Hello children of God
I have posted here before and I have OCD and I don't really have rituals like washing hands or repeating things etc. I mostly have thought problems. I did not have these type of thoughts two months ago it just fell on me and I got slammed with it and did not know why I have it so bad now. Everyday I get these blasphemy thougths about GOD all the time and I also get constant immoral thougths about girls slander about people , weird kinds of imageinations and others things etc. I had it so bad one time everyone I came in contact with I had slander about them going through my head and I just broke down and cried a lot of times becuase I could not stand the paing this gave me with all this. I have started to take meds a few weeks ago and I have been seeing my church's counsler to talk about all this and I have also gotten several books on OCD. But my hard part is having faith in Jesus Christ is all this and trusting him. I asked to be saved almost two years ago and I look at myself and don't see evidence that I have spiritually changed and keep wondering if I was ever trully saved to begin with. I have prayed many times to be saved but I get tired of it after a while and after these last two months when I sin I know that I did but it does not hurt as much like it use too and I am scared for my soul. These thoughts use to hurt a lot but after getting them day in and day out they eventually just get old and you get tired of it and it just makes me bitter and mad once in a while. I feel like I have not faith and feel alone and lost and dead inside and I feel like God has lost all interest in me and will not save me. People keep telling me that I am saved and so forth and its just my OCD but God can not look past any thing evil so what hope do I have of being saved when Jesus is the only hope and only he alone is hope of Salvation. I am getting too hte point to whee I don't care anymore and I don't know whats going on in my life and feel like I am too late for any hope anymore with all this. People around me can help me phiscally but not spiritually that is Gods' department to do them kind of things. I know others love and care for me but that is fine but the most important thing I am looking for is Jesus in my life and I just feel like he is not there and that he will wait till I die and then past judgement on me and destroy me because of all this. The ocd thoughts and my own just all seem the same now and it just makes me hopeless anymore
. Does anyone else here have any advice. I can be happy for others that I have read about that have ocd but I can only get sad when I look at myself in the mirror cause I can not tell anything about me anymore and I just wish God would help me inside but my prayers just seem dead anymore. Thanks for any replies
Eric
Eric