How can I get over the need for approval?

[BigV]

I am noticing that I seek the approval of others. I get very defensive when finding that I'm in the minority.

Let me give you an example. I am into Free Grace Theology. (Basically, I hold the view that any person who simply believed in Jesus Christ as their ONLY Savior from hell, that instant receives eternal life. And that life is given to them forever even if they stop believing).

This view is in the minority in my church, since there are Calvininsts (who hold that we are saved by a kind of faith that endures and works, etc...) and Arminians (who hold salvation is kept by obedience).

But I feel like I'm being attacked personally everytime I hear the opposing view.

Also, when someone is talking bad about me, I feel the need to defend myself, I can't just let it go.

Basically, I view myself as overly sensitive in some situations.

What are some basic steps I can take to see where the feelings of sensitivity really come from?

 

[ChristsCourage2]

It seems you may have self esteem issues. I am not a shrink or anything, but, that is what I see it as. You feel like you are not confident when someone does not meet your aproval, or, you do not like what they believe in. I think you just need to really take some time to evaluate your life, and, just pray about this, and, ask Him for help with this. All I can see from this is low self esteem issues. That's all I see. You feel left out of the situation if someone does not meet you approval, and, you want to be included in everything others are doing. That is what I see. Just think about what I said. I am no shrink, like I said, so, I am telling you what I know from what I read.

 

[BigV]

K, thanks for that bit of info. I also thought they were related. But how can I work on my self esteem?

 

[Everlasting33]

Did you feel you never won the approval of your parents and/or peers?

If you do not receive approval, what messages are you telling yourself? (for example, I am not good enough or I need him or her to make me happy...etc).

First off, you need to know what areas of your self-esteem need the work. Write them down. Because there is almost always a source emotion that is hidden and to find it and work on the source would be to decrease all of these symptoms that you are experiencing.

Hope to hear from you

 

[ChristsCourage2]

K, thanks for that bit of info. I also thought they were related. But how can I work on my self esteem?

You could surround yourself with peole here on the forums that are encouraging, like me. You can also surround yourself with people in your town, and, talk to friends that are always happy. I could help you if you would like some help. I ill pm you, and, we can talk a lot about this since I am in the same boat as you. With the self esteem part.

 

[UnitynLove]

Approval Addiction Pt. 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49Ntuwansv0

Approval Addiction Pt. 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ipsCerO_Fs

Approval Addiction Pt. 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxxSelPzFGo

 

[Johnnz]

Can you identify the inner messages about yourself that are constantly playing in your mind? These most often arise in childhood, or after some major, negative event(s) that set you on the wrong track.

John
NZ

 

[drich0150]

Contentment, in who we are, and where we are with God. These two things are key in finding inner peace. Without inner peace, and the security that comes along with it, you always be looking for that security through what you believe. (Or your version of belief) When people disagree with "Your security" or your beliefs it can be perceived as a personal attack.. It's like someone telling you are a fool for believing what you do when you adopt your theology, and place it close to your heart.

Generally speaking, if you wish to separate emotion from thought, you must first seriously look at the other persons view, in this case theology, and empathize with them. Try and understand why they believe what they do.. Remember your not looking for discrepancies. Your looking for heart felt, or intellectual reasons they believe what they do.. Now marry these reasons with the "Greatest Command" To love your lord with all of your being.. (Heart, mind, strength, etc..) And ask yourself does "This guy's" apposing view go along with the greatest command?

Does his understanding (Stronger than mine, or weaker than my own) Limit his ability to see the big picture the way I do? Even so, is he giving all his mind can process towards his expression of love to the Living God? Is his zeal and enthusiasm for the lord driving his position? Does his actions and reactions reflect a love for God? If yes then no matter what his Jesus Christ centered theology looks like, he's one of the good guys.. And if you truly believe in free Grace, then wouldn't that grace include room for not only the murders and rapist, but for the people who love God with all of there being, but for what ever reason can't understand scripture as you do?

If God can find mercy and peace for this limited brother, then shouldn't you try for this as well? Or does the need to be "Right or correct" in front of other supersede God will for his children? If this is the case in your heart then, if I were you.. I'd take a serious look at what I believe and why. Because if you don't believe, and teach for God's will or his glory then, what ever it is your doing, is for the wrong reason.