi Well nobody asked you to be saved . They asked you to be a church goer where mu-sically appropriate songs are sung every seven days .