Hopeless

[AlexB23]

So I'm 33 male and I'm feeling hopeless, I've been on auto destructive road for some time, I'have problems with anxiety, depression watching prn(I stopped for few years but in the middle ofthis Corona nonsense i fell again)
I resigned from my last job, four months ago, decided to drive uber for this summer and after that see what to do, I m living in a rented place, I have some money that I earned but it's going away with time.
I don't know how to cook, I'm eating a lot of ordered food.
I only had two girlfriends mainly because of my struggle with inappropriate content, and my feeling of not being good enough, so I dodn't even try. Because I always thought if I'm not happy not even close with myself how can I look for a girlfriend. First I should be decent enough man for my standards.
The irony I believe is that I'm
I guess normal looking
I'm 6.0 height in pretty good athletic shape(mostly genes, someone else with my way of life would be twenty kg fatter)
I was always great at sports...
I got pretty good result on some iq test that I solved when I was having anxiety and panic attacks problem, the doctor said I was above average.
So I guess smart enough
And I have job skills in telecomunications/electro stuff, also on PC. So I'm not on zero level
Also I lost my connection to God, I stopped praying and going to church, also wlused to go to confession every week or two but now I can't remember when I went
Usually I knew a way to get back to God, but now I'm paralyzed with anxiety, it's getting worse and worse and I don't know what to do

Hey brother. I will pray for you. For me, I don't view nasty content, but do struggle with OCD. Also, for cooking, it is pretty easy to make hard boiled eggs, and that would be a starting place for cooking. You place the eggs in the water inside the pot, then let it heat to boiling. Once boiling, wait 5-6 minutes for the eggs to fully cook, remove from stove, and fill pot with cold water. Let cool for 10 minutes and the eggs are done. YouTube can be a friend that can teach basic to advanced cooking.

You might want to talk to a priest about your anxiety. He/she can help you.

Anyways, Merry late Christmas and Happy New Year sir.

 

[Ajoj]

Sorry i didnt reply @studentinprayer

Anyway i came back home to my parents, because they have a lot of free space,

The reason was because my plan was to work whole summer,
so because of my weakness ,i get in bad mental place, and stay home instead go to work,
it was harder to do that with them,than living alone.
Also i had to work whole day so its harder to cook because of not that much free time and they cook great, and it was stupid to pay rent for practically only sleeping at rented place...
So i worked almost whole summer, it was ok althought i could worked more hours, and some days i took off, i could worked those.
Also i could have earned more with some differet things that i could do, but still it was ok summer working.

Problem is after i stopped working i came back to bad mental state i was before, while i was working it wasnt brilliant but it was much much better than now, also i
had a few opportunities for a new job,

One was a job that i imiddiately knew, its not that well payed, but it is easy job
The other was to work also something i already worked, but its a little more payed, and i thing it would be more opportunities to advance in that field on that job,but i had to work with a guy i worked before with, and i didnt get along with him before, although nothing critical,we were ok, but i also feel like my future is not in that field but rather in something closer to programing, so as i mentioned before i could try learning programming, but my anxiety and depression got the better of me, the only thing i felt good about are my two favorite sports teams that had decent first half of season.

So i practically did nothing for last three months, and although i usually feel pretty bad during Christmas time this year its like i numbed my feelings so it wasnt that bad...

Also living with my parents now even had some fights(not physical figthts) with my father.

So i feel like i gave up and i cant fight back to the light, i rarely go to church, and it was maybe a year or more when i went to last confession,
I always acted similiar to this, but i was always its dark now but i will get where i want to be in the future, like although depressed, i always had optimistic view about future that probably came from my catholic faith, but i dont have that anymore, i just want to be left alone and not bothered by anyone.

The reason i had a need to write this
is because a girl that is part of family,wants to fix me with her friend, and since from everything i know about that girl is great, she is everything i would want in a future wife..
This situation its actually making me feel even worse, she has a better job than me, she is pretty, and she is a practical Catholic, so i feel like if i was the best version of myself we would be a good couple, but in my current state i feel like i would embarrass myself and that im not a match for her, so i dont want even to go meet her.

So i dont know why im writing this, i guess just to throw it out of me, because i feel really really bad

 

[Ajoj]

@AlexB23 it extremely weird that you replied to topic i posted eight months ago, just at same time i started to write this huge update to my situation
Anyway i know offcourse some basic stuff like hard boiled egg, but i didnt mentioned that or some other basic stuff like that i could do...
As for Ocd, actually i think i was in even worse stages of my anxiety and depression years ago, and with that i also had Ocd, it wasnt huge Ocd but it wasnt light either, it was a big concern to me, but if i remember correctly i read some small book about it, that explained to me what Ocd was, why its happening and hownto get rid of it, and i actually listened to those advices and i actually got rid of it,for last i believe 8-10 years i dont have it, maybe only as in scripulosity...
As for priest yeah, i live in small town, i know a lot of them, at least by listening to them at Holly mass,
I had one that actually helped me before, he
was in my parrish, he was very deep, he was the person that could really give you advice and help you, bit unfortunately he was old and he died last yead, so i knew few more, i went to confessions and had talks with some of them, but some of them were transfered to othe cities, this one i feel like he has many many people asking him for talks and he has many responsibilities so i feel like his help is classic one just words, without depth... so to be honest i dont feel like there is priest i could go to that could help me in my town... although i would love that, to talk to someone who is smart and deep into faith...
Merry Christmas to you, your family, people who replied to my thread, and everyone else on this forum

 

[AlexB23]

@AlexB23 it extremely weird that you replied to topic i posted eight months ago, just at same time i started to write this huge update to my situation
Anyway i know offcourse some basic stuff like hard boiled egg, but i didnt mentioned that or some other basic stuff like that i could do...
As for Ocd, actually i think i was in even worse stages of my anxiety and depression years ago, and with that i also had Ocd, it wasnt huge Ocd but it wasnt light either, it was a big concern to me, but if i remember correctly i read some small book about it, that explained to me what Ocd was, why its happening and hownto get rid of it, and i actually listened to those advices and i actually got rid of it,for last i believe 8-10 years i dont have it, maybe only as in scripulosity...
As for priest yeah, i live in small town, i know a lot of them, at least by listening to them at Holly mass,
I had one that actually helped me before, he
was in my parrish, he was very deep, he was the person that could really give you advice and help you, bit unfortunately he was old and he died last yead, so i knew few more, i went to confessions and had talks with some of them, but some of them were transfered to othe cities, this one i feel like he has many many people asking him for talks and he has many responsibilities so i feel like his help is classic one just words, without depth... so to be honest i dont feel like there is priest i could go to that could help me in my town... although i would love that, to talk to someone who is smart and deep into faith...
Merry Christmas to you, your family, people who replied to my thread, and everyone else on this forum

Well, I clicked on your name, as you were not here before in the time I joined this website, and I saw your post and had to reply to it. Just go to a nearby town and find a priest there if your town has run out of priests. It is sad that your priest passed away. OCD can never be fully ridden of, but can be reduced through medication potentially, and by help from psychologists. And thanks for the Christmas wishes as well. Hopefully you are better now from depression and anxiety in December 2023 compared to March 2023.

 

[Ajoj]

Offcourse it had to be some logical thing...

I dont trust those medical opinions, they are there to keep people in despair.
I did it without medication, without help from specialist, now i dont have it more than any other normal person, so it can be done, i will try to find a book it helped me, i had it on my phone somewhere...
Im a little better but not that much to be honest

 

[Lukaris]

I pray that you meet a good woman, marry, & raise a family if you truly want to and are able to. Whatever happens do not lose your faith and try to keep working. Working while necessary for survival, can actually be empowering if we can manage our resources. What I mean by empowering is that this can actually be a mustard seed to our faith. Having resources, usually a few spare dollars for charity, actually helps us help ourselves and our neighbors. How do these go together? Look at Matthew 6:1-13 as the Lord clearly shows us they do. Just giving some spare change to a Salvation Army bell ringer ( for ex.) is helping the poor and a faith based organization ( if that is all that is possible to do).

I am going to be 60 soon and have always had difficulty in human relationships in general. Never have I achieved any major milestones etc. and have struggled with depression ( never took any antidepressants, but not denying a person might need them also). I reached a point where all I basically wanted was to do what is right and to do it right. Back in my late 20s, for about a year I lost a couple jobs over incompetence and was at my wits end. All I wanted was to do my job right ( it happened at all levels from office work to warehouse work). Although I found faith later, I give thanks to God for being able to recover my basic necessary abilities and discipline to work.

I don’t mean to be ludicrous when saying this, but a good old school Bugs and Yosemite Sam looney tune ( for ex.) probably helped me with coping with depression than Prozac probably could. Still, I do not mean to ridicule another person’s needs and I had some deep depression.

I give thanks to God that i regained and discovered truly that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior when I was 40. Prior to that, my attitude was troubled and inconsistent wavering between the golden rule & being like Ebenezer Scrooge at times.

I remain a sinfully challenged person and need to work out my salvation ( Philippians 2:12). As I said earlier, I am also thankful that I am able bodied and have something to share. In this I remember the Lord’s commandments ( Matthew 19:16-19, Romans 13:8-10 in mind). The Lord says if we love Him, we will keep His commandments ( John 14:15-18). Do I really do this? Hardly. Do I maintain an awareness of these commandments and at least know what they involve? Yes, I do ( see Matthew 7:12, Matthew 22:36-40, 1 Timothy 1:5 etc.). There are many places to focus on in the Bible to help us live by faith ( look at Luke 18:1-30, Luke 10:25-37 for ex.). There is tribulation in this world and the Lord Jesus Christ has overcome this for us ( see John 16:33).