Hi. My Name is......

[justanobserver]

Today I'm 3 months since I last drank. Thank God I am not drinking any more. I think I drank out of boredom and to numb myself to the world, too. I realize I can handle life okay without drinking.

3 MONTHS!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

too bad CF doesnt have "sobriety coins" like AA does so I can hand them out! That would be cool.

I drank mainly due to my inability to stop and the desire to place myself in a catatonic state. But later in my life, a lot of it (besides the obvious of being an alcoholic) was to try to drink away the memories of things incured/involved in/with while I was active duty. Of course, the more I would drink to forget, the more that pandora's box would open so I would drink more to forget what wascoming out fo the box that I opened with my drinking! A viscious circle.

My career came to end and 2 yrs short of retirement due to my drinking. Then I was so depressed for losing it all, I drank all the more.

But I am so very glad that you have 3 months sobriety which means you got 3 months of gaining strength and the tools to stay sober.

 

[PrairieGurl]

Note to self....NOT EVEN A SIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even if your loving Mother-in-law is sitting across the table from you and is having a glass of wine, and who would know???????????? # 1 God # 2 the guilt would suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Note to self....NOT EVEN A SIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[formykidsiwill]

Hello everyone! I have been sober for nearly one year now! Nov 1st will be my one year sobriety b-day. I just had a baby, and I didn't really think of drinking while I was pregnant but since I had the baby I have had a couple of thoughts. I attend AA and so I immediatley called my 'sponsor' and told her about it. I never ever want to go back where I came from. Drinking cost me so much. I got to the point where I didn't even want to live. I have two older children also and I put them through so much. I thought they would be better off without me, then I found out I was pregnant, (I was in jail for a DUI!) I screamed out to God "WHAT DO YOU WANT" I heard "Get Sober" SO, here I am. Sometimes I feel like such a fool for all I've done. I have to be carefull because I'm such a pessimist that I could get to where I don't care so easily but my babies are my little guardian angels, they make me care about myself.

Anyway, I've not ever been comfortable being so honest about having this disease, I guess I've always liked to pretend I'm something I am not, but it is part of the requirement for me to stay sober (being honest about my disease) so I wanted to get on here and share. I hope maybe I'll find a place to help others, so if anyone needs to talk about this I am making myself available.

Blessings,

 

[PrairieGurl]

Hi Formy...

Glad you posted here! Thank you for your honesty! Not an easy thing (especially for me ) but when I hear others honesty, it encourages me to do the same

I am also a member of AA. It is definately a God sent! The support and acceptance is overwhelming! I also found this forum 2 weeks out of detox and it has been truely a blessing! It helped me to be honest, 1st to strangers (that now have become dear friends) and gives me a place to share, vent and encourage.

Thank you for your willingness to help others!

Wendy

 

[PrairieGurl]

For those who have asked about my Dad, he had his surgery yesterday. It was a 5 & 1/2 hour operation. The surgeon not only 'fixed' Dads aneurysm but repaired both his kidneys, and fixed 2 tears in my Dads heart! He now is in ICU...but the surgeon says all things are

Thanks for caring! Thanks for your concern and prayers!

Wendy

 

[newcreature]

Welcome Formykidsiwill!!! Glad to hear that you are working the program. Congrats on almost a year.

 

[formykidsiwill]

Welcome Formykidsiwill!!! Glad to hear that you are working the program. Congrats on almost a year.

Thank you...


Blessings,

 

[justanobserver]

Hello everyone! I have been sober for nearly one year now! Nov 1st will be my one year sobriety b-day. I just had a baby, and I didn't really think of drinking while I was pregnant but since I had the baby I have had a couple of thoughts. I attend AA and so I immediatley called my 'sponsor' and told her about it. I never ever want to go back where I came from. Drinking cost me so much. I got to the point where I didn't even want to live. I have two older children also and I put them through so much. I thought they would be better off without me, then I found out I was pregnant, (I was in jail for a DUI!) I screamed out to God "WHAT DO YOU WANT" I heard "Get Sober" SO, here I am. Sometimes I feel like such a fool for all I've done. I have to be carefull because I'm such a pessimist that I could get to where I don't care so easily but my babies are my little guardian angels, they make me care about myself.

Anyway, I've not ever been comfortable being so honest about having this disease, I guess I've always liked to pretend I'm something I am not, but it is part of the requirement for me to stay sober (being honest about my disease) so I wanted to get on here and share. I hope maybe I'll find a place to help others, so if anyone needs to talk about this I am making myself available.

Blessings,

Hi. welcome to the recovery forums!! Am glad your here. Happy to hear you have almost a year of sobriety. I am finding that the longer I am sober and clean, the more I see what i once was and what I never want to be again.

Nice to have you here. there are good folks here that care and are very supportive.

 

[justanobserver]

For those who have asked about my Dad, he had his surgery yesterday. It was a 5 & 1/2 hour operation. The surgeon not only 'fixed' Dads aneurysm but repaired both his kidneys, and fixed 2 tears in my Dads heart! He now is in ICU...but the surgeon says all things are

Thanks for caring! Thanks for your concern and prayers!

Wendy

Thanks for the update on your dad! glad to hear they were able to repair his different problems. My thougths are with him.

 

[justanobserver]

Note to self....NOT EVEN A SIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even if your loving Mother-in-law is sitting across the table from you and is having a glass of wine, and who would know???????????? # 1 God # 2 the guilt would suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Note to self....NOT EVEN A SIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its one more challenge that brings the experience to gain strength from!

When I was married so many years ago, it was all I could do to TRY to stay reasonably sober when my then maw in law would come around. Of course, am not suggesting that if you had a choice of getting blasted or dealing with her what the obvious choice would have been then..... But in all fairness, I was no saint in my own rights I will admit!

 

[newcreature]

This is a poem I wrote when I was two weeks sober.

"Day One"

This is the hell I have created for myself
Totally consumed by my so called reality
I slip further and further from solace

I said once that I would not break, only bend
But now I am broken
Beating the walls that surround me,
I look for a way out, and I think it has been found

Scared witless, I listen to the words that have been salvation for many
And secretly wonder if I can do this
Can I sacrifice the self that wants to be destructive
That wants to say bleep it all

God, if you are still listening
Please change this callous heart, and stubborn will
If there has been any time that I need your intervention,
The time is now

Numbness has suffocated
I want to feel
I want to breathe in the air
I want to savor the sweetness of every moment again
Not only for myself, but for the future that stares me down
Sober minded, walking a path untainted

Keep coming back is what you tell me
And it is all that I can do in this moment

Written By: Elaine Mc.

 

[newcreature]

It is amazing how my perspective has changed since I wrote the poem. But what a good reminder to not want to feel that way again. It is but grace that has gotten me this far.

God bless all of you. I truly appreciate this thread. It gives me a good and hopeful outlook to know that I am not alone in this journey!

Don't quit before the miracle happens!!!

 

[PrairieGurl]

It is amazing how my perspective has changed since I wrote the poem. But what a good reminder to not want to feel that way again. It is but grace that has gotten me this far.

God bless all of you. I truly appreciate this thread. It gives me a good and hopeful outlook to know that I am not alone in this journey!

Don't quit before the miracle happens!!!

Hi Elaine

I'm sure many who read your poem will
truely relate to the pain in which you
came from, I know I do.
Not more than 2 months ago was I at
the place of this poem
You're right! It's a great reminder of
the fact I do not want to return to that hell.

I am so glad you joined this thread!
You are an inspiration to me

s & s,
Wendy

PS...It would be 'neat' to read a poem
about your life now ​

 

[formykidsiwill]

This is a poem I wrote when I was two weeks sober.

"Day One"

This is the hell I have created for myself
Totally consumed by my so called reality
I slip further and further from solace

I said once that I would not break, only bend
But now I am broken
Beating the walls that surround me,
I look for a way out, and I think it has been found

Scared witless, I listen to the words that have been salvation for many
And secretly wonder if I can do this
Can I sacrifice the self that wants to be destructive
That wants to say bleep it all

God, if you are still listening
Please change this callous heart, and stubborn will
If there has been any time that I need your intervention,
The time is now

Numbness has suffocated
I want to feel
I want to breathe in the air
I want to savor the sweetness of every moment again
Not only for myself, but for the future that stares me down
Sober minded, walking a path untainted

Keep coming back is what you tell me
And it is all that I can do in this moment

Written By: Elaine Mc.

Thank you for sharing that. It is good to remember where we came from, or we will go back. Once, I stayed 'clean' for two years, I thought, hey I'm not an alcoholic, or else I wouldn't have stayed clean two years, I was WRONG. When I picked back up I got worse off then before. They say that your disease continues to get worse even if you quit drinking, I believe that now. I know I can never drink again. One day at a time is how we have to do it, because the alternitive is too hard to deal with, especially if your like me. I use to think alcohol was my friend. I couldn't bear the thought of living the rest of my entire life without it, (strange, even after all the hell I'd been put through by drinking) but for now I'm sane. I know one would not be enough, it would set off that craving. I might not be able to stop if I start again, so I can't take that chance. However, remembering where I came from helps me when I do think of taking that first drink. I CAN'T go back there. That was hell for me. I literally felt like I was in HELL. SEPERATED TOTALLY FROM GOD. I was. It's so scary, but if I forget, I'll go back. Thank you for sharing that. It helps.

Blessings,

 

[PrairieGurl]

Because I so enjoy this sober life (at this moment) and have the privledge to go with my son to his hockey try-out, first time sober in so long, I can share in my son's enjoyment of the game (which could be life changeing for us all if he 'makes it') That poem will be a reminder, that regardless what other parent (or whomever) 'invites' me for a drink or to go to the local bar...I WILL DECLINE with confidence knowing my life now is better than it ever has been!

Prayers or thoughts deeply appreciated!

Wendy

 

[justanobserver]

This is a poem I wrote when I was two weeks sober.

"Day One"

This is the hell I have created for myself
Totally consumed by my so called reality
I slip further and further from solace

I said once that I would not break, only bend
But now I am broken
Beating the walls that surround me,
I look for a way out, and I think it has been found

Scared witless, I listen to the words that have been salvation for many
And secretly wonder if I can do this
Can I sacrifice the self that wants to be destructive
That wants to say bleep it all

God, if you are still listening
Please change this callous heart, and stubborn will
If there has been any time that I need your intervention,
The time is now

Numbness has suffocated
I want to feel
I want to breathe in the air
I want to savor the sweetness of every moment again
Not only for myself, but for the future that stares me down
Sober minded, walking a path untainted

Keep coming back is what you tell me
And it is all that I can do in this moment

Written By: Elaine Mc.

what a beautiful poem! it is from the heart to the heart and is a powerful testimony. thank you for writing it and sharing it here.

 

[formykidsiwill]

Good Morning all. Not very much activity in this thread. Wanted to say hello.

Blessings,

 

[PrairieGurl]

Good Morning all. Not very much activity in this thread. Wanted to say hello.

Blessings,

Good evening Formykidsiwill ,

I usually 'check in' in the evening, as that is when I was at my worst and I am most tempted and discouraged. Yeah I used to did drink all day, but I think you know what I'm saying.
The wknd went good. No one offered a drink And even tho there was basically a LBS on every corner...I just knew I could not! My son was cut from the team...as hurt as I am for him...he is taking it well! He put out his BEST and has NO reason to hang his head.

Wendy

 

[PrairieGurl]

Here is the next 'major' real life bump in my sober life. (probablly more with the durgs than alcohol 'helping' out)

I am to go back to work tomorrow for a 4 hour shift. (I think...I'm waiting for a call back from my boss to confirm it is tomorrow, cause if not and I walked in... I would just 'loose it' I'm sure ) I have been off work since March of this year on disability (and I'm sure you can guess why ) This will be my first time walking thru the hospital for work (not an OD)
I'm terrified, scared, stressed (headache and body aches) or what ever one calls this I'm experienceing. One thing an AA member pointed out was that the three days I am working...I also have the AA meetings I've committed to attend a week. This is definately a God sent.


Wendy

 

[justanobserver]

Here is the next 'major' real life bump in my sober life. (probablly more with the durgs than alcohol 'helping' out)

I am to go back to work tomorrow for a 4 hour shift. (I think...I'm waiting for a call back from my boss to confirm it is tomorrow, cause if not and I walked in... I would just 'loose it' I'm sure ) I have been off work since March of this year on disability (and I'm sure you can guess why ) This will be my first time walking thru the hospital for work (not an OD)
I'm terrified, scared, stressed (headache and body aches) or what ever one calls this I'm experienceing. One thing an AA member pointed out was that the three days I am working...I also have the AA meetings I've committed to attend a week. This is definately a God sent.

Wendy

Oh wow! You will be on my mind tomorrow!! Wishing you the best of luck and I know you will be just fine.