tnc,
i am never a woman who goes for divorce.. and while i reacted like michael did--"WHAT?" i do understand the stick it out mode. don't listen to us to say get out, leave, etc.. (sorry franklin, don't mean to step on toes)..
it seems that your hubby seems to be confessing only when you are confronting him w/what you have learned.. he seems to be only confessing what he has to... this is not only destructive to the both of you, but immaturity on his part. it also is worrisome, because it indicates that he really is not ready to repent of this sin yet..godly sorrow is the sorrow in doing the wrong in the first place, & when shown to you, you never do it again.... worldly sorrow is the sorrow at getting caught, and people continue to sin in the worldly sorrow mode...
sin is sin is sin..call it betrayal, call it deceitfulness, call it lying, call it whatever, it is still sin... i too, am disappointed in the "what the scriptures say" debate started by hugh. she has been wronged. she has been sinned against. if it is not "adultery" in your mind, then let's work at least w/the scriptures that indicate the penalty of betrayal, breaking promises, lying, on and on here...
tnc: i think in your posts, you are thinking that if you forgive him, then you won't feel this pain, this anger, this rage inside of you. you will feel at peace, and all will be well... don't fret. we are taught that from other well-meaning people, but per the scriptures, it just isn't what the facts are...
i know the hurt and feelings of "why wasn't i good enough?" and sometimes well meaning people tell you to fix your hair, and do this and do that, and get that man back, etc etc, when all i wanted to do was curl up and die, i hurt so badly at being betrayed, and humiliated, and ashamed... betrayed, because i was deceived, humiliated, because everyone else seemed to know about this but me, and the other female was even laughing about it, and ashamed, because i was disrespected so much from my sig other, that he would not only betray me, try to keep it from me, & everyone else knew, etc etc.
he didn't intend to hurt me. so i am sure your hubby is not intending to hurt you. but his self is getting in the way. he is not loving you, nor his family as he should. and it should be disgraceful to him, for his children to see him disrespecting you like this. this can & will cause your children to not respect you either, if this persists.. because he is the head of the household. they learn how to treat you thru him...
if you have to keep confronting him when you get proof & you have to say "but i see this, i know this, i heard this" and he says "oh yeah, we did this, ... oh yeah we did that, "..then no wonder you are enraged. "18 years you invested your life and heart and soul and strength in this marriage, you are a Christian, he is a Christian, how could this happen to you? has to keep running thru your head".. it would mine!!!
that rage?? that is God given. you have to ask God how to control it, get over it, or maybe God doesn't want you to be over this anger at this moment.. maybe God wants you to be angry, because your husband is not protecting you nor the rest of the family, and that is a God given responsibility. sometimes spouses go thru this "well i wouldn't have cheated if you had ... or had not..."... is your husband saying that?? is he saying, even a hint of it, that it is your fault that he didn't control himself?? the world says that garbage all the time.. don't say that worldly stuff to yourself--the scriptures say differently. the man is the leader, because the man is the stronger, per the scriptures. there is no excuse for him on this. he needs to admit he has no excuse, be broken about it, bear all his sin, and then make changes at his job.. like why is his cubicle still next to hers???
i am not in this, to enrage you, set you against your husband, or anything like that.. i am in this for you to admit your anger. that way you can separate your anger from your bitterness, and you can move on to the next phase.. which could mean "forgiveness, even when he doesn't understand how deep his wrong is." ...
many people (gary chapman, for 1) believe that you can't forgive someone for something they don't repent of... that it is not expected of you to do that...i know that he reasons this out, but i don't see the scriptures saying that... (70x7 scripture...)..but i do see the scriptures telling you not to pass your pearls to pigs, and to guard your heart. i am sorry that you have to guard your heart against your own husband...
pray for the truth to be revealed, in your household. pray for wisdom and knowledge to know what to do, then strength and courage to do it.. don't call that woman, whatever you do, because if she is disrespectful as she seems, she will think that you are in her power...
you wanna know a secret that is too well known and not so secret?? that woman who likes married men?? she doesn't like commitment.. that's why her men are married..the suggestions i have to give you, to scare her, may be misconstrued, i don't want to do that.. and they are revengeful, so i better not...
