houston we have a problem

[janny108]

my 14 year old daughter isn't very helpful, doesn't like to be touched, doesn't get involved with people, can be on the internet for hours. She always was a good student till 2 years ago and now she will be home schooled. One thing that bothers me is she has no clue that her actions or words may hurt others, she likes being "invisible". She won't go to counseling. I was kind of upset because she would not attend church with us, but maybe it's something else.
Like today, we are waiting for homeschool materials so school hasn't resumed yet. Little things bother her and she gets sort of paralyzed. New situations intimidate her. This is a problem!
Any advice welcome

 

[Sabertooth]

I have Aspergers and children with Aspergers and lower-functioning autism. Even though my Aspergers grants me some empathy for them, it is still pretty much "trial & error" when raising them. Child rearing books have been pretty much useless (with these). There definitely isn't a one-size-fits-all approach when dealing with them.

The best thing you can do is listen to what they are saying and try to take other cues from their behaviors. Get to know their ways, so you can anticipate what you need to be as a parent. And, above all, ask God for the necessary wisdom [Jas. 1:5, 6].

 

[janny108]

Ok but does it APPEAR to be aspergers? How do you get it diagnosed?

 

[Sabertooth]

Ok but does it APPEAR to be aspergers? How do you get it diagnosed?

I presumed you already had that diagnosis. When you get a diagnosis that is consistent with what you are seeing at home, from a psychologist or neurologist, they can give you more specific guidance on how to manage her condition.

I was diagnosed when I brought one of my sons in for counseling.

 

[Spammydee]

Hi there!

What your daughter is experiencing when it comes to touch is sensory overload. I'm an aspie myself and most people with Autism just don't like to be touched.

As for her not doing anything with people this is very common with people who are on the autistic spectrum. People with aspergers/high functioning autism lack social and sometimes communication skills needed to get to know others hence why it makes it harder for them to interact. This could be another reason why your daughter didn't want to go to church.

Is there a support group near you where you can take your daughter? I used to go to Aspergers groups and I found those really helpful. Try and encourage your daughter to take up a hobbie outside of the home and see if this helps. You have to understand that socialising is scary for Aspies but with some encouragement and teaching of how to be social, it becomes less scary.

I mean, crickey! Four years ago I was so scared of people that I refused to even speak to anyone! Now as an adult I soon realised that talking to people isn't so bad once I learned how.

Try and see if you can find a support group for her and for you (as a parent). Remember God will find a way around this for your daughter so keep seeking and praying for His guidance.

 

[hedrick]

It may well be Asperger's. But I wouldn't start treating her that way without talking with a psychologist or neurologist. If that's it, they can help you develop an approach. If not, there may be something else. Others here have gone through the process, so they can advise you how to go about it. I would think you could ask your daughter's doctor to refer you to someone.

 

[janny108]

Hi there!

What your daughter is experiencing when it comes to touch is sensory overload. I'm an aspie myself and most people with Autism just don't like to be touched.

As for her not doing anything with people this is very common with people who are on the autistic spectrum. People with aspergers/high functioning autism lack social and sometimes communication skills needed to get to know others hence why it makes it harder for them to interact. This could be another reason why your daughter didn't want to go to church.

Is there a support group near you where you can take your daughter? I used to go to Aspergers groups and I found those really helpful. Try and encourage your daughter to take up a hobbie outside of the home and see if this helps. You have to understand that socialising is scary for Aspies but with some encouragement and teaching of how to be social, it becomes less scary.

I mean, crickey! Four years ago I was so scared of people that I refused to even speak to anyone! Now as an adult I soon realised that talking to people isn't so bad once I learned how.

Try and see if you can find a support group for her and for you (as a parent). Remember God will find a way around this for your daughter so keep seeking and praying for His guidance.

I'm taking Growing kids God's way, and it's illuminating. I try not to take it personally, like when she refers us to "you people". To be honest, I thought that of my family too but I'd never say it publicly.I had trouble socially too, esp in middle school, but in high school I took up choir and had friends from that.

Our town is not so big but I can ask around about the groups.

 

[janny108]

Ok a neurologist? She has been to a social worker, a therapist and she does not want to go see anyone. If I take her to a dr, and it;'s NOT aspergers, she says already she's not "crazy". I don't want her to think she has a problem in that area if she doesn't, but at the same time, there IS a problem....

 

[Sabertooth]

Having Aspergers is not a disease nor, by itself, crazy, but it is different way of thinking than that of general society, like being left-handed is different.

If she gets identified as such, there will be people who can help her cope better with these differences. Aspergers, by itself, does not require any medicine. And you can tell her that I said so, myself.

When looking for a psychologist or neurologist, check for the recommendations of your local Autism Society [Google it]. Autism has become a bit of a political football of late.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Ok a neurologist? She has been to a social worker, a therapist and she does not want to go see anyone. If I take her to a dr, and it;'s NOT aspergers, she says already she's not "crazy". I don't want her to think she has a problem in that area if she doesn't, but at the same time, there IS a problem....

If she had a toothache and did not want to see a dentist, what would you do? If there IS a problem get IT identified and explore what treatment/help is available. She's the child..YOU are the parent

 

[janny108]

yes I'm aware of that!