Homelessness

[MollFlanders]

I just need somewhere to vent. Hope this is the right place. I'm down on my luck and all thanks to my evil father-in-law. Like the devil in the story about Jesus being tempted in the desert, he took me to a large house and offered it to me, when I was pregnant with his first grandchild. He told me that I would not have to pay him any rent and that it would be a permanent home for myself and my children. He did not add the bit about bowing down and worshipping him but he may as well have done.

Four children later, he was charging us rent and referring to himself as "Landlord". He spoke with authority and expected us to "worship" him as our lord and master. When we tried to ignore him and live our own lives, he harrassed us and ended up evicting us. (We had to ignore him because he is a petty fraudster and thief and we did not want to get sucked into his crimes.)

Now we are homeless and he still behaves as though he cares about the children, in front of them, but behind their back it is obvious, to us, that he does not care about them. He insists that if we move back to his house, he is going to charge us the maximum amount of rent and he is going to harrass us and makes our lives hell (like before). He does not care about the fact that his grandchildren are homeless.

We are expected to spend Christmas with him. We do not feel that it is appropriate for him to pretend that he cares about the children, when clearly he does not. We are facing misery and hardship, having to move home every few months but, because of his personality disorder he is unable to empathize with us or the children. Never having been homeless himself, he does not realise what we are going through. To make things worse, his sister, who is schizophrenic, is also out of touch with reality and expects us to spend Christmas with him.

Someone give me a different perspective on this!

 

[Amin]

I just need somewhere to vent. Hope this is the right place. I'm down on my luck and all thanks to my evil father-in-law. Like the devil in the story about Jesus being tempted in the desert, he took me to a large house and offered it to me, when I was pregnant with his first grandchild. He told me that I would not have to pay him any rent and that it would be a permanent home for myself and my children. He did not add the bit about bowing down and worshipping him but he may as well have done.

Four children later, he was charging us rent and referring to himself as "Landlord". He spoke with authority and expected us to "worship" him as our lord and master. When we tried to ignore him and live our own lives, he harrassed us and ended up evicting us. (We had to ignore him because he is a petty fraudster and thief and we did not want to get sucked into his crimes.)

Now we are homeless and he still behaves as though he cares about the children, in front of them, but behind their back it is obvious, to us, that he does not care about them. He insists that if we move back to his house, he is going to charge us the maximum amount of rent and he is going to harrass us and makes our lives hell (like before). He does not care about the fact that his grandchildren are homeless.

We are expected to spend Christmas with him. We do not feel that it is appropriate for him to pretend that he cares about the children, when clearly he does not. We are facing misery and hardship, having to move home every few months but, because of his personality disorder he is unable to empathize with us or the children. Never having been homeless himself, he does not realise what we are going through. To make things worse, his sister, who is schizophrenic, is also out of touch with reality and expects us to spend Christmas with him.

Someone give me a different perspective on this!

It sounds to me like he has a few mental problems himself.
I know one thing i would not do is spend christmas with him.
I was wondering if there were any state agencies that could help with your home problems.
I would tell them exactly what happened and they may do something about him too.
The only perspective i can give is, the man sounds like you said, evil.
Did he give you the required amount of time before evicting you?
All i can think of are state or city agencies that are in place to help someone like yourself.
I definetly would not see him at christmas.
Chuck.

 

[MollFlanders]

It sounds to me like he has a few mental problems himself.
I know one thing i would not do is spend christmas with him.
I was wondering if there were any state agencies that could help with your home problems.
I would tell them exactly what happened and they may do something about him too.
The only perspective i can give is, the man sounds like you said, evil.
Did he give you the required amount of time before evicting you?
All i can think of are state or city agencies that are in place to help someone like yourself.
I definetly would not see him at christmas.
Chuck.

Thank you. It is such a wonderful relief to get an objective opinion about this. God bless you.

(We have been getting state assistance but the homeless situation in our country is very widespread and, despite having a handicapped child, other people are being placed at the top of the list. We have been told that we will have to wait 7-10 years for a permanent home. Our only hope is if we can manage to move to a different part of the country. We need prayers.)

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

I don't know what to say to you, but I am so sorry that you are going through this. I would not under any circumstances spend Christmas with your father. You need to keep your children away from him, while they may not realize what he is really like now, they probably will one day. Just keep your faith in God. While it may not always seem like it He does provide and He will never forsake you. I pray that things get better for you and your family soon!

 

[Amin]

Thank you. It is such a wonderful relief to get an objective opinion about this. God bless you.

(We have been getting state assistance but the homeless situation in our country is very widespread and, despite having a handicapped child, other people are being placed at the top of the list. We have been told that we will have to wait 7-10 years for a permanent home. Our only hope is if we can manage to move to a different part of the country. We need prayers.)

I find waiting 7 to 10 years absolutely crazy.
You have an immediate need, plus your child.
I don't understand that.
I will say that i really believe your father-in-law really mistreated you.
How in the world can he expect you to come over on christmas and act like nothing has happened?
Just when you think you've heard it all,
you hear another one.
I feel really bad for you. What he's doing just isn't right.
I wish there were some way this could be handled properly.
I'll be praying for you, I don't know what else to do.
Bless You.
Chuck.

 

[artjack]

thank god for your father,build your next home on a solid foundation if you can.people before us lived in caves and survied and were happy, we need little to survive, its easier if you forgive and love your father.he is more special and better than one in a million, you can never repay him no matter what you do unless you just love him.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

thank god for your father,build your next home on a solid foundation if you can.people before us lived in caves and survied and were happy, we need little to survive, its easier if you forgive and love your father.he is more special and better than one in a million, you can never repay him no matter what you do unless you just love him.

seriously?!

I mean yes she should forgive, but I don't think that what he is doing makes him "better then one in a million." Loving him does not mean subjecting her children to him.

 

[Amin]

seriously?!

I mean yes she should forgive, but I don't think that what he is doing makes him "better then one in a million." Loving him does not mean subjecting her children to him.

I agree with you Child of God.
She can forgive him and love him, but she doesn't have to like what he's done.
I see no one in a million. He may have started out that way, but surely dropped in the ranks as time went on
Chuck.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

I agree with you Child of God.
She can forgive him and love him, but she doesn't have to like what he's done.
I see no one in a million. He may have started out that way, but surely dropped in the ranks as time went on
Chuck.

Thank you

 

[MollFlanders]

He is NOT my father. That is the whole problem. Technically he is my father-in-law, although his name is not on my husband's birth certificate and, throughout his life, my father-in-law (who has a different name) has taken pains to make sure that there is no legal document which states that he is my husband's father. His reasons for doing this were so that he could use my husband's name for fraud. He was therefore mortally offended when he found out that we had put his name on our marriage certificate as my husband's father. (He made us destroy the document.) He, himself, refused to marry my husband's mother.

 

[Amin]

He is NOT my father. That is the whole problem. Technically he is my father-in-law, although his name is not on my husband's birth certificate and, throughout his life, my father-in-law (who has a different name) has taken pains to make sure that there is no legal document which states that he is my husband's father. His reasons for doing this were so that he could use my husband's name for fraud. He was therefore mortally offended when he found out that we had put his name on our marriage certificate as my husband's father. (He made us destroy the document.) He, himself, refused to marry my husband's mother.

Hi,
I was just wondering how things were going.
Just concerned.
Chuck.

 

[MollFlanders]

Thank you all for your prayers. It has really helped. Between us, myself and my husband have come up with two possible options and the future is looking bright for us, for now. This has helped us to forget my father-in-law. We have realised that we don't need him. I am just hoping that our plans work out.

Thank you all again for your prayers. When we finally get our hands on our own home, I will post here and we'll have a big cyber party!

God bless.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Someone give me a different perspective on this!

You may not like it, but THINK---

For a Man who would not marry dh's mother and go so far as to pitch a fit regarding your marriage certificate, What in the name of Sam Hill made you think He would honor a commitment to his "grandchildren"?

Secondly depending on someone else for your livelihood is almost always a mistake. While I admit it probably would not have hurt the old boy to be a bit more charitable--It is No grandparent's responsibility to support their grown child, in-laws + kids..

From the 1st child to the 4th was a while ---and perhaps you can remember he did furnish you a place for a while. Blame will hurt you more than dad NL in the long run. But no it is not necessary to spend the holidays with him now or in the future.

What about your family, will they not help? UNTILL you can get on your feet (I would say 3-6 months and you should be able to do have made some progress)?

Perhaps a christian organization would house you that long--Maybe you could consider working in a Day Care that services Special Needs Children in exchange for "tuition" for your own, while dh seeks something more stable. I don't know about the UK, but here in the US
we have a "ticket to work" program that allows people to keep govt subsidies while they work for 6 months to see if it is something they can manage....

I do not mean to sound harsh, but the old saying of "if it sounds too good to be true" should be kept in mind.
The only person who is going to take care of you is you and the only thing you can truly lean on is Almighty God.

I will pray for you and your children.

 

[MollFlanders]

Secondly depending on someone else for your livelihood is almost always a mistake. While I admit it probably would not have hurt the old boy to be a bit more charitable--It is No grandparent's responsibility to support their grown child, in-laws + kids..

He NEVER supported us. All he did was permit us to live in his house. He is not hard up either. He does not need money. He has enough money to buy several large houses.

From the 1st child to the 4th was a while ---and perhaps you can remember he did furnish you a place for a while. Blame will hurt you more than dad NL in the long run. But no it is not necessary to spend the holidays with him now or in the future.

From the 1st to the 4th child was not very long in my case because I was a practicing Roman Catholic at the time and was not permitted to use contraception. Therefore I had four children in three years. (Two were twins.) We were only living in his house rent-free for 2 years. That's how long it took him to start taking advantage of our situation. (Correction: it was less than 2 years. He started demanding rent after 1.5 years but we did not start paying him until 6 months after that, when he started threatening to evict us. I was in my third pregnancy, with twins, at the time.) He got £45,000 out of us, in rent, before eventually evicting us, anyway. Hardly charity.

Furthermore, he made £11,000 out of my own pocket when he was renting me a flat before I got married, whilst I was supporting his son through college.

What about your family, will they not help?

My family, being Roman Catholic, live in overcrowded conditions and do not have any room to put us.

I do not mean to sound harsh, but the old saying of "if it sounds too good to be true" should be kept in mind.
The only person who is going to take care of you is you and the only thing you can truly lean on is Almighty God.

I've learnt that the hard way. What hurts the most is that he conned me into thinking that my children would have a permanent and secure home. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I will pray for you and your children.

Thank you.

 

[Amin]

He NEVER supported us. All he did was permit us to live in his house. He is not hard up either. He does not need money. He has enough money to buy several large houses.



From the 1st to the 4th child was not very long in my case because I was a practicing Roman Catholic at the time and was not permitted to use contraception. Therefore I had four children in three years. (Two were twins.) We were only living in his house rent-free for 2 years. That's how long it took him to start taking advantage of our situation. (Correction: it was less than 2 years. He started demanding rent after 1.5 years but we did not start paying him until 6 months after that, when he started threatening to evict us. I was in my third pregnancy, with twins, at the time.) He got £45,000 out of us, in rent, before eventually evicting us, anyway. Hardly charity.

Furthermore, he made £11,000 out of my own pocket when he was renting me a flat before I got married, whilst I was supporting his son through college.



My family, being Roman Catholic, live in overcrowded conditions and do not have any room to put us.



I've learnt that the hard way. What hurts the most is that he conned me into thinking that my children would have a permanent and secure home. Nothing could be further from the truth.



Thank you.

Hi,
I was wondering if there have been any resolutions in your situation?
Chuck.

 

[artjack]

I agree with you Child of God.
She can forgive him and love him, but she doesn't have to like what he's done.
I see no one in a million. He may have started out that way, but surely dropped in the ranks as time went on
Chuck.

well then if she didnt forgive him she would not see or feel that and hadnt forgiven which leads to problems, her father should be respected by her, I think she is being abit rebilious perhalps. sometimes you have to cruel to kind but I personaly prefer harmony.