Lorie, You keep coming and asking advice and saying that advice is not working. So, I decided I will give you some advice. I want you to sincerely follow it to the tee. I assume that you do not wish to be unhappy for the rest of your life, and that you are desperate. In that case you should be willing to try anything. If you are not willing to sincerely follow my advice then I do not know how else to help you.
Here goes:
First, you want a manly leader husband. You can bring this aspect out in a man by being a submissive surrendered wife. He will then naturally want to lead and protect you. It will take a while since you have already ingrained other ideas of a marriage into both your heads. By being submissive I mean to drastically start putting this into practice. Do not stop just cuz he does not start leading immeadiatley. I am sure he will come around.
Some ideas for surrendering are, start sitting at his feet on the floor when he goes online or watches tv at night. You can even massage his feet as you sit there. Lean your head against his leg. I know you hate this idea and probably find it humiliating, but you are not happy with your life the way it is right now, so how can it make anything worse?
Make meals he likes. Do not tell him how to dress. Do not tell him how to drive, and always let him drive. If he goes somewhere after work always say," Oh, I wanna come to," in a happy enthusiastic manner.
Do not tell him that you have to go somewhere or do something in a manner that conveys that you are in charge of anything, including your job. Do not correct the way he deals with the kids. Never interrupt him and try to look at him as he talks.
Start having sex. Be very vulnerable. Take some polaroid pics of you in sexy poses or make a video of you stripping and send them to him in the mail. Wear something sexy to bed. Prepare to be flat out rejected at first, but keep trying. After you are in bed at night, touch him lovingly. If he at all responds to this then do not reject his advances. Muster all the passion in the world and act like he is the grandest thing there is.
Do not demand sex, but make yourself plainly available and where he could not mistake your intent. Aim for having sex every night, yes, I said EVERY night. He may not respond at all at first as he tests the waters and your intent. He may not want sex that often, but the idea and submissive sexual attitude will greatly help your marriage.
If your marriage is boring and lifeless than quit wailing and liven it up. Squirt him with a squirt gun when he gets in the door. Light candles with dinner. Make a birthday cake and get some nice gifts and give him a pretend extra birthday party. If you make him feel like you are giving him complete love, acceptance and devotion, then he will start to change. If you are always happy and cheerful and thrilled to be in his prescence, he will want to be a strong man for you. If you pout, ignore him, avoid sex, control your own life, and tell him you feel nothing towards him then he is not going to turn into the man of your dreams.
Yes, you may not sincerely feel some of the things I am telling you to portray, but if you sincerely repent of your ungrateful, controling, lustful, discontent attitude, to your husband and to God, then God can start to work in your life and change your heart for real.
You said that you think God wants you to work this out on your own. That sounds like you are trying to make God into a wimp too, and that you can not even stand to be under His control.
Any guy that you marry will probably end up becoming a wimp in your eyes. You have to quit being the boss of anything. You need to see your husband as a capable man. He can hold a good job, but can't pay a single bill??? Come on! I don't believe that. If you come to your hubby with a repentant voice, heart , and attitude, and want to be a submissive uncontroling HAPPY wife, and you explain that paying the bills tempts you to be controling and to feel superior to him and then you give him ALL your checkbooks and credit cards, he could pay the bills. If he does not think you are serious, the lights may get shut off once or twice, big deal. Tell him you were trying to be the boss but you can't handle it, it is breeding discontent in your heart. If you want to buy something, politely ask him if you can have so much money for such and such. If he says no, then too bad. Go practice being content.
You have a very bad extreme problem, and it calls for great measures to rectify it.
If you do not like the idea of doing what I advised and are not willing and ready to repent, then I doubt anyone here is gonna be able to help you.
Oh, and try listening to your husband instead of starting and leading the home conversations. Respond eagerly to what he says. You can of course give compliments theat are sincere through the day. Always put him abiove the kids.
I feel you would be better off cutting down your hours at work or quiting work, since the men there tempt you and it seems to be unhealthy for you since you seem to be very controling and probably think you could support yourself without him. start depending on him more.
Also, I have news for you. Leaving is easier than sticking it out with some woman who does not love you and is constantly discontent. So your hubby sticking around does not mean he is a wimp. I am sure he is acting much wimpier than he would if he had a submissive surrendered wife, though.
You do not need the most exciting, sexiest, handsomest, etc. husband to be totally happy. It would be quite easy for any of us wives to find tons of things to be discontent with are husbands over. we make a concious effort to overlook the things we do not like, and to love our husbands even if they are not the cutest guy alive, the thinnest, the best in bed, or too quiet , or whatever. we are not all married to some super humans. we are married to some guy, just like you.
Some of us maybe did not marry the smartest, or most economical, or wealthiest guy. Some of us married atheiests, or people who never graduated from highschool.
If you want an exciting happy marriage then stasrt believing in it and put every ounce of effort into it.
If you are unwilling to give up your selfish standards, controlling, dominating personality, and are not willing to be a very vulnerable open wife, then just forget it.
