HOCD update... Need some guidance!

[mikeydb]

Hello all!

I recently posted awhile ago that I am struggling with what I believe to be HOCD. I've been struggling for about a year and I'm kind of at a crossroads. I have just moved into a christian college (Anderson University, IN) and my HOCD is off to the races right now. Being in an all guys dorm is driving my HOCD nuts... I want to state that I've always been straight and HOCD didn't start till about 17-18 years old. I've loved many many different kinds of women and can only get hard with women. The attraction just doesn't scare me.... Now that I'm in a guys dorm my HOCD is telling me to believe all sorts of crazy stuff... Yesterday (move-in day) my brain tried to get me to fall for a guy... He was very effeminate and not really good-looking... I didn't get aroused but kind of just stared at him... He was with several girls and I tried so hard to look at them... Later, I saw two guys taking a shower (I don't want to get graphic) but my HOCD is almost forcing me to look to find relief that I'm not gay... And then it tries to turn me on as hard as it can... But I can't get turned on by men... Everything my HOCD tells me seems so real... My brain says I'm in denial and constantly thinks... "Hey, Gay stuff is actually kind of hot... Maybe it's not so bad after all!" Then I crash. My sex drive is gone and I'm kinda bummed about that... (I'm at college with a ton of women for crying out loud!)

These homosexual lies seem so believable... But this isn't me... I think maybe my HOCD is entering another stage? I suppose if I keep thinking about gay stuff my mind will try to justify it... I honestly want to stop thinking about sex altogether and just live my life in obedience to Christ. Are there any support groups? Anybody want to message me? I could really use some support out there. I'm going to try and get some therapy from my school but I'll take as much support as I can get. I just want to be more than my sexual identity...

In Christ,

Michael

 

[anonym00s]

What you're dealing with is actually quite simple to get over.

If you are thinking of getting angry at me for saying that, I have one word of advice: don't.

I have dealt with many types of OCD in the past exactly how it feels to be in the middle of what you are dealing with. By getting angry at me you would actually in a sense be giving the OCD power - by suggesting it is a mountain you can't conquer so easily, which is simply false.

Please let me go over a few things:

Homosexuality is a CHOICE and not something you catch as if it were a disease (and DEFINITELY not something you are born with). How do I know? God's Word.

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11

From this scripture alone, we know that A) homosexuality is sin and B) you can be cleansed of that sin if you ever lived that lifestyle (not saying that you have, but please follow me here).

If you don't believe homosexuality is a choice then I cannot imagine you getting over this HOCD anytime soon. Some people may have a pre-disposition to committing that type of sin but no one makes a person sin, it is a choice.

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.
1 Corinthians 10:13

That leads to a few conclusions about your HOCD:

1) You can simply choose not to do anything homosexual. No one will make you look at another guy in a wrong way or do something you don't want to, God WILL make a way of escape (whether you believe that or not)

2) Even if you DID so look at a guy wrong or anything of that nature, you can be forgiven and fully cleansed of that sin. You can be justified in His sight, which means 'just as if I've' never sinned. Jesus redeemed you with His own blood.

Not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood He entered the Most Holy Place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption. For if the blood of bulls and goats and the ashes of a heifer, sprinkling the unclean, sanctifies for the purifying of the flesh, how much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without spot to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?
Hebrews 9:12-14



In either case, you are free to live without the fear of being made to do any sin of that nature and you have a faithful God that is there to walk with you every step of the way.

My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.

1 John 2:1

Even if you were to slip up, Jesus Christ will be your advocate to pick you right back up where you left off.


If, after this, you still struggle with HOCD, I can only imagine a few reasons why:

• You value the opinions of others too much (such that you have fear that they will reject you, when Jesus Himself says the world will hate you for His name's sake [Matthew 10:22])
• You don't believe what I said. If you don't believe in the cleansing power of Jesus's sacrifice on the cross, then I imagine you will always feel dirty and want to reassure yourself that you are clean (i.e. not homosexual)

So if you are out and about are are tempted to 'check' to reassure yourself you are not homosexual, remember these things:



1) Homosexuality is an activity that someone does, not a person.
2) You don't want to engage in that activity (hence your entire post here)

3) God has already forgiven you of every slip-up you make, so you don't have to fear being rejected by Him or being stuck in sin. Jesus died once for all sin - He doesn't have to do something over and over to take away your sin, He's already done it!


so also Christ was offered once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him.
Hebrews 9:28


Final Note: I can imagine your OCD may try to throw in some curve balls, saying things like "but you really WANT to commit this sin." First of all, if someone has to tell you that you want to do something, you obviously weren't planning on doing it in the first place. Second, YOU have the choice - if you doubt that, I'll remind you that God gave us the power to say no to sin and yes to Him. Remember that through Christ you can say no to sin and it is just as if you've never sinned.



Grace and peace to you brother.