Here I go.......

[AnnMercy2]

Okay I'll be brave and post the first thread in here.

First a little about myself. I've been single all my life. I've never been on a date or even kissed anybody. I have a couple reasons for this.

The first one being fear. I'm scared of falling in love. I'm scared I'll fall in love with the wrong person. I don't want to "waste" my feelings and time on falling in love with someone and finding out later that that is not the person that God has intended for me to spend the rest of my life with.

The second reason being is that I've had to overcome some things in my past in order to be able to even think of sharing my life with someone. I've had many preconceived ideas about men due the things that happened in my past. I was harrassed and stalked for almost six years by a guy I went to school with. Many folks here will find what I am about to share unbeliveable. But it started in fourth grade. The guy would say things that one would believe that a fourth grader would not even begin to know about. Very vulgar things. This went on until high school. When we hit high school it turned into stalking. He would be around every corner at school. He would walk by my house and he would call my house often. I didn't tell anyone all this time because I thought noone would believe me. I reached my breaking point one day in 9th grade. One morning he cornered me against a water fountain and put his hands on me. This happened in front of the entire school. And those kids did nothing. I lost it and managed to get away and run to the principle's office and I spilled my guts. He actually listened to me and believed me. That is when I got the strength to tell my parents what had been going on for so long. And I found out a few years later that my dad had gotten to him and the guy never even looked in my direction again. But that experience really messed me up for a long time. I couldn't even feel comfortable in the same room as a guy for the longest time.

But I have finally by the grace and mercy of God been freed from all this. I've have never been this free in my life. I feel glorious. I feel I've have found true happiness in my life. I have fully forgiven this man. I actually feel love toward him instead of pure hate. I love him as God would have me do. I can't fully put into words how free I really am. I give my most holy, heavenly Father full glory and praise for what he has done for me

I'm moving forward with my life. And I'm loving every minute of it. Like I said before I do believe my biggest fear in falling in love with the wrong person. But I know deep down that the Lord will handle this in his own unique way.

I'm looking forward to meeting here with other singles to discuss the ups and downs of being single. This should be fun, enlighting, informative, and just an all around great place to come together in Christ.

Well, I've spilled my guts this morning, whose next

In Christ,
Anna

 

[wvmtnkid]

Thanks Anna for sharing your story! I am so sorry that you had such a bad experience and this guy did to you what he did. But it is so amazing what God has been able to do with your feelings. Just the fact that you actually have Godly love for this fellow is evidence of God working in your life.

As for finding and dating the wrong person, I guess we all have our ideas on how dating should be done. I know that from my past that even though I have had relationships that didn't work out, I am learning what I want in a guy and what I don't want. It hurts when they don't work out, but I believe there is something to be learned from each one. Something that God shows me about myself in each one of them. And it is helping me learn what I want for the relationship that I hope one day will turn into marriage, what I need to expect from my partner and myself.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing Anna! I hope we all receive many blessings from the fellowship in this forum.

 

[AnnMercy2]

That is some great advice, thank you!!! If a guy does ever ask me out, I might actually say yes Your post was a instant eye opener

Ya know, on some advice from someone here, I actually wrote a list of qualities that I want/need in a husband, marking each one with a W=want and N=need. I really enjoyed making that list. I found out some things that I didn't know I wanted or needed. It was a great experience, I'll post it sometime soon or pm it to you, if your interested. Heck of an eye opener for me, that list.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Sure, I would be interested in seeing it, however you feel comfortable sharing. Somewhere along the way I read about a fellow that made a list of what characteristics he wanted in a wife. He prayed to God over this list and asked God to send him someone that met the characteristics, if it was His will. I am not sure of the time frame, but it did happen. I believe he even said that the woman he was sent went way beyond his expectations. That story really impressed me.

I have something of a list too, based on what I have learned I do not want. But in the end, I always make sure that I pray for God's will. He may have something in mind for me that I didn't realize I wanted and would be just perfect for me!

 

[oncewaslost]

i wrote a list of a kind about what i look for in a man. made me think.

 

[AnnMercy2]

okie dokie


This is my list of qualities that I want/need in a husband. This is what I felt lead to write down. When I first started this list, I wasn't sure what in the world I wanted to write down. I felt silly for doing it, but as I started to write, the stuff just flowed out. This is what is written in my journal.

(N) 1) close loving realtionship with the Lord

(N) 2) Caring

(N) 3) Humor filled, with a little sarscatic humor thrown in.

(N) 4) Able to laugh at self

(N) 5) loving

(W) 6) taller than me, at least 5'6 or taller

(W) 7) Brown or Black hair

(W) 8) physically fit, not skinny not loaded with muscles. Somewhere in middle.

(W) 9) maybe a man in uniform, policeman, fireman, or military.

(W) 10) financially secure, not rich but able to support without worry.

(N) 11) Good job, that he loves. One of those jobs that you want to go to work, not "got" to go to work.

(N) 12) listener

(N) 13) cuddler

(N + W) 14) Wants to spend quite time alone and with each other. Like just sitting and reading a book or something. Together but doing our own thing.

(W) (almost a need) 15) Has own house, I want o live in an house sorta out in the boonies. So my pets can run around around without fear of roads and cars.


Afterthought: I'm ready finally, fully ready to fall in love with someone. Whom I will cherish, adore, laugh with, argue with, be happy with, sad with, cry with, for the rest of my life.

I just wanted to share this with ya'll. It has made a difference in my life, writing this list. And I hope this encourages others to write their own list and watch our Heavenly Father answer our wants/needs Happy writing

P.S. This is NOT an advertisment!

 

[oncewaslost]

my biggest fear is that i'll fall in love and then he'll leave me.

 

[the_man]

I don't think it is wrong to have a list.  Especially a reasonable list.  A list helps one to be specific in your prayers and to reflect on what kind of person you are looking for.  I liked how you broke it down AnnMercy2, into your needs versus your wants.  Our God is good and faithful and always exceeds our expectations.  I believe the next thing is to   and wait on the Lord (the hardest part I believe). 

 

[SeRapH&CheRi]

Wow AnnMercy!  Thanks for opening up and sharing your story with us!  I am so encouraged by your joy and love for God, as well as by your faith in HIS goodness towards his children.    You've got a great list there!  I also made a list when I was a senior in college (about 5 years ago!    )  I oughta bring that list out and see how much my ideals have changed, because I definately know they have!  Over the Christmas holidays, a friend asked me what I was looking for in a man and do you know what's scary?  I had a hard time thinking about it.  It actually freaked me out.  Of course, I know that I want someone who loves the Lord and has a relationship with Him, someone with a good job and loves kids; however I know that there is more in what I also want in a guy.  Ya know what I mean?  You know, at the same time, when I start to  become anxious about being single, I remember some wise words that was once given to me - "Become the person that God wants you to be and you will attract the person that God wants you to marry."     Interesting thought huh?  Nothing new though, because as Christians we ought to strive to become the people that God wants us to be!    I hope my rambling here made sense to you all! 

S&C

 

[AnnMercy2]

I know what ya mean SeRapH&CheRi. When it was first suggested that I make a list, I though it would be the esisest thing to do. Just write down a few details that I wanted. But it turned out to be something I had to sit down and think about for a while. And of course I thought it was silly, I mean come on, I as a person who has never dated, let alone been in a relationship, nothing to get experience from or anything, was going to sit down and write a list of qualities I want in a man, just craziness But after I thought about it, it seemed to make perfect sense. I mean how else am I supossed to know what I want and God would certainly want to know what I want. I mean that is what God wants us to do, is tell him what we want and then he either gives it to us or not. And I believe that God wants us to know exactly what we want/need. And I also think that He wants us to know the difference between our wants and needs.

So I sat down with my journal and started to write. The more I wrote, the more things just started to come to me. And after a while I noticed that I had written two different lists. I had to go back and decide what was my wants and which ones where my needs. Once I did that, it all made perfect sense. Each one of us is different. A want on someone else's lists could easliy be a need for another person.

Anywho, once I wrote the list, I felt an immediate peace in my heart and mind. And now I'm no longer wondering what kind of man I'm going to get. I've wrote my list and turned it over to God and he will see fit on how to fullfill that list. I mean he could have a different view on my wants and needs and who knows might actually switch things around on me. And of course he might have something totally different in mind for me. Who knows, but it will be sooooo exciting to see how the Lord will fullfill everything. It's going to be interesting

Anna

 

[lil_angel]

I've never written a list of the qualities i want or need in a man, but after all this disscussion i may just go and do this later. Will post what mine are later.

I have had 3 boyfriends, 2 of which have been serious, I've been in love twice, but never with my whole heart and each of the guys that i have been with have helped me grow and think about how i am in relationships. I have never had a christian partner, that's coz i've only just become a chiristian, but i am looking forward to this possibility.

I have just gotten out of a relationship a couple of weeks back, and it's one of the hardest things that i have had to do, i hate breaking up with guys, but i hate being broken up with, so its a catch 22!!!

My biggest problem in a relationhip is that i can't make up my mind about the guy, one minute i'll really like him, but the next i'll have absolutely no idea about us and the situation. But i'm getting better with this i hope, and it is a thing that i want to work on.

Some of the problems i've had in my past relationships is that they move way too fast, and now i am really going to put my foot down and not let the situation or guy change my mind about what i want to do.

But now i am happily single and not even looking for a guy, i'm concentrating on my relationship with God and my studies this year and i don't want a guy...

Man that was long... hope i didn't bore you all to death!!! That's it my rants over!!!

 

[In His Name]

I must say that I have already been blessed by this forum and I have to agree about the list. I have one main need and all the rest are wants. I need him to have a deep intimate and very personal relationship with God. For how can someone have an intimate relationship with me without knowing the one who made intimatcy as well.

I must say that God is so good. My boyfriend (who asked me to be his girl on 12/30) not only meets my need but exceeds any wants I could have ever given to God. I pray for David every day and praise God for the grateness of life and for being able to fall in love with such a wonderful man.

 

[lil_angel]

In His Name, i'm so happy for you!! It's so very wonderful that you have been lucky enough to find a guy and fall in love!! It's so neat isn't it. the hugs... i miss the hugs!!

 

[wvmtnkid]

I love the fellowship already! This is great. I hope that we will continue to have this and be uplifting for each other.

 

[SeRapH&CheRi]

Originally posted by In His Name
I must say that I have already been blessed by this forum and I have to agree about the list. I have one main need and all the rest are wants. I need him to have a deep intimate and very personal relationship with God. For how can someone have an intimate relationship with me without knowing the one who made intimatcy as well.

I must say that God is so good. My boyfriend (who asked me to be his girl on 12/30) not only meets my need but exceeds any wants I could have ever given to God. I pray for David every day and praise God for the grateness of life and for being able to fall in love with such a wonderful man.

That is so beautiful In His Name!    It's good to see God's goodness directed towards those He loves!    Praise God!! 

 

[AnnMercy2]

Did anybody write those lists?

 

[oncewaslost]

i have but i'm not sharing.

 

[AnnMercy2]

That is great oncewaslost, no need to share, just know that you've made the list and now you can sit back and wait to see what the Lord fullfills on that list, I can't wait

Anna

 

[johnnyboy]

I know what I want in a girl. However I have not found her yet. I am 20 and in the military. Which makes it harder. A lot of guys here want to are getting or are married. Because we live is harsh conditions and want somebody in our lives more than ever to be there for us and love us.

 

[AnnMercy2]

Today at 12:36 AM johnnyboy said this in Post #19 (http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?postid=648081#post648081)

I know what I want in a girl. However I have not found her yet. I am 20 and in the military. Which makes it harder. A lot of guys here want to are getting or are married. Because we live is harsh conditions and want somebody in our lives more than ever to be there for us and love us.

The Lord will provide that someone special, all ya gotta do is ask him