Homosexuality can be a choice for some people

[WatersMoon110]

Is heterosexuality a choice? Most heterosexuals actually fantasize about being intimate with the same sex, but just choose to have sex with the opposite sex?

I posed this to a roomful of guys in my dorm that we saying that if people simply acknowledge the existence of homosexuals, their children would grow up thinking it was an option. I asked him if he was attracted to both, but just chose to date women. He said, "NO!!!! I only like women, dude!!!!" I said, "Ah. So, you "choice" is whether to date men who you aren't attracted to at all, or women, who you are attracted to a lot? That is you definition of a choice?"

Why is it that the same people that claim I "choose" to be homosexual won't answer to why they "chose" to be heterosexual? It usually begins with, "I didn't choose to be heterosexual..." and yet, can't make the leap.

I think they must assume that everyone is "naturally" heterosexual, and everything else must be a "choice".

Which is just silly, because I know I didn't choose to be bisexual. I have been as I am, finding certain males or certain females attractive. But I would think that people would make the connection that if they didn't choose to be heterosexual, most other people didn't have a choice in their sexual orientation either.

 

[WatersMoon110]

The people in the OP are bisexual in behavior, and might also be bisexual in their orientation. But many people like them might call themselves "heterosexual" (though their action doesn't reflect this), or a slightly more descriptive term like "hetero-flexible" or "bicurious".

 

[corvus_corax]

Homosexuality can be a choice for some people

Specific to the OP, bisexuality (both behavior and "what gender one is sexually attracted to) can be (and has been) a choice for some people.
Anyone disagree?
If not, then this thread is done, since the title of the OP does not reflect the actual post of the OP (IOW, the title and actual post address two different things altogether, and I feel that the actual post-as opposed to the title- hits the nail on the head)

 

[cantata]

Homosexuality/bisexuality/heterosexuality/asexuality/pansexuality can be a choice for some people.

However, it is 100% up to the individuals, not LaMandaRaye, to self-define their sexual orientation.

 

[NotAGentile18]

Homosexuality and homosexual sex are not the same thing.

Exactly. So many people focus on the physical acts of homosexual people. IT IS NOT SIMPLY ABOUT SEX. Homosexuality is a lifestyle, and it's about love.

To be gay in this country is to have your life threatened. Talk to any out gay person, and you will here horror stories. You will here about how they were beaten, spit on, harrassed, had bottles thrown at them, murdered...

So I ask you, why would you choose that? Why would you choose to put your life in such danger.

Homosexuality is not a choice. Never. Ever. Ever.

 

[corvus_corax]

Homosexuality/bisexuality/heterosexuality/asexuality/pansexuality can be a choice for some people.

However, it is 100% up to the individuals, not LaMandaRaye, to self-define their sexual orientation.

Bold emphasis mine.
+100
You probably have no idea how much you rock, cantata.

 

[corvus_corax]

Homosexuality is not a choice. Never. Ever. Ever.

Perhaps, I don't know.
But Bisexuality CAN be.
End of story
No argument
And if you (or anyone) disagrees, then you (or they) are wrong.
Period.

I point to a forumite as evidence, one that has admitted to not only choosing it, but (if I understand correctly) living it and LIKING it.
By choice.

 

[corvus_corax]

...the title of the OP does not reflect the actual post of the OP (IOW, the title and actual post address two different things altogether, and I feel that the actual post-as opposed to the title- hits the nail on the head)

I would LOVE to the OPer to actually respond to the post I made.
I'm not holding my breath however.

It's so much easier to say "A lot of the articles on this label the men as bisexual. Which they are"
Which is conflating the OP title with the OP post.

 

[motorcyclesfly]

I really don't believe that anyone chooses to dabble in homosexuality. Why would that appeal to someone who was not homosexual or bisexual? Generally, I operate on the hypothesis that everyone is bisexual, or would be under the right circumstances, even if they wouldn't admit it. I don't think we need to limit our sexual expression based on the bits. It's the attraction, and you can't guarentee that the mind and personality you want will come in the physical package you expect.

 

[corvus_corax]

Exactly. So many people focus on the physical acts of homosexual people.

That is correct

IT IS NOT SIMPLY ABOUT SEX.

That is correct as well

Homosexuality is a lifestyle,

WHAT?
You really need to define what you mean here, because you are on the cutting edge of wrongness

and it's about love.

Correct, but only as far as heterosexuality is about love.
Which it isn't.

To be gay in this country is to have your life threatened. Talk to any out gay person, and you will here horror stories. You will here about how they were beaten, spit on, harrassed, had bottles thrown at them, murdered...

Having grown up in Portland Oregon, I can tell you that all of these are true (and Oregon is considered a "liberal" state by many).

 

[corvus_corax]

I really don't believe that anyone chooses to dabble in homosexuality. Why would that appeal to someone who was not homosexual or bisexual? Generally, I operate on the hypothesis that everyone is bisexual, or would be under the right circumstances, even if they wouldn't admit it. I don't think we need to limit our sexual expression based on the bits. It's the attraction, and you can't guarentee that the mind and personality you want will come in the physical package you expect.

Interesting concept.
How about a guy who has never, not once been physically attracted in any way to another guy, BUT is attracted to the IDEA of having sex with another guy?
I know a guy like this, we've had some interesting conversations.

 

[cantata]

Bold emphasis mine.
+100
You probably have no idea how much you rock, cantata.

D'aw, thank you!

I really don't believe that anyone chooses to dabble in homosexuality.

Ooh, me! Me me me! *jumps up and down*

Why would that appeal to someone who was not homosexual or bisexual?

The desire to care more about love than about sex would be one reason (better than my own).

The desire to not limit one's choice of partner on the basis of the rather peculiar criterion of the shape of a certain part of their body seems an admirable reason to me.

Generally, I operate on the hypothesis that everyone is bisexual, or would be under the right circumstances, even if they wouldn't admit it. I don't think we need to limit our sexual expression based on the bits. It's the attraction, and you can't guarentee that the mind and personality you want will come in the physical package you expect.

Yes, exactly.

But I don't think there's any need to hypothesis that therefore everyone is born bisexual.

They might read what you've written, think, "Goodness, you're right!" and start looking for things to find hot about the sex they've never been interested in before.

 

[corvus_corax]

D'aw, thank you!

You offered, IIRC, to PM someone the why and the how of your decision to become attracted to women.
I would love to read that (on the forum, or via PM), because I think that this is a very powerful thing to do.
And yes, I do mean powerful because I can't even comprehend deciding to become attracted to men.
It just blows my mind

 

[Polycarp_fan]

D'aw, thank you!



Ooh, me! Me me me! *jumps up and down*



The desire to care more about love than about sex would be one reason (better than my own).

The desire to not limit one's choice of partner on the basis of the rather peculiar criterion of the shape of a certain part of their body seems an admirable reason to me.



Yes, exactly.

But I don't think there's any need to hypothesis that therefore everyone is born bisexual.

They might read what you've written, think, "Goodness, you're right!" and start looking for things to find hot about the sex they've never been interested in before.

Eeeeeyyyyuuupppp.

Mmm hmm.

 

[TeddyKGB]

The desire to care more about love than about sex would be one reason (better than my own).

The desire to not limit one's choice of partner on the basis of the rather peculiar criterion of the shape of a certain part of their body seems an admirable reason to me.

Did you choose to desire these things?

They might read what you've written, think, "Goodness, you're right!" and start looking for things to find hot about the sex they've never been interested in before.

Do they become interested by choosing to become interested?

 

[Beanieboy]

Interesting concept.
How about a guy who has never, not once been physically attracted in any way to another guy, BUT is attracted to the IDEA of having sex with another guy?
I know a guy like this, we've had some interesting conversations.

I think that the idea, and the reality, may be very different.
I remember the first time I kissed a girl (yes, I've kissed girls), I was like, "Huh. So.....this is kissing? And the big fuss is over....? Not being able to control yourself is about.....?"

The first time I was with a guy, I got it, and I wasn't even looking for it. It just kind of happened.

I know a lot of guys who played around with other guys when they were little boys. That isn't uncommon, and I'm sure he wonders how it's different. I didn't do that that much when I was a kid, but it was wayyyy different than I remembered.

I also think that it is common for people to just be curious. A man might want to know what it feels like to kiss a man, or have oral sex, or if the interaction is different because they are both males. As one straight guy told me, it is easier for gay men, because they know what feels good for a man, so they know exactly what to do, and to an extent, that is true.

 

[Beanieboy]

I really don't believe that anyone chooses to dabble in homosexuality. Why would that appeal to someone who was not homosexual or bisexual? Generally, I operate on the hypothesis that everyone is bisexual, or would be under the right circumstances, even if they wouldn't admit it. I don't think we need to limit our sexual expression based on the bits. It's the attraction, and you can't guarentee that the mind and personality you want will come in the physical package you expect.

I have known of women that dated a lesbian, ending it later, saying, "Well, I just wanted to see what it was like."

In Torch Song Trilogy, the character says, "There is no such thing as a bisexual. How many gay men do you know that sneak out for a secret rendevous with a woman?"

The true bisexual people that I have met really like both sexes equally. It isn't a one time experiment, but rather, how they are attracted. I have met both men and women like this, and their biggest complaint is that it is difficult to only date one sex at a time.

However, as was said in TST, I don't know any gay men that date women "to dabble in it."

I think it is possible to experiment, the way one might want to have a 3 way once, or be tied up once, but that is very different from one's orientation.

I could, in theory, have sex with a woman just to check it out, see what all the fuss is about, and while I even may climax, I can't imagine I would suddenly be heterosexual, or even bisexual. I would see it more as a one time thing, an experiment, as the woman said, and nothing more.

And one doesn't have to even have sex to know that. I remember being a boy, and having a special feeling that I had no name for on seeing Tarzan in a loincloth. I had crushes on boys and girls, but they began to focus more on boys and more of a longing feeling as I got older. Women's breasts, while beautiful, do absolutely nothing for me. I don't choose that. It chooses me.

So, there is choice in action, but not in orientation.

The most fascinating thing about Kinsey was that all of the people interviewed would end with, "is that normal"? It may have been excitement over feet, or men in women's clothing but still heterosexual, or restraint, or being outside, voyeurism, exhibitionism, etc. Human sexuality is so complicated that it's as fascinating as it is beautiful.

 

[Beanieboy]

I will also say that at times, I will find that fetishes come to me that were never there before, and stay for a short time, and then they are gone again. Again, not something that we control, and whether we act on them or not is the only thing we can. However, even if one were to act on it (say, sucking toes), they may find that it is far too ticklish to be enjoyable, and see it differently from information learned. I think that is a lot of the way it works.

 

[cantata]

Did you choose to desire these things?

Me personally? No, I didn't. My reasons for becoming bisexual were very different.

The people who have chosen for this reason: no, I shouldn't think they chose the desire to be more egalitarian in their selection criteria. But then, I make no secret about being a determinist. I'm using "choose" in the colloquial sense that we all - even we determinists - use the word every day. No, people probably don't choose to have the ideological/intellectual inclination to be "gender-blind" when choosing a partner. However, insofar as anyone can choose to do anything, I think it's possible to choose to pursue that ideology in practice, and to cultivate new feelings that one has never had before towards people of a particular sex or gender. I cultivated such feelings, and I don't think I'm magic.

Do they become interested by choosing to become interested?

I became interested by choosing to become interested. I can't speak for anyone else.

The true bisexual people that I have met really like both sexes equally. It isn't a one time experiment, but rather, how they are attracted. I have met both men and women like this, and their biggest complaint is that it is difficult to only date one sex at a time.

Phew! I must be a "true" bisexual. This describes me very well!

I think it is possible to experiment, the way one might want to have a 3 way once, or be tied up once, but that is very different from one's orientation.

Interestingly, I never experimented. I was a virgin when I decided I was a lesbian, and by the time I acted on my newly cultivated desires, I was completely comfortable self-identifying as bisexual, which is to say, I knew that I was attracted to the first woman I slept with before I slept with her.

So for me, it wasn't a case of having sex and seeing if attraction followed.

Human sexuality is so complicated that it's as fascinating as it is beautiful.

This, I wholeheartedly agree with.

 

[NotAGentile18]

That is correct

That is correct as well

WHAT?
You really need to define what you mean here, because you are on the cutting edge of wrongness

Correct, but only as far as heterosexuality is about love.
Which it isn't.


Having grown up in Portland Oregon, I can tell you that all of these are true (and Oregon is considered a "liberal" state by many).

When I say homosexuality is a lifestyle I mean exactly that. Homoerotic feelings are common for many heterosexual people. To be homosexual is not simply to be more attracted to the same sex.
Having sex with the a person of the same sex is not the same as homosexual love. To be with that person, to love them, to care for them in a relationship (possibly) is what it is to be homosexual.

It is not a choice to simply change a key component of your identity.
To be fair Corvas, there are many homosexuals who repress their sexual feelings, and often end up in sham straight relationships. These people don't often realize they are gay until much later in their lives. So in those cases perhaps there is a middle road. These people may choose to change their lifestyles, but the feelings, sexuality etc. are not a choice, but something they were born with.