The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.
If you are having struggles, need support in a particular area that you aren't finding a specific recovery area forum, you may find the General Struggles forum a great place to post. Any any that is related to emotions, self-esteem, insomnia, anger, relationship dynamics due to mental health and recovery and other issues that don't fit better in another forum would be examples of topics that might go there.
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Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist
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Hi just wanted to say this week has been extreamly difficult but wanted to tell you I come back to your encouraging message and that really helps. It's such a blessing to have this type of wonderful encouragement seriously. THANK YOU.Hello sweetheart. I just want to say that I love and care about you and what you are going through. I just want to also say that God does not put the thorn there nor does He punish us this way. He allows the enemy sometimes to tempt us or battle us but only for our good. God wants us more than you will ever know. He wants us to totally depend upon Him. It is so hard to do being human but you have to absolutely depend on Him for our next breath. I am still growing and I will probably always be growing. I never want to get to where I am satisfied with how much of Him I have. He supplies the faith we need to get through this. He supplies the strength. He supplies the desire. He supplies the obedience we need to serve Him. He supplies the knowledge and wisdom. He supplies the love too. We have the free will to ask for all these things in sincerity. He will supply them if we seek for them. He is so merciful and full of grace. Sometimes I feel like I really don't know or feel his worth and it almost kills me because He shows Himself to me daily. I praise Him for everything. I praise Him for all my trials and tribulations because it produces more faith and more growth. I praise Him for you too because you reminded me that I am still growing and I want more even if my flesh says no my spirit is yearning for more.
You are a blessing and just hold on. Ask for Hos help and guidance. It don't always come instantly but it will come. I am praying for you sweet friend. Love you.
Just wanted to say thanks for your encouraging words. It's great knowing that their are some awesome prayer warriors and kind hearts out there to lift a fellow sister out.I understand everything you are saying. My mind and emotions are not in tact at the moment. I have been this way a while but I can see where He is working on me. I can see where He is pulling me out. He is giving me all things new. Praise God! Keep the faith. It's hard when your in the fire as we are but those that persevere until the end shall be saved. Oh won't it be great to sit in the garden with Him on that bench with His arms around you in conversation? Just hanging out? What's good is we can do that here too. I just know your a soldier. So keep up the good fight. Invite Him to fight it with you sweet friend. I'm praying for you. Love you.
Just wanted to say thank you so much for the awesome words of encouragement and tips regarding my situation. It's been a really difficult week but I'm doing what I can to go forward.Believe me when I say this to you. Your physical pain is not from God, it is from the severe emotional anxiety and depression associated with OCD Scrupulosity. Believe I have gone through all you are going through. You are not condemned. This is false thinking based on deeply rooted anxiety disorder. God may allow us to go through storms in life, but it is for our ultimate good. You are not unforgiveable either. The only unforgiveable sin is when people continually, willfully, completely, and hatefully reject Jesus as God, Lord, and Savior. It's not that God couldn't or wouldn't save these kind of people it is that these people harden their own hearts by their own choice and will never repent because they never want to. You on the other hand are not one of those people. You are a born again Christian who has called upon and trusted on Jesus Christ alone for salvation. You cannot lose your salvation in Christ, because your salvation is in Christ and not yourself. Please smile and eat right drink plenty of water and start going for walks reading your Bible and praying and singing songs to the Lord in your heart. This pain you are under is a result of OCD, it is not God's punishment. Anxiety and depression can do some really weird things to the body. Jesus loves you. You just need to realize that and walk in Him. I'm praying for you.
I feel like I'm the only one....and now I don't say anything to anyone...just suffer along in silence...I would give ANYTHING...to have pretty much any other trial thrown at me....I honestly cannot think of anything worse than this...
Hi there
...
I have been here a few times and the last times things were better...it all just seems so up and down....I suffer from blasphemous thoughts so horrific it makes me wonder how I even managed to be able to think these things in the first place.
This has been going on for about a year now...It started when I felt flat one day and spoke out loud to God saying that Satan's world is easier...(I didn't mean that I wanted anything to do with the enemy...I just didn't understand what was so wrong with sin)....I wanted to build a nice big house...have a bunch of nice things....and I felt guilty wanting those things I just didn't understand what life was all about....well I went inside opened up my bible and the first thing I read was a chapter where God was saying something like...you are my enemy..you pretend around my people and ended with the words...I will never let you in the garden where I would have offered you rest...I can't remember where in the bible this was as I closed my bible in fear and burst out crying asking him for forgiveness....certain that this was God talking directly to me...and why wouldn't he after what I said....afterall isn't the bible how God speaks to us?....I spent days feeling utterly cast out and terrified...I was a new christian too...I had not been in relationship long with God before all this started....
In about 0.5 seconds I understood the scripture...what does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul....I had just lost God (or so I thought)...eternally...who cares about a stupid house....and right now...from that day onward...I have been utterly completly cured of any materialism...All I want is God...absolutely nothing more or less...just him...thats it....but unfortunately the fun (not really fun) was just about to get started...
During this time a massive doorway must have been opened to the enemy because horrible thoughts started to happen....(before this day I never had any bad thoughts at all)...you h*** God....you h*** Jesus....the thoughts started....I was petrified...I started trying to read my bible but thought I'd play it safe by starting with the new testament...(I had become frightened of the old testament)...I had no sooner started Matthew and was reading about when Herod was looking for baby Jesus and this thought came ....you wanted him to find the baby.....like what??? I'm sure these thoughts were demonic...because I had thoughts like...this is what it feels like when God forsakes you...and one eerie thought that went like...haha your dead...it was horrifying and I truelly felt that I had been cast away....
At this time I had no idea we were in a spiritual war...I thought all these thoughts were mine...I'm pretty sure now the origins were from the enemy....the attack felt so vicious...it was literally breathtaking the horror of this...a living hell...I felt like dying...except I knew in death there is no God in hell...just the permanent absence of him...at least in life he was all around me...in the clouds...the faces of my children...the birds ...the rainbows...I started paying attention to ALL the little details...and I'd stubornly tell him that I was going to love him anyway...even if I was forsaken...that whilst ever I was alive...and could see the presence of him everywhere I was going to flatout adore him....
I have never been so terrified in my life...I hated every moment of these thoughts...of course the thoughts didn't just stop there....as soon as I learnt there was an unforgiveable sin...well yes my mind just went on thinking that.... the thoughts just kept getting worse...and all the while I'm floundering wondering how I could possibly think things that should never have even entered my mind in the first place....
At the time I was attending a little Anglican church...but stopped going as I got so embarrased sitting up the back of a small church every sunday wearing dark sunglasses and bawling my eyes out....nobody else cries in church??....I've started going to hillsong which is fantastic...such a beautiful church...and so huge that no one notices you sitting there crying your heart out every week....you blend in so much easier...
I've tried to talk to a few of the pastors about this...and nobody has ever heard of anything like this?....as soon as you say you have blasphemous thoughts about God they take a few steps backwards as if to say how could you....it's horrible...does anyone else find that so few people understand this? I feel like I'm the only one....and now I don't say anything to anyone...just suffer along in silence...I would give ANYTHING...to have pretty much any other trial thrown at me....I honestly cannot think of anything worse than this...
I came across the grantley blog and that smoothed things over for awhile...finally...i'm not alone...other people go through this....but why won't they (the thoughts) go away?
I started watching alot of christian TV during this time....alot of Joyce Meyer and Joseph Prince...which have helped remarkably...I keep remembering the words of Jesus...if you love me...you will obey my commandments....so I'm trying so hard to do all the right things....and I mean trying...I'm on a mission to try and be the best I can...as if by my actions I'm trying to prove to God that I don't mean these thoughts....I pray every day for him to take these thoughts away...to give me a heart like Jesus...the fruit of the spirit and all those lovely things...but I'm still waiting for the changes....
Joyce Meyer said something really powerful that I have been living my life by lately....do whats right when it all feels wrong....go out and be a blessing to someone else even when you are dying inside...so I have been busy trying to be a blessing everywhere...and honestly I love that...being a blessing has been fun...it has helped the feelings....but it hasn't stopped the thoughts
The thoughts are so bad it's despairing...They used to be just horrible ones about God...which were altogether gut wrenching...but then they progressed to a whole new level...where I feel like when I say Lord...it's like the enemys name will pop in and then I feel like being sick...I drive past my old church and have a thought like the house of the enemy...I have to drive past this church everyday to pick up my kids from school...and everytime I'm getting close to it...I start freaking out...in case I have that thought...or other similar...thoughts about the enemy...I can honestly officially say...the thoughts do not get any worse than this...I tossed up even writing about these thoughts here because I am so ashamed...but honestly I wonder how many others have thoughts as bad as this...is it just me?
Joyce Meyer talks alot about 'ruining the enemy's day' by being a blessing and basically not being riled by anything he throws at you...so I have turned this into a major life theme....I utterely HATE the enemy so much...that I basically refuse to be unforgiving to ANYONE (considering that I am going to be needing buckets of God's mercy) and also because I know just how much that ticks the enemy off...I feel like the enemy is ruining my life with these thoughts...so I am deadset determined to ruin his....I get stuck in a frustrating situation...I don't know like say...a one hour traffic jam...I just grin and bear it with a good spirit...why...because that would be making the enemy seethe...and afterall...compared to having these thoughts...ANYTHING looks like a bed of roses....
But then I wonder...what if these thoughts are me?...how ...just how...on earth can I possibly think these things....I often think that there is no way in a million years I could have prayed against this thing happening....I never could have even dreamt that you could find yourself in this situation having thoughts you never could have imagined thinking....it's a nightmare
The other greatest challenge in all this is I don't hear from God...I have no idea how to....all these other people talk about how the Lord spoke to them...or God told them to do this or that....and for me...nothing....silence...honestly God doesn't tell me anything...I am terrified of the bible....afraid I will have bad thoughts whilst reading it...thats why I like the tv preachers...I can get to hear the word without the paralising fear of blasphemous thoughts, or of reading a scary passage that I think applies directly to me....
One strange thing happened thoughout all of this...I think I experienced the baptism of the holy spirit (a warm physical sensation) and sometimes when I pray I have a pins and needles feeling....it sounds strange...I don't hear from God but I think I feel his tangible presence at times....anyone else have this experience or know what I mean?
I was baptised in water a couple of months ago and when I got out of the water a leader put her hands on me and prayed for me...when she finished she spoke the words.... "I sense there has been a great deal of sadness with you...but the Lord says that things are going to change and that he has a good plan for your life" this girl had never met me before in my life...I could have given her a massive hug...for the first time...I felt that God was still with me...still there...since I never hear from him personally it was such a relief to hear those words...how else could she have hit the nail on the head?
I look at all the other 'normal' christians and wonder exactly why this is happening to me...and why most of them have never even heard of this situation...and why can't I be just like them...I look at the worship team with beaming smiles and wish...wish...wish I was just like them...not necessarily on the worship team...no not at all.....just the beaming smile radically head over heels in love with God part....just like ANYONE else who loves Jesus without fear of having horrible thoughts....I just want the peace that Jesus gives...I'm still trying to find it...
This experience has so sharply put my entire life in perspective....there is nothing more terrifying...than believing in God....believing that the bible is absolutely correct....knowing that Jesus is the only hope unto eternal life....believing in hell...and then having a bunch of thoughts you don't want that you think are going to put you there....forever....and it's the forever part that gets me...it is utterely inconceivable....and all I want...all I long for is the relationship with God that just about everyone else in the christian world seems to be enjoying...I look around at half hearted christians and feel like giving them a shake...don't you know how lucky you are...to be able to sit in church without being terrorised and tormented...sort of thing....oh how I wish i could go back in time and be able to enjoy church....and worship music...the way I used to...without the constant fear...I miss the way it used to be, and don't know how to get it back....
I am so sorry about the long post...I really didn't mean for it to be this long...once I got started it just kept coming....anyway....I would love so much to hear the testimony of others....and what has helped....
Hello Everyone, I have been struggling with this issue for half a year now, and I am only 19. These thoughts came to me out of nowhere. I was watching this show on television abut incest and it was just so repulsive to me. That night I think that triggered the blasphemous thoughts and ever since I have not been able to be at peace with myself. I desperately need God in my life and I pray everyday that I can move forward but I can't. Some days are better than others. But on the better days I think about how its better than yesterday which causes me to think about the thoughts I was trying to forget. just like you guys any religious figure would trigger the thoughts. Lately I have been trying to use look at those objects and think about all of God's goodness and how much forgiveness and love he has for us even when we have sinned. Sometimes I wear a cross necklace to remind me that God is always with me. I don't believe these thoughts are true and I absolutely hate this feeling of helplessness. The worst thing is I can't tell anyone, no one because the thoughts are just so horrific that I don't even want to say them. I just have to go day by day like nothing is wrong. Some days I can't even eat because I feel so bad and I weigh 105 llbs as it is. I don't know what to do anymore I love Jesus and believe in him, and know that he died on the cross for everyone to be forgiven of sin, so why do I keep feeling this way? I would not wish these thoughts on anyone, I'm in a constant state of guilt, shame, and sadness. I am in college and the other day I could not even study for a test because the thoughts were so bad. I am at my wits end and I just want to know what to do to cure myself of these thoughts. I cannot CANNOT go on living this way. I would rather die than live like this. I would never commit suicide because I know that God would not want me to take for granted the life he gave up so that I could live mine. I just wish that I could go to sleep one night and never wake up. I just want to live happily in heaven with God and my loved ones so that I can finally be at peace. Some days I wonder why this happened to me, what did I do, what happened to me? I feel like this has gotten me closer to God, I definitely pray ALOT more, probably 20 times a day and I ask forgiveness everyday, another thing that triggers the bad thoughts. I think I have OCD at this point. I feel like the thoughts have lessened since I read this forum, because I don't feel sooo alone. Please anybody who is reading this please keep me in your prayers because I really need it.
Also I have not been to church for about 2 years now maybe more, but I have recently started watching the Sunday service of television which makes me feel good. I have been trying to move on with the thoughts, Think it and then move on, not trying to pick myself about why I had it and how horrible it is. I just think it and let it be, move on. Anyway pouring this out has made me feel better.
I know exactly how you feel I struggle daily with this and it destroys the quality of my like, when I read your post it felt like I wrote it!
Hi there
I have been here a few times and the last times things were better...it all just seems so up and down....I suffer from blasphemous thoughts so horrific it makes me wonder how I even managed to be able to think these things in the first place.
This has been going on for about a year now...It started when I felt flat one day and spoke out loud to God saying that Satan's world is easier...(I didn't mean that I wanted anything to do with the enemy...I just didn't understand what was so wrong with sin)....I wanted to build a nice big house...have a bunch of nice things....and I felt guilty wanting those things I just didn't understand what life was all about....well I went inside opened up my bible and the first thing I read was a chapter where God was saying something like...you are my enemy..you pretend around my people and ended with the words...I will never let you in the garden where I would have offered you rest...I can't remember where in the bible this was as I closed my bible in fear and burst out crying asking him for forgiveness....certain that this was God talking directly to me...and why wouldn't he after what I said....afterall isn't the bible how God speaks to us?....I spent days feeling utterly cast out and terrified...I was a new christian too...I had not been in relationship long with God before all this started....
In about 0.5 seconds I understood the scripture...what does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul....I had just lost God (or so I thought)...eternally...who cares about a stupid house....and right now...from that day onward...I have been utterly completly cured of any materialism...All I want is God...absolutely nothing more or less...just him...thats it....but unfortunately the fun (not really fun) was just about to get started...
During this time a massive doorway must have been opened to the enemy because horrible thoughts started to happen....(before this day I never had any bad thoughts at all)...you h*** God....you h*** Jesus....the thoughts started....I was petrified...I started trying to read my bible but thought I'd play it safe by starting with the new testament...(I had become frightened of the old testament)...I had no sooner started Matthew and was reading about when Herod was looking for baby Jesus and this thought came ....you wanted him to find the baby.....like what??? I'm sure these thoughts were demonic...because I had thoughts like...this is what it feels like when God forsakes you...and one eerie thought that went like...haha your dead...it was horrifying and I truelly felt that I had been cast away....
At this time I had no idea we were in a spiritual war...I thought all these thoughts were mine...I'm pretty sure now the origins were from the enemy....the attack felt so vicious...it was literally breathtaking the horror of this...a living hell...I felt like dying...except I knew in death there is no God in hell...just the permanent absence of him...at least in life he was all around me...in the clouds...the faces of my children...the birds ...the rainbows...I started paying attention to ALL the little details...and I'd stubornly tell him that I was going to love him anyway...even if I was forsaken...that whilst ever I was alive...and could see the presence of him everywhere I was going to flatout adore him....
I have never been so terrified in my life...I hated every moment of these thoughts...of course the thoughts didn't just stop there....as soon as I learnt there was an unforgiveable sin...well yes my mind just went on thinking that.... the thoughts just kept getting worse...and all the while I'm floundering wondering how I could possibly think things that should never have even entered my mind in the first place....
At the time I was attending a little Anglican church...but stopped going as I got so embarrased sitting up the back of a small church every sunday wearing dark sunglasses and bawling my eyes out....nobody else cries in church??....I've started going to hillsong which is fantastic...such a beautiful church...and so huge that no one notices you sitting there crying your heart out every week....you blend in so much easier...
I've tried to talk to a few of the pastors about this...and nobody has ever heard of anything like this?....as soon as you say you have blasphemous thoughts about God they take a few steps backwards as if to say how could you....it's horrible...does anyone else find that so few people understand this? I feel like I'm the only one....and now I don't say anything to anyone...just suffer along in silence...I would give ANYTHING...to have pretty much any other trial thrown at me....I honestly cannot think of anything worse than this...
I came across the grantley blog and that smoothed things over for awhile...finally...i'm not alone...other people go through this....but why won't they (the thoughts) go away?
I started watching alot of christian TV during this time....alot of Joyce Meyer and Joseph Prince...which have helped remarkably...I keep remembering the words of Jesus...if you love me...you will obey my commandments....so I'm trying so hard to do all the right things....and I mean trying...I'm on a mission to try and be the best I can...as if by my actions I'm trying to prove to God that I don't mean these thoughts....I pray every day for him to take these thoughts away...to give me a heart like Jesus...the fruit of the spirit and all those lovely things...but I'm still waiting for the changes....
Joyce Meyer said something really powerful that I have been living my life by lately....do whats right when it all feels wrong....go out and be a blessing to someone else even when you are dying inside...so I have been busy trying to be a blessing everywhere...and honestly I love that...being a blessing has been fun...it has helped the feelings....but it hasn't stopped the thoughts
The thoughts are so bad it's despairing...They used to be just horrible ones about God...which were altogether gut wrenching...but then they progressed to a whole new level...where I feel like when I say Lord...it's like the enemys name will pop in and then I feel like being sick...I drive past my old church and have a thought like the house of the enemy...I have to drive past this church everyday to pick up my kids from school...and everytime I'm getting close to it...I start freaking out...in case I have that thought...or other similar...thoughts about the enemy...I can honestly officially say...the thoughts do not get any worse than this...I tossed up even writing about these thoughts here because I am so ashamed...but honestly I wonder how many others have thoughts as bad as this...is it just me?
Joyce Meyer talks alot about 'ruining the enemy's day' by being a blessing and basically not being riled by anything he throws at you...so I have turned this into a major life theme....I utterely HATE the enemy so much...that I basically refuse to be unforgiving to ANYONE (considering that I am going to be needing buckets of God's mercy) and also because I know just how much that ticks the enemy off...I feel like the enemy is ruining my life with these thoughts...so I am deadset determined to ruin his....I get stuck in a frustrating situation...I don't know like say...a one hour traffic jam...I just grin and bear it with a good spirit...why...because that would be making the enemy seethe...and afterall...compared to having these thoughts...ANYTHING looks like a bed of roses....
But then I wonder...what if these thoughts are me?...how ...just how...on earth can I possibly think these things....I often think that there is no way in a million years I could have prayed against this thing happening....I never could have even dreamt that you could find yourself in this situation having thoughts you never could have imagined thinking....it's a nightmare
The other greatest challenge in all this is I don't hear from God...I have no idea how to....all these other people talk about how the Lord spoke to them...or God told them to do this or that....and for me...nothing....silence...honestly God doesn't tell me anything...I am terrified of the bible....afraid I will have bad thoughts whilst reading it...thats why I like the tv preachers...I can get to hear the word without the paralising fear of blasphemous thoughts, or of reading a scary passage that I think applies directly to me....
One strange thing happened thoughout all of this...I think I experienced the baptism of the holy spirit (a warm physical sensation) and sometimes when I pray I have a pins and needles feeling....it sounds strange...I don't hear from God but I think I feel his tangible presence at times....anyone else have this experience or know what I mean?
I was baptised in water a couple of months ago and when I got out of the water a leader put her hands on me and prayed for me...when she finished she spoke the words.... "I sense there has been a great deal of sadness with you...but the Lord says that things are going to change and that he has a good plan for your life" this girl had never met me before in my life...I could have given her a massive hug...for the first time...I felt that God was still with me...still there...since I never hear from him personally it was such a relief to hear those words...how else could she have hit the nail on the head?
I look at all the other 'normal' christians and wonder exactly why this is happening to me...and why most of them have never even heard of this situation...and why can't I be just like them...I look at the worship team with beaming smiles and wish...wish...wish I was just like them...not necessarily on the worship team...no not at all.....just the beaming smile radically head over heels in love with God part....just like ANYONE else who loves Jesus without fear of having horrible thoughts....I just want the peace that Jesus gives...I'm still trying to find it...
This experience has so sharply put my entire life in perspective....there is nothing more terrifying...than believing in God....believing that the bible is absolutely correct....knowing that Jesus is the only hope unto eternal life....believing in hell...and then having a bunch of thoughts you don't want that you think are going to put you there....forever....and it's the forever part that gets me...it is utterely inconceivable....and all I want...all I long for is the relationship with God that just about everyone else in the christian world seems to be enjoying...I look around at half hearted christians and feel like giving them a shake...don't you know how lucky you are...to be able to sit in church without being terrorised and tormented...sort of thing....oh how I wish i could go back in time and be able to enjoy church....and worship music...the way I used to...without the constant fear...I miss the way it used to be, and don't know how to get it back....
I am so sorry about the long post...I really didn't mean for it to be this long...once I got started it just kept coming....anyway....I would love so much to hear the testimony of others....and what has helped....
So How are you doing so far? I have been going through this for like almost 4 months now. And man has it been a battle. So crazy how this can happen.... I Love the Lord Jesus Christ with all.my heart. Its so difficult to have to deal with. By the grace of God i have been able to get back in the word of God, but its the most scary thing ever. No Born again Jesus Loving God fearing Christian would ever want to think or even imagine what the enemy can throw into your mindJust reading through all the replies and already it amazes me to see how many of us have went through or is going through the same thing. Funny to say I thought I was the only one and have also been suffering in silence for quite some time now(couple of months). I am a born again Christian and I did not understand why such blasphemous thoughts could come into my mind.. it all started when I decided to really follow Christ on the narrow path and get rid of all my ungodly friends and motives and sin, my desire was to live to declare the glory of God sincerely.. then one day in a conversation I was having with my mum we were just talking about sin and how there is one sin to offend the Holy Spirit could not be forgiven.. then all of a sudden huge fear came upon me.. I was afraid of how easy it was to offend God .. and I wish that conversation never came up cuz now I kept thinking of things not to do.. but those things were continuously in my head now that I thought of them and they continued to get worse and worse.. I couldn't believe it, I thought my salvation has ultimately been destroyed, I would cry day and night thinking how wicked I've become and that God could never love me again, I felt disqualified for every good work and unworthy to tell others about Jesus when I myself was having such blasphemous thoughts.. some of the thoughts I don't even want to name them.. it got so bad to the point where I thought this is it, I should probably kill myself.. I didn't see the point in living just to wake up and think blasphemous again it was just horrible.. I thought it would be better to die than to live to 'sin' over and over , the guilt was killing me and I was scared to read the Bible for encouragement lest I just be condemned.. but at the moment I am getting bett day by day, God has made known to me the riches of His grace and gave me an understanding to know that this was all just an attack from the enemy cuz in my heart I genuinely HATE those evil thoughts .. I will rest in Hope and in His Grace from now on and continue fighting my way through in this journey with the power and strength of the Lord Jesus Christ who promises to never abandon us , I pray that everyone else who is facing this trial will overcome by the power and strength of the Lord. Amen
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