Hi. My Name is......

[justanobserver]

Howdies to all. Haven't posted here for a few days - feel like I am neglecting it. Just been busy, not so much with work or outside activities but with family things that way so very heavily on my mind.

My son will more than likely be going to prison for probation violation and its hard to deal with. Its been all I can do not to listen to that old voice whispering in the ear "you know how to get your mind off this" and then go to the store....

I started smoking again (cigarets) the other day but I am not drinking nor using nor have I attempted to do so. Not saying this to say How great I am or I will never. Its a struggle. The urge to get blitzed for the temporary "relief" from this is so strong. Its a real battle that if I fail I will not survive. Sounds dramatic? maybe but its what I know what will happen if I go back to that which I left.

This is humbling to say these personal things here. I am no saint, no great orator or psycologist, just an old former grunt. I am guy who is recovering from dual addictions that so far has survived. So far. I know how I will wind up if I went back to my old lifestyle. One of the things that I do have is my experiences that have helped me adn I can and will sahre to others.
Which in turn, I will always listen to someone else's experiences and thoughts - the purpose of why this thread was made.

The thought of my son in prison scares me. It fills me with worry and fear for him. Its something that cannot be avoided - he is just waiting for final judgement in court and thats anytime. I know that he made a mistake and must be held accountable. I know I need to let go but I cannot.

But I sit here with a very heavy heart and I want to remain sober. its hard. so very hard.

just wanted to say this here.

 

[PrairieGurl]

Hey Justanobserver,

Thank you for being so honest with us! I know I still struggle with that honesty thing! I do find it so much easier with the fellowship of AA and the honesty that I find in this forum.

I do feel for you regarding your son My 17 year old is "heading down the wrong road" and I am concerned what his consequences might be. This is where that "one day at a time" comes in.

You are in my thoughts.
Wendy

 

[LoG]

But I sit here with a very heavy heart and I want to remain sober. its hard. so very hard.

Feel for you Justanobserver. Like it says in the AA Big Book:

Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.
(Pg43, Alcoholics Anonymous)

It is in Him that we ultimately find our salvation/sanity.
God bless

 

[justanobserver]

Before I log off and head to bed, just want to post a thought wishing all good will and continual sobriety. No matter how hard it gets, how much that bottle tries to whisper like a soft voiced temptation in the night that it has the answer to the problems one faces, nothing is worth the next day.

Its the next day when I felt at my worse - sick, hungover, black and blue from a fight I didnt remember, dried vomit and other stains - the physical reminder itself should be enough but the next day for me was more the emotional - the guilt, the depression, the sick feeling that I was trapped in something I had no control over/ you never think about it when your drunk and living it up.

Its that next day when you think about it. you already know you will be stumbling across the room, balancing yourself with your hands on the tables, walls, etc to reach for the fridge or the cupboard to get that one thing that will stop the shakes and quell the headache. You try to tell yourself, just one drink and thats it. but it never is. by the time you allow yourself to acknowledge that you could not control it, its so much later in the day and your too drunk to stop it.

then the next day begins all over again with you trying to remember what and why you did last night.

Hi. My name is Norm and I am a greatfull alcoholic. And I am no longer afraid of the next day .

 

[PrairieGurl]

IT'S MY ONE MONTH B-DAY ,

I am going to my 2nd non-alcoholic BQ with my new friends I met at AA!!!!!!!

Thanks Norm for the reminder of why I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK! NOT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To those who are new to this forum...I may be "a baby" recovering alcoholic....BUT...I can say this new life without the bottle is SO WORTH IT!!!

With a Sober Grateful Heart,
Wendy

 

[Ruth~]

Hi my name is Ruth. I started drinking when I was 13 years old and did all the stupid things we do when drunk. I quit at 29 and for 18.5 years. All of a sudden I thought I could drink again and started drinking. I drank for 11 months and did more stupid things. I have quit now since May 22 of this year. I am glad I don't drink now. Thanking God for helping me.

 

[justanobserver]

Hi my name is Ruth. I started drinking when I was 13 years old and did all the stupid things we do when drunk. I quit at 29 and for 18.5 years. All of a sudden I thought I could drink again and started drinking. I drank for 11 months and did more stupid things. I have quit now since May 22 of this year. I am glad I don't drink now. Thanking God for helping me.

Hi Ruth. Am so happy to meet you and welcome to the this forum. Congratulations on almost 3 months. I think I won the prize for doing the most stupid things while drunk or stoned. But am so glad you are sober and working on your sobriety.

welcome!

 

[justanobserver]

well, my 2 younger sons (teens) left today to go back home afte spending a week with me.

it was a great experience in that for the 2nd time in their lives, they got to spend QUALITY time with a SOBER and CLEAN dad!!

we had many talks about alcohol and drug addictions. they had a lot of questions, comments and mostly comments of how they can see and tell the difference in how I am am and who I am becoming. My daughter (23) came down for a couple days to see me and her younger brothers. We got to catch up on a lot of things. Was her first time in many years to see me not being under any influence.

now just sitting here reflecting back on this week and the bittersweet emotions of them coming and leaving to go to their homes.

Hi, my name is Norm and I am a greatful recovering alcoholic.

 

[PrairieGurl]

My journey to sobriety...Wednesday was a day that I just broke down. With my Dad in hosp. for major surgery, kissing him goodbye last Fri. maybe for the last time was almost more than I could take. I SO wanted something to 'squish' the pain!!!! I went to a AA meeting and cried my eyes out and found support, love and caring people who encouraged me to make the right choice re: drinking. Not worth it! Still want it...it's just not worth it. This dealing with reality sober....REALLY SUCKS at times!

Still Heading 'Straight',
Wendy

 

[PrairieGurl]

well, my 2 younger sons (teens) left today to go back home afte spending a week with me.

it was a great experience in that for the 2nd time in their lives, they got to spend QUALITY time with a SOBER and CLEAN dad!!

we had many talks about alcohol and drug addictions. they had a lot of questions, comments and mostly comments of how they can see and tell the difference in how I am am and who I am becoming. My daughter (23) came down for a couple days to see me and her younger brothers. We got to catch up on a lot of things. Was her first time in many years to see me not being under any influence.

now just sitting here reflecting back on this week and the bittersweet emotions of them coming and leaving to go to their homes.

Hi, my name is Norm and I am a greatful recovering alcoholic.

Hey Norm!!!

Thanks for sharing about your week with your kids! Sound like you had a great week!

Wendy

 

[Ruth~]

Hi Ruth. Am so happy to meet you and welcome to the this forum. Congratulations on almost 3 months. I think I won the prize for doing the most stupid things while drunk or stoned. But am so glad you are sober and working on your sobriety.

welcome!

I don't know about that. It might be a tie for first place. I did ridiculous things! God forgives us, though.

 

[justanobserver]

My journey to sobriety...Wednesday was a day that I just broke down. With my Dad in hosp. for major surgery, kissing him goodbye last Fri. maybe for the last time was almost more than I could take. I SO wanted something to 'squish' the pain!!!! I went to a AA meeting and cried my eyes out and found support, love and caring people who encouraged me to make the right choice re: drinking. Not worth it! Still want it...it's just not worth it. This dealing with reality sober....REALLY SUCKS at times!

Still Heading 'Straight',
Wendy

I can imagine what was going thru your mind. I trust your dad is ok, as well as can be expected? My thoughts to him. I am so glad you are strong enough to make the right decision about dealing with the pain. Sobriety and reality can be a gruesome twosome since we now are not hiding from it behind a fog of alcohol/drugs. So many times I want to reach for a bottle of "take me away from all this" but it would only remind me all the more of it if I did. Am glad you went to a meeting, got your inner sobriety battery recharged and kept focused on the goal.

 

[PrairieGurl]

I can imagine what was going thru your mind. I trust your dad is ok, as well as can be expected? My thoughts to him. I am so glad you are strong enough to make the right decision about dealing with the pain. Sobriety and reality can be a gruesome twosome since we now are not hiding from it behind a fog of alcohol/drugs. So many times I want to reach for a bottle of "take me away from all this" but it would only remind me all the more of it if I did. Am glad you went to a meeting, got your inner sobriety battery recharged and kept focused on the goal.

Thanks for your continued encouragement Norm

Thank you for asking about my Dad. As of today the surgery date has not been scheduled I do have the wisdom to realize this is one thing I cannot change. So one moment/day at a time

 

[justanobserver]

Thanks for your continued encouragement Norm

Thank you for asking about my Dad. As of today the surgery date has not been scheduled I do have the wisdom to realize this is one thing I cannot change. So one moment/day at a time

Your reply reminded me of the full version of the Serenity Prayer:


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and
the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right, if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

wishin the best for your dad and your family.

 

[newcreature]

Well, tomorrow will be three months sober. I am truly greatful for my sobriety, but overwhelmed by the reality of the events that got me back to AA. Now that the fog is lifting, I find that I am struggling with the ramifications of the poor choices I made while drinking.

I know that it would only make things worse if I choose to pick up a drink again. So, by grace, I abstain.... If I don't drink today, I won't get drunk.

Elaine

 

[justanobserver]

Well, tomorrow will be three months sober. I am truly greatful for my sobriety, but overwhelmed by the reality of the events that got me back to AA. Now that the fog is lifting, I find that I am struggling with the ramifications of the poor choices I made while drinking.

I know that it would only make things worse if I choose to pick up a drink again. So, by grace, I abstain.... If I don't drink today, I won't get drunk.

Elaine

CONGRATULATIONS ON 3 MONTHS!!!

this is good news and I am happy for you. That split moment decision "should I? shouldnt I" can be the toughest one and the hardest one to make but when I face it (and I do), I remember what I was like when I made the daily wrong choice. Its one of the things I use to help me to make the daily right choice.

One day at a time!

 

[justanobserver]

I just want to express my appreciation to all who have posted: be it still drinking and wanting to quit, new to sobriety, been sober for years, etc.

the thoughts, encouragements, suggestions, advice, comments, encouragements (said that twice - must be a reason) really help me. more than once since I started this thread, I would come up with some "logical" reason to give up and drink and I have come here as a "guest" (not logged in) and have read the posts and it helps me to not give in. It really does.

to all, thank you.

 

[Ruth~]

Today I'm 3 months since I last drank. Thank God I am not drinking any more. I think I drank out of boredom and to numb myself to the world, too. I realize I can handle life okay without drinking.

 

[PrairieGurl]

Your reply reminded me of the full version of the Serenity Prayer:


God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and
the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right, if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

wishin the best for your dad and your family.

Norm, .

I didn't realize that there was a 'full version' of the Serenity Prayer. Thank you SO much for sharing it

Thanks for your wishes re my Dad...he is to be in surgery today (Tuesday @ 12pm) Lots of but knowing 'what will be will be'

Grateful for your support and encouragement,
Wendy

 

[PrairieGurl]

HAPPY 3 MONTH B-DAYS TO

RUTH

&

ELAINE

TODAY, TUESDAY AUGUST 22, 2006

WITH CELEBRATION OF THE NEW FREEDOM WE HAVE FOUND!

Wendy

s & s​