Helpp

[xXxMinniExXx]

hey im a 15 year old christian teen. ive never had a boyfriend before, mainly cos im not allowed one. but recently a boy in my school has asked me out and i also really like him..but im not sure if i should go behind my parents back and go out with him. would God be upset with me?

 

[millerrod]

At 15 you are still under the authority of your parents as well as the authority of God, and at 15 i would guess you very much hate the word authority. please understand God and your parents have rules because they LOVE you and want to protect you because of that Love, if you are feeling smothered by that TALK to them calmly and tell them calmly how you are feeling. you will have to earn there trust to recieve there trust, and when you are feeling disobident think how obident Christ was to his father, i think your parents will never demand as much from you as was asked of Christ by his father, your parents Love you, Christ Loves you, God loves you, christians around the world Love you ,remember that, being obident and learning to be obident is part of being a Christian and learning to overcome all that is evil. may God give you strength and clarity of your mind to see this simple truth, DISOBIDENCE IS OF THE DEVIL, may God be with you in all you do.

 

[xXxMinniExXx]

there is no way i can tell my parents about this though, the only way i could go out with him is behind there backs. so u think i shouldnt go for it??......

 

[millerrod]

No i dont think you should. break it down if you do what would that involve, you would be lieing and as a christian you know lieing is of the devil according to the bible, you would be decieving, and you know the bible says the devil is a deciever, remember you are a child of God a deciple of Jesus Christ a light to those lost, yes remember those lost who are some of your friends and family, You are special, you are chosen, Christ has elected you to follow him to be a light, stop dancing with the devil you know whats right be strong and do whats right, overcome your desires of the flesh,have you ever seen other christians doing things they ought not to and did it not make you sad, annoyed, angry that they treated Jesus in such a way , setting such a bad example, this is much biger that just dating someone its about you being a light an example of what a follower of Christ really is. God called you at a young age and that is so great, Be respectful of Christ and do what is right

 

[NoMoreTearsWithJesus]

nope dont go,it might sound like a good plan at first. after you do go out and your parents found out your gonna feel guilty...and bad n stuff

 

[Daily Miracle]

Don't do it. "IF" you got caught, the chain of events could lead to a much worse situation. Once you ruin trust, it has to be earned back...and since you are so close to dating "with permission" as it is, it would be silly to get greedy!

Also, how on earth are you going to have fun with the boy if you're sitting on your date in fear of getting caught? The guilt of sneaking out will eat at you, and you'll have to start keeping track of all the lies you told in order to get away with it.

Here's what happened to my friend Julie: She told her parents she was at Jana's house when she went out with Robbie instead. Robbie had a minor accident, and the car wasn't driveable. The police wouldn't let anyone EXCEPT Julie's parents come and get her (so much for being at Jana's house). The whole school heard about what happened. I don't think Julie got to date for a long time after that.

*The names have not been changed to protect the innocent since it happened over 20 years ago."

Wait until you have your parents permission and if your friend has a problem with that, then you need to question what kind of person he is anyway.

 

[~Nikki~]

Don't do it. Please.

You will be setting yourself up for trouble if you do. God has put your parents in authority over you for your protection. If you disobey them and walk out from under their protection - well, that's generally where the trouble starts.

I know it's not easy...been the same age as you, and have been under parents' authority and not liked it too much...but whether we like it or not is not the issue. God tells us to honour them and so we must.

God bless you...

 

[CaliforniaJosiah]

hey im a 15 year old christian teen. ive never had a boyfriend before, mainly cos im not allowed one. but recently a boy in my school has asked me out and i also really like him..but im not sure if i should go behind my parents back and go out with him. would God be upset with me?

I think you KNOW the answer to your question. We don't always LIKE the answer...

The whole b/f, g/f thing is powerful in our culture. When I was like 13 or 14, there were lots of girls in my life. I'm not proud of this (not at all), but it was - I can see now - pretty selfish. It was about having fun. The fact that the girls were equally interested makes it no less selfish. And sometimes - a lot of times - it's more about our peers than ourselves, more about self than the other...

I don't want to sound like some adult here, I'm not much older than you, and I've been in a pretty serious relationship for about a year now, and some would consider me too young for such - and I think for a LOT of 18 years olds, that would be true (the love of my life is 20 BTW).

And I think this is a highly individual thing - people mature at very different rates. I'm against those finite universal rules like "no dating before 16." I can think of some 30 year olds not mature enough to date!

But I think that for MOST 12-16 year olds, "dating" is okay as long as it's not "going together" (yeah, I know, they are almost the same thing among most teens), not "solo" and kept social and fun. In group settings. The "solo" stuff I did (yeah, behind my parents back) is stuff I mostly regret now. It's too bad this social and fun aspect of teen girl/guy relationships is mostly gone now. It think schools and churches could do a better job of supplying such situations.

IF you really like this guy (and aren't just using him to explore relationships, love and maybe more; not using him to improve your self-esteem or peer-esteem; not using him to make a statement to your parents), then okay. But make it a GROUP, social, fun thing. Maybe even invite him to join your family in some family fun thing. This will not only take a lot of pressure off of you two, keep the focus on fun and getting to know each other, but it will also releave your parents.

Relationships are SERIOUS stuff. It requires a LOT (geeze, a LOT) of maturity. A strong sense of agape. A lot of humility, a lot of giving, a lot of listening, a LOT of vunerablity, a LOT of "other-centeredness." Don't rush in too quickly...



MY $0.01...


Hugs!


- Josiah



.

 

[Dracus]

Hey,

First off, I haven't had time to read any of the other replies, so sorry if I repeat anything someone else has said.

I'm gonna tell you what my opinion is about this, but you might not like it...

You say that you're not allowed a boyfriend, which should already be telling you your answer; regardless of the circumstances, the bible is clear; we need to honour and respect our parents. Trust me on this, defying them is not the answer, and it will only lead to problems all over the place, which in the long run will not help you or your parents!

Think of it this way; if you did go out with this guy, you would end up having to lie to your parents, and lying is wrong, end of. From experience, lying leads you to many problems, and it's not a path you want to go down, believe me.

To answer your question, God would probably be upset... He wants you to live a life with him involved, and all the problems that would be caused by going out with him and it's other implications would probably hinder your relationship with him.

I'm going to add my 2 cents just for good measure; I really don't think you should go out with him, it will only lead you down the wrong path and cause many problems that could take a while to heal over after the damage has been done. I can understand that you like him, but sometimes it's just better to say know. God will reward you for following him eventually.

I hope things work out for you.

Danny

 

[Treasurer]

I love my daughter with all my heart. She is fifteen like you. I have a great relationship with her even though she lives with her daddy. One thing about this beautiful daughter of mine is how God made her heart.

She has got to be pleasing in the eyes of God and to her daddy. Because she is an obedient daughter. No matter what the cost to her friendships or guy friends, she honors her mother and father. God must have placed this inside of her when she was still in the womb being formed because she has always obeyed her parents, even while she was away from us.

And it is so beautiful to know you can completely trust and love your child. To know they have a heart for Jesus.

Do you know there were even times when I asked my daughter if she wanted me to ask her daddy about some things she wanted to do, and she always wants to honor his discisions.

Do you know, I have never in my personal life known a child like this? I am amazed that the Lord can create such love in a child for their parents.

I believe that when a child obeys their mommy and daddy, it is also showing how they feel about God, about Jesus. Because if we can obey our parents and honor them with our hearts, we can obey and honor God with our hearts. Both are authority in our lives.

Now I dont know the type of relationship you have with your momma and dad. But if while you are still under thier authority, or mother and fatherhood listen to them and obey them, it will make you a godly little girl pleasing in the eyes of your heavenly father who dearly loves you. Because that will show the beauty of your heart.

Your heart will be the most beautiful and precious treasure in the kingdom of heaven. Like Proverbs says: far more precious than rubies. - because it is virtuous.

Bless you

 

[Super Gnat]

I'm going to join in the chorus here and tell you not to do it. If you like this guy, though, there are some things you can do. Why don't you invite him to your Bible study or to an event at your church or with your youth group? This does a bunch of things. It'll let you see how serious he is (or will become) about spiritual matters, which is always important. If he isn't saved, or isn't living like it, this may be an opportunity to bring him (back) to Christ. If he does start going to your church, your parents will be able to observe him, so if you ask to date him, they may say yes on the basis of his character. So inviting him to your church helps, him, you, and your parents make the right decisions in life.

 

[xXxMinniExXx]

thanks so much every1. it obviously wasnt the answer i wanted to here, everybody has advised me not to go out with him, but everything u guys have said has made me think i should trust my parents and not disobey them.

but am i right in thinking that maybe God has sent me someone finally, because no-one has ever really been this serious about liking me, and that i should give it a go?

 

[Super Gnat]

Only with your parents' permission. It's possible that he is the guy God wants for you, but the fact that he's interested in you doesn't tell you whether he is or isn't. And don't worry too much, even if your parents never let you date him. You're only fifteen; there'll be plenty of other guys in the future.

 

[ephraimanesti]

Don't do it. "IF" you got caught, the chain of events could lead to a much worse situation. Once you ruin trust, it has to be earned back...and since you are so close to dating "with permission" as it is, it would be silly to get greedy!

Also, how on earth are you going to have fun with the boy if you're sitting on your date in fear of getting caught? The guilt of sneaking out will eat at you, and you'll have to start keeping track of all the lies you told in order to get away with it.

Here's what happened to my friend Julie: She told her parents she was at Jana's house when she went out with Robbie instead. Robbie had a minor accident, and the car wasn't driveable. The police wouldn't let anyone EXCEPT Julie's parents come and get her (so much for being at Jana's house). The whole school heard about what happened. I don't think Julie got to date for a long time after that.

*The names have not been changed to protect the innocent since it happened over 20 years ago."

Wait until you have your parents permission and if your friend has a problem with that, then you need to question what kind of person he is anyway.

MY DEAR SISTER IN CHRIST,

"Getting caught" by parents is not the problem--violating the commandments of God is the issue!!!!!!!
Throughout the Bible--both Old and New Testaments--the honoring of parents by their children is extolled and commanded: one of the Ten Commandments deals with this--"HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER SO THAT YOU MAY HAVE A LONG LIFE IN THE LAND THAT THE LORD YOUR GOD IS GIVING YOU."(Exodus 20:12) and Saint Paul writes several times about filial honor--"CHILDREN, OBEY YOUR PARENTS IN ALL THINGS, FOR THIS IS WELL PLEASING TO THE LORD."(Col 3:20) Sooooo . . . as long as they have forbidden what you are wishing to do--DON'T EVEN THINK OF DOING IT!!!!! As MILLERROD rightly states, doing so would be "dancing with the devil." God will, indeed, reward you for your honesty and obedience in following your parents wishes.
As a parent of 6, 15 does sound a little young to be dating or entering into a serious romantic relationship. That being said, is it possible that you, your parents, and your Pastor/Priest/Elder/ or whoevery holds Spiritual authority in your Church could sit down together and discuss the matter and perhaps work out some kind of compromise whereby you and the young man could perhaps be involved together socially in church-related activities and events. Perhaps some compromise can be arrived out which will make all parties involve happy. IF NOT, OBEY YOUR PARENTS AS UNTO THE LORD!!!!!! (Yes, i know this is hard, but the alternative is much harder!)

P.S. i would very much recommend that you read "I KISSED DATING GOODBY" by Joshua Harris. It was a real blessing to my youngest daughter! Check it out!

MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH ALL GOOD THINGS, IN THIS AGE AND IN THE AGE TO COME,
ephraim

 

[BOJAX]

I agree with everyine else. Nothing says you can't be the best of friends anyway. Marriage is far off for you.

 

[ephraimanesti]

but am i right in thinking that maybe God has sent me someone finally, because no-one has ever really been this serious about liking me, and that i should give it a go?

MY DEAR SISTER,

NO, YOU ARE NOT RIGHT! Assuming that your parents are Godly people, which they appear to be given what you have shared and the kind of person you appear to be, God WOULD NOT guide them to say "NO" to something He has given you a "YES" to.
You are 15 years old--your life will be full of guys who will be "serious about liking you". BE OBEDIENT AND STOP LOOKING FOR LOOPHOLES!

MUCH LOVE TO YOU,
ephraim

 

[soblessed53]

I am curious as to WHY "there is no way you could tell your parents about this"? Why is it such a big deal to tell your parents there is a boy who likes you,and that you like? I never had to hesitate to tell my mom about boys who liked me or that I liked.

You can be certain that God would not want you to disobey your parents! God's will,will never go against scripture,in this case honoring your parents,by honoring their wishes and advice. There will be many times in the future in your spiritual walk that you will be required to prove your obedience to God. This may be a test of that obedience now. Just trust God and determine that you want to do what is pleasing to Him,and He will work all things to your good. Not neccessarily the way YOU want or expect,but just know without any doubt that God knows what is best and leave it in His hands. You can trust Him completely.He loves you and wants good things for you.

Something else to think about though,if you were to sneak around to see this boy behind your parent's back,what kind of respect do you think the boy would then have for you? How would he be able to trust your character and honesty?

 

[whitedove7]

I you go out with this guy behind your parents back, they WILL find out in time and you will destroy any trust in you. It could ruin your relationship with them for many years. They will not be able to trust you and ever time you want to do something, they will question you. There are consequences when we do not obey authority. It is for your protection like the others have said.

Now, I'm going to say something very strong here.

1 Samuel 15:23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king.

The Word says:

1. Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2 Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
   
2. Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

 

[WalkInLove]

thanks so much every1. it obviously wasnt the answer i wanted to here, everybody has advised me not to go out with him, but everything u guys have said has made me think i should trust my parents and not disobey them.

but am i right in thinking that maybe God has sent me someone finally, because no-one has ever really been this serious about liking me, and that i should give it a go?

Hi Minnie,

Thinking back to when I was 15, I can remember wanted to feel like part of the crowd, wanting to have a boyfriend so it would help me to feel special and like I belonged. I thought I had found true love when I was 16. Now, almost 10 years later, I see that everything that I thought I would get from the relationship, I never got.

While I know it is tempting to go behind your parents back to hang out with friends or to have a boyfriend (trust me I know), it's not a very good idea (again...I know.)

Just think, how strong will your relationship be if it starts off in deception and lies? Can something good come out of something bad? Have you stopped to pray to ask if this is a relationship of God? And do you think that God would want you two to be together if it requires you to lie?

As much as you think they'll disapprove, which they probably will, and as much as you think that they won't understand, which they definitely WILL, I really encourage you to talk to your parents (or at least Mom) about how you're feeling. Of course parents are always very reluctant to have their 'babies' grow up, but you will show them a lot of maturity if you sit down and talk to them about how you feel. You never know what might happen.

God bless.

 

[caireann]

hey im a 15 year old christian teen. ive never had a boyfriend before, mainly cos im not allowed one. but recently a boy in my school has asked me out and i also really like him..but im not sure if i should go behind my parents back and go out with him. would God be upset with me?

Everyone has already said what I think, but I'll add this...

Have you ever thought about not dating? If you like someone, you can still be with them, hang out with them, get to know them and have a lot of fun, without dating them.

Would you do something? Just to humour me? See if you can get a copy of Josh McDowell's I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and just read it. You don't have to agree with it, or even follow it. Just read it. It's a very good book and gives you a different outlook on dating and relationships. Hugs girl, I know it's not easy.

Caireann.