Helping my older parents understand why I want the job that I do.

[linux.poet]

So recently I told my parents that I was (finally!) getting a job. I thought they would be happy to learn this, as my dad has been pressuring me to get a job for ages.

Instead, I got this weird reveal that my parents want me to get a job because they are "worried about what will happen when my dad dies." This does not make any sense, as I am currently not receiving financial support from my parents anymore. Also, my dad wants me to push for more money with my qualifications.

That's not why I'm getting the job. The reason I'm getting the job is because I want boating experience. Like most millennials, I'm looking for personal satisfaction and fulfillment from my job, not any sense of security. I'm not ambitious. I'm just being a deck hand on a ferry, and if the job pays enough to fund the gas for my car each week and pay for my food and health insurance, I'm going to be okay. I still have enough savings for the odd discretionary purchase or emergency.

If the job pays more than those basic expenses, that money will be saved. Has any of you had to navigate this sort of generational conflict around employment? How who you advise me to best deal with this? In the past, my dad has had the bad habit of sending me job offers he wants me to take that I don't want. How should I deal with this situation? I don't want to take a job I don't want out of my parents' fear, and dealing with the pressure of it has given me a lot of stress in the past. What boundaries should I set? Etc.

 

[Jonaitis]

So recently I told my parents that I was (finally!) getting a job. I thought they would be happy to learn this, as my dad has been pressuring me to get a job for ages.

Instead, I got this weird reveal that my parents want me to get a job because they are "worried about what will happen when my dad dies." This does not make any sense, as I am currently not receiving financial support from my parents anymore. Also, my dad wants me to push for more money with my qualifications.

That's not why I'm getting the job. The reason I'm getting the job is because I want boating experience. Like most millennials, I'm looking for personal satisfaction and fulfillment from my job, not any sense of security. I'm not ambitious. I'm just being a deck hand on a ferry, and if the job pays enough to fund the gas for my car each week and pay for my food and health insurance, I'm going to be okay. I still have enough savings for the odd discretionary purchase or emergency.

If the job pays more than those basic expenses, that money will be saved. Has any of you had to navigate this sort of generational conflict around employment? How who you advise me to best deal with this? In the past, my dad has had the bad habit of sending me job offers he wants me to take that I don't want. How should I deal with this situation? I don't want to take a job I don't want out of my parents' fear, and dealing with the pressure of it has given me a lot of stress in the past. What boundaries should I set? Etc.

I can't necessarily relate. My parents display approval for any job I work at, no matter the pay. Then again, that might be their carelessness lol.

I think what you are doing is great. If you're happy with it, then that's all that really matters. I think things will work out for your dad. He is way too worried way too soon. Like, let you immerse yourself in the various experiences of life.

 

[d taylor]

-​

I will say this, now at 57 and close to 58, i am gland that i worked and was able to invest in the future. Not sure your age but time moves fast and when the past is gone it is gone. So unless you plan for a future retirement it will not just automatically happen. Even though nothing is secure in a secular world, it does not hurt to at least try and prepare for a future day when you may want to retire.

I know people who have just made it and lived for the day and now are in their 70's and are trying to live off of $1200.00 a month from social security and a little money from their military service. They have a hard time.

 

[linux.poet]

I will say this, now at 57 and close to 58, i am gland that i worked and was able to invest in the future. Not sure your age but time moves fast and when the past is gone it is gone. So unless you plan for a future retirement it will not just automatically happen. Even though nothing is secure in a secular world, it does not hurt to at least try and prepare for a future day when you may want to retire.

I do have an option to obtain a boat captain's license after 2 years of working this job, which should pay enough to fund a Roth IRA and a reasonable retirement like a sensible human being. However, I've long ago reconciled myself to the fact that I will retire late, if at all, because my parents gave me a terrible start on life. I've missed my key investing years and I'm just destroyed where that is concerned.

I still haven't given up on the dumb idea of having a chess career, but I plan to pursue it in a sensible manner. It will remain a side hustle for awhile. God will provide somehow.

 

[Kettriken]

Instead, I got this weird reveal that my parents want me to get a job because they are "worried about what will happen when my dad dies." This does not make any sense, as I am currently not receiving financial support from my parents anymore. Also, my dad wants me to push for more money with my qualifications.

Is it possible that your parents are looking to you to support your mother after your father dies? This comment would make sense if rather than worrying about your own retirement they are afraid theirs won't support them.
If not, they may be thinking that this is just a quirky past time that they will be called on to rescue you from at some point in the future. Presumably, the more years of self reliance you show them the less worried they will be.

 

[linux.poet]

Is it possible that your parents are looking to you to support your mother after your father dies? This comment would make sense if rather than worrying about your own retirement they are afraid theirs won't support them.

Hmm, interesting idea. Both of my parents have Social Security and ample amounts of retirement savings from both of their careers, though. Right now it's me that's broke while they have money (still).

If I was called on to support my mother in that situation, I would gladly do so. I love my mother quite dearly.

If not, they may be thinking that this is just a quirky past time that they will be called on to rescue you from at some point in the future. Presumably, the more years of self reliance you show them the less worried they will be.

I think this is very accurate. Thank you. Well, except for the rescuing part. They are refusing to provide me with any more money, and I don't want any more money from them. Too many strings attached.

 

[Kettriken]

Hmm, interesting idea. Both of my parents have Social Security and ample amounts of retirement savings from both of their careers, though. Right now it's me that's broke while they have money (still).

If I was called on to support my mother in that situation, I would gladly do so. I love my mother quite dearly.

I think this is very accurate. Thank you. Well, except for the rescuing part. They are refusing to provide me with any more money, and I don't want any more money from them. Too many strings attached.

I really hope the boat job works out and can remove some of the financial pressure from you and your parents relationship.
Chess is an interesting side hustle. I haven't known many who make much from tournaments, but teaching can be a lucrative business.

 

[d taylor]

I do have an option to obtain a boat captain's license after 2 years of working this job, which should pay enough to fund a Roth IRA and a reasonable retirement like a sensible human being. However, I've long ago reconciled myself to the fact that I will retire late, if at all, because my parents gave me a terrible start on life. I've missed my key investing years and I'm just destroyed where that is concerned.

I still haven't given up on the dumb idea of having a chess career, but I plan to pursue it in a sensible manner. It will remain a side hustle for awhile. God will provide somehow.

If i remember correctly i thought i read on one of your post awhile back. You studied either English or writing or something like that. If that is right, do you not want to pursue a carrier in that field.

 

[Cody J Dunbar]

So recently I told my parents that I was (finally!) getting a job. I thought they would be happy to learn this, as my dad has been pressuring me to get a job for ages.

Instead, I got this weird reveal that my parents want me to get a job because they are "worried about what will happen when my dad dies." This does not make any sense, as I am currently not receiving financial support from my parents anymore. Also, my dad wants me to push for more money with my qualifications.

That's not why I'm getting the job. The reason I'm getting the job is because I want boating experience. Like most millennials, I'm looking for personal satisfaction and fulfillment from my job, not any sense of security. I'm not ambitious. I'm just being a deck hand on a ferry, and if the job pays enough to fund the gas for my car each week and pay for my food and health insurance, I'm going to be okay. I still have enough savings for the odd discretionary purchase or emergency.

If the job pays more than those basic expenses, that money will be saved. Has any of you had to navigate this sort of generational conflict around employment? How who you advise me to best deal with this? In the past, my dad has had the bad habit of sending me job offers he wants me to take that I don't want. How should I deal with this situation? I don't want to take a job I don't want out of my parents' fear, and dealing with the pressure of it has given me a lot of stress in the past. What boundaries should I set? Etc.

Good for you! It makes me happy to hear people are pursuing things they want to do rather than chasing money. I actually stopped doing what made me the happiest because I was married and away for months at a time, and also, it was taking a physical toll on my body. I don't regret leaving it behind, I'll never forget those times, though. I think you should keep doing what you love until you have to make a different decision.

God willing, your parents will see how happy you are with your work and be happy for you.

 

[linux.poet]

I haven't known many who make much from tournaments, but teaching can be a lucrative business.

Recently I have discovered that I'm actually very good at teaching chess to those lower rated than me. However, the guy I tested my chess teaching abilities on now wants to marry me, so maybe I am a little too good.

You studied either English or writing or something like that. If that is right, do you not want to pursue a carrier in that field.

Absolutely not. All of my writing studies are now "1,000 reasons I hate writing and never want to do it". I think the furthest I would go would be to publish some of my old poems, and even that's a hard stomach. I return to the poetry submission idea only when I'm feeling masochistic. It just makes me so miserable.